[upbeat rock music]
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪
- ♪ Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ♪ - ♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
[music crescendos]
♪ ♪
- OK, Chiefy. Want to play?
- No, I want to answer rhetorical questions all day.
Of course, I want to play.
- Go get it. - [panting]
- Jill bought one of those ball-chucking sticks
that humans invented
so they don't need to touch our spit.
- Really making the most of those thumbs, humanity.
- Ahh.
So glad Jill read that article in "Dogs Weekly."
"Six Secrets to Mind-Blowing Fetch."
- She is one of the good ones.
I mean, look at all those other humans,
completely ignoring us, waiting in line for 45 minutes
for the latest food fad.
[upbeat music]
- Soft serve chili.
And they think our spit is gross.
- Yeah. And in the meantime, it's anarchy in here.
I mean, what is this? "Mad Max Furry Road?"
[chuckles]
- [laughs]
- There does seem to be a lot more hole-digging.
- Hey, Elsa. Hi, Hon--
Oh! Oh, oh.
Ow, ow.
- And don't get me started
on the poop-rolling.
- Now how do I smell? - Terrible.
- But is it terrible enough?
- Next! [grunts]
- Suck it, Karen!
- Yeah, it's a little out of hand,
but mostly just regular dog stuff.
- Incoming!
- Great.
And now we have ourselves a pile-on.
- Ahh! - Oh, my God.
Is that Diablo?
- Ahh!
Guys, guys, isn't there some other way
you can express affection?
- OK. Time to bust some heads.
- No, no. Let me handle it.
The dogs here all love
my groovy stepmom leadership style.
- [whimpers]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, home slices.
Why don't we turn this pile-on into a pile-off?
So who should let the dog out?
- I hate groovy stepmoms.
- You, you, you.
Definitely you, Bingo.
That's right. I know your name-o.
- So cringe.
- You're losing them, groovy stepmom.
- Hmm.
Should I offer to buy them beer?
- Wait a second.
You're saying this weasel is a dog?
I am so sorry.
- Oh, don't worry about it.
Thanks to my summer cut, it happens all the time.
- Steve? - Oh, me?
No, no. I'm not Steve.
- It's my cousin, Steve. - Mm.
- Nope, nope. I'm not--
- Don't be a dick, Steve.
Classic Steve, such a dick.
Um, so I guess the takeaway here
is if it walks like a weasel
and talks like a weasel, it's Diablo.
[laughs]
[laughter] Oh, yeah.
Oh, you like that? Yeah, yeah. OK.
Oh, it's like knock, knock.
Who's there? It's Diablo.
Let me in to the weasel hotel. Ooh.
[laughter]
- Ha. Weasel hotel.
- Stepmom has got her groove back.
- OK. OK.
We get it. We get it.
- All right, crazy kids.
We've had some good LOLs.
Now, get out of here and have fun.
- Yeah!
- Hey, hey, Honey.
I know you were just trying to help,
but you really kind of hurt my feelings--
- Ah, you're welcome, Diablo.
- [sighs]
[mellow upbeat music]
- So Diablo's at the vet.
He found himself at the bottom of a pretty rowdy dog pile
before I swooped that dupe.
[chuckles] Saved him.
I saved him. - Uh-oh.
Groovy stepmom is back.
Hide the hard seltzer!
- Well, over at my house, things are beyond rowdy.
It's the annual floor hockey tournament,
and emotions are running high.
- [squeaks] - [grunts]
[laughter]
[grunting]
[cats yowling]
- [grunts]
- [shouts]
[whistle blares]
- It's all just an excuse to riot.
- Sounds brutal, my man.
- You like brutal?
- Depends on my mood.
- Brett and Stelios have gone out of town for a weekend,
and now I am in charge of Kit Kat.
- Oh, I've always wanted to babysit.
- Oh, it's not the babysitting.
It's rude teenage cat sitting.
- As long as they're sitting.
