[spooky music]
♪ ♪
[urchins chattering]
[ominous music]
[urchins screaming]
Biting my begonias, eh?
Not on my watch! [laughs]
Mailman!
Wha...?
[screams]
Oh, a letter. Uh, thank you!
Nosferatu?
[lighting cracks]
Huh? What?
[sighs]
I got his mail by mistake again!
[grumbles]
I'll just file that in here.
[muffled speech]
[chuckles] Huh?
- [muffled speech] - SpongeBob?
[muffled speech]
What are you doing in my garbage?
♪ Spring cleaning ♪
But, Squidward, for shame.
You can't just throw out the mail of Nosferatu.
[lightning crashes] - Huh?
You have to deliver it yourself.
[gasps]
Otherwise, it'd be a federal crime!
And I'll be an accessory!
[hyperventilating]
All right, already! I'll take it to him.
Hurray!
But you are carrying the mail.
Ha! One little letter?
- No problemo. - Hold on.
There's more.
- Ooh! - Here's the rest of it.
I have been getting that creepy guy's mail
by mistake for years!
[gasps] Squidward, look!
"Bleeder's Digest." "Bat Fancy."
"Blood of the Month Club."
[blood squelches]
Eh.
Squidward, do you know what this means?
No.
It means somebody is going to be very happy
to get all their mail, somebody named Nosferatu.
[lightning crashes] - Ah!
Huh? What?
What was that? Stop looking at me.
[wolf howls]
[whistling melody]
Well, this is the address.
[grunts] - Ooh!
That castle is so high!
[whistling melody]
Please, I beg you,
do not go to the castle! The master is a vampire!
He means to suck your blood!
[sobbing]
- What are you talking about? - Nosferatu!
[lightning crashes]
- Mm-hmm. - [laughs]
Right. I'm sorry.
I don't have any spare change.
Don't go to the castle! Don't go to the castle!
Don't go... [skeletal seahorse neighs]
[snarls]
- Ow! - Ah!
Well, a coach to the castle. How elegant.
Step lively, SpongeBob. - [grunting]
[humming melody] - [gasps]
- The castle! - Aw.
Looks like someone could use a Krabby Patty.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[chuckles]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[both grunting]
♪ ♪
Whoo! Whoo!
♪ ♪
- Whoa! - Oh, whoa!
♪ ♪
We're taking the bus on the way home!
- [grunts] - Huh?
Hmm.
[eerie organ music]
♪ ♪
[wolf howls]
♪ ♪
[both grunt]
[grumbling]
[knocks]
Hello, Nosferatu?
[lightning crashes] Hmm.
Well, looks like nobody's home.
Of course.
Hello?
We're just here to drop off your mail.
Whoa!
[lightning crashes] - [screams]
What's happening?
[snickering]
Aw! It's just Nosferatu!
[lightning crashes] - Whew!
[eerie music]
♪ ♪
- [hisses] - [screams]
[plucky music]
♪ ♪
The master bids you welcome,
and he thanks you for dropping off his mail.
Oh.
Ooh.
[belches]
[giggles] - [laughs]
[laughs]
- [laughs] - [laughs]
[laughter]
Hmm? [groans]
[laughter]
Knock it off! - I am sorry, Master.
It won't happen again.
Ew. We'll let ourselves out.
Aw, I don't want to leave.
Boo!
[lightning crashes] - Ah!
Oh, you can't leave due to inclement weather.
We can't leave yet. Yay!
[eerie music]
Gulp.
The Master has invited you to stay for the night,
but first, he would like to have you both for dinner.
[laughs]
Well, uh, under the circumstances,
I wouldn't mind some fine Transylvanian cuisine
for a change. - Change?
I can make change. [laughs]
Get away from me.
[snorting and chuckling] Come, come.
- Oh, oh. - [laughs]
♪ ♪
[laughs]
[gentle violin music]
Wow! What a spread.
I don't know what to try first.
Oh, I can help you decide. [laughs]
We have roasted werewolf teeth,
pickled demon beards, fried mummy fingers,
and brains tartare. - [retches]
Ooh, don't mind if I do... oh. [laughs]
Or maybe you would like something sinfully succulent.
Ooh, a Carpathian cheese ball.
Uh, eh. - Whoopsie!
That's my dinner. Come to daddy!
- Ooh. - [groans]
Oh, you've got to try these mummy fingers, Squidward.
So delicious.
Nosferatu, you simply must give me the recipe.
Hm.
[woman screams]
Well, maybe if I put some ketchup on it.
[munching] Ketchup?
Good thing I came prepared.
Ketching up!
[energetic music]
Hmm. Ah.
[laughs] Whoa!
[sighs]
[growls]
[slurps]
[gags] - Nosferatu, ketchup?
Whoa! - Mm-hm.
[sighs] - [laughs]
[hisses]
The Master says, "Sleep tight
and don't let the vampire bats bite."
[laughs]
[laughter]
[hisses]
The Master bids you good night.
[laughs softly]
Good night, Nosferatu!
[eerie organ music]
♪ ♪
This place gives me the creeps.
But so what? It's only one night.
Right, SpongeB...
[snoring]
- Huh? - Whoops!
Forgot to brush my teeth.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
[snoring] Whoops!
Forgot to floss. - Huh?
[snoring] Ooh!
Forgot to wash my head. - Huh?
Whoops! Forgot to polish my eyes.
Huh?
Will you go night night time already?
Nosferatu?
Why are you sticking out of the wall like that?
[hisses]
[screams]
I can't believe Nosferatu tried to bite me!
He's a real life v-v-vampire!
He's gonna suck our blood! [sobs]
There's got to be a way out of this castle!
I can show you a way out!
[laughs]
Slappy sleepy.
Let's try these doors!
[snarls]
[both scream]
[laughter]
[both scream]
[both hyperventilating]
[together] Gorilla monster!
[both scream]
Quick, down the laundry chute!
[screams]
[loud thud]
- Whoa! - [screaming]
[both scream]
It's a vampire's coffin! [whimpers]
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
Nosferatu two-step!
♪ ♪
Yay! Ow.
Snap out of it, SpongeBob!
What if he bites our necks... [gasps]
Or my nose? - Oh!
I know what to do.
In those vampire movies, they always make wooden stakes.
[gasps] That's a great idea!
Here!
[cow moos]
Will these even work without steak sauce?
[both scream]
You shouldn't disturb the master's laundry tomb.
He would be very cranky if he found you here,
and you never know where he might be.
He's right behind us, isn't he?
Hmm? Nope.
Nobody there. We're fine.
[both scream]
Please don't eat us!
Oh, the master is not hungry.
He just had a big lunch.
He wanted to return your mail.
Oh. Well, how thoughtful of you.
Uh, thanks. - Ooh!
Open it, Squidward!
What'd you get? - Let's see.
Oh, yes!
It's my Garlic of the Month Club!
Wait. Uh-oh.
[gagging]
[chuckles]
The master is just joshing with you.
He loves garlic.
[laughter] - Um.
Oh! [laughter]
- Huh? - Mm-mm-mm.
Well, if you're not flicking the lights on and off,
then who is?
[eerie organ music]
[together] Phantom of the Opera!
[laughs]
[laughter]