[Asian music playing]
[blowing out candles]
[clapping]
Mom, dad, I can feel your anxiety.
This just speeds things up for me, okay?
I can't just be a genius...
at the Apple store forever.
Edmund already has his second investment property.
All my mates are doing really well.
Yeah?
You've seen the ads. "Are you in the army?"
I get a certificate of...
career engineer... something really impressive.
- It's a big step up. - Hmm.
Look, I'm not going to see any action.
It's not going to be dangerous.
If you are going to do this,
there is something you must know.
Something I'm not sure you...
if you have ever realised.
I'm not your real mother.
What?
We adopted you, Philip.
Okay, ha! Okay!
A birthday prank?
Ha! That is classic Dad.
[chortles]
Did Bo, Chan and Edmund put you up to this?
What, are they here?
- No... - Hello? [chuckling]
No, it's true, Philip.
This is not a birthday prank.
It is not "classic."
Your father and I couldn't get pregnant,
so we investigated alternatives.
We just always assumed you knew.
Knew? Knew what?
- I know it's difficult, Philip. - No, no, no, this can't be happening.
I am your son!
You have always been our son, Philip,
and always will be.
But, no. But you're... But you're saying that I'm not!
Mother, father, son.
These are just labels.
You don't need a label to know who you are.
Lab... Labels?
Look, yes, I'm tall,
and you're both not as... tall.
And you both have darker hair.
And mine's a little more strawberry blonde.
But we have the same features.
Don't we?
I just, I guess I... I figured I was more of a throwback...
you know, like a recessive gene.
Lots of people express quite differently.
Philip...
You are not Asian.
[gong crashes]
Who says?
Maybe I am your son.
Maybe I am Asian.
Uh-huh.
Do you know who these other parents are?
["Sun of California" playing]
[reporter] Hopes fade tonight
for the delicate peace process in Behati-Prinsloo.
French satellites are detecting massive explosions in the region,
and it's believed intense fighting has broken out all over the island.
Both the western-backed Royal family and the Separatist rebels
are saying fighting is reserved to small areas of the island,
and both are adamant they have not betrayed the peace accord.
But with heavy artillery fire reported on the ground,
it's hard to know whether the bombs themselves
or the misinformation spread by both sides
is the greater threat to peace.
- [Breathes heavily] - [explosions, gunfire]
- [shouts] Is he breathing? - [Dylan] I can't tell!
Mamalo, who's firing at us? Your government?
Too much firepower for the Behati government.
- [cocks gun] - They're Buddhist.
[gunshots]
- Well, so is Phil. - I'm not Buddhist!
- Thought you were. - Yeah.
Oh, look, I borrow from Tibetan Buddhism, sure,
- but to say I'm Buddhist? - [shouting]
No, no. The philosophical concepts that I'm grappling with,
are from a much broader palette.
That sounds pretty Buddhist to me, Phil.
Suck my ass, Rowdy.
Oh, don't let Buddha hear you say that.
I'm not Buddhist, I said.
[bomb explodes]
My mind is open to many different possibilities.
Was it open to the idea that you might be Buddhist?
[bombs exploding]
I think it is the island pirates.
[incredulously] What, "pirates"? Are you serious?
They're all over the island.
Whoever they are, they're packing serious heat.
- [explosion] - [Rowdy] Whoa!
[gun shots]
This is your military.
They've come to get you.
[Shammi] We're finished.
Mamalo, help us.
They're going to kill me and Mamalo.
I won't let that happen.
This isn't a "White Saviour" Australian story, Philip.
Huh? There's no happy ending.
You're right, Shammi.
This isn't a white Australian story.
It's an Asian-Australian story.
It's our story.
Don't shoot.
Don't shoot. Don't shoot.
I'm Australian.
[gasping] Now, I don't know what you've been told,
or what you think you know about these beautiful people,
but put yourselves in their position.
[epic music] Is it not a noble aspiration
to take up arms in the face of tyranny
and rise... [grunts]
[shrieks]
[rousing music]
- [screaming in agony] - [explosions]
Down. Down, down, down.
Ow, ow, ow! My balls!
Oh, shit. I think my dick's gone.
You check his dick. I'll get the medical kit.
I'll check his dick, you get the medical kit?
I'm closer.
