SIRENS WAIL, TENSE MUSIC BUILDS
This programme contains some strong language
Good afternoon, Madam.
Yeah, stay street-smart. Stay street-smart.
Stop!
Stay street-smart.
Shit.
Oi!
It's kicking off. Pretend we can't see.
Arrest him! Police!
Arrest him! Damn it. A thief!
Ah, awkward.
We actually can't. Huh?
Ooh! Ooh!
Oh, that's really awkward.
I'm so sorry. We're PCSOs. We don't have the power of arrest.
Rest assured, though, we will inform a police officer.
He's halfway down the street now.
I could inform a police officer!
I mean, if you wouldn't mind, that'd be helpful because,
you know, busy. Oh, hey. Stay street-smart.
Thank you.
What do you guys actually do?
Oh, we are rebuilding the relationship
between the community and the police.
Hence Police Community Support Officer.
Oh, was that the plan, yeah, when you left school?
You dickheads!
Whatever. Didn't hurt. Don't care.
Oh, sir? Sorry, erm...
Kay... On a scale of one to ten... Kay?
..how would you rate your experience... Read the room, mate.
Dom, we need to do the survey.
How would you rate your experience with the Met Police today?
He's gone.
Oh.
I'll just put that down as a seven.
Right, so these are my two operatives, are they?
These are the two officers that can infiltrate the gang?
Jen and Simon are two of the finest, the most highly trained
undercover officers we have, sir.
Sure. And, you know, no offence,
guys, but take a look at the gang.
What's your point, Clinton?
The gang's black, Dave.
Really?
Oh, yes. So they are.
Yes. Terribly sorry about that, sir.
I don't actually see colour.
I do a fairly decent patois, if you're interested.
Ooh... No, thank you.
I sometimes do it at parties. I phoned up LBC once, didn't I?
He did! Pretended to be Levi Roots.
Please stop talking.
Inspector, you asked for two undercover police officers.
We provided two undercover police officers.
The only place they can go undercover is B&Q
on a bank holiday Monday.
Well, that's all you're getting.
It's almost as if the Met want this investigation to fail.
How difficult can it be to find two young black officers
who are up to the task?
Ah! Another great day supporting our officers and being a visible
presence in the community. Shut up, Kay.
You know how I like to kick back and shake off the cares of a busy day?
I'm not coming to your church.
Yes? Can I help you?
Ah, no.
This is a restricted area.
Can I ask what you're doing here?
I've worked here for four years.
That's me.
Right.
Yes. Good.
Well, carry on.
You should be wearing your lanyards.
But, erm, I'll let it go this time.
Go on.
Can you believe that bitch?
To be fair, we should be wearing our lanyards. It's not about lanyards.
What were his exact words?
He said, "It's almost as if the Met wants this investigation to fail."
Wants the investigation to fail?
Presumably it amounts to insubordination.
Well, if it's not insubordination, it's skirting dangerously close.
Absolutely, ma'am.
All right.
Love to Peter.
SIGHS
Dominique? Yep?
Detective Inspector Clinton Blair.
You might have see me around the station.
Mm... Maybe.
I want to talk to you about a job.
But not here, though.
Meet me tomorrow.
Tomorrow's Saturday!
I know. Meet me tomorrow, one o'clock,
Giuseppe's on Mare Street.
Ah... Right.
Right, yeah, this is a weak-arse attempt to try and get me on a date.
I'm not interested.
I mean, you are hot in a kind of budget Idris way,
but I don't do beards. Sorry.
It's not a date.
I'm not physically attracted to you.
So just another brother who don't date black women?
Shame.
Shame on you.
I only ever date black women.
Yeah, well... that ain't going to happen this time.
You can buy me lunch, but, yeah, that's about it.
I'm not buying you lunch and nothing's going to happen.
Meet me tomorrow. Tell no-one.
You want this.
Oh, fuck!
Why are you here?
Come.
This is cool, isn't it?
Look, if this is about handing out leaflets or anything to do with
dog shit bins, I'm not interested.
This isn't about dog shit bins.
I want to talk to you about an undercover mission.
I need two officers to infiltrate a gang dealing drugs
on Brightmarsh Estate. We'll do it. Hang on.
You need two drug dealers, so "get the black people"?
The Brightmarsh gang is black.
The Met keeps sending me middle-aged white guys.
I need two young black officers to go places where... Yeah,
I hate to break it to you, Clinton, but we ain't street.
Yeah, I'm gathering that.
