Listen, lady, you've got responsibilities.
I think she was looking for this, you know.
I mean, there is enough info here to put the lot of them away.
We need to find out what's going on, and prove it, and then be like,
"Bam, bitch, there's your leverage. Help us out, or
"read about it in the Daily Mail." Look, we're not here to negotiate.
I'm here because I want out.
That would be a grave mistake.
A guy showed up to visit Celia Herrington, so I followed him.
Oh, my days.
Signature. I wasn't expecting anything.
HE WHISTLES
And you're sure the sign said Ministry of Defence?
Definitely. It wasn't, like, a paintball centre,
or some dudes just advertising
a taekwondo session in a barn someplace?
Dom, it was a military base, OK? Barbed wire. Guys with guns.
Real deal. OK.
This is huge.
This isn't just some bent coppers any more.
This goes all the way to the top.
God, I've always wanted to say that.
All right.
We definitely have enough information now for Kirsty.
She's basically going to have to help us, or hear
about it on the Evening News, baby.
I'm sorry. I've gotten used to it.
You see what they've turned us into?
We are getting out of this.
All right. What are you doing?
I am texting Kirsty to meet us today.
Yes. Good. Yes.
Today, though, because today's payday and we have two grand's worth
of gear to shift.
What's our best ever day's takings?
500 and something. 314.
We need Kirsty's help today. That's where we are now, OK?
We've put all our money on Red Seven. Sorry,
it's an insensitive reference, given your gambling addiction.
It's OK, roulette wasn't my game. What was your game?
It was Foxy Bingo. They made it seem so light-hearted.
Oh, oh, oh! There's the dot-dot-dots! OK.
She's texting. Oh, she's stopped.
Argh! She's texting again.
Argh, she's stopped. I hate it when people do this.
PHONE PINGS Oh, OK, OK.
"Meet me at 2pm."
Yes.
I knew you were more than who you said you was,
you thirsty Kirsty bitch!
Yeah.
We need to stash the dossier at your church.
What? Mm-hm. Dom,
church is for prayer and for worship.
And on Thursday mornings, pilates.
It is not for stashing things.
Yeah, that's why it's a good hiding place.
It's safe, nobody goes.
OK, rude and factually wrong.
Dom, who are those people?
Run! What do you mean? Run!
Oh, my gosh.
Keep running!
INDISTINCT
HE WHIMPERS
He was shooting a gun at us, he was shooting! Let's get out of here.
Any frightening government out there? No, I think we're safe.
But if they did shoot at us in the church, the bullets
would just change course mid-air because,
you know, we're in a church and no weapons formed...
OK, we don't have time for this.
Sorry, sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.
So what's this information you want to share with me?
OK, we know this goes all the way up to government level.
Was that it?
Well, um...
Well, the Brightmarsh Gang are being allowed to deal drugs
on the estate.
And that's what Clinton Blair was investigating.
And... And... And Superintendent Edwards is involved.
And her contact is a woman in an old people's home
named Celia Herrington.
Oh, you recognise that name? I saw that.
You saw that! There was a tell.
OK, this all sounds highly intriguing, as ever.
But like I said last time,
me and Clinton, we just went on a few dates.
Come on, we know you know.
You know we know you know.
Just give us a fricking bone here! Sh! Sorry.
Celia Herrington.
She ran the Central Asia desk at MI6, OK?
She retired about 15 years ago,
although she's clearly still meddling.
So MI6 are allowing drug dealing on Brightmarsh - why?
Wait, are you MI6? She's MI6.
You need to put this down right now.
OK, we will if you just get us out of this.
You really don't get it at all, do you?
Kirsty, please.
We're desperate.
Look, we are up turd creek and paddles are a distant memory.
And I am trying to help you here.
Clinton Blair, he was just about the best police officer
I have ever met. And he lost his life to this.
They killed him and made up that corruption shit.
Exactly.
Who? MI6?