- All hell's breaking loose! - How many of them are there?
I think it's The Dingo.
There's no such thing as The Dingo.
Didn't you see Danger Close? He died in Vietnam!
That was a movie! There never was a Dingo.
No, no, there is a Dingo.
I saw this Reddit thread, and it was like a Doctor Who, James Bond thing.
He always comes back.
Just because you read it on the Internet
doesn't mean it's true, you fucking idiot.
- [explosions] - [Phil] Fuck!
- Rowdy, did you find my dick? - What happened to your dick?
[sobbing] It's gone rogue!
Maybe it's a classic Phil Choi?
Oh, let me guess. You read that on Reddit too, huh?
- [bomb explodes] - No, I lived it.
My dick has caused me nothing but trouble my whole life.
Oh, boo-hoo.
You'll excuse me if I don't shed a tear for the guy with the big dick.
A big dickus comes with a wide range of problems
you know nothing about, Rowdy?
- [bomb explodes] - [smooches]
[Phil] Tell me, tell me. Is there a stump or is it just a clean...
Rowdy, check his dick.
- [Phil sobs] - Do it.
Fine! Fine! Okay, fine.
- [Rowdy] I'll check his fucking dick. - [Dylan] Look at me.
Right, Albhanis, chuck us that towel.
[whimpers]
I said a fucking towel you...
[scoffs] Oh, whatever.
[wailing]
Hey, there he is, brother.
Your dick's fine, mate.
- [chuckles excitedly] - Oh, your balls are too!
[laughing]
- But your gooch is fucked. - Gooch?
Yeah, there's a bullet straight up your gooch.
Get it out!
What? No way!
It's right next to your asshole.
Get it out.
- Oh, for fuck's sake! - Rowdy, please! Please!
Use the finger without the nail.
What? [explosion]
Have I not been through enough, man?
Oh, fucking fine.
[squelches]
[yelping]
Okay. Gentle, gentle.
I can't reach it. I can't reach it.
Go deeper. Go deeper.
- [screaming] - [squelching]
- Oh, it is. There it is. - There it is.
Here it is! Here it is!
- There it is. - There it is.
I've almost got it.
- [explosion] - [men screaming]
- Why don't you get it? - It's too far up there.
- [panting] - You're gonna have to suck it out, bro.
- I'm not sucking it out. - Yeah, suck it out.
No, I just had two fingers up his ass.
Two? You fucking animal!
- Suck it out, bro. - I'm not sucking it out.
Rowdy. Rowdy.
Your scene partner needs you.
I believe in you, man.
Brother...
I need this.
[breathes heavily] Okay.
Fuck!
Rowdy?
Rowdy? Rowdy!
[fabric rips]
[Phil exclaims]
[breathing heavily]
- [groaning] - [sucking noises]
[exclaims]
It's... Ah!
[Phil] Ah! Ah! Oh God!
Shammi!
What's wrong? Are you okay?
Shammi, what did you see out there?
[popping sound]
- [vomiting] - [roaring]
[military music plays]
And then she said,
"You're the only one I've ever done that with."
And you know what?
I think she meant it.
Actually, you don't have to write that bit down,
the bit about me thinking she meant it.
People would just take that as a given.
What chapter does that take us up to?
Uh, still chapter one, sir.
Mm. Fantastic.
I thought this Dingo was supposed to be quiet.
You ever try one of these? Zero resistance. Fantastic.
- You can jump on after me if you like. - No, no! I'm fine.
- Thank you. - Another walker.
The nerds at the NSA are blowing up my phone line,
telling me that their heat map in Behati is on fire.
A momentary blip.
Trust me, it's all taken care of.
- [Morricone] You sure about that? - I promise.
You won't be hearing any more about Behati-Prinsloo.
Now let me tell you about that time in Buenos Aires.
[tense music]
[gunshot]
[men screaming and grunting]
[gunshot]
[bird caws]
[gunshot]
[intense music plays]
- [punch swoosh] - [gasping]
[Mamalo] I think he's gone.
There you go. That's gonna hold, big fella.
Just take it easy for a few days, eh?
- [Phil groans] - No horse riding.
Who teach you how to sew so good people's ass?
All Saints.
Yeah, the table read.
Oh, you weren't... I was playing a background nurse.
