They have no idea what is about to pull up.
This is gonna to be epic.
I feel like my shoes are melting.
You wanted to go somewhere hot,
so I brought you somewhere hot, the desert.
A bit nervous.
Why did we leave the hotel lobby and its sweet, sweet aircon?
So close.
They're just around the corner. I can smell them from here.
Surely he's in one of these taxis. I mean, they're small enough.
Luke's a nice, normal guy, he'll be in a low-key car.
Oi, oi!
Look at this. Isn't this whip so sick?
As if I'm in Dubai, in this flipping car.
Come on, jump in!
Mate, this is awesome.
It's my first time in Dubai, so I want to see everything
and get as much of the culture and, obviously, the high life as possible.
- I've got an idea. - Go on.
Let's go to the marina, and then, I've got an idea when we get there.
To the marina, please.
- Is that how you address people here? - Yeah, that's how I speak.
- I'm James. - And I'm Oliver.
We spent a decade playing Fred and George,
the Weasley twins in the Harry Potter movies.
However, we're not really red heads or wizards.
But we are twins.
And we've finally grown up.
Well, one of us has.
- This sibling rivalry is real. - I don't want to get in between this.
We've been lucky enough to travel all over the world with our work.
I've never been so terrified in my life.
Meeting some amazing people and making some fantastic friends.
And now, it's time to bring you on the journey with us.
So, we're snorkelling in the Arctic Circle?
It's going to be freezing.
What could go wrong?
This week, we've come out to Dubai to find Luke Youngblood.
Luke played Fred and George's best mate, Lee Jordan.
And, thanks to the magic of friendship,
he's now one of our besties in real life.
Luke has made it big in America,
featuring in massive projects like Community,
Scooby Doo and Baby Shark.
Oh, my God, that was so epic!
'Baby Shark' is epic. It has a shark in it.
We're heading straight to the marina in Luke's six-tonne taxi.
Hope you guys are ready to explore the beautiful world of Dubai.
In front of you is your boat, so let me get you guys loaded up.
Step on the tube, and in the boat.
Perfect.
Professional. That's how it's done, boys.
Oh, I tell you. Next up.
You want to step on the tube,
and in the boat. Perfect.
Alright, and last to go.
Your horse is right over here.
We're about to get the best views of this incredible city.
Release. Try again.
- Yeah. - You alright there, mate?
As we speed across the marina, I spot our hotel, Caesar's Palace.
We have one vast, amazing suite, and two perfectly good single rooms.
The best way to divvy them up?
A race. Winner takes the best room,
loser pays for the lot.
Ready? Three, two, one, go.
I'm going to beat James, even if I have to crash my boat into his
and take him down with me.
- Come on! - Come on, you...
Yes! Come on.
- That's not fair. - That is not fair.
- You like that? - No, that's not fair, man.
You know, sometimes,
it's more than just the taking part, it's the winning.
If you're not winning, then why bother trying?
You can't call that a victory. We need to step it up twice, we can do it again.
Shut up!
We had a rule, right? First to the hotel.
Yeah, we're not at the hotel, we're in the middle of the ocean still.
We can't exactly drive this on the beach.
You do this typical thing every time. It's like when you go to the pub.
You order a drink, and then you never buy...
You just leave before the round's been paid.
- Yes, it's first to the hotel, yeah? - No way.
Swim all you like, it's already decided.
You can't beat me, I'm practically a fish.
You certainly smell like one.
Gents, welcome to my room, the presidential suite.
And, as balconies go and views go, it is amazing.
This is unreal.
Can we have the champagne? Can we have the chocolates?
I'm just looking around at everything, this feels like...
Just remember it's my room.
Yeah, but you're a sharer, though, aren't you, Ollie?
There you are, man.
- Thank you very much. - Welcome to the presidential suite.
Are you working here now, Luke?
- Well, I tell you what, mate. - Go on.
