- ASTRID: The body is a miracle.
You work it, it gets stronger.
You hurt it, it repairs itself.
I launched two babies from this body and I'm still truckin'.
Unfortunately, kids bodies are miracles too.
Viv, there's no Jell-O in that box.
It's literally just powder. Viv!
Viv. Get back here.
Stronger, tireless miracles.
Sure, I still get bursts of activity.
But I wouldn't exactly call it exercise.
- I'm hungry. - I know!
[exclaims]
- What? - I hurt my neck.
By turning my head.
- Oh.
Can I have some grapes?
- ASTRID: My body used to be a temple.
Now it's a jungle gym.
- Thanks for stopping by.
- Yeah, no, I mean,
you sent me a text with a knife emoji saying I had to.
- And you did. Because you're reliable.
And that's the kind of guy that I want by my side
when the corporate bloodbath begins
and a new bigwig rises amid the chaos.
Me. Obviously.
- Right. I don't love visualizing
like a bath full of blood, it's jus--
- You get a stronger tummy, James.
Gero's Grocery is opening four new franchises.
That means opportunity's afoot and you are my top guy.
- Oh! Okay.
- Which brings me to why you're here.
How you're dressed.
- Oh.
- You're dressed like a dad. - Oh.
- I'm sorry, Marla. I just had one clean shirt left today
and my son was making this thing where he mixes butter
with hot chocolate powder for like a gross bagel spread.
- I don't need the podcast on your life, James.
Next week, there is a groundbreaking
for the newest franchise.
You and your wife are gonna be there to meet Mr. Gero.
- I mean, I'll have to check to see if she can make that, but--
- Sure. Doesn't have to be the real wife, but sure.
- I'm gonna try for my real wife.
- I need him to love you, James.
I need him to see that youngish go-getter that I've described.
- Okay.
I might have to bring my daughter.
- God, no. Kids are career killers.
I want him to think that your only focus is this company.
So, no kids, and wear something not so... [blows raspberry]
- [cellphone buzzes]
- Okay. Yeah, no, no. I got it. So... [clears throat]
♪
- DAWN: Astrid?
Does this shirt look backwards?
- Maybe. Where's the tag?
- There isn't one.
- That's stupid. Why'd you buy such a stupid shirt?
- Bo made it for me.
- [chuckles] And that's how it's supposed to look?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that still looks backwards.
- I can't go in like this.
Do you have just a plain silk blouse I could borrow?
- [exclaims] Um, I have a hooded fleece you can borrow.
- I'm not gonna choose a worse problem.
- [sighs and groans]
- Why are you moving like that?
- I hurt my neck because I'm out of shape.
Didn't realize I was supposed to consult a physician
before turning my head!
- You should book a session with Pascale.
He's the fitness trainer I offer in all my severance packages.
- Right. Just because you're letting them go
doesn't mean they need to let themselves go.
- Better they work their frustrations out in a gym
than turn a gun on me or my family.
- Hey, Vivian. - Hi.
- DAWN: Cute bra.
- You know what? I don't need a trainer. [laughs]
I'm naturally athletic.
I was captain of the fields hockey team.
- Because you were a bully. You were all bullies.
- No, I wasn't!
I was a beast who could chase people down and hurt them
in ways that seem like an accident, within the rules.
- I'm complicit. I cheered at every game.
- Cheered? You screamed like a witch on fire.
- I hate losing.
I'm sending you Pascale's number just in case.
You know what? Screw it. I'll just own it.
I'll make a joke like,
"Hey guys. Didn't you get the memo?
It's bizarre shirt day." [laughs]
- Hilarious. Then you just fire everybody.
- HR doesn't just fire people.
I also resolve conflicts,
enact programs to support and further develop talent.
- Yeah, I do the same thing here but also laundry and story-time.
- You are amazing.
Look at me. Still cheering for you.
But I should go. Today I am firing someone.
Toodles!
♪
- Where's the duffel bag full of bootleg DVDs
that goes with that outfit?
- Why's everyone so offended by my hoodie?
- This is supposed to be a professional environment
- Really?
- What did Marla want? To show you pictures of her scorpion?