And so I, um, shadowed my cousin's auntie for about six weeks
at Royal St. John's.
[loud thud]
[ominous music]
[footsteps]
I reckon it's that American?
That Steven Seagal motherfucker.
No, it's The Dingo.
I can feel it in my gut.
You don't have a gut, Albhanis.
You have eight pecs.
Thank you, Rowdy.
- [men continue speaking] - Georgie Parker said to me,
- "Young man, you have got it." - Shut up, Albhanis.
[Skype ringtone plays]
Don't silence me, okay?
- This is the problem with society, Rowdy. - And... Ah!
[Albhanis] We've forgotten how to gracefully play with ideas.
[Rowdy whispering] Shut up.
That's Josie.
Shit...
Prime time.
[Skype ringtone continues] We are answering that call.
[gun cocks]
Fuck yeah, you are.
[dramatic music plays]
[distant howling]
[explosions, gunfire]
- [gunshot] - Allez! Allez!
[Phil groans]
[explosion]
- [Phil groans] - It's alright, Phil.
- [Skype ringtone plays] - Answer it.
Answer the fucking thing. Come on.
- Hello? - Yes! Josie!
Josie, yes! We're here. Can you hear us?
Yeah, I can... I can hear you. What is going on? Are you okay?
Josie, we are under attack. Bustard has been shot.
We are in deep shit.
Okay, I'm going to start recording.
- Josie, are we going to go live? - Yes, we're live.
Come on. Tell me who is firing at you?
I think it's The Dingo.
- [glass shattering] - [exclaiming]
What? Hello, boys?
Josie, listen, I need you to do something for me.
I need you to look up my daughter's GoFundMe page.
I need you to share that page, okay?
Maybe... Maybe you could run a link for it
down the bottom of the page like a...
- On the chyron. The chyron. - On the chyron!
- Look! I told you clowns. - [shrieks]
What? What are... Sorry, guys.
Say it loud. What are you seeing?
- It's The Dingo. - It's The Dingo.
- Josie, it's The Dingo. - What?
- He's an Australian mercenary, Josie. - He's like the Terminator.
The Terminator?
Yes, the Terminator.
Or like a, a... Keyser Söze.
Keyser Söze... with the flames in the hair.
Yeah, The Flashback. Like in The Flashback.
He shot Phil in the dick.
I like the sound of this Dingo.
[chuckling]
[sighs] Mum.
[door shuts]
[keys rattling]
[intense music plays]
- [in a distorted voice] How did it go? - Oh, my God!
Fuck you, Jem. I'm taking the bus home.
What's up your ass?
Is my life some hilarious game to you?
After all the "Fuck you, Ranger Mindy" shit that I've had to take.
And now you want me to get involved in this garbage?
What garbage?
The Dingo? Really?
- The Australian Terminator? - [sighs]
Journalists are ruining their entire careers
with this conspiracy theory shit, Jem.
I'm not Alan Jones. I don't want some job at Fox News.
If I tell you this...
No, no, no. I can't.
- I can't with these games anymore. - It's not a game.
Those four boys are going to die if you don't shine a light on this.
You pinky swear to me that this is 100% legit.
Okay, but I can't be the lone voice on this.
Trust me.
You won't be.
[in a distorted voice] In 1945, ASIO began a recruiting programme
called the Oren Protocol,
with the goal of creating an Australian super soldier.
- [explosion] - [groaning]
Sick barrel roll, Mama.
I have a plot.
Safe accommodation,
touch me, come next to me.
Wait, wait, wait! Mamalo.
Can you, um... Can you take your phone out and record us quickly,
please, just, uh... Just in case we don't make it.
[breathes heavily]
My name is Rowdy Gaines
and this is a message for my little girl, Indi.
Daddy's trying to come home soon,
but if he can't,
I just want you to know that I will always...
always be watching over you,
even when you're a little old lady,
even older than Daddy.
[whimpers]
You are the strongest and bravest person I have ever met,
and I am so proud of you.
I love you, bubba.
Okay.
[Albhanis] Yeah.
Speaking of the strongest and the bravest,
I just, I want to do a little shout out
to all the #hotsoldier fans out there. I see you, huh...
and I love you,
and, ah... let's keep this movement growing.
I hope someday you can forgive me, Blinky.