- Just because she is Brett and Stelios' favorite,
she thinks she can disrespect me,
asking what part of backyard I want to be buried in,
replacing my kitty litter with quicksand,
pulling pranks on me while I sleep.
[snoring]
What?
Oh.
Oh, no.
[lips smacking]
[gasps]
- Is everyone else's dead frog a living cat?
- [pants]
[moans] Oh!
- She coffee-mugged you? Ugh.
Young animals, they need to learn
to respect our generation.
- Our generation? How old do you think I am?
- Old enough to understand what pleasures your body is truly--
- No. - Shut up, prude.
I was almost there. - Wow.
Yeah, I should have pumped the brakes on this a while ago.
[siren blaring]
[dramatic music]
- We need to flush this fish down the toilet
and buy a new one, stat!
- Hey. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
[clang] - Ahh.
- [laughs] Why you flinching?
I'm in a cage.
[clang] - Ahh.
- [laughs] Weasels.
- Oh. Will anyone ever respect me?
- Is your dog always at the bottom of the dog-pile?
- Huh?
- Well, what if I was to tell you
that there's a product out there that can
make him feel like an alpha male again?
Prosthetic testicles.
Meat Fauxnads.
[explosion booms]
Hey, I'm Grapes, your guide dog to the Fauxnads lifestyle.
Yeah, yeah. I can hear you already.
Whoa. But Grapes,
what kind of gonads are we talking about here?
Well, they're standard brass, titanium,
even 24 karat gold.
We got glow-in-the-dark, GPS,
even Bluetooth enabled
so you can pair your dog's pair.
- Hello? - Hello? Leonard?
- Mom, you'll never believe where I'm talking to you from.
[explosions booms] - Yeah.
Bottom line, Fauxnads is the most cutting-edge brand
in the pet prosthetic giggleberry space.
And yes, canine testicular implants are a real thing.
Give it a Goog. both: I will.
- [laughing]
- Kit Kat, just kill the bird already and go to bed!
[bird wings flapping] - Ugh, fine.
Nighty night, Tabitha.
Sweet dreams.
- I'm not scared of you.
[bang] [screams]
- Tabs, my team won the hockey tournament.
- Weak premise for a booty call.
- No. The last five winning captains
were killed in their sleep,
so I need a place to lay low.
- What? This is so unfair.
You're allowed to have friends over, but I'm not?
OK, Meowsolini.
- Kit Kat, go back to bed.
- Stop calling me Kit Kat.
I only answer it to K-Wow, Kit Stain,
or Suzan with a Z.
- OK, Kit Kat. - Ugh.
I'm 1 and 1/2.
I'm old enough to party, but you treat me
like a stupid kitten.
Who's your friend, and does he want to watch me pee?
- What? No! - Dork.
We have this cool new catio,
but grandma won't let me play in it.
Ugh! Get euthanized!
- Ugh. Teenagers.
Want me to go talk to her? - Safer not to.
She has a spooky ability to sniff out
your deepest insecurities.
- Oh, I think I can handle Suzan.
- Try me, virgin. - What?
She's clearly out of control.
We need to teach her a lesson. - Agreed.
But we have to make it look like a suicide.
- What? No!
I mean let's scare her straight.
Show her exactly where that kind
of rebellious behavior might lead.
Guess what. You're staying here tonight.
- I'm not doing anything I don't want--
hey!
- Sleep tight.
[cats growling]
[tense dramatic music]
- Meow.
- Well, thank you, diggity dogs,
for coming to this pooch park pow wow.
Now, I like to get my fun on as much as the next dog,
but we all have to ask ourselves
when should the fun be done?
- Uh, never.
- That's where you're wrong. But don't worry.
I've come up with a few cool rules that will--
- We're out of here.
- Hey, get your ass back on the grass!
- Well, that wasn't very groovy.
- That's right, Cuddles.
You drove groovy stepmom away,
so say hello to single working mom.