As you're our guest,
you're more than welcome to have a glass of champagne in my suite.
Thank you.
I think it should be, Oliver, as Luke is our guest,
he should have the presidential suite.
Yes! Cheers.
This is something that you could never get used to.
"Oh, just that view again?"
I'm not moving, mate, by the way.
I think you might have to, though, cos...
Even if it's just the hot tub, I'm happy here.
I'm gonna put my feet up for a bit. It was a long flight.
So, if you guys want to get going,
I'll catch up with you lot later on.
Yeah. I can show you to the door, it's just this way.
- You are joking though, right? - Nah.
Come on, mate.
A new day, and yet another opportunity to defeat Luke and my brother,
on, under and over the water.
- Are you lot ready for this? - I'm ready.
- Looking forward to this, dude. - It's going to be so sick. Hi.
- Good morning, guys, how are you? - Good.
- Really looking forward to it. - A little bit nervous.
Don't worry at all, guys. It's very easy and very simple.
Let me show you some devices.
There are packs, bikes, boots, boards, broomsticks.
OK, not broomsticks, but we're still about to fly, sort of.
Feels secure.
It feels like I'm ain't going anywhere except up.
That's it.
It's hot, innit?
First up, Luke and his fly-board.
So, this is the first time I've done anything like this in my whole life.
Little bit nervous, not gonna lie.
It's gonna be sick though, if I don't drown before getting out.
Go on, Superman!
Nice, nice.
I don't think it's any surprise
that Luke is probably the coolest person we know
or have ever known.
It's taken him what, five minutes to get this like this?
He's one of those people, he can sing, he can dance,
he can act, he can water-jet.
Did you know that I taught him his ab routine?
One of the most exhilarating experiences of my whole entire life.
Now, James, on the Jetovator.
No, it's actually pronounced the Jetovator.
Yeah, that's it, James.
Go on, Evel Knievel. You've got it, mate, go on.
Go on, James.
No!
And just like that, I was no longer a twin.
Oh, no, there he is.
That was awesome.
My legs are killing me.
And finally, it's my turn on the jetpack.
This'll be easy. Well, it would be if I'd listened to the instructions.
Now, I'm expecting great things from you, Ollie.
Mate, don't look down.
That was a close shave, weren't it?
He's gonna be told to stay away from the jet ski.
He's gonna fly over you.
Go on, Ollie.
Yeah!
I'm like Tony Stark, only huge, English and wet.
Yeah, it's good. I think I swallowed half the sea on the second one.
Oliver, what have you done?
Ollie, are you alright, mate?
You alright, mate?
To restore his dominance, I let Oliver throw me off the deck,
because I'm a good brother.
We are adults, I promise.
Yeah! Come on!
Oliver seemed to really enjoy being underwater,
so he should be well up for our next adventure.
I thought that we'd do something
that just takes the water action to the next level,
and here we are.
This is the deepest dive-pool in the entire world.
60 metres deep, Deep Dive Dubai.
How deep are we going now?
- We're going down ten metres. - Ten metres? OK.
Alright, welcome to the sunken city, gentlemen.
We've got all kinds of places to explore.
So, you can see these open spots behind the windows,
you can swim around in those areas.
At 30 and 40 metres there's a whole series
of fully-furnished apartments, for example.
In case you guys want to...
- Yes, so we're moving in. - Yeah. Exactly.
- Let's do it. - Alright. Let's make it happen.
So, here we are, the equipment room,
where we can get you fit with the gear that you'll need for this dive ahead.
It's just two of you today, right, Ollie?
Yeah, I'm not doing this today.
I went diving in the barrier reef a few years ago,
and got to about 15 metres or so and I couldn't equalise at all.
Oh, no!
I kept trying to do it, and I could just feel pressure
wasn't coming out of my ear, I could almost feel it round my eyes.
Yeah, so, I was like, I said to the guy, "I'm going up,"
and he was like: "No, calm."