I'm sorry, Blinky.
[Mamalo] Phil Choi?
I am but a grain of sand.
Whatever happens... [winces]
happens.
I think Phil Choi has a bit of the "PSTD".
He got shot and Rowdy had to suck a bullet out of his ass.
- For fuck's sake, it wasn't his ass. - [Mamalo laughs]
It was a... Cut that last bit. Shut up, Mamalo!
Give me that. Cut that last bit.
Quickly, quickly. Upload it. Upload it. Please.
Use the AirDrop.
AirDrop it. Yes, do that.
[Phil grunts]
[Phil] It's gonna take 14 minutes.
What, no.
There's no data left on the dongle.
We watched too much Fenton.
- Ah! - Damn it!
What... What happens to the video if it cuts out?
I'll stay.
I'll wait for it to upload.
Thank you, brother.
- Thank you. - Easy.
Just don't forget to cut that last bit out about the ass-sucking.
You go, guys. [uplifting music plays]
I'll only slow you down.
My gooch... just shot to shit.
It can't take any more punishment.
[whimpers]
You said it yourself, Cap.
It needs a good couple of days' rest.
I can't go running through a gauntlet of bullets.
[exclaims].
Let me do this.
I'll meet you at the failhouse, safe.
Just, let me...
[sombre music]
[explosion]
[gunfire]
[gun shots]
[tense music plays]
- [machine gun fire] - [soldier screams]
[explosion]
[sinister music plays]
[sniffing the air]
This is your fail house, safe house, Mamalo?
We people always come here when there's an emergency.
That's shitting etiquette.
- We are being shot at! - Yeah, by bullets.
[gunshots]
We're not safe in here! This is a tin shed.
Not here.
But in there.
[flies buzz]
Nah, fuck this.
I've squashed dicks into my face,
I've watched a bloke shit into a bucket,
I've sucked a bullet out of my mate's asshole.
- It wasn't his asshole. - You know what?
Tell my daughter I love her, and that I tried my best,
because there is no fucking way on God's green Earth
that I am jumping into that gigantic pile of sh...
[vomiting, retching]
- Shit! - Sorry.
[tense music]
- [gunshot] - [soldier yelps]
[sniffing the air]
[sinister music]
Shhh!
[zipper]
[Dingo urinating]
[farts]
Rowdy. Rowdy.
Sorry about the vomit.
I get nervous.
It's fine.
[tense music]
[yells] Dingo!
[suspenseful music]
[soft rousing music]
[eagle cawing]
Oh, what's the matter?
You don't want to hit a girl?
- [slap] - [groans]
[Shammi groans]
Shammi.
[yells] Dingo!
[rousing music]
[breathes deeply]
[soft rousing music]
We're on the same side.
What the hell are you doing?
I'm The Dingo.
And this is what dingoes do.
[suspenseful music]
[squelching]
I know what it's like.
What what's like?
What it's like to be you?
What's that like to be me?
Well, only you can know that.
- Yeah, well, you just said... - I know what I said.
Words, they're just words.
They mean nothing.
The meaning of words depends entirely on what the words mean to you.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Who are you?
Phil, listen to me.
This fight is not about you versus him.
He will fight himself and he will lose.
Look at your brothers.
You are part of a team, Philip.
A family.
That's what makes you a lethal weapon.
Like Mel Gibson?
Early Mel Gibson.
[referee] And fight.
[intense musical build-up]
Get him a body bag. Yeah.
- [swoosh kick] - [kid groans]
- [thud] - [shouts in Japanese]
[kids cheering]
You're alright, Phil Choi!
You're alright, Phil Choi.
What was the point of that story?
Point is...
[groans softly]
You and I have more in common than you realise.
I never won a karate tournament.
Oh, no. Not that bit.
Neither of us know who we truly are.
I'm The Dingo.
Yeah, but did your parents name you that? No.
Yeah, they did.
All my brothers, too.
Righto. Well, still just a label someone else gave you.
Look, for a long time, I really...
really wanted to be...
one thing.
And I've had to come to terms with the fact
that I'm not just that one thing.
And you...
- You're more than just a... - [squelching]
"contract killer."
Yeah?
[squelching]
We're not defined by one label, are we?