- No. I'm supposed to meet Mr. Gero.
She wants me to stop dressing like a dad.
- [chuckles] Geez. Put the knife down, Marla.
- I am a dad.
- Yeah, but to say that
you dress like one, that's... [groans]
- There are billions of dads. We don't all dress the same.
- Yeah. There's billions of fathers. You are a dad.
With a dad haircut.
And a dad outfit with dad pockets.
How much stuff you got in your pockets right now?
- It's regul... It's pockets! I don't know. Keys, wallet.
Regular pocket stuff. Look, lip balm.
Phone, doll's head.
Pockets are for carrying. What's the problem?
- There's no problem.
Dads dress like you.
Cool people dress like me.
And Jeff Goldblum.
- When I meet Mr. Gero,
I will be dressed nice and have empty pockets. Okay?
I can put together a few nice pieces.
- Pieces? Like what? Cummerbund and a Tilley hat?
- Yeah? Where do you go to buy clothes that's so great?
And can you take me there and help me choose them, please?
- [drum beating]
- Okay. You can watch two episodes of Scoop McDooby
but that's it, okay?
Mommy's gonna workout.
- I'm covered in snakes!
- Fun. But I need those.
- No.
- Viv. Those are my resistance bands.
You can use them after me. - You could use them after me.
- Fine.
Oh, my God! A dead mouse!
- Oh, my God! Snakes!
- Do I look like a dad to you? - No.
You look like husband to me
because I don't have those issues.
- I love how well-adjusted you are.
Hello. - Hi.
Um, Felix starts baseball this weekend
and we still haven't paid.
- It's also three-mortgage- payment month.
- Yeah. And I also wanna hire Dawn's trainer so I can get
strong enough to caber toss Viv into the neighbor's yard.
- God, I also need work clothes.
Let me consult the budget.
ASTRID: Money. We used to spend it all on ourselves. So nice.
But kids are crazy expensive.
- JAMES: We try to follow a budget
but our selfish kids wanna eat,
take lessons and have clothes.
ASTRID: There are surprises.
Like a raccoon family moves into your roof,
or your car needs new everything. So you have to make
sacrifices, be creative and frugal.
Or, another great option, go into debt.
- Okay. I think I got it. We're gonna have to cut cable.
- I cut cable months ago.
- Did not notice that. So, good call.
How much does it cost to get swole?
- Only a couple of sessions. So 150 tops.
- Okay. Does Viv need to eat lunch everyday?
- Yes. She also asked for a horse.
- For lunch? - To ride.
- Mm. I'm a hard no on that one. - Yeah. Okay.
Why don't we put your clothes and the trainer
on the credit card and then worry about that next month?
You know you are a genius. Thank you, credit card.
- All right. Kids! Food's ready, let's eat!
- PASCALE: And four, and three...
- two more, and... - [Astrid exclaims]
- ...rest.
Yeah! That's good.
- That's hard. That's hard.
I feel it but I... I can feel my muscles waking up.
- Yes, because you are a powerful goddess.
The storm is over. Blue skies are ahead.
- That's a bit much, but yeah. - It was great.
I mean, you lost your job but not your motivation.
- No, no. No, I didn't lose my job. I'm Dawn's sister.
- Oh. It's interesting.
- I have to say I'm a little self-conscious doing this
in front of all these people. It's like we're busking.
- Don't worry. Everyone's looking at me.
But, you are killing it. Can't believe you had two kids.
- [chuckles] Oh. Well, I actually feel like
I've never loved my body more than when I was pregnant.
- Well, pregnant bodies make me low-key sick.
But, you're doing good. - Okay.
- Let's do squats. - Okay.
- You're ready? - Yup.
- [exhales] - Yeah.
- [exclaims] No, yeah. Yeah, yeah yeah.
I used to play a lot of field hockey.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- Well then, we'll see how far you can push it.
- Okay. - Now give me some sumo squats.
Spread 'em wide, mama. Let's go.
- Let's go! - Let's go!
- You are a powerful goddess. - Okay.
- Uh-huh. Dig deep.
- Oh! Yeah! - Yeah!