And I was like: "This hurts. I'm going."
Got to the top, got on the boat, took my goggles off,
and there's a boat of people there looking at me,
and my wife's there going like...
I see everyone just looking at me going: "What on earth?"
My eyeball, from pressure or something, had popped out.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
And without thinking, I just went like...
Ollie. No way.
So, I don't really think that's good for the camera, so I'm gonna watch.
I don't want to see that. Stay up here in the dry.
Alright, let me tell you, guys, that's super uncommon.
- OK. - Yes.
I've never heard that, ever. I've never even read it.
Really? OK.
So, you and I need to talk afterwards.
Wrapped in skin-tight Lycra,
we had to learn to slowly adapt to the atmospheric pressure underwater,
because if you go too deeply too quickly,
you can lose consciousness, or have an eye pop out, apparently.
Level one, done.
We're ready, baby, we're going diving.
So, coming down now, I can see my brother coming down on the cord.
I think he's just trying to equalise, his ear's out.
I hope his eye is in the same place.
We're practically merpeople.
I mean, we're better looking and maybe only a little bit less scaly.
I could really do with some of Neville's gillyweed.
Did anybody get a word of that?
It's like being back in the Black Lake
but with a few more discarded cars.
Come in, diving team, this is mission control.
Hello! Can you hear us?
We do, there's no need to shout, Luke. We know you're excited.
We've got cameras all around you up here.
We can see you, smile nicely. How is it?
It's been so good.
Ollie, not to rub salt in the wound, but this is so damn epic.
You have no idea.
The guys did tell me
that we've got complete control of your air supply in there,
so you need to be nice to them.
Yeah. So, just have fun, and we'll see you later.
Yep, here we go, coming to the surface.
- That was so epic! - How was it? Was it good?
The best thing I have ever done in my whole life.
But when I was at mission control here looking at you,
beaming from ear to ear, it looked incredible.
Let's talk about it over lunch. We need to go, come on.
I'm starving.
The hotel's masterful mixologist, Ricardo,
has sent us on the hunt for ingredients
to be used in tonight's cocktails.
And so, here we are in the old town, Dubai's answer to Diagon Alley.
Are you ready to shop?
Salaam, Mr Rezzah.
There are many different kinds of saffron, right?
This is called Negin and it derives from a word that means diamond.
And the reason it's Negin is because it contains the very tip of the stigma,
and you would need to pick 150 flowers to get one gram of saffron.
- What? - 150 Crocus sativus flowers.
Each flower only contains three of those precious styles.
I've been told in Europe that one gram can set you back 50 euros.
I don't know how many grams that is, but, yeah,
I think I'm holding a cool over 1,000 euros' worth of saffron in my hands.
With the saffron sorted, we still need cinnamon, cloves and anise.
I'll call Ricardo to see how much he wants.
Hey, Ricardo, how are you doing?
We're just trying to work out how much we need.
What would you say, an amount?
Piccola quantit?? OK.
Yeah, I know what you mean. Alright, bye.
I think that means a lot.
Alright, let's do it, let's get a lot.
We're lost.
Do you think this was the trick with old Dubai,
they made it a maze so you could never leave?
Yeah. I think I'm just gonna follow the sound of the traffic,
cos I have no idea where we are.
So, did you find a nice saffron?
- A nice saffron? - A nice saffron.
I mean, it's... Yeah, it's a good one.
It's the most expensive saffron in the world.
- Fantastic. - But you said, "anise".
- Yes. "A nice". - No, anise.
A nice. Nice, nice.
No, I've got in the message you sent, saying "anise saffron".
Alright, you bought a nice one?
Yes, this is top shelf, like this is high-end.
Let me go and get the "a nice", or the "anise", should I say?
Trust Ollie.
- We didn't know how much you wanted. - Jeez! Alright.
- Yeah, so... - OK, alright.
I don't know if it will overpower the cocktail.