The police?
The Tories? The water company?
I'm really sorry you guys got dragged into this.
I am.
But however bad things seem now, they could get a hell
of a lot worse. Trust me.
These guys, you can't beat them.
We gave it a really good go and...
I'm sorry.
So what now?
Now we've got nine hours to sell a shit ton of heroin.
Always a pleasure doing business with you, Dennis.
OK, let's get this man high. Oh, there's another 20 there.
You can get another bag for that. No, I need that for the shower.
You know what? You're going to stay at my dad's garage tonight.
It's much more spacious, and you can play with his domino set,
so everyone wins. Come on. OK, get the money. Thank you. Goodbye.
How much?
Not nearly enough.
Oh, Shaky Jake.
Yes! Jake, my man.
I know you're up for some... Jake? Shit. Jake?
Call an ambulance, call an ambulance.
Jake? Jake?
DIAL TONE
Ambulance, please.
Yeah. Hello? Um...
There's a guy that's just collapsed. We're on the Brightmarsh Estate,
on the Gladstone House end.
Is he breathing? Yeah.
Yes, he is.
I think it might have been something he took, though.
Right. OK, that's brilliant.
They're coming. They've got one right around the corner.
All right. OK. You hold on in there.
Everything's going to be OK.
PHONE VIBRATES
Yep. Dominique. Who's this?
My name is Celia Herrington.
SIRENS
No idea who you are. You sure you got the right number?
I'm calling to apologise for the rather heavy-handed approach
of my colleague earlier.
You mean the guy who tried to shoot us?
I'm calling because I believe we may be able to help one another.
Go on. I think, by now, you must know that we're rather interested
in a dossier you have. I might know what you mean.
I'm aware of your situation.
And in exchange for the dossier, I can arrange for you to be relieved
of your obligations to the Brightmarsh Gang. For good?
Immediately?
As soon as we have the dossier.
That's all we need. You'll be free.
Where do we meet you? Tomorrow, 4pm,
at the Hainsworth Club on Burlington Road. But wait...
They're going to take him in for observation.
I guess we go back to selling...
No, we don't. What are you talking about?
I just got a phone call.
OK.
Hi.
Are you dropping off a parcel?
No, I'm here to see a lady.
Celia Herrington.
Oh, sorry.
It's just you look a bit like one of our delivery drivers who...
No, sorry. I didn't mean that.
I mean, you don't look like them.
You just have... Just stop. Yeah.
Ms Herrington is in the Chamberlain room.
First floor, second on your right.
Dominique.
I'm Celia. This is my associate, Marcus.
This is nice.
All the clubs I know open up at midnight
and smell of Sambuca and farts.
So big improvements.
Will your friend, Kayode, be joining us?
Hope so, cos he's got the dossier.
So, you know, be awkward if he doesn't come, right?
If you don't mind.
And turn round. Lovely.
Oh, normally expect dinner first, but what the heck?
It's been about six months.
Just be gentle.
All right, well, we'll keep hold of this. No, what the fuck?
I've got six months in that contract there.
You can have it back at the end. Oh, right, OK.
Would you like a refreshment? What? A drink.
Ooh.
Could I have some chips?
Food? Oh, yes. Cool.
Chips, not fries, yeah?
Just bare ketchup.
Slather that shit all over it.
Thank you. Hi. Can't do black people time for a white people meeting.
Well, it was just one of those things. I'm really sorry I'm late.
I was on the Northern line, but there was delays.
And then I got the purple one, but it went westbound
instead of eastbound. It was a whole thing.
OK, this dude's gonna take your phone and feel you up. Hurry up.
Is that Henry VIII? Winston Churchill.
Divorced, married, died, divorced, married, survived.
Beheaded! And sit down! Sorry.
Why does she get chips?
I want chips! Can I get chips? Can I have a chip? No.
I really want chips.
I want chips! OK.