[exhales]
- Oh, no! Oh, no, no.
I just peed.
- Then you dug a little too deep.
- Oh, God! Oh!
- [person moans] - What? No.
- Astrid. - Yes, come in.
- I have a plant for you to have.
- No. That's gonna die
and then just be a bowl of dirt that makes me feel guilty.
- I'll just leave it here.
- [exhales]
So... how are you?
- Good. Yeah, good.
- Pascale told me you peed your pants.
- Could you kindly tell Pascale to shut the hell up?
That was so humiliating for me.
- Hey, it's me.
I love you no matter where you pee.
Pants, toilet,
the parking lot at Canada's Wonderland
while we missed the fireworks.
- Oh, my God! I held my pee for the entire day.
The roller coaster, the drop tower.
Now I'll probably leak going through the turnstile.
- It's natural. You had two kids.
The last one left the barn door open and warped the frame.
- So, do you think this is gonna happen again?
- I don't know. - Oh, my God!
- You could try those cute period underwear.
Like adult pull ups.
- Wow, okay. Thanks, Dawn.
I need you to be supportive
and you're telling me to wear diaper
and referring to my junk as a barn.
- I'm sorry. You know what? Go get checked up.
I have this great OB-GYN on Ossington.
[whispers] She is a pelvic floor specialist.
I'll text you her number.
- No, I don't wanna tell anyone else about this.
I'd like to keep my dignity
and just let this quietly haunt me for the rest of my life.
- She is very good, and if nothing else,
maybe she can put your mind at ease.
- Nice purse. - Bo's been busy.
- His Etsy shop is starting to blow-up.
Call her.
Love you.
- [door opens and closes]
♪
ENNIS: We can share them, but I want my whole cookie.
- FELIX: Okay.
- Daddy, where are we?
- Wow.
- This is Phase, Felix. It's an upscale men's store.
Normally someone like you wouldn't be allowed in here
but then again, neither would your father.
- These are straight outta the dryer.
- Uncle Ennis, watch.
- Is that good?
James, could she not do that before?
- I thought it was great, Wonder Girl.
- Is this good, Uncle Ennis?
- ENNIS: A jump.
Nice. Watch me take this step.
Hey, did you ask them to call me Uncle Ennis?
Because I do not like it.
- What's the matter? It's adorable.
- No, it isn't.
I am not related to any kids and I like that about me.
- PERSON: Can I help you?
- Yes. No, I don't know.
- Uh, my friend James here just got out of prison
and he is raring to go
and ready to re-acclimate into society.
- No, no. I am not... I'm from society, I was never in jail.
Although we don't judge the incarcerated. System's broken.
- Can I help you find anything in particular?
- I was... [clears throat] I'm looking for a nice shirt.
- A little purse. - I'm thirsty.
- Okay.
Where you go-- Okay. Let's just put that...
- Do they have to be in here?
- Yes, they have to be. Come on. I need your help.
- I don't have a time machine and a vasectomy gun.
So, there's only so much I can do.
But I can help you with the clothes.
We're looking for something that says
"professional but fashion forward."
Something that says "I have in no way given up on life."
- Perfect. Let me find you a few items.
- ENNIS: Okay. Thank you.
Hmm. What do you think about her, Felix?
- She seems like a nice teenager.
- Solid reprimand.
That is... You are now my favorite, officially.
Viv, step up your game a little bit.
What are you doing back there?
- Nothing.
♪
- DOCTOR: So, you are having pee problems?
- ASTRID: Yeah, I guess I've had the occasional dribble
if I've sneezed hard or I re-watch Baby Mama.
You know that movie? Baby Mama?
- Of course, I know that movie.
- But you know my youngest is four,
so I just figured that all my...
all my stuff had snapped back.
- No. - Okay.
- Alley-oop! - Cool.
- And just relax for me. - Okay.
- I'd like you to try kegel for me.
- Okay, sure.
- Go ahead. - I'm doing it.
Am I not doing it? - Let's try this.
When I hold up one finger, I want you to squeeze your vagina.
When I hold up two fingers,
tighten your anus but not your bum.
Three fingers, contract your urethra.