Look, my dad's a paediatrician, and this one runs a prayer group.
Wednesday nights. All welcome.
Look, I'll guide you through the whole thing.
We'll do it. Hey, will you stop just saying, "We'll do it"?
This sounds dangerous.
It is.
All right.
So what's in it for us?
Yeah. Let's talk terms, Clinton.
You both get service medals. We'll do it. Kay!
You get to do real police work.
DOM SCOFFS Not interested.
What?
Look, Clinton, I'm in this game for the free Tube travel,
parking in disabled bays and 10% off at Cineworld.
I've got 30 years to retirement. That can go by like that.
I thought that was going to have a bigger impact.
Look, use your middle finger.
Why would I use my middle finger? That's dumb! Shut up.
All right. Each their own. LOUD CLICK
How did you...
Look, my point is, when I say I'm not interested,
I'm not interested.
Yes, you are.
You don't know me.
Yes, I do.
You've got a first class degree in Criminology
from the University of Middlesex.
In your first year on the job, you applied for a promotion three times.
You were rejected three times.
That's when the infractions started creeping in.
Tardiness, unexplained absences, incorrect uniform.
You got lazy.
You gave up.
But you're clever. You're good.
You're police.
This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Dom,
and, yes, you do want it.
What's the pay?
Better than a PCSO.
Also I do want the medal. Yes!
All right.
Now, listen.
Here's the thing.
This mission...
..it doesn't exist. What?
No, I mean, we're doing it, but it's off the books.
The only people who know about it, the only people who will ever
know about it, are sat around this table.
AROUND the table.
That was so cool.
So will we, like, take on new identities when we go undercover?
No, too risky.
Better to make the truth your cover story.
What, that we're police?
That you were police.
You're going to need to get yourself fired. Fired?
What, like, fired for real?
As soon as this is all over, I'll bring you both back -
as part of my team, not PCSOs.
So, yes, fired for real.
But... how are we meant to do that?
Use your imagination.
SIREN WAILS
TYRES SCREECH
Woo!
Aargh! Stop, stop!
You're going too fast!
This is fucking brilliant!
KAY SCREAMS
Have either of you heard a word I've said about
the way you have brought the service into disrepute?
Never, ever, in my twenty... Thirty...
..37 years in this service have I ever...
You are fucking kidding me.
Not at all, madam.
Not at all.
Cheers, all.
Sir?
Want one?
OK, stage two.
You're going to steal drugs from police custody.
What?! Rob the police? Correct.
Then you're going to sell it on the estate to get
the gang's attention. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Fired black officers nick drugs and then turn to dealing?
Can we please just talk about the negative stereotypes here?
Dom, you're infiltrating a gang.
Yes, we're dealing in negative stereotypes.
OK, OK, what about this?
We formed a street theatre troupe
doing impromptu performances
on the Brightmarsh Estate.
This is how it's going to work.
When seized drugs have served their purpose as evidence,
they're incinerated.
The police have an arrangement with the local hospital.
Officers phone ahead, schedule a time to sign over the drugs
for incineration by hospital staff.
That's the weak point.
This all sounds very, very risky.
Listen, I'm protected,
so you're protected.
Trust me.
I can intercept the call from the station,
find out where they're going.
I'll create a delay.
Then I'll go to the hospital at the specified time,
and sign over a fake package for incineration.
Then you'll meet the officers and intercept the drugs.
Yes, good day, sir.
Walk normally. I am walking normally!
That's not normal!
Ah. Incineration staff?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Good. Cos I have a whole load of soiled bedding here for you.
Oh, oh... It's a real mix and match.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Oh... THEY GAG
Why do you never use the hand-sanitiser?
Because we're fleeing a crime scene!
But I touched poo!
Ahh!
Don't ask.
This all seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a few drug arrests
on an estate.
I'm right, aren't I?
You'll be told what you need to know when you need to know it.
ENGINE STARTS
OK, guys, you...
Put this on.
Oh, nice, nice. Wear it backwards?
Don't. Too cool?
Yeah.
You got the product?
Yeah.
Here's your takings.
Remember everything we went through.
I'll park up where I can see you.
If things get hairy, I'll step in.
You've got this.
I'll do the selling and the talking.
OK? Fine. Thank you.
Because I have blatantly got the best seller's credentials.
I worked at Footlocker.
Well, I did door-to-door sales.
You were handing out Bibles.
Working for the biggest boss there is.
Just... Thank you very much... walk.
Stand here. I know what I'm talking about.
Just stand. Be normal.
