(FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)
(HORSE NEIGHS)
(LAUGHS) (COCKS GUN)
(KOOKABURRA LAUGHTER AND MUSIC STOPS)
Alright, sis, ready to do this?
I'm not NOT ready.
Fire up, bitch! Fire up, bitch!
Vibe check? Honestly, vibe is pumpin'.
Eureka!
Breathe that in.
Oh, sorry, that's me. I stink.
Nah, it's opportunity.
But I'm on the nose too. Nah, it's opportunity.
But I'm on the nose too. That's a long trip.
But I'm on the nose too. What up, good time, gals?
Hm!
Mustn't have seen us. Nah, it's shade.
Those fraus are threatened.
Stop! Police!
Shit! Oh, God, they've found us!
(CHICKEN CLUCKS) Shut up, chicken!
(CHICKEN CLUCKS) I'm too sexy to get locked up.
No!
Why?!
(SIGHS) OK.
We just need to stick to the plan.
Right, yes, the plan.
What, we pan for gold Right, yes, the plan.
What, we pan for gold until we strike it rich?
Nah, fuck that. My back could never.
The plan where we change our lives by marrying newly minted dumdums
and-or dying aristocrats.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That plan.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Check this out.
'Cause here in the goldfields, Goldie,
in this new age of money and equality and freedom,
where there are no other single women, we're downright goddesses.
Thousands of men and we're the only option?
We're the hottest girls in town by default.
The goods are odd, but the odds are good.
My corner, lassies. Move along.
Sorry, our bad.
You've got the hair of an angel.
Let's go find our girl.
(THEME MUSIC) Let's go find our girl.
(THEME MUSIC) # Let's go!
# Go get it # Yeah
# Go get it # You gotta get it, girl
# Go get it # Yeah
# Go get it # You gotta get it, girl
# Go get it # Yeah
# You gotta get it, girl
# Get it, get it, get it
# Get it, get it, get it, girl... #
Um...bingo!
# Bad girl, who's a bad girl
# Yeah, get it, get it, bad girl
# Bad girl, # Yeah, get it, get it, bad girl
# Bad girl, Yes, you're a bad girl... #
Wait, let's hide!
# Never met a better bad girl... #
Hello! Good morrow, chappy!
Hello! (LAUGHS)
Is the mistress of the house in?
Is she expecting you?
It's actually a huge surprise. Mm.
I'm sure she'll be delighted.
Why, thank you very much.
La-di-da!
So posh! Jesus!
So posh! Hats off. She bloody did it.
Is this a real decorative gold nugget?
Like, just for show? Can we have it?
Who shall I say is calling?
Ooh, just tell her it's a couple of friendly faces from the past.
Ooh, just tell her it's a couple Yeah, some besties from way back.
A couple of extremely old faces Yeah, some besties from way back.
A couple of extremely old faces from the very distant past.
A couple of extremely old faces I'll go fetch her.
So you're sure about this?
She'll take us in and give us nice dresses
and introduce us to rich, elderly gents to wed?
Yeah, of course she bloody will. We were inseparable back on the docks.
But it's been a few years, so maybe just...play it cool.
Got it. Ice cold.
Bonjour!
Franny! Holy shit, Franny!
You look hot! Oh, my God! You look amazing!
You look hot! Look at your hair!
Give me some of that sweet neck frill.
Woof, woof! Woof, woof!
Woof, woof! Aruga! Aruga!
Look at your beautiful eyes! What's new, pussycat?
Look at your beautiful eyes! (MIAOWS)
Friends of yours. (BAD FRENCH ACCENT) Of mine?
No, I have never seen those wenches before in my life.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Ah, you cheeky bugger! Your hair...
Look at your beautiful face! ..looks so good.
Oh, my God. Is it real?
Oh, my God. Wait, Slappers, it's me, Gertrude.
Gertie. And me. Marigold Brewer from Sydney.
You are mistaken. I am from Paris, via Melbourne.
OK, our bad.
You look beautiful.
Enchante.
French? Enchante.
French? Oui.
Really? Oui.
Really? Not the Fran Slapperelli
who nearly drowned in a barrel Not the Fran Slapperelli
who nearly drowned in a barrel of soldier rum at her 14th birthday?
No.
And you don't have a scar on your right tit
from when we let that convict give us homemade tattoos?
No. No?
And then you definitely don't have a little polio foot
hiding under that very fancy rich lady skirt!
hiding under that No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Oh, my giddy aunt.
Guests!
Percy!
Who are these fabulous vagabonds?
I love your aesthetic.
It says, "I'm hungry and horny, but also very poor."
Mm.
Mon amore, Francesca. Oh!
Mmm! Mmm!
Mmm-mm-mm! Mmm-mm-mm!
(CONTINUE KISSING NOISILY)
Mmm! Oh! Oh!
Mm-mm. Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!
Oh, yummy.
Don't believe anyone who says that Oh, yummy.
Don't believe anyone who says that marriage will dampen your sex life.
Oh, are you here to collect our muck?
No, we're here because... They are la poo-poo girls, oui.
No, we're here because... Poo-poo girls should know better
than to come to the front of the house.
What if we were entertaining?
Oh, so the poo-poo goes through the back door?
I'll take care of these confused wenches, Percilicious, huh?
God, I love the poor.
So inspiring.
So grubby. Mmm.
We ate foie gras last night,
so the poo-poo is especially whiffy.
Ciao, babies.
Jerome.
Um...he seems amazing.
Yeah, we were going to find, like, old, yucky, rich...
Dying, yeah. ..dying, gross men.
Dying, yeah. But he's, like, fun and cute.
Oui! We are very much in love.
Now, how do you say, get le fuck out of my mansion?
Now, how do you say, Yeah, that's exactly how you say it.
But remember this, Franbalam,
you don't get rid of a Brewer sister that easy.
Yeah, we're like ringworm. Mm-hm.
And you know that I know that you know about ringworm, Franny.
And you know that I know It's Francesca now!
ALL: Ooh!
Bonjour!
It's au revoir, you French fuck.
Shit. Where the hell are we gonna stay now?
I know. I was really pumped for mansion life.
Right?
Who are you Right?
Who are you and what are you doing in here?
Who are you Overthrowing the patriarchy.
Do you have a cocktail list?
No, women cannot drink in the pub.
Gentlemen. BOTH: Barry.
How's work? Good. You?
Living the dream.
There you go. Get that in you.
Come on, could we just have one drink?
Pwitty pwease, Mr Big Old Bartender?
But don't do the baby voice. Unless you like the baby voice?
No, it makes me hugely uncomfortable.
No, it makes me Yeah, right. That's messed up.
Like, what, you think babies are sexy?
I knew I liked you.
Two tankards of rum, please.
Can't. It's the law, you see.
Oh, here we go. Why don't you explain Can't. It's the law, you see.
Oh, here we go. Why don't you explain the law to us, barkeep?
Yeah, and can the big man please use little words
for our tiny, widdle baby bwains, pwease?
Don't do the baby voice, remember?
We can pay.
Ladies' Lounge is over there.
(FLIES BUZZ)
Gonna be honest, do not love the ladies' lounge.
It's not great.
OK, we're cool. New plan.
If that gaslighter up on the hill wants to pretend she doesn't know us,
then we just need to take matters into our own hands.
then we just need to take matters How hard can getting a house be?
Two non-alcoholic beverages, completely legal, for the ladies.
What's your name, kindly gent?
It's Bartholomew. What's your name, kindly gent?
It's Bartholomew. (SPITS)
It's Bartholomew. Eugh! Is this water, Barry?!
Are you trying to poison me?
I thought I could trust you, Barry.
Put the champagne on ice, Barry.
We'll be back for a real drink Put the champagne on ice, Barry.
We'll be back for a real drink to celebrate our new abode.
No, please don't come back.
It's illegal and you are very annoying.
Catch you soon, Baz.
Oh, I love this for me.
Helping out two hot mummies.
So, where you from?
Perth. Arabia.
Perth. Intriguing.
Look, babes, I've got to be honest.
It's a savage rental market out there.
Well, we just want something simple. Roof over our heads.
Latrine stream within a five-minute walk,
no closer than, like, a three-minute walk.
Mm. Close to the bar so we can walk home safely.
Close to church so we can steal the leftover communion wine.
And it's got to be cheap. Borderline free.
Yeah, because we don't have jobs or inherited wealth.
I mean, babes, I've got to be honest,
it's a savage rental market out there.
You said that already. Wait, how old are you?
35.
23.
OK, I'm 16.
But if you've got a bond deposit, OK, I'm 16.
But if you've got a bond deposit, I can get you something pretty lit.
A bond deposit? Money.
You need money to get a house.
# My love for you
# My love for you... #
OK, new, new plan.
Rouge me.
What's that? Dirty potato. I'm contouring.
And snacking. Ooh!
Hot. Save some spud for me. OK.
Oh! (BOTH GIGGLE)
Don't, Marigold! You're getting my dress all wet!
These guys don't look like wealthy landlords to me.
No, we'll start on the house-hunting, rich-guy mission tomorrow.
Let's just find some hunks to put us up tonight.
OK. OK.
Ooh! (GIGGLES)
Ooh! Oh, my God!
This cold, dirty river water Oh, my God!
This cold, dirty river water feels so good on my skin.
Ah! OK, that'll do.
Oi, lads.
So any of you boys got a nice little shack here in town?
Yeah, consider me shacked. Mmm.
You got a fireplace up in there?
Oh, yeah. It gets lovely and warm.
Ooh, toasty.
You know what would make it warmer?
Two beautiful, confident, appropriately aged women.
I've got...nah, I've got a wife back in Adelaide
and a very stroppy cat
that doesn't take kindly to strangers.
that doesn't take kindly Do I get to choose which one?
No to red. Yes to blue.
Flattered, but we're kind of a package combo.
So... Hard pass.
So let me get this right.
None of you boofheads So let me get this right.
None of you boofheads want to let us crash
in your, what I can only imagine are, destitute cum dens?
Is it a guaranteed root or a little heavy petting or...?
What? No!
It's an act of charity for two wholesome but sexy sisters.
No, well, my me-time is very important.
I've only got a single bed.
No, stop splashing.
These lobcocks have got nothing we want.
These lobcocks No way.
Eureka!
Just kidding!
That's OK. We're OK.
Come up with a new plan.
Alright, think. Think.
Oh, my. Who is that?
(ROMANTIC MUSIC)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(SPEAKS CHINESE)
Oh, he's cute.
Hey, what do you got in that purse?
Well, let's look.
I've got a snail shell to remind me the fragility of life.
I've got a snail shell Gross. How is it still slimy?
A lock of dear Mum's hair.
It smells like whiskey and remorse.
And these things.
What the actual fuck, Marigold?!
What? You stole these?
No, I accidentally found them on my person.
No, I accidentally He doesn't need them anyway.
Dude, this is evidence of the terrible, terrible thing we did.
If someone catches us with these, our whole plan comes unstuck.
If someone catches us with these, I'm an idiot.
Actually, hold on. Spit.
What can we get for these?
They are definitely not stolen from someone who's definitely not dead.
Prepare yourselves for a joygasm.
I've got you a house. BOTH: Yes!
Tomorrow. What?!
There's a very angry lady living there, and I'm deeply scared of her.
There's a very angry lady living Give her the boot.
Oh, you want me to just kick out
a single mum out of a house tonight without notice?
OK. I thought women were supposed to support women.
Sure. Yeah, no. Give her the night. Yeah.
If she's a single mom. Cool.
If she's a single mom. Well, hush, hush.
Get your bags. Get your things.
Wait, what are we meant to do tonight?
Wait, what are we meant to do Sorry, MILFs. Can't help you.
It's din-din time.
MILFs?
Maybe this is all bad karma.
We can't get a bed tonight
because of that dodgy stuff we did back in Sydney.
No, no, no. No more talking about our shady past.
New town, new us.
WOMAN: Um, hi.
Oh, hi.
Hey. How's it going?
Was going good.
What happened?
Two white ladies just walked all over my merch.
Two white ladies Oh, shit.
Oh! Yeah.
Oh! I reckon that'll be...£4.
Yeah. Y'all should be more careful.
Four pou...ow!
Sorry. Damn. We're, like, properly poor.
Like, we don't have any anything. Yeah, I'll just give it a little...
No, stop. Stop. Stop!
OK. MAN: Oh, stop? Finally.
OK. Not you. Keep going.
I can't do another lap. Not you. Keep going.
I can't do another lap. It's bloody hot under here.
We sell more furs when you're the model. It's your dopey little face.
It's not dopey. Manly.
Who dat?
I'm Marigold Brewer. This is Gert Brewer. We're new.
I'm Marigold Brewer. I'm Albert.
Oh, and this is my annoying older sister, Molly.
Oh, and this is This is Vic, boss lady.
Like I said - Albert. The cool one.
MOLY AND VIC: Get back to work!
For fuck's sake, I'm just trying to be friendly.
Yeah, go be friendly over there.
Look, I think, um...I think we just...we got off on the wrong foot.
Look, I think, um...I think we You know, we women...
..we've got to...we've got to support women out here.
You know? Like, I mean, what does it take to get a break in this town?
You know? Like, I mean, what does Grow a dick?
Yeah, you've got to have a dick.
Yeah, and be willing to exploit those less powerful than yourselves.
And also have a pretty decent understanding
of the political system.
And also probably rich parents.
Yeah, and have white skin.
(BOTH LAUGH)
(ALL LAUGH)
I'm pretty nervous right now.
Oof. Nah, knock-off time.
Got a hard out at 4pm. Oof. Nah, knock-off time.
Got a hard out at 4pm. Got a date with myself.
Fun! Good luck, fresh meat.
Yeah, no, catch you round, hopefully, old meat.
I think we just met the queen of Dead Horse Gap.
Right? I've got a good feeling about this.
(THUNDER RUMBLES)
(BARKS)
(MEN SHOUT)
Argh! Ah!
Not in the city anymore, ladies.
(CACKLES)
New, new, new plan - don't die.
You got something sharp? Always.
You got something sharp? OK. You go face, I go nuts.
I never get to go nuts.
Oh, wait, wait. Wait, it's going to be OK.
Oh, wait, wait. It's always OK. We're always OK.
Except for when it's not OK.
Oh, God. Tonight's the night we're gonna die. We're gonna die!
I'm gonna die the most beautiful virgin in the goldfields.
This wasn't the plan, Gertie!
Oh, fuck, Golds, I'm sorry.
(THUNDER CRASHES) (SCREAMS)
Jesus Christ! Calm the fuck down!
Jesus Christ! Oh, shit.
I thought you were gonna kill us.
Wait, are you gonna kill us?
Marlene. Local night wench.
Part-time blacksmith.
I'm also dabbling with pottery.
Busy! We're the Brewers.
We have no skills and no jobs. And nowhere to stay tonight.
So what's the plan?
We're gonna find rich, dumb husbands.
And-or lovers. Preferably old, so they die soon.
Control the men who control the wealth.
Yeah, that. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, yeah. No, that. Yeah.
Girlies, that's not the path to freedom.
The oppressor never willingly surrenders to the oppressed.
(BURPS)
Oh, a bit of vom.
Well, with all due respect, Marlene, that's a bit old-school.
Things are different these days, so I think we got this.
Things are different these days, Right you are.
I was actually just talking about tonight.
These streets aren't safe,
even for a couple of feisty young shit-dodgers.
even for a couple of feisty (THUNDER CRASHES)
Fuck.
Fuckin' hell.
So any idea on a cute-slash-free Fuckin' hell.
So any idea on a cute-slash-free bed and breakfast?
So any idea on a cute-slash-free There's only one safe place
for a pair of lady-lumpin' no-hopers in this town.
for a pair of lady-lumpin' no-hopers Beds are hard, the rats are bitey,
but it's not without its charm.
Hurry up and pee, Goldie. We've got a date with the law.
You OK?
You know that feeling when everything's fallen into place
You know that feeling and you're in exactly the right spot
at the right time and you're in exactly the right spot
at the right time with the right person?
Totally, it's like that time I got fingered at New Year's
by that French hottie with the glass eye.
The glass eye, yeah. Yeah.
I know the feeling, Golds, and I've got it too.
I was actually just gonna say
that I don't really, like, super have that feeling.
What?! Goldie!
I'm sorry I lied. That was a nervous wee, not an excited way.
Yeah, but I've got a plan, and it's not that terrible.
Yeah. And totally, you know,
I'm generally up for whatever shenanigans.
Yeah, you bloody love a silly adventure.
It's just that this one doesn't like, 100% make sense to me,
you know, because we're kind of like running from the law.
you know, because we're (LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR)
(DEEPLY) Someone's in here.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
MAN: Oi!
Hello, sir.
I'm having an incredibly Hello, sir.
I'm having an incredibly important psych-up conversation
with my illegitimate half-sister in here
and we're going to need a little more time, OK?
and we're going to need This is the bloke's toilet.
Well, your objection has been noted.
Decrepit old man.
Cute?
Not NOT cute. (KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Yeah. Please! I'm busting.
Yeah. Fine.
Excuse me, ma'ams.
Can I interest you in some sort of threesome?
Absolutely not. I thought you were busting.
It is nice to be asked. Oh, totally!
Hope I'm still that horny when I'm 110.
Hope I'm still that horny Yeah.
Goldie? Yeah.
Goldie? Mm-hm?
Goldie? Yes, it's scary.
Yeah, we could die.
Yes, I wish I had a better plan.
But, hey, we're the fucking Brewers. We got this.
But, hey, we're the fucking Brewers. OK, you're right. I'm ready.
I love you. Yes!
You're the light of my world. The future is female.
BOTH: Fire up, bitch!
Uh-oh.
BOTH: Hello, boys!
This is illegal.
We're just two ladies having a drink
that we bought We're just two ladies having a drink
that we bought in this licensed tavern.
that we bought Aha!
How delightful it is to be a lady drinking this frothy gold ale.
How delightful it is to be a lady Oh, women can do anything they want!
Hey!
Bingo.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)
Suck on that Dead Horse Gap!
We're getting locked up!
Wait, why are they...?
Yeah, it's whitefellas getting arrested for fun.
The audacity. They're always pulling that shit.
They call us savages.
(KOOKABURRA STOPS LAUGHING, THUDS TO GROUND)
(SNORING)
Wakey-wakey, my glamorous deviants!
Rise and shine.
So, Leonard, you big legend.
Are we cool to roll out? Well, you did break the law.
Oh, pwitty pwease, Mr Powice Officer. Pwease!
Oh, pwitty pwease, That is...
..so cute.
God, I love a baby voice.
Oh, get on out of here, you delightful scamps.
Oh! Um, PS, re us getting arrested again,
we still want to drink at the bar.
Well, maybe the local constabulary
might be willing to turn a blind eye for someone so beautiful.
We should, uh... we should hang out sometime.
Yeah, just chill or whatevs.
Oh, that's such a sweet offer. Yeah, just chill or whatevs.
Oh, that's such a sweet offer. She'll pass.
Oh, that's such a sweet offer. OK. Worth a shot.
I gonna miss you most of all, Marlene.
Get your hand off me, evil spectre!
Mm, not really a morning person.
Fuck.
That's day one done.
We absolutely smashed it.
Humungous success.
And I only got bedbug bites on one leg.
And I only got bedbug bites Hey, nice!
We did it. It's you and me Hey, nice!
We did it. It's you and me against the world, Goldie-girl.
Oi, Dead Horse Gap! We're the Brewer sisters. We're here!
And we're gonna own this place one day.
You heard it. Yeah.
As you were.
Yeah. Oh, bonjour. Quoi de neuf, Franny?
Walk of shame, ladies? Love it.
Heard you two caused quite the ruckus last night.
Yeah, we spent last night in the slammer. It was pretty gross, dude.
Oh, trash belongs in the bin. Come, Percy!
I do love it when you're mean.
Drink? Drink.
Says we can drink here whenever we want.
Says we can drink here Well, that's clearly forged.
I am never getting rid of you ladies, am I?
You know what, Barry? We ladies are rising up.
You know what, Barry? Yeah, look outside. It's 1853, dude.
Mm-hm. We're the new generation.
And we want liberation and rights
and multiple orgasms.
Or even just, like, a regular amount of orgasms.
Yeah, we're coming out of the kitchen and into the goldfields.
Only weak men fear strong women.
Ovaries before brovaries, Barry.
Can you handle that? Yeah, can you?
Can you handle us, Barry?
Can you handle this, bro? Can you handle us?
Can you handle a bit of this? What about this, Barry?
Can you handle that? Yeah, can you handle that?
Can you handle that, Barry? How about her?
Can you handle that? Hello! Can you handle that?
Can you handle us, Barry? Yes. Yes!
(SCOTTISH ACCENT) Barry, can you handle this?
OK, OK.
Yes. Yes, I can handle this.
Good. OK, good.
So what do you want?
I could smash a sherry.
And do you have any bar snacks? I could smash a sherry.
And do you have any bar snacks? 'Cause I am ravenous.
And do you have any bar snacks? Thanks, Baz.
# If you wanna love me, baby
# You gotta learn how to love... # # If you wanna love me, baby
# You gotta learn how to love... # (SLAMS DOWN BOWL)
# You gotta learn how to love... # Thank you so much.
That's a nice touch. Thank you.
# You gotta learn how to touch, hey
# If you go and hurt me, baby... #
Morning, sweets. Cup of Joe?
Ta, love.
So I've been, uh, thinking.
I've actually managed to save up a fair bit of extra cash.
I've actually managed to save up I'm not gonna fuck you, Lenny.
I don't shit where I sleep.
OK. Fair enough.
Just the regular, then? Mm.
Hop in.
# Yeah...
# If you wanna love me... #
That blonde Brewer girl's pretty cute, huh?
You reckon I got a shot? Nup.
You reckon I got a shot? Bummer.
Can you pat my tummy?
# You gotta know how to touch, hey
# If you go and hurt me, baby
# You better know how to run, yeah
# If you wanna love me, baby
# You've gotta learn # If you wanna love me, baby
# You've gotta learn how to love... #
You malicious genius. # You've gotta learn how to love... #
You malicious genius.
How'd Franny Fish-flaps
snag the richest dude in town
without even having to fuck him?
It's more than luck that landed your without even having to fuck him?
It's more than luck that landed your mate the biggest fish in the field.
So we just need to rebrand like Fran did.
So we just need to rebrand Do you know, I don't gossip.
Look, wives.
Miss Dead Horse Gap, you say?
I don't suppose there are a couple of spare spots at this classy soiree?
We're off to a function this afternoon.
We're off to a function Is it more of a casual thing,
or do we got to dress up like cupcakes too?
We're wife material, about to dazzle high society with our talents.
BARRY: Introducing Marigold and Gertrude Brewer.
Bravo! More!
Extraordinary!
Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Captions by Red Bee Media
Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation
Copyright # Yeah, yeah! #