I guess I have to inform Vegas that we a supply for another year.
Jesus, OK.
Using our nice spices from the market, Ricardo infuses the rum,
which will then be the base for a mojito-making masterclass.
Don't feel like you need to be shy with this part, you can, like...
- Today we are everything but shy. - OK, fantastic.
The challenge begins, me versus Luke with James judging.
Right, let's do it.
Who will make the best mojito?
My money's on me.
Alright, that's a gentle touch.
Will it be mojito or mojit-no?
Let's make this happen.
I think I'm drunk.
- Do you want a towel for the... - You can't bribe the judge with drink.
Just a little bit.
It smells a little strong. There you have it, mate.
- Well done, everybody. It looks good. - Thank you, yours too.
Time for a taste test.
First up, Oliver.
Not bad, a bit more soda in there than Ricardo's.
You're going to have great fun with Luke's, then.
That was OK, that did the job.
Oh, mate.
Oh, no. No, I don't believe you. Is it rough?
It's like someone's trying to sit on my tongue and punch my mouth.
- That is how I would describe it. - I hate you so much!
Wait, let me taste it, hold on.
Yeah, that's awful, innit? Oh, that's disgusting.
- I'm going to give mine a go. - No.
But going on example, Oliver, I would don you the winner here.
Thank you very much.
So, as a loser, do I have to drink all of this?
That's dinner sorted. Now it's time for desert.
That's right, desert.
So, it's got a bit of a sway to it, hasn't it?
Yeah, a little swagger, you know?
A little lean.
How much water do you think we're sat on right now?
I don't know.
Well, I know mine has just lost weight, if you know what I mean.
- Look at this. Yeah. - It's nice, isn't it?
What does this mean?
I don't read Arabic, I don't know, "Welcome to camp".
Dubai is more than just a city.
For thousands of years this beautiful but inhospitable land
has been rich with native culture
led by the nomadic Bedouin tribes-people.
Tribes could be two or three families,
the biggest tribes would have looked like a city on the move, sort of thing.
You get everything around by camel.
When it's time to move on, you run out of water,
you send out three to go into the desert.
You send the astronomer, the medicine man and the warrior.
They'll go out and find you a new place, a new oasis.
I feel like that's, kind of, us.
We've got the astronomer, got the medicine man,
and we've got the warrior.
We're keen to experience the Bedouin way of life,
but first let's slide down a sand dune on a snowboard,
or a sand-board.
Go on, James.
Yeah!
- That was great. - Nice.
Lean back for safety.
You see this sibling rivalry? This is real, every time. Go on, mate.
Just go with it, that's all you can do. Don't fight it, go with it.
Nice.
No way, you've gone better than me.
And he didn't fall over, so, you know?
- 180, and he's still going. - I'm not having this.
Yeah!
OK, this time we really do need to learn about the Bedouin.
For millennia, falcons have been an integral part of the life in the desert.
They're an iconic symbol of this nation's heritage,
and now there's one sat on my arm.
- What's this on the back? - That's a little GPS.
That's in case this lady decides she doesn't love me anymore.
I've been flying her for nine years,
so that's in case she decides she wants to for a holiday.
On my phone, I've got a 'find my falcon' app.
So I can get the exact location of the GPS
and Summer on Google Maps and I can go and find her.
And, unfortunately, we do use this quite often,
so we have an app for finding our falcons these days.
Falcon airlines, runway number one, ready for take-off.
OK, off she goes.
Come, come.
At the last moment I just pull it away being a bad man.
Guys, I'm going to catch her above my head, so here we go.
There we go. Let's give her a nice hand, she's got her food.
Amazing.
Now it's Ollie's turn.
She'll probably circle around again.
Let's see which twin brother the falcon likes best.
It's going to turn around, doing a handbrake turn,
nice and gently, perfect.
Did you know a falcon's eyesight is so good
that they can read the small print of a newspaper
from the far side of a football pitch?