Okay? - Sure.
Should I also wiggle my liver and move my spleen up and down?
- Nope. - Okay.
- Nope.
Again.
- Nope. - Ow.
- Good. - Okay.
- No. - Oh.
- Okay. Squeeze.
- [groans] I am.
- No. - This feedback is devastating.
- Your pelvic floor continued to atrophy since your last child.
I'll give you some exercises to do everyday
and in time... you'll regain muscle tone.
- Okay. 'Cause wha...
'Cause we were thinking about maybe having another baby.
- Oh. It would take a lot of work
to get back to where you are now.
- Right.
- Sluggish clenching, feeble sphincters.
You need to train everyday like an athlete.
- Actually, I am an athlete.
Yeah. Big field hockey star in high school. So... [chuckles]
Do you mind if I just stay here for a few minutes.
It's nice to lie down.
- Sure.
♪
- [sighs]
- What are you...
- I'm doing kegel workout.
- Right now? - Yeah, I'm almost done.
Supposed to imagine I'm picking up pearls with my urethra.
- You'd make a heck of a jewel thief.
- Don't make me laugh. [laughs]
What did you do?
- I made a terrible decision about work clothes.
- Oh, nice. How much?
- JAMES: Mm.
Was that a wince or a really big pearl?
- One just flowed into the other.
- I'm gonna return these.
- No, it's fine. We'll just carry a bit more debt.
I wanna start work in the fall. Buy a yacht, it'd be great.
- Yeah.
But...
how long will you be at work though if,
you know, a baby happens?
- Depends how fast it happens. We could start now.
- Hmm. So you're still in baby town?
- I am. Where you at?
- I mean, how can we afford it?
- Well, Pascale said I didn't have to pay him
because he made me piss my pants.
- Okay. That's not the most reliable discount.
- I could make it work. - It's not just the money.
'Cause we're finally getting time back for us.
For you to workout. For me to shop better.
- Did you not find something nice for that amount of money?
- I panicked. - What did you get?
- Red pants.
- What? Red?
- Ennis said they popped.
I don't know what I'm supposed to like anymore.
- Not things that pop.
- I'm just... This is my problem with having another kid.
I love our kids. I just feel like I'm losing myself.
- Um, honestly, well...
you've never been cool.
And I just find it irresistibly adorable.
- You're doing your exercises right now, aren't you?
- You can feel that?
♪
- Well, hello there.
- Hi, Uncle Ennis.
- I'm not responding to that.
Who is this handsome gentleman?
- It's Daddy.
- Uh-huh. Astrid, what do you think?
- Yeah, I like it.
You look like a king of the flight attendants.
- Flight attendants get a lot of ass, so that's good.
- [exclaims] - James, why is your kid here?
- Uh, hi, Marla. I've two kids.
This one refuses to stay with the sitter
but also refused to get dressed.
- Okay. Hi, Astrid. - Marla.
- Okay. This is a huge disaster.
Can we just pretend that she's with Ennis?
- Oh. I don't think that's gonna work
because I don't wanna do that.
- This is a mess. Just go home. Mr. Gero can hate you.
Speak of the devil.
- Marla, can we start? My shins are killing me.
- James, meet the man who signs your checks.
- Oh. Well, the checks are...
sweet, uh, thank you and...
- Just stop. - MR. GERO: Hello.
I've read emails about you.
- James is our top dog. This is his wife, Astrid.
She used to work with the City. Her birthday is in March.
- Hi. When is your birthday?
- Sadly, it's today.
- Oh.
- Yay. Happy Birthday. - JAMES: Wow.
Just to circle back real quick. Um...
[stutters] I love the job... first, then the checks. So...
Hope that checks out!
- Why are you doing this? - I don't know.
- Anybody gonna introduce me or...? No one...
- Nanima got me new pajama.
- Who is this?
- Oh. This is our daughter Vivian.
- Hmm.
Wish I wore my pajamas today.
- Happy birthday.
- MR. GERO: Thanks.
Now, I wish I had a little girl.
See, I had a son. Julian.
He's picking his acne. - Oh.
- Leave it alone, boy.
He's no fun.