What is that? I asked for ketchup, and that's
just some brown shit.
Kitchen makes its own.
Invest in a bottle of Heinz, man.
I mean, this is a nice establishment.
You don't want to do this cheap, you see what I'm saying?
Can I give you my gum? No? Inappropriate?
That's fine. I'll just keep it here.
Shall we get to the matter in hand? The dossier.
Yes, Kay, the dossier, go. I haven't got it. What? What?
It's in a secret location. Whose whereabouts
I will reveal under one condition. It's in the back room of the
Renewed Sanctified International Church in Hackney.
No, no, it's not, though. It's not because I moved it.
Kay, what are you doing?
I will reveal the location of the dossier when our hosts tell us
exactly what's going on.
OK, so what exactly are we cooperating with
if we give you this dossier? I'm afraid we can't tell you that.
That wasn't part of the deal. Yes, Kay, that wasn't part of the deal.
And I can promise you, it's in your best interests not to know.
She can promise us, it's not in our best interests to know.
Well, no deal, then.
OK. Just - out. No, no.
I am a man of deep spiritual convictions, and I need to know
that, whatever I'm participating with,
I can square it with the big man.
I assure you, you'll be acting in the national interest.
You're embarrassing me. No. Sh!
Look, I don't...
I don't know what you guys are up to, OK? I don't know.
I wish I did, but I don't, OK?
But I think you're allowing drugs
to be dealt on the Brightmarsh Estate,
and I don't see how that's in anyone's interest, OK?
Drugs are bad.
You're right, Kay.
On both counts. We are allowing it,
and drugs are bad.
But the thing is, you see, in our line of business, you sort
of have to see the bigger picture.
Have you heard of the Taliban, Kay?
Yes. Mm.
Bad guys. Terrorise women, chop off people's heads.
Not particularly forgiving towards Christians.
Yeah, that's true.
Now, there is some good news.
The good news is that there are people in Afghanistan
who are trying to fight back. Great. Except...
..these aren't the sort of people you want to be seen giving money to.
For example, they are at the top of the heroin pyramid
when it comes to production worldwide.
So we need to think creatively.
Instead of giving them money,
we allow them to sell
their product in carefully-selected areas in a controlled manner.
Brightmarsh Estate. There we go.
Regrettably, there are always casualties in war.
Well, I'm sold. No, I'm not sure.
Kay. Excuse me.
Me and my colleague are just going to discuss the aforementioned
concerns and get back to you about all that, tout suite,
with the dossier.
Fuck. Two minutes.
Can I get some chips to take away? Shut up!
As soon as we find the location of the dossier,
insist on giving them a lift home.
Dispatch them however you see fit.
You can tell it's from a bag. Ugh.
All right. We've got about 30 seconds
before they realise we ain't coming back.
There's the mic. Did you get it? Every word.
Nice. OK.
Hey!
Go. Go, go, go, go, go.
Go, go, go! Go, go!
Fuck. Driver!
I'm going looking for Dom and Kay. They told me to meet them here.
Are you here to meet friends or here to worship?
I'm going to go with worship.
And you need a Bible. I forgot mine.
I'm sure. All right.
We're here to praise the Lord.
Speed up!
Come on, speed it up! Let's speed it up, let's speed it up!
Do you see them?
Turn in there!
Fuck!
Oh. Stop and search, guys.
You've been selected entirely at random.
Yes, absolutely, sir. Fuck off.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Don't run!
Just get in the back.
Oh, hey.
What's your name?
TJ, right?
King size chocolate bar of your choice
if you want our bikes for us, yeah? King size, yeah?
Yeah, king size! Bye, TJ! Bye, TJ!
Let us praise the Lord today so that the living God
will inhabit our praises.
Is that not so?
I can't believe we got away with that.
You get in the car.
Oh, right. Because I know we owe you money for yesterday.
We'll talk about that later.
What was you doing at the police station yesterday?