I'm pretty sure falcons can't read, mate.
So, just nice and gently, he's coming in for landing.
There we go.
Hello, Ziggy. He's frowning at you, Luke. He was fine until he looked.
Just relax your elbow a little bit, just like that,
nice and steady, he's coming in, you're a statue.
In he comes, perfect.
That's a nervous smile we've got there.
The sun is setting and we're suddenly highly aware
we're lost in a strange desert.
Right, I think we're going this way.
How do you know where to go? There's sand there, there's sand there.
Do you want to know the tip? Always aim for the guide.
This is the coffee station. Coffee's called gahwa.
It's one of the most important parts of Arabic life.
It's how you welcome people into your camp.
The man who makes the coffee is the gahwaji.
He's one of the most important people that can be around,
so there's always got to be a place for him to do his magic.
When you get given a cup of Arabic coffee,
if your cup is full, that's your host saying,
"I can't entertain you right now, drink this and go away."
Now, it's not meant quite like that,
it's "I don't have enough resources, it's not safe, there's sickness."
"You can have some coffee, but then I need you to go,"
without having to say all of that.
Normally, I'd just do a chipped mug or something.
Just to let them know, they'll know you've given them the chipped mug,
that makes a lot of sense.
This stuff here is called regag
and it is probably one of the most staple parts of Emirati eating,
especially in the desert.
Breakfast, you put za'atar and eggs over the top of it.
Lunch and dinner, you put a stew over the top of it.
And dessert, camel milk and honey.
Now, this is too thin to flip,
so he's going to spread it as thin as possible, absolutely.
Then, once you're done, scrape it off the top,
put it on the pile, you start again.
This is something that has been done here for so long
nobody really knows where it started,
but people did, they lived out here, like this,
this is how they're done.
When you do it, I reckon you guys will be fine.
What do you mean, "Staying out here?"
We're staying out here, like the people did.
Like the people have done for thousands of years.
Sorry, didn't I tell you my little twist to my activity?
- No. - It's more than a one day thing.
No.
It's also a night thing, a morning thing,
maybe another night thing.
Wait, we're camping in the desert?
Yes, Luke, we are camping in the desert.
Ollie seems a little nervous about spending the night in the desert,
so we decided to ask some locals for advice.
That was fantastic, that was brilliant.
You can relax in the desert, you know?
The sand is taking the negative power from your body,
so walk around in the desert and you will not feel sad.
In the desert you will feel happy because there's peace in your mind.
It will be alright, there is peace, and you will feel very comfortable
and you will just enjoy this moment.
- Yes, relaxing. - I can do that.
Any problems, walk in the sand
and the sand will take all your problems away.
I'm not going to sleep until I know exactly what unusual creatures
I'm sharing the desert with.
Well, other than James and Luke.
Time for a night safari.
Try and look for things that don't fit.
It could be a colour that doesn't fit, a shape that doesn't fit.
Is that, up there, look, I see two eyes in my torchlight.
Yeah, what is that?
A gazelle?
It could be a fox.
Look! It's moving.
Let's go and have a look and see what we can find.
If you see any snakes, just don't scream too loud, OK?
Is this a dung beetle?
A relative, but this is an Arabian darkling beetle.
This is one of the largest species of gecko out here.
Look at that.
He's such a poser, he knows his angles.
What's that? You want to go speak to Luke?
OK, matey, he's just here. Here you are, Luke, meet Brian.
Hello, Brian.
It feels a lot softer than what I was expecting.
This is an Arabian deathstalker.
In terms of venom, would that be enough to give you a headache?
If you are allergic to it, you could die
but you don't know you're allergic until it gets you.
That'll probably make you sick for a little while.
You've got to see what it looks like in white light.
- You can't even see him. - He's right here.
Yeah.
- That's their camouflage. - I'm going to call her Bev.
It's my mum's name because she's a Scorpio.