- And she has had it up to here.
- That's right she has.
This situation is unacceptable.
[grunts] - [laughs]
My bad. Oh, hey, Honey.
- Damn it, Chief.
I'm trying to discipline here. - Ooh. Got to go.
Jill is really fetching my brains out today.
[laughs]
- As I was saying, the rules are here to keep us safe.
So repeat after me. - Number one.
- No recreational barking.
- She can't hear you.
all: No recreational barking.
- Number two. - No digging holes.
That's how snakes get in.
A hole near the fence makes us defenseless.
- Laugh at her witty wordplay.
- [fake laugh] - So?
all: No digging holes.
- How long is she going to make us do this?
- Somebody's got to have the jujubes
to stand up to her.
[rhythmic clanking] - Oh.
- Boy-yo-yoing.
[clanking]
[dog barks]
[squirrel chitters]
[clanking]
- What's up, guys?
Notice any two things different about me?
[melodic clanking]
- Two bits.
- Diablo, I see you've had a productive visit to the vet.
- [laughs] You could say that.
You could also say he pimped my junk.
Ba-bam. [laughter]
- OK. OK.
We were just going over the rules.
- Well, that doesn't sound very fun.
- You said it, Big D.
- All right. All right.
Elsa, what number are we on?
Elsa?
- The only number I can think of is two.
- OK. Well, we're on three.
Big dogs stay out of the little dog area.
- Actually, you were going over the rules,
but I'd kind of like to know
what Diablo thinks we should do.
- You do? - Uh-huh.
- Mhm. - Yeah.
- Oh yeah. - I hear that.
- Well, my opinion is we ditch this bitch
and get out there and play.
- You heard the dog.
Get out there and play. [clanking]
- Woo-hoo! - All right.
- Elsa, what the hell?
- I--I don't know what happened.
It's like Diablo's balls completely took over my balls.
I mean balls--balls!
- Well, Honey, nobody said being a dog
pretending to be a working mom was going to be easy.
How's this pressure for you?
- Just keep doing what you're doing.
Oh, yes.
- A night in disgusting lady's house most definitely
will have scared Kit Kat straight.
[inhales]
I love the smell of vengeance in the morning.
- Oh, that's mostly urine.
- Oh, Kit Kat, time for you to beg me to take you home.
- [gasps] - Oh, God.
[can hisses]
- Ah, ha-ha!
Time to fly.
[gulps]
- Oh, my God. She's slamming strips.
- [burps] [fly buzzing]
- Oh, she's crazy.
- Kit Stain. - OK.
You are coming home with me right now.
- Is this old cat bothering you?
- She just thinks I still live with her,
but this is my home now.
OK.
Now, catch me!
All: [chanting] Kit Stain! Kit Stain!
Kit Stain! - Whee!
- I cannot believe she turned tables on me.
- Just leave her there.
Turn that catio into a grow room.
- And let her win? I don't think so.
- Big D in the house, and I'm not sorry I'm late.
We just wanted to make an entrance.
- We? - Yep.
Me and--[grunts]
My jawbreakers.
all: Ooh. - Wow.
- Those nuts are nuts.
- Are they waterproof?
Should we find out? - Whoa.
Look who finally grew a pair.
- Bought a pair. They're fake.
- Yeah. And there's no reason that testicles
artificial or not should confer power or affect our behavior.
And now I'm presenting.
- Guess who's cuckoo for my scratch and sniffs?
- Hey, Chi Chi, give me the love seat
'cause I need some room to dog spread.
- Absolutely.
- Then give him the damn seat!
- [yowls]
- It's like they're following me.
- Yeah, they are, sweet cakes. [clicks tongue]
- Diablo, before you interrupted,
we were discussing how insecurities
can lead to terrible life decisions.
Something you're obviously familiar with.
- Insecure? Ha!
Thunder and Joseph beg to differ.
That's right. I named my doppelbangers.
