♪ ♪
[spooky music]
- Bonjour, art lovers.
Tonight, for your viewing enjoyment,
we present a portrait painted in shades of greed.
- Ahh! Another day,
another whole bunch of dollars!
[laughs]
[metallic clinking] Hmm?
Ooh, a quarter!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.
Whew, come back here, you!
Hey, hey, where are you going?
[panting]
[exhales] Whew.
[sighs]
Eh?
Yah! [blubbering]
[ding]
[struggling efforts]
Huh?
Ooh, this quarter is really making me work.
[clinks]
Huh? Hey, get back here!
Ugh!
[grunting]
- Greetings, stranger. - Ahh!
Welcome to my Emporium of Wonders.
Can I interest you in a traditional
Klopnodian Spladunker?
Or perhaps a lightly used Flooner?
- No thanks, old timer.
I just want me quarter.
It seems to have hopped into your pay phone here.
- Oh, I see.
Well I have no power to retrieve your coin,
but I can let you have the payphone
for the low, low price of...
free.
- Free? I'll take it!
- But be warned, that payphone comes with a curse.
[thunder booms] [woman screams]
- Really? How much does the curse cost?
- What? No, the curse is free.
It comes with the phone.
- Well then!
I'll take the curse, too!
[chuckling] - Heed my Kapritzka!
Beware the call of the porch!
Beware!
Ah, forget it.
- [grunting]
Listen up, happy Krustomers!
For the low price of a quarter, now you, too,
can make that important call
while you're eating a Krabby Patty!
[ringing]
Ahoy, there. Krusty Krab.
Eugene Krabs, proprietor, speaking.
- [evil laughter]
Give away your Krabby Patties!
Give them all away!
- [gasps] What kind of obscene phone call is this?
When I find out who you are, I'm gonna--
Oh!
Hey!
[line trilling]
Must give patties away.
[cash register dings]
[all exclaim] No money.
Patties free!
- Free patties?
Oh, Mr. Krabs!
You finally found your inner generosity.
Hooray!
Krabby Patties for everyone!
Wha! Yow!
The Krab is picking up the tab!
[all hooting and hollering]
- All free.
[all cheering]
[all munching]
- [evil laughter]
- [blubbering]
Huh? What just happened?
Oh, boy! A quarter!
I knew this thing would pay off!
- Patties here! - [yelps]
- Free patties!
Get your patties while they're hot!
Get 'em while they're free!
- Free? [woman screams]
[grunts]
SpongeBob! There's no free lunches at the Krusty Krab!
[all clamoring] Have you gone insane?
Get back in the kitchen and stitch
these patty halves back together
so we can sell 'em again.
[sign poofs]
- [groans] It was too good to last.
[ringing]
- Krusty Krab, Eugene-- [groans]
- [evil laughter] Now give away your money!
Every last cent!
- Must give away money.
[panting]
[whistle blares]
[all cheering]
- Give away all money, Boy-O!
- But you just said that--
Oh, I knew you were only kidding, Mr. Krabs!
You really are generous! [chuckles]
- [muttering]
[chuckles] Another quarter!
I love this phone! [cash register dings]
[all clamoring] - Whoo! [laughing]
Whee! [all cheering]
- SpongeBob!
What are you doing with me money?
- Well, I thought you told me to, Mr. Krabs.
I--oh, I don't understand.
[phone ringing]
- Uh! Ooh! - And now, Krabs,
give away the Krusty Krab!
[evil laughter]
- [grunting]
Yes! With this laser cannon,
I can finally blast Krabs!
Huh?
Homina-wha?
- Here his deed to Krusty Krab.
She's all yours.
- Something doesn't seem right here.
But like Granny Plankton always says,
never look a gift snail under the shell!
I win! [laughs]
I'm the greatest!
Huh? [clank]
Uh-oh.
[hypnotic music]
- Ooh! [laughs]
Huh?
Ohh, what the-- where's me quarter?
- [evil laughter] - [grunting]
- Perhaps generosity is its own reward?
- Never! - [laughs]
- [grunts, laughs]
Huh? Ooh.
- Uh--
[both growling]
- Huh?
[gasps]
- [laughing]
- Hey, what's the big idea?
And where is that quarter you owe--
- I'm free! Ha-ha!
[muttering] Um--
Hey kid, lend me a quarter for the bus?
- Sure thing, Mr. Demon!
- I'm finally free!
[laughs]
[phone ringing]
- Well, this ain't so bad.
Steady work, and plenty of quarters!
[laughs] A crab could get used to this!
[crashing] Whoa!
Hey! What's going on? [thud]
- [grunting] [clanging]
- Hey, Squidward,
get that hunk of junk out of here, would you?
Come on.
- Gladly.
[crashing]
- Hello, anyone wanna make a call?
Only costs a quarter.
Ooh, barnacles!
[foghorn blares] [bell dinging]
- Sometimes a free phone
comes at a very high price,
and sometimes the cheapskates
are the ones who get stuck with the bill
here in "The Tidal Zone."
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[grunts]
Must give away one more story.
The story of a grandpa adrift in space and time.
The story of a sea star who is lost in "The Tidal Zone."
[dial tone blaring]
- [yelling]