Bev, the scorpion.
Cheers, Bev.
Thanks, Bev. You have a good night, girl.
Do you mind signing a consent release form?
Nothing about the desert, with its weird lizards
and invisible, potentially deadly scorpions
was making me sleepy,
so I humoured James and his obsession with all things astrology.
It's astronomy. Classic Pisces.
There are some quite important stars in the night-time sky, at the moment.
Things like...
It's behind you a little bit, actually. Orion.
Hold on.
That light sabre that just came out of nowhere.
Professional astronomer equipment.
It makes it easier for me to show you where you actually need to look.
There's also aliens looking down saying,
"He's got that bloody purple light on again."
Very much so. When I point it at that one,
they'll get that signal in about 640 years.
- 640 years? - Yes.
That's Betelgeuse, that's 640 light years away from us.
I feel like that gif where the mind goes like this.
Yes, exactly, yes.
And my mind is just exploding out with all of this information right now.
All of the starts in Orion are named after parts of the giant,
the foot of the giant, the shoulder of the giant, the sword of the giant.
The one that's not is actually this one just up here,
his other shoulder. It's called Bellatrix.
- Bellatrix. - Yep.
We all know that one, don't we, kids?
Nasty one, I bet.
It's a bit of a familiar name, that one.
How easy do you think it is to get lost out here?
- Probably pretty easy, right? - I don't remember getting here.
It's the desert, it does that to you.
So, we talked a little bit earlier, over dinner,
that the Bedouin used to go to the coast to do pearl diving, right?
How are they gonna figure out, in the desert, which way to go?
And the way that you can always know, there's actually two maps.
The one we have in the sky at the moment
is a constellation called Cassiopeia, or Kassiopi,
if speaking proper Greek.
It is this "M" shape.
Just here.
Inside of that big wedge of sky,
that is the brightest one you come across first.
Once you've found it, we can drop it down.
That way's north.
Having clearly mastered celestial navigation,
we ditched the sat nav, we ditched the guide,
and we made our own way back to camp.
And, then, that star over there,
if you look at it long enough, it turns red.
Yeah, I see that.
Why does it do that, do you know?
I don't actually know.
Are you sure you know where you're going?
- It's this way, isn't it? - Is it?
Was it east or west we had to travel?
- It was south we had to go. - Really?
- I thought it was north. - No, it was definitely south.
What is it? The 42nd brightest star?
- It's that way, isn't it? - No, it's there.
But the planets come across south.
No, he said that's the north star.
- Trust me, it's that way. - Honestly, I think it's that way.
Have you seen that star there?
Watch your step, James.
- Are you alright? - Yeah.
- Enjoy your trip? - You were too busy looking up there.
Focus on the ground. We're still trying to get home.
Here we are, it didn't take too long, ish.
Followed the stars, just like Eddie taught us,
and we'll make our way like the Bedouins.
So, these are our accommodations, gentlemen.
Enjoy. I'll stay at the end one, just in case any foxes come.
Great, you'll be eaten first, yeah?
- Right. One last question. - Yes.
How long are we here for?
- Two or three nights. - Wicked.
There's supposed to be good a meteor shower tomorrow
so I thought we could try and see that.
And if you stay up long enough,
you'll be able to see the Orion coming over.
Orion's got a really cool nebular.
If you look in the middle, there's the belt, the three stars...
Night, James.
I'll wake up you when it comes. How's that?
I need to find a man about a bird.
"Dearest wife, I write to you from the desert."
"I'm afraid, as you well know, camping is not one's forte."
"I don't wish to spend two nights here."
"Being honest, my darling,"
"one more moment in this sand is too much to bear."
"How I long to go back to the hotel,"
"how I miss the pool, the bar, and the sweet, sweet air conditioning."
"Please send help. Send somebody,"
"something to collect us before dawn, if possible."
"Thank you, my love."