- Too bad. - Oh, too bad.
You're fun.
- He has a kid.
I thought you said that
Gero thought that kids were "career killers."
- No. That's just my opinion.
Seems like your kid is in. Let's exploit this.
- [screams] - Oh, oh.
No, no, no, sweetie. It's okay.
That's just Baggie. He's a mascot, he's fun.
He carries your food.
- Inside of his body.
Which is actually weird if you think about it.
Hi, Mr. Gero. I'm Ennis, by the way.
- It's all right, sweetheart. Don't worry about it.
You don't like Baggie. Neither do I.
Go on. Get out of here.
Baggie, nobody wants you here. You scared my friend.
- MARLA: Oh. Looks like the photographer's ready.
- Okay. It's show time.
Let's get Vivian and her parents in the shot.
- Oh. - Come on, Vivian.
- No, actually she doesn't go with strangers.
- There we go. - Unless I'm right behind.
- James, you're in the the pic.
You've breached the castle walls. Thumbs up.
Ennis, Baggies council. Go deal with him, okay. Thanks.
- Oh, is that what I'm here for? To deal with Baggie?
- PERSON: All right everyone, are we ready? It looks like rain
okay? - James.
- JAMES: Mm. - Your pants. They're red.
- Yeah. - Why?
Oh. There she is. Hi, Vivian. - Hi.
- [babbles]
- Uh. Stand up straight, Nosferatu.
- All right, everyone. Are we ready?
- [thunder rumbles]
- I'll get her. - No. I will.
♪
- Oh, no! Oh, God. oh.
Okay.
- That was incredible. You're a beast.
- I peed myself when I picked her up again.
- All right. On the count of three, everybody say "Gero's."
One, two and three!
- [Vivian screams] - ALL: Gero's.
- [camera clicks]
- JAMES: So happy they gave me a framed photo of this.
- Yeah, the red pants really draw the eye.
- I hate it. It's all I can see. I'm never wearing them again.
- No, you have to. You paid too much for them.
Make 'em your Christmas pants.
And your Valentine's pants. And your spaghetti pants.
- I like those pants, Dad. They look like blood.
Like your legs got all cut up and bloody.
- ASTRID: Mm. - Yeah,
that's pretty cool, right?
- I love your old pants.
- JAMES: Oh. Yeah, me too, sweetie.
I'm gonna put this in a drawer.
- Hey, give that back!
Give that back! - She went that way.
She went that way.
- [Vivian exclaims]
- Aha! Yes, I got it! And I have the money and you are nothing.
- Nothing. - Hey!
- ASTRID: The body is a miracle. You can handle so much pain.
- JAMES: Speak for yourself.
- ASTRID: Even as you begin that phase in your life
where hangovers lasts for days...
- JAMES: And you can pull a muscle
in your back just by stretching...
- ASTRID: ...you can still feel so much joy and pleasure.
So while it's easy to judge yourself
for not being as strong as you were...
- JAMES: Or for looking like a dad.
Or, in my case, a DILF.
- ASTRID: Oh, you're a total DILF.
- JAMES: Thank you.
- ASTRID: You gotta follow your kids' examples.
They don't care what they look like.
- JAMES: And they think they're invincible.
- ASTRID: More importantly, they think we're cool,
strong and beautiful.
- JAMES: Until they're like eleven, so enjoy it.
I think we should take a little rest.
- I wanna crush you some more!
- No, I think we're done crushing daddy.
- Crush me, crush me.
- No. You know what? You can crush your sister. Okay? Gently.
- Upstairs. - Yeah.
- [chuckles]
- JAMES: Oh, my God!
- [Astrid groans] - [James exclaims]
- My neck.
My neck.
- [groans]
- I mean, you're gonna get critics.
There's gonna be people who don't like what you do.
I was a DJ.
You think everybody liked every song I played?
You know what? Can I make a suggestion?
Unsolicited advice?
What about, like a, face?
You know what I mean? Couple of eyes.
Even just a mouth would be
really lightening up for people, you know.
Make you a bit more accessible.
Julian, what do you think?
Yeah? A face would be nice, right?
You get it.