But I'm open to suggestions.
- Julie and Julia. - The Kids in the Hall.
- Your two-ton tortellini. - The Floperty Brothers.
- Indiana Jones and the Temple of Boom.
- Back to Kit Kat.
Maybe you need to appeal to her reasonable side.
- Ha! I have no idea
what the hell you guys are talking about,
but Tabitha, if you're having a problem,
look downstairs because my besticles
would be happy to help.
- OK, Diablo.
That's not entirely constructive.
- Well, it's better than the nonsense
you've been spouting lately, so someone has
to pick up the sack. - Ba-bam!
- The lesson here is never skip group.
- All right.
We've all enjoyed the verbal fireworks,
but now, let's give Honey the respect
we've arbitrarily decided she deserves.
- That was yesterday, old man.
- So how'd you get the name Thunder?
- Back off, ho. Thunder's mine.
- You can have Joseph.
- No one wants Joseph. - See?
You already have so much in common.
- Oh, you want to go? - She's not worth it.
- You want to go? - She's not worth it.
- All right, Diablo, I think you should go.
- Well, guess what. I don't need therapy anymore,
so I'm just going to take my everlasting knobknockers
and go home!
- That weasel with the implants
just gave me an idea.
Kit Kat is going down.
- OK, funky felines, it's cat-surfing time.
Catch me!
[thud]
Where the hell did everyone go?
- Come on!
There's a bigger, better party down the street.
- This guy is awesome.
How did you hear about him?
- Flyer at the vape shop.
- Oh, no.
You're vaping again?
- Let's crank this up to "Sanitize."
Yeah!
- Punch clock, this bitch has come to work.
Ha. Oh yeah.
all: (chanting) Tabs! Tabs! Tabs! Tabs!
- Work it out.
- Now, who's life of party?
- Yeah. Woo-hoo!
You played right into my paws.
- What?
- I wanted a party on the catio all along,
and you just gave it to me.
You got got, gato.
- Liar. [yowls]
- Cat fight! - Claw her face!
[dogs barking]
- ♪ Oh, King Diablo, lead us with your grace ♪
♪ Oh, King Diablo, you have a handsome face ♪
- Enough, you bore me.
And Waffles, you were a little pitchy.
Work on that.
- No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, my fetch ball.
Damn holes.
- Hey, kid, you know what's more fun
than chasing a ball all day?
- Is the answer you riding me like a horse?
[explosion booms]
- No, canine testicular implants are real,
not just something the writers made up.
- Well, I hope you're enjoying it now, Diablo,
because all of this lawlessness
is eventually going to lead to trouble.
- A little word of advice, Honey bun,
you should learn to lighten up.
Be more like me, 'cause I am having a ba--
- We get it. - Because of your testicles.
- [clicks tongue]
- Did someone say testicles?
[rattling]
[dramatic music]
- So many to choose from.
It's like a smorgasbord.
Irish Setters, Spanish Mastiffs.
Ooh, Siberian husky.
- Oh, actually, I'm a malamute.
Also--[screams]
[screaming]
- The key to keeping them from hurting my back, easy.
Rock solid core. Thanks for asking.
Next question.
- Hey, Big D, a rattlesnake was spotted in the park.
- All the dogs are terrified. What are you going to do?
- Well, what do you think I'm going to do?
I am going to handle it.
Chief, shall we?
- And away we go.
- Chiefy Chief, where are you?
I got us a new fetch ball.
- All right! [panting]
- Ahh! [clank]
I'm all good. My bonbons broke my fall.
And now, it's time to let Thunder and Joseph
do the talking.
What? Oh, no.
Ahh!
[screaming]
[thwack]
- No. Chief, no!
My poor babies. Why?
Why?
- [whines]
- Oh, hey, Diablo. [laughs]
How did you get here? [laughs]
Where's my ball?
- [groans]
[cats yowling] - Fight! Fight! Fight!