Remember, the sooner you go, the sooner we're all free.
God speed.
What is it you're doing when you do that with the rope?
I can open the complete top.
This one, I pull it down in one piece, like this,
and I can open this one, you can watch now.
- Look, I'm opening. - Yeah, yeah.
But if you do this at 4,000 feet,
you're in the newspaper, so don't touch it, yes?
Don't pull the red cord.
- I will restrain myself. - Nice.
- Is it too late to get out? - No.
I'm joking.
- Me too. - You're not joking?
Bye-bye, guys.
This wasn't quite the escape plan that I had in mind,
but at least we're now floating back towards the city
and the sweet, sweet air conditioning.
How are you feeling, Ollie?
You know what, I was good when I stood there, but now I'm here...
- You feel a little bit exposed? - Yes.
What is this thing here, this straight...?
- That's a camel racing track. - Is that the racing track?
That's one a straight line because camels are stupid animals, actually.
If you make a circle,
they say: "Nah, we're not gonna to run in a circle."
Actually, camels are not native from Dubai.
They're all from Afghanistan, Pakistan, all imported.
Oliver, how have you felt during this balloon ride?
I've got to be honest with you,
first five minutes, I was absolutely bricking myself.
- You could never tell. - Yeah, you hid it very well.
- So, please, landing positions. - OK.
Correct positions.
- Luke, I could definitely jump this. - Could you?
- Tuck and roll. - Yeah.
Anyone else think we were gonna go then?
Yeah, we were right on the edge.
Perfect landing, captain.
Nice, James.
As Luke does a flip.
I'm alright.
We're back in the city with time for one final challenge.
Our favourite sport, golf.
Where better than at the Emirates Golf Club?
Built in 1988, this was the first ever grass course in the Middle East.
I don't feel like it's really gonna be a fair competition
cos you two are basically professionals.
You'll be fine. Mate, you'll be fine.
Excuse me, would you mind helping me sweep the floor
with these two on the golf course 'cos I'm terrible at golf and I don't...
I'm not very good either. I don't think can help you there.
OK, great. Would you be able... No? OK. No problem.
Come on, mate.
No, it's alright, I'll find someone. It's OK.
We've agreed that whoever comes in last will pick up the final bill.
That's right, the loser will be paying for the dinners,
all those mojitos, that massive sack of anise
and one lost owl.
Thankfully, we have time for a few practice shots first.
Of course, Luke, as always, will be a natural.
That was a practice.
OK, no, I'm not... I'm getting someone to play for me.
No, I can't do it.
- Excuse me? - Hi.
Would you mind playing for me?
You work here.
Literally anyone's gonna be better than me
because I can't even hit this damn thing off of here.
- Would you do it? Can you? - I can play round the course.
Yeah, please. This is really embarrassing.
I think this could not have gone better.
Luke is already having a meltdown.
Oliver is already getting a bit panicky
that his bet isn't going as well as he thought it would,
especially when he finds out that I've been having room service every day.
I'm gonna try a little bit of drill exercise,
so I want to hit a 100-yard shot.
There's a big 100-yard sign, so the aim is to hit that sign.
There we go.
Oh, my God!
OK, so, basically, Oliver and I are scheming against James right now
because Jack is a sick golfer but he's pretending not to be.
Yeah, James is gonna lose miserably.
It's gonna be hilarious.
It's team James versus team everyone else.
James's score will be up against the best score from our team
so we have three chances to beat him.
However, we also have Luke.
I tell you what, I mean, that is just...
Nice one, Ollie.
Yeah, a bit of draw, nice, very nice.
Just don't take the mick, alright?
Just don't take the mick, he plays a lot of tennis. Be nice.
Oh, my God.
- Are you going? - Yeah.
Come on, matey.
Are you kidding me?
Well, it went.
- Never mind, pal. - Yeah, into the pond!
This is amazing.
On a golf course, Oliver seems to have two people who have never played.