We found a wallet. You know, I wanted to keep it,
but this guy, he wanted to hand it in. Yeah. Get in the car.
What, in the boot?
Yes, the boot. Get in!
I'm a very big guy. This is a very tight space.
Yeah, and I don't want to.
Can you shut the fuck up and get in the car? Get in.
I don't like... I'm a very big...
I cannot do it.
I can't do it. Don't do this to me!
Police! Stay where you are! Stay where you are or I'll Taser you!
Stay where you are!
KNOCKING
Hello?
OK. Did you just break wind? I'm so sorry. I know.
I just said I shouldn't have had that... What the fuck?
Hold your breath.
Hang on. Wait, wait.
Oh!
There we are.
Renewed Sanctified International Church.
Musical statues, musical statues. Has he gone? Yeah.
Please open, please. Oh, freedom.
OK. OK.
Legs!
Oh, God.
You're taking me with you! You're taking me with you!
THEY YELP
Oh, my arse. Ow! Everything hurts.
OK, come on, come on.
Round the back! Round the back?
SINGING
Is it all there? It's all in there. Are you sure?
It's all in there, Dom. I'm going to text Kirsty
and tell her to meet us here.
Don't bother.
Now hand it over or I shoot.
Please, please don't think I don't know how to use it.
Because I do. I've done the course.
You can't shoot us at a church.
Really?
I'm a humanistic atheist. So that is no deterrent.
No. I mean, the thing about church is you can always get a witness.
Answer me! I have a soul that needs to be saved.
Praise the Lord.
Brothers and sisters.
Today is a wonderful day.
There is singing in Heaven today.
Brothers and sisters.
Because... What? Marcus.
Marcus has accepted the Lord Jesus into his life
and his heart! Glory!
Glory be to God!
♪ Glory be to God in the highest
♪ Hallelujah
♪ Glory be to God in the highest
♪ Hallelujah
♪ Hallelujah... ♪
And they really admit the whole thing? Yeah.
How did you do it?
Occasionally it pays to be underestimated.
Well, congratulations.
Clinton would have been proud of you both.
Stay right...
Looking for this?
You got his...
He's got your gun!
That's right. And it's going in the weapons amnesty box.
Fuck that! Fucking hell.
Piss off, you posh bitch.
It's all right. And I don't normally swear in front of a church,
but you've got me that mad. OK. OK.
Go. Stop. Dom, be careful, please.
Get in your nice car and leave now.
I'll shoot you sideways.
Put it down. Goodness.
We did it!
Oh, that's really nice of you.
Thank you for coming. I've been so worried.
No problem at all, Mr Singh.
Now, when did you first realise he was missing?
When he didn't come home for his dinner last night.
That's not like him.
He's a good boy.
You will find him, won't you?
Mrs Singh, I promise you, we will do everything we can.
Yeah. Thank you.
And is he microchipped? Yes.
And my phone number is on his little collar.
Leave it with us. Bye, Mrs Singh.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
It's good to be back in the old routine, isn't it?
Everything back to normal.
Good morning, Officer.
Good morning, Auntie.
Hey, Kay! Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Football!
Keep away from the windows, lads. Regular hours.
Get some air whenever we want.
Look, I know it's not adrenaline-soaked,
but I think we've had enough excitement
for a lifetime, don't you?
Yeah, I guess so.
I think I might have a job for you two.
Hop in. I'll tell you more on the way.
We do still need to find that lady's cat, though. Kay, shut up.
People's fur babies mean a lot to them.
Kay, this is a cool moment, and you're pissing on it.
Well, I'm sorry if it's not cool to have a sense of responsibility.
We can do it on Saturdays. You can do it on Saturdays, Kay.
I've got a life, and allergies. Disappointing.
Kirsty, do you definitely need both of us?
Because it was me who came up with the whole sting idea.
Excuse me. Kirsty. Kirsty, can you shut him up?
Stop talking.