- Ooh. Ow.
- So is this like a weekly thing or what?
- You're going down, Menopaws.
- You got that right.
You're the one who's going to start bleeding.
That's right. I'm claiming my age.
I am 15 and fabulous.
[yowls]
[glass shatters] [gasps]
You broke my "Cat Fancy" Magazine
Sexiest Cat Alive trophy.
- (crying) I--I didn't mean to.
- Why must you be this way?
After I've been such an amazing role model.
- I'm sorry.
I guess just--[inhales]
I just want some attention.
- Attention?
All you do is get attention.
- But not from you.
- Why do you care?
You hate me!
Or--or you don't.
You worship me.
I mean now that I say it out loud, it makes sense.
- And I wouldn't be so mad at you if I hated you.
So obviously, I little bit don't hate you.
- Worship's a little strong, but...
that means a lot, Tabitha.
You're fat!
- Oh, really, well, you're--
- Tabs, let it go.
- Ugh. Fine.
- I'm proud of you for being the bigger cat.
- The much bigger cat.
- Tabitha. - OK, fine.
But I am coffee-mugging her tonight.
- That's my girl.
[dogs barking]
- Ugh. Look at those animals.
There's a snake loose at the park,
and all they can think about is their spicy frozen
meaty sprinkle-covered--
I really want some. - Hey, Honey.
- Diablo, you're back from the vet.
You look humbled.
- Well, Chief punctured Joseph and swallowed Thunder.
And my dad couldn't write off another pair
as a business expense.
I--I miss them so much.
- Yeah.
They were two of a kind.
- Oh. That means a lot to me. Thank you.
And I'm sorry for how I acted, Honey.
It's just the dog pile happened.
And then even made fun of me.
My man marbles made me feel powerful
for the first time in my life.
- But Diablo, your bravery and confidence
didn't come from your Fauxnads.
They came from you.
Your real testicles aren't between your legs.
Your real testicles are in your heart.
[inspiring music]]
- Rattlesnake! Help!
Rattlesnake!
- I know what to do.
I'm on my way, Elsa.
It is time to take care of that snake once and for all!
- Atta boy.
Wait. What? Diablo, no.
You're puny and weak.
[rattling]
[snake hisses]
- Leave my friend alone!
- Oh yeah?
And what are you going to do?
- [hisses]
- Oh my god, a weasel!
- That's right, and pop pop goes the me.
- [whimpers]
- And stay out!
And that, my friends, is what I call
the empty sack attack.
[cheering] - That's right, Big D.
- Diablo, look what you just did, making me right.
- It's funny, isn't it?
I lost my nads.
And then I was put to the testes.
Now, come on, everyone.
Let's fill these holes!
- Shut up, Diablo. - OK.
- Oh. - Honey, what's the plan?
- Well, I think we probably should fill these holes.
- Did she stutter?
Fill the damn holes!
[upbeat music]
- Whoa. Wait a minute.
This is disgusting.
- Did I just pay $12 for frozen meat?
- They're on to us! Drive!
- Finally, now, they'll fix everything.
- And you don't have to be groovy stepmom anymore.
- Nope. Now, I can be fun aunt.
Hey, Popcorn, wait up.
Aren't you going to introduce me to your cute friend?
[laughs]
- He's still out cold. - [grunts]
- This should do the job.
- I must admit, I like the way you think.
- What the-- - Oh, my god.
How did a raccoon get in here? - Oh.
- Whoa. Hey--hey. - Oh, my god. It's alive.
It's alive. Do something. Do something.
- Oh, man. Party's over.
All right. [laughs]
Wow.
Looks like humans aren't really fans.
Here comes my ride.
[screams]
Yeah.
- Wait, Mom.
You're breaking up.
Grandpa dropped Ed?
Who's Ed?
W-- wait, Mom.
Can you hear me now?
Now? Now?
- This is nuts.
[explosion booms]