Just poetry in motion, really, isn't it, that?
- Did it get through? - It's right there.
Yeah. James is kicking our arse right now.
This is not going as planned, it's very upsetting.
It's the first hole, we've got time.
Thankfully, amateur Jack suddenly gets into the swing of things.
Old partner, what a swing. He's all over it.
Jack, James is on to you.
He says that he thinks you're a bit of a ringer.
I thought that would be the case by now. Just keep going.
Yeah, keep going. Nail him.
- We're doing this. - I'll try.
We're pulling ahead. Our team is winning by two,
which is miraculous seeing as Luke has given up on even carrying a club.
Partner!
No, it's in a house.
Is that alarm meant to go off?
Here on the fourth hole and I think James is starting to...
I think the gears are going that he's been really hustled here.
Jack won that one. Jack, who never plays golf.
Three.
So, what is your actual handicap?
- Scratch. Yeah. - Scratch?
Basically, a scratch golfer is a player who is officially amazing at golf.
- James, did you hear? - What?
Jack's actual handicap.
Yeah, scratch, figured that one.
We're only just in the lead.
It's going to be incredibly close,
but if Jack makes this putt, it will all be over.
Shot. Well done.
Fuck you, Luke.
- Did we win? - Yeah.
We won. I wonder how.
I hate everybody here. Everybody here knew about this.
I hate the camera people, I hate the sound people,
I hate the production people, I hate the director,
I hate my fellow presenters.
And now I have to pay a sodding load of money.
Seeing as James is very kindly getting the bill,
let's squeeze in one last lavish meal.
We first met at the audition, didn't we, for Potter?
I remember it. It was the first time we ever met each other.
It was one of the last auditions.
It was an office built in the 1930s or '40s, or whatever,
and we were waiting in a corridor.
These walls were probably like a brick thick and you could hear everything.
But there was this weird frosted glass
and all you could see was you just bouncing up and down.
But so loud, like, cheering on, "Go on, Harry. Go on, Harry."
And I remember, you and I were sitting, like,
"Do we have to do this?"
Is that our thing?
I don't think I've ever been that excited about anything in my life.
You know what was mad about that?
I don't know if I ever told you lot this.
When I was auditioning for it,
it was basically 12 pages of monologue, pretty much.
I get through the first three
and then I forget everything.
I lose all of it, and so I just made the rest of it up.
I made up the entire thing and they were, like...
And you had no idea what Quidditch was?
No, well, like, I knew, kind of, but, even then,
I still had to make it up in my head
because I had no visuals, at that point,
as to what it would actually look like.
The description was in the book,
but I'm still trying to piece everything together
and the words just escaped me, and I made up all of it.
So, thankfully, they saw something and I booked it.
You've just got to wing it sometimes, you know?
Now that I think back to it,
I don't know how the three of us didn't get fired, to be honest,
'cos the pranks, the... Do you remember...
We were saying with the Quidditch girls.
I can't remember what they did.
They had put a branch... They put, like, a tree branch in...
- In your dressing room. - In mine and Alfie's dressing room.
And, then, of course, we had to win.
- Yeah. - We retaliated by...
I think it was at lunchtime, I don't know.
Was it you, James, that ran outside?
You know those trees which were being grown in the plant pots?
Well, they hadn't planted them yet in the studio, had they?
So we decided to move this tree upstairs into the dressing room,
and we were just waiting for them to come back
and all of a sudden, you just hear: "Oh, no!"
Mate, thank you so much for letting us experience Dubai with you.
Of course.
Make memories for a lifetime,
to build on top of all the memories we've had before.
It's been great seeing you again and we'll see you another time.
Yes, see you in a bit, dude. Bye-bye.
Where you lot going?
So, you're just gonna leave like that? OK, alright.
- This is your bill. - Thank you.
Extra rum?
No, Ricardo, taking the mick, mate.
Alright, I want both of them.