And stop talking.
Not like th... Sh, sh, sh!
Did you see that?
I just cruised onto the kerb.
Well done. Good for you. OK.
It's TJ, by the way.
You might've heard of me.
Ah, can't say that I have, no.
Well, I'm pretty well-known on this estate.
So if anyone gives you any S-H-A-T,
you can tell them you know me.
OK, will do. Thanks.
What you doin'?
Oh, we're just... We're just hanging out, you know? Yeah.
Just, you know, just chillin'. You know, just... Just chillin' out.
You're selling drugs, aren't you?
Well, we're not doing it with you standing here,
so if you could just... get to going
because if the police come you're going to get arrested.
The police don't arrest dealers on Brightmarsh.
OK. Bye, child.
Bye, TJ.
Oh, we've got one.
Get... Hey, hi.
What you in the market for?
Some weed, some Charlie, some...
No, we've only got heroin.
Oh, we've only got heroin, but you look like you'll be fine
with that, so... yeah. Money first.
Yeah. Good. Money first.
Thank you. That's...
Yeah. Hmm... There you go.
Right. Hmm?
What? Oh, yeah, drugs. DOM LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
Cos you needed the drugs. That's what you paid... OK.
So here's your five, your six and your ten. Thank you very much.
Take care.
"Take care"?
Well, it's good customer service. He'll come back.
He'll come back because he's addicted to heroin. Sure.
But you know Nero does them little cards...
Go stand over there. Oh, OK. Cos that's how they do it.
No, because I want you to stand over there. Sure.
No, that's smart.
Stop walking like you've got a bowel impact!
I...
I'll... I'm going to pray for you.
Just go.
Yo.
You have Big H, yeah? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Here you go. Take that, and then I'll take that.
Thank you very much.
Take care. Bye-bye.
There you go.
Ah, Dom? Yeah?
Those guys look very interested in what we're doing right now.
Shit, shit, shit. This is it, this is it, this is it.
Game face. Smile. Smi... No, no, no. Frown.
Look gangster.
Here we go.
Like... Like you're a gangster.
Like, act tough.
Hey, yo, yo, yo, boss man, you best move your car, you know.
It's residents only.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in a minute.
No, come on, boss man.
KAY SIGHS AWKWARDLY
KAY SIGHS AWKWARDLY AND BABBLES
Yeah, oh...
How you doing, lads?
We're just doing a spot of drug dealing.
Oh, my goodness. We're not on your patch, are we?
I told you they were called patches. Shut up, you dickhead.
Yeah, I am. Yeah.
Take off your bag.
What? Give me the fucking bag, man.
What? OK. OK.
I just... I just got my nails done.
So just give me the ticket.
Listen, brother, I'm just trying to help you out.
You move your car, I don't have to give you a ticket.
Just give me the ticket, will you? Oh, is it?
Break them. KAY LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
Apologies for the cock-up. Pardon my French.
Haw-haw-haw! GUN COCKS
Come round the corner.
Do we have to? Come round the fucking corner, man.
Yeah. Which corner, though?
Shut up. Because there's quite a few.
I'm just saying that there's quite a few corners.
Look, I'm police.
Now go.
Shit, man. The ticket's in the system now.
I don't give a shit about the ticket.
Let me see what I can do for you.
I never do this.
Fuck off.
Put your hand out.
Oh, please. Put your hand out!
No, please don't shoot my hand. I play keys in the church band.
Man, shut up.
Who do you work for? No-one.
Do not fuck with me.
Where did you get your food from?
We... we stole it from... from the police.
How did you two badman steal from the police?
OK... Ahem.
..here's the thing -
we used to be in the police.
Yo, they're feds. Drop them! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
We used to be in the police! We USED to be in the police!
Like PCSOs. What, the shit police?
OK, that's a bit rude, but, yeah, and then we got fired.
Why?
Let's just say the force did not agree
with our extracurricular activities.
I showed my bum bum to some pensioners.
So we decided to take that lot from evidence
on our way out and pay ourselves a little redundancy.
We don't have a supplier, we don't work for anyone.
We just wanted to sell that lot and split the money. Ahem.
How long you been out here for? Just this afternoon,
a few hours. Plus wee breaks.
We've been going to Burger King cos she needs to sit down.
Who's asking you to talk about my pee breaks? You need to sit down to go toilet.
It's a lot easier for me to go toilet.
I go number one standing up. It's my personal business!
Stop talking... Shut up!
Look, here's what's going to happen.