And if you're not just "The Dingo,"
[squelching]
you don't have to do what dingoes do.
But what would I do?
- [gentle music] - [chuckles softly]
It could just be you.
[sighs softly]
In our true insignificance,
that's where we find our true significance.
[birds chirping]
I used to be a dancer.
Yeah!
That's...
Alright.
Tap...
That was my thing.
That's a pretty tough thing to get into as an old bloke, just professionally.
Mrs. Hempenstall said if I worked hard and found rhythm,
I would make a bloody great dancer.
Let's trust Mrs. Hempenstall.
Let's trust her.
Let's drop the labels...
- Drop them. - And the grenades.
And let's... [squelching]
just dance.
[clapping a beat]
[Celtic music plays]
There he is.
That's Mrs. Hempenstall's pride!
[Celtic music intensifies]
[clicks to the beat]
She's so proud.
Drop the labels.
We're not one thing.
[grenade pin clinks]
[All] Shit!
[laughing]
[music stops]
Shit.
- Shammi! - [explosion]
[announcer] ...racing. Two hundred metres from...
[crowd cheering]
Come on you bastard. Come on. One of eight. One of eight.
Yeah!
Congratulations, sir. You won the quinella.
Fucking oath! First and second.
[chuckles delightedly]
The Dingo's trace has expired.
- Means that the target is cancelled. - That means he's done?
It means we won't be hearing any more of Behati-Prinsloo.
How far do you think this track is?
[chuckles] You're thinking of racing the dogs, sir?
Think I can't beat them?
I think they might be a little too fast for you, sir.
Maybe for you.
You know the moon's only four kilometres from the Earth as far as the crow flies.
I think it's a little further than that, sir.
You sure nobody's gonna care about this?
Oh, I'm very, very sure.
You got a spare hundred on you, mate?
I... Uh... No.
[Chris Cuomo] Through years of repetitive exercises and meticulous technique...
[Mara] Sean, are you sure you want to do this?
- [Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" plays] - I have to do this, Mara.
It's not a choice.
[Mara] But I thought you liked Chris Cuomo.
I don't like Chris Cuomo.
I love Chris Cuomo. [grunts]
[Mara] You really want to drag him into all of this?
Why don't I just book you on the Aussie one, it'll be redemptive.
What do you mean, "drag him into this"?
"Bad for him"?
Just get me on his show.
[Mara] I'll book you on the Aussie one.
You will have only one opportunity to complete this mission, actress boy.
[Chris] Once fragile and susceptible to injury,
transform into sinewy cords of steel.
- As the muscle surrounding... - This good?
- [Chris] the ankle grows stronger... - [commander] And this?
[Chris] so too does their ability...
- This better? - [Chris] to withstand the immense
physical demands placed upon them.
It is said that a ballerina's ankle strength can be so remarkable
that she could break the surface of the ocean from 15,000 feet.
[whack]
[Chris] Years of discipline, countless hours of training...
Now you listen.
[Chris] unwavering belief in the power of the body.
Ballet teaches us that anything is possible
if you dedicate yourself wholeheartedly.
It is a constant reminder that strength,
both physical and mental,
knows no bounds.
Want to take a sauna?
[panting]
[Tchaikovsky's "Swan Lake" crescendos]
[pants and groans]
[panting]
[heavy breathing]
[jungle sounds]
[Phil panting]
I opened up to you
and you just kick me like a dog.
- No, no, no, no! - I'm The fucking Dingo.
Let me... Let me... No! No!
[gunshot]
[thud]
Mamalo!
Get me my new black coat...
and my hat.
["Hot Chilli Woman" by Noiseworks plays]
♪ Wow ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ Hot Chilli Woman Makes me weak at the knees ♪
♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah ♪
♪ She makes me sweat Like it's a hundred degrees ♪
♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah ♪
♪ Hot Chilli Woman you got what it takes ♪
♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah ♪
♪ I'm so hungry I want you on a plate ♪
♪ Yeah-yeah, yeah-yeah ♪
♪ I pick you up, we go cook in the night ♪
♪ I lay you down And put cream on your pie ♪
♪ Your mamma won't like it ♪
♪ Daddy won't like it ♪
♪ Hot Chilli Woman keep it hot for me ♪
♪ Hot Chilli Woman ♪
[music fades]