Samantha, as you know,
Trevor and I are nowan official couple.
That's right, Sammy,this beefcake is off the market.
You snooze, you lose.
Darn.
Anyway, our social calendar
is filling up quickly,
so if you and Jay would liketo get on the books,
I suggest you act with haste.
This afternoon isspoken for, however,
by me and Nigel.
Oh, it's so fun to haveanother couple
to do things with now.
I know. Doing thingswith other couples
is one of the best thingsabout being a couple.
Thor and Floweralso a couple now.
Oh, dear.
We are available to do things.
Unfortunately, wehave plans that night.Oh!
But Thor not sayspecific night.
Without a specific night,
how are we supposedto plan anything?
Oh, she's good.
I'm home!Jay!
Hey, babe, and I'm guessingthree to eight
invisible people fromthroughout history.
How was New York?
It was freakin' awesome.It was two days of
wall-to-wall D&Dwith my old crew.
Sounds like pure hell.
It was pure bliss.
Neglore and Devlinwere unconscious,
Florin was out of heals.
It was just me versusthe Dracolich.
I pull out my sword,toss my lucky die,
and what do I roll?Natural 20, baby.
I am so sorry I missed it.
No, you're not.No, I'm not.But I did miss you.
I root for them.
It's gonna be a bummerwatching them wither and die,
but right now,this is nice.
♪ ♪
Nay. Ya-da-da-da!
Pete, please get out of the way.
No can do, my friend.As you know, the bathroom
is strictly off limitsfor ghosts
when the Livingis inside.
That's when someone's,like, in the shower, man.
They're just fixinga leaky pipe.
Okay, what you're saying may bewithin the spirit of the rule,
but I must insist wefollow the letter of the law,
because of my ethics,
and what a doctoronce called
a slight personality disorder.
Did you get the sneakers?I waited in line
for six hoursto get these bad boys.
Behold.
The Wind Storm Ultra Five.
Damn! And Sam didn't see youbring these in?
No, no, no, no, no.I brought 'em in
in my suitcase, and thenI hid 'em in this tub.
She doesn't know anything.
Can I smell 'em?
I wouldn't consider youa fellow sneaker head
if you didn't.
Oh!
Dude, are you kidding me?!
I hope that didn't wake upthat creepy prom ghost.
That is, like, twicein two years, dipwad.
Sweet dreams.
Okay, what aboutsix Wednesdays from now?
Mm, no, also booked.
It is unfortunate.
It's frustrating for both of us.
Hey, losers.
Stephanie, what are youdoing up?
Please don't make funof my knees again.
They're normal knees.
That dork Living woke me up, again.
So what did I misssince last April?
Oh, well, let's see,Elias came back from hell.
Samantha got possessed.
We all met Tara Reid.
Ooh, we started a podcastabout my murder.
I have son.
And I'm gay.
What's a podcast?
So, what are we smellingfor lunch?
Oh, God.
Stephanie.Hi, Trevor.
Aren't you happy to see me?
You know, I've beenthinking about you,
like, a lot.
Again, not gonna happen.
You know, I'm technically54 years old now.
Yeah, but you're not.
Plus, um...
Well, really, I'm seeing someone.
Her?
We were copulating secretly
for a period of time.
Initially stirred to passionon the Lord's birthday.
But now we have come outof the shadows.
Thor also have girlfriend now.
We're going on a double datewith Trevor and Hetty
at some unspecified pointin the near future.
As soon as we can work it outschedule-wise, yeah.
I'm dating Nigel.It's sort of an adorable story.
He's British,and I killed him.
Wow, so is everyone justpairing up now?
There is some movementin that direction.
But no, not everyone.
It's his knees, isn't it?
And she went there.Gosh darn it.
Hey, Stephanie.
I guess the rumorsare true.
Just came to say hi.
Wait a minute,you mean Stephanie
the creepy chainsaw girl?
I mean the totally rad'80s girl?
Did I wake her up?
I did go up to the atticto put my suitcase away.
Anyway, how are you?Terrible.
I just found outabout Trevor and Hetty.
Oh, yeah.
She's upset thatTrevor's dating Hetty.
Trevor is dating Hetty?
Seriously? When were yougonna tell me this?
What would you do withthat information, Jay?
I don't know, feel includedin the goings-on
of my own home.
I just really, really like him,
and I don't think he's evergonna give me a chance.
That's why they call them crushes.
If they were easy, they'dcall them something different.
That's from Sixteen Candles.
It's my favorite movie.
Me, too. I've been there.
I know it hurts.I know.
I just need to move onand set my sights
on someone else.You should definitely move on,
but I'm not sure who elseyou could be with.
What does that mean?
No, it's just thatyou're a high-schooler,
and all the other ghostsare, you know, adults.
I am 54 years old, young lady.
I Frenched a guyat a Flock of Seagulls concert.
I don't know what to tell you.
You tell her to stay positive,okay? You never know.
A nice high school kidmight show up,
and he might crash his car,fly through the windshield...
Jay!
Well, excuse me for beinga romantic.
You know what?I think you're right, Sam.
I should just make peacewith being alone.
Thank you so much
for a very helpful talk.
You're welcome.Mm-hmm.
Oh, hey, Stephanie.You're awake.
What are you up to?
I am going to take down
every couple here at Woodstone.
If I can't be happy,
no one can. Cool.
I'm gonna stick my headin the fridge
and smell some cheese.
Listen, Trevor,uh, I am sorry
for getting all madabout you and Hetty.
The truth is I'm happyfor you guys.
Thank you, Stephanie.
It kinda sucks, though,for you, right?
You guys used to just hook up,
and now you have to do a bunchof boring boyfriend stuff?
Yikes.
Look, boyfriend stuffisn't boring.
Like today, we're doinga double date.
What are you doing?
We're having teawith Isaac and Nigel.
Wow. That soundsright up your alley.
Not.- Whoa.
She completely changedmeaning of sentence
with one word.
Well, I like tea.
And next time they said thatwe can watch basketball.
I'm sure that'll happen.
Not!
Whatever.
You're just jealous.
And stop tryingto get in my head.
So, a Viking and a hippie.- Mm-hmm.
What do you guys have in common?
Um...
we both like Viking stuff. Mm.
I mean, I'm not hugeon Viking stuff.
That's not a promising start.
I like horses. Mm.
Yes! Me, too.
Very delicious.Oh, no.
Well, I'll leave you guys to it.
Hey, thanks for coming up here.
I was hoping you couldhelp me move this old quilt
onto my bed.
Which old quilt?This one?
Yeah, that one right there.
Looks way more comfortablethan the one I have.
Thank you.
Wait, what are these?
Oh, I don't know.It's, like, shoes or something.
Jay was putting them up herewhen he woke me up.
Wait, did you not knowabout these?
Huh, he bought thesetwo days ago in New York.
And he hid them from you?
That's so messed up.
No, we don't hide thingsfrom each other.
I'm sure he just didn'tget around
to telling me yet.
No, yeah, yeah.I'm sure you're right.
Not.
So, Nigel,Isaac was telling me
that you don't carefor green tea.
Getting into controversialtopics, I see.
Well, be honest.Don't you grow tired.
Of the smell ofEnglish breakfast tea?
In England,we just call it
breakfast tea.
Is this whole double dategonna be
tea-related conversation?
It's just, it's been an hour.
And-and that's justa long time to talk
about flavored water.
Well, uh, perhaps it wouldn'tfeel so long, dearest,
if you attempted to participate.
Mm.Okay.
Well, I guess that I like...Mm-hmm?
...iced tea.
Have you ever had Snapple?
The Diet Peachwas pretty good.
And in a bold move,
Iron Chef Arondekar haschosen the parsnip.
My God, how's he gonnaprepare this?
This guy really needssome friends.
Well, when you have imagination,
you don't need friends.
I wore headgeartill I was 15.
Hey, honey,I just realized that
I never got the chance to hearabout the rest of your trip.
Oh, well, it was pretty chill.
Just played D&Dwith the old crew.
Oh, did I tell you aboutthe showdown with the Beholder?
No, I didn't meanmore D&D stuff.
You were there for two days.
You must have donesomething else.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,a Beholder showdown.
Let's not racepast that.
Nope, that waspretty much it.
So weird.
Why isn't he telling youabout the sneakers?
Look, Jay, the truth is I knowwhat you did in New York.
You do?Yes.
And it's not evena big deal, I just...
I want you to be ableto be honest with me
because that is the kindof couple we are.
Okay, fine, I interviewed forthe head chef position
at my old restaurant.
What?!
You interviewed for a job there?
You just said you knew, and thatit wasn't a big deal.
This is so much betterthan sneakers.
I didn't know,and it is a huge deal.
Okay, before somebody sayssomething they're gonna regret,
let's get back tothe Beholder showdown.
Did it use its Rayof Disintegration?
A shiny nickel says it did.
I just can't believeyou would interview for a job
in another citywithout talking to me.
Wait, what did you thinkthat I was hiding?
Uh, duh, the sneakersin the attic.
Oh, well, those aren't mine,those are Mark's.
He keeps 'em here so thathis wife doesn't know
how much he spends on shoes.
I don't even have shoes,
and my clothes are basicallya potato sack.
I'm just offeringa different perspective.
Whatever.The shoes don't matter.
You were looking for a jobin the city.
Are you unhappy here?
Well, not exactly.
You know I can't livein the city, right?Yeah.
It's, like, wall-to-wall ghosts.
Central Park looks likethe "Thriller" video.
I wasn't gonna take the job.
I just wanted to indulgein the fantasy for a minute.
What fantasy?I don't know.
Being at the epicenter ofthe cooking world again,
and working in a busy restaurant
with people thatI can see and hear.
Ouch. That felt pointed.
I'm not unhappy here,
I just-- I miss some thingsabout my old life.
Okay.
Well, what can we do?
I don't think there'sanything to do.
Wait, what-what--What was that?
I wanted fireworks.That was just...
That was depressing.
What are you talking about?
She's been trying tobreak everybody up,
except for Pete, who has no one.
Stephanie, why would youdo that to us?
Oh, my God, no oneunderstands me!
I hate you.I hate all--
Stop looking at me.
That is one dramaticmiddle-aged lady.
Guys, what was I thinking?
I had everythingso good with Hetty.
It was literally just sex.
But now we're smelling teaand talking about tea.
And she shushes mewhenever I bring up anything
that happened after 1900.
I hear you.Relationships are tough.
What do you knowabout relationship?
Uh, hello?Remember Jessica?
My ex-girlfriend?
She lived in a car?No.
Trevor, I think you'rethinking about this
all the wrong way, buddy.
I mean, the stuffyou're doing now,
the couples stuff,that's the best part.
Really?Oh, yeah.
When I think back onmy time with Carol,
I mean, those are the momentsthat really stand out.
You know, it's that tripto the lamp store,
or those long breakfastswhere you
sit there readingyour separate papers.
And then she glares at you forlaughing out loud at Ziggy,
which you know bothers her,but you can't help yourself.
It's Ziggy!
The point is,this is the good stuff, buddy.
Soak it in.
That was so bleak.
Yeah. Thor rattled.
She lived in a RAV4.
It was just a coupleweeks ago, Thor.
I know you remember.
Very sad, Sassmake up girlfriend.
So, that was fun todaywith your new beau.
Yes, it was a delight.
We should do itagain soon.
Not that soon, though.
It's just we want tospace out the fun.
Oh, drop the niceties.Trevor was a disaster.
He had no opinions about tea.
His knowledge of steam engineswas rudimentary at best.
It wasn't that bad.
Is it really that difficultto carry one's weight
at a social function?
I mean, Elias wasa syphilitic philanderer,
but that man sparkledat a dinner party.
He could drink anyoneunder the table with class,
and vomit most discreetly.
Things were simpler before, whenour union was purely carnal.
But now... what can I do?
Can't go back.During tea,
did either of you...
Feel his genitals wereon display? Yeah.
I wish I could sayyou get used to it.
You don't.
Hey, Sam, I'm herefor the shoes.
Oh, yeah, sorryabout that, Mark.
I just don't want people goingin and out of the attic.Why?
Oh, that is a fair question.
Um, there's a rare owlthat's nesting there.
We don't like to disturb it.
Oh, I didn't knowabout this owl.
I love owls.
Odin has pet owl.
Really?
Maybe that's a thingwe have in common.
Yes. Thor and Flower bothfamiliar with owls.
Is definitely basis forentire relationship. Hmm?
There's gotta be another placeon this giant property
I could stash these shoes.
How about that barn out back?
You want to putyour expensive sneakers
in some dilapidated old barn?
Yeah, it's old,but it's got good bones.
And it's actually gota solid roof to it.
Ooh, hold on.
I know my girl.Her wheels are turning.
Guys, I have an idea.
It's, uh, it's just me.
Right. I mean guy...
My guy, my man, my-my dude.
My man Mark. Marky-Mark.
It never gets lesspainful to watch.
Now will you tell mewhat we're doing
out here in the barn?
So, after our littletalk earlier,
everything you saidwas true.
I can't ever goback to the city.
She got a lotof parking tickets. Ah.
So why don't we bringthe New York City
food scene to us?
It'll be like thatbaseball movie you love.
Major League II?No.
Major League one?The Sandlot?No.
Bull Durham?Moneyball?
The Natural?Barbarella!
Just stop guessing.- Oh.
"If you build it,they will come."
Field of Dreams.
So this is whyI brought you out here.
Because this could beyour cornfield.
It could be a restaurant,a destination restaurant.
Are you saying this could beour Blue Hill at Stone Barns?
A destination restaurantcould be a big draw
for the B and B.
Oh, also, a butter churn.People love activities.
Mark could help ustransform the space.
Yeah, I mean,it all sounds great,
but we don't really havethe money for that.
You do if your contractoris your business partner.
Hold on. Mark's gonna bearound all the time
being best friends with Jay,getting into shenanigans?
Don't love that.
Although I am glad thatSam and Jay worked things out.
And now they'restronger than ever.
Just like me and Thor,who love owls.
Oh, thank you, Sam.
Now I can tell you thathalf those sneakers are mine.
They're investment pieces.
See? The shenanigans arealready starting.
Hey, Stephanie...
Yeah, they already told me, okay?
You and Jay are totally fine.
Are you here to gloat?
No, I'm here to thank you.
You made us workthrough something,
and we are strongerbecause of it.Good for you.
I'll just be over herealone for eternity
because I died on prom night,
and there is not a single otherteenage ghost on the property.
Wait a minute,you've never met Ralph?
Who's Ralph?
Hey, Ralph, show yourself.
I got someone who wantsto meet you.
H-Hi.
I'm-I'm Ralph. Ew.
What's wrong?
Look at this dork,he's got glasses on.
What, these?
♪ But would you suspect... ♪Oh, my God.
You look like thatunder those?
♪ Do not want a partof this anymore... ♪
So what kind of musicdo you like?
I only heard musicthree times in my life.
Whatever. You're so hot.
♪ And I'll have to spendmy time on repair... ♪
My own restaurant?I'm so excited.
I'm so excited for you.
Oh, and Mark's gonna be around,like, all the time.
Glad you'll havea real-life friend.
You think Mark really likes me,or is it just business?
I don't want to talkabout Mark anymore.
Now you know how I feel.
Okay, rock, paper, scissors.I win, we ask Sam
to turn on Who Wants to BeA Millionaire?
You win, we watch...what is it?
Find Nemo.
Is story of fish on greatjourney across the sea.
All right.
One, two, three.Ha ha!
Rock beats scissors.
And axe beats all!
Darn it, that smarts!
- How dare you!- How dare me?!
You're selfish,you're a control freak,
and you got all yourlittle old-timey rules.
What's going on?Hetty and Trevor arehaving a huge argument.
Shh, it's getting good.
It's like dating my teacher,and not in a hot way.
You know what's not hot?!
Displaying one's genitaliaat the tea table.
It's because of a hero move!
You know what? I'm done.
That makes two of us.
Stephanie will bemost pleased with this
a year from now.
But she couldn'tstop us. Owls.
Owls.
Do you think they bought it?
Hook, line and sinker.
Then back into the shadowswe go,
where this mismatchedtravesty belongs.
Now take me, you bare-assedlibertine.
Captioning sponsored by CBS
and TOYOTA.
Captioned byMedia Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org