You're going to sell the rest of that,
and you're going to bring the money here. Yeah? OK.
Soapy's Laundrette? That's clever.
Ask for a service wash. Service wash.
Soapy's. That makes a lot of sense. It does.
It's like, um, like, we're asking for a Soapy's... It's all up...
..all up there in the noggin. Can you fuck off?
Yeah. Sure. No, no. Yeah.
Sure, no. Yeah.
Oh, Clinton! Mate!
Sir, sir, that was brilliant!
It totally worked. They were like, "What you up to?"
And we were like, "What?" And they were like, "Show me your hand."
And I was like, "No, no, that's not..." That was dangerous!
We've been out there all day touching junkies.
They pulled a gun on us. Yeah?
You said you would step in if things got hairy.
I would have.
They pulled a gun on us!
I would have stepped in if I thought I'd seen something
that you couldn't handle. So, what did they say?
Sell the rest of the gear and bring them the cash tomorrow.
Perfect. So, go back out there tomorrow and sell what you can.
I'll take what you can't shift to make up the shortfall.
Nice work, officers.
Ahem.
We would like a service wash, please.
MUSIC PLAYS
Just...
Just go. Go.
Ahem.
You're early.
I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow.
Yeah, well, you know, we sold it all.
Sorry.
Run along.
Nah, nah, nah, wait.
Give them another pack.
Do it.
You lot need a job,
this is a growing operation.
That's yours now, yeah?
You owe us a grand in a week.
OK. Cool.
Dismissed. Yeah. Thank you.
OK, well, have a good drug-dealing day.
Do you trust them, fam?
I asked around, and their story checks out.
Kamal was in the Air Cadets.
Everyone's on a journey, innit?
Wash your hands.
Oh, my God. I need a towel.
Mm-hm.
For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open,
and everything that is concealed will be brought to light
and made known to all.
Just, um...
Just going to my room to sleep!
Hi, by the way!
Nice.
Very nice.
You lot are doing good.
We're upping your part.
WOMAN SPEAKS ON TV
PHONE VIBRATES
Hello?
Come to your door.
Who is this?
Tevin.
Hi. Ho...
How do you know where I live?
Is that a problem? No, no, no problem.
I need you to come with me.
Er... why? You'll see.
Ah, yeah.
You know, thing is, I would...
CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY ..I would, but I just had a wine,
a large one, and a Nytol.
I don't make a habit of it,
but, you know, sometimes being a black woman in London,
you need something to take the edge off. Get your coat.
OK. I'm just going to...
..go and get...
Hi.
Um, Tevin...
DOM CLEARS HER THROAT ..where we going?
Walthamstow Marshes.
Right, yeah.
That's great.
Tev, mate, can you stick Magic on?
Shut up.
Get out.
Just it's a little high up. I've only got little legs.
Oop, yep. Made it.
KAY LAUGHS
Three cheers for Britain's wetlands! Ha-ha! Hip hip hoor...
KNIFE CLANGS ON FLOOR
What is that? What?
I've just seen it fall from your sleeve.
No, it didn't. I saw it.
No, I think it's always been there, just in that spot.
Oh, that?
DOM FAKE CHUCKLES I thought you meant something...
No, that. That... that is my shank.
Were you going to stab me? No.
No. To be honest with you, Tev, this... this guy here,
he's been known to get a little handsy.
KAY LAUGHS It's true. Yeah.
So I have taken to carrying that.
I'm on a journey, Tevin. I'm on a journey.
He is.
Thank you.
DOM WHISPERS INAUDIBLY
Start digging.
Oh... What? Oh.
KAY WHIMPERS
Please!
Please, I don't want to die.
I don't want to die! You think I'm going to kill you?
You think I'm some sort of psycho or something?
Nah.
You...
I need you to bury this body.
Oh!
Yeah.
OK.
Um...
Where are you going?
It's ten to midnight. Going home to bed.
How do we get home?
Get a fucking Uber.
OK. Yeah.
Thank you, Tevin.
It's always a pleasure. Drive safely.
Bye.
Look out for the roads and stuff.
Oh!
Oh! Shit!
That's a dead body, Dom! Oh, my God!
That's a dead body, Dom!
Oh, my God! That's a dead body!
Oh, my God! Oh!
OK. Wait. What are you doing?
I'm calling Clinton. No, no, no, but it's after 10.30.
That's the cut-off, isn't it?
There is no cut-off when someone's just asked you to bury a body!
I don't know.
PHONE RINGS
THEY SCREAM