[rock music]
[both chuckling]
This is gonna be cool.
[chuckling] We're gonna egg a house.
[chuckling] - Yeah, it's gonna be cool.
Yeah. [chuckling]
But, um, like, which house should we egg?
[indistinct yelling]
Uh, not this one.
Whoever lives here is cool. [chuckling]
[dog barking]
Yeah, not this one either. These guys kick ass.
[chuckling] - They sure do, Beavis.
[chuckling]
Whoa, now, whoever lives here sucks.
Beavis, I think we have a winner.
Yeah, yeah, let's egg it, yeah.
Okay, Beavis, when I count to three,
let's throw these eggs.
Uh, go.
[both grunting]
[both chuckling]
- Yeah. - [chuckling]
- [grunts] - [chuckling]
Damn it.
Ugh, damn it! [chuckling]
Ah!
Beavis, you dumbass.
You got in the way of my perfect throw.
[chuckling] - [grunts]
I'll show you how it's done, Beavis.
Check this out. [chuckling]
[grunts]
Ah!
Damn it. Throwing sucks.
[chuckling]
[humming melody]
♪ I'm in my prime, optimist ♪
Butt-Head: Uh, I think
she's supposed to be, like, Pinocchio,
but when she lies, her butt grows bigger.
[chuckling]
Yeah, yeah, yeah. [chuckling]
She been doing a whole lot of lying.
You know what I'm saying? [chuckling]
♪ ♪
I wish, when I lied,
my schlong would grow bigger 'cause then I'd be like,
"Hey, baby." [chuckling]
"I have a gigantic schlong." [chuckling]
And I'd be lying, but then my schlong would get bigger
because I'm lying, see?
And then it would be true, though,
so, um, I don't know if it shrinks again or--
I don't know how that works, you know?
I don't know what the Pinocchio rules are.
You know? [chuckling]
Yeah, maybe it would just, like, start growing
and shrinking back and forth, you know, like,
'cause, um, 'cause it grows, and then I'm not lying,
and then it shrinks since I'm lying,
and then, you know, it just goes back and forth.
It's kind of going "boing, oing, boing, boing, boing."
[chuckling]
And then I wouldn't even need the chick, you know?
I could just have my schlong do all the work, you know?
[chuckling]
And I wouldn't need my hands either.
[chuckling]
Can go eat lunch or something. You know, go about my business.
You know? [chuckling]
Maybe take up a new hobby, you know,
like, um, like, um...
uh, like spanking my-- oh, no, never mind.
[chuckling]
That was quite a ride, Beavis.
[chuckling]
I guess what I'm saying, though, is, like, um,
is I wish I could lie a lot and have a big schlong.
That's all. [chuckling]
That would rule. [chuckling]
Uh, you know, they really should
make a "Schlongnocchio" movie. [chuckling]
'Cause then, like, Jimmy Cricket
can get it on with Tinkerbell, and then Peter Pan
can grant him a real schlong,
and they can all ride off on Dumbo.
[chuckling]
Beavis: [chuckling]
Butt-Head: And then that cricket can be like,
"Uh, hey, Tinkerbell, wanna see my seventh leg?"
[chuckling]
Yeah.
"Hey, Tinkerbell, hey, how'd you like to see
something that always grows up? You know what I'm saying?"
[chuckling]
♪ If that bitch gets slick, I'll cut the bitch ♪
Uh, okay, Beavis, I have an idea for a game.
[chuckling]
Every time she says, "bitch," I get to smack you.
[chuckling] - No way!
Why would I do that? [chuckling]
Butt-Head: Uh, okay, how about this?
Every time she says "butt," you can smack me.
Uh, okay, yeah, I mean,
she is the queen of butts. [chuckling]
Your funeral. [chuckling]
Now let the games begin. [chuckling]
♪ I'll cut up the bitch ♪
♪ I'll gut the bitch ♪
♪ Had to fuck up the bitch ♪ - Ah! Wait, I--
Ah! Okay, okay. - ♪ Fuck the bitch ♪
I can't hear when you're smacking me!
Ah! Wait, I think--
- [grunts] - Hold on!
Why did I-- ah, ah, ow!
I can--ah! Hey!
- ♪ Cut up the bitch ♪ - [screams]
♪ Get the combination to the safe ♪
♪ And drug the bitch ♪ - I win.
[chuckling] - Ah, ah!
Damn it. [chuckling]
I did not think she would say "bitch" so much
when I agree-- ah!
Wait, Butt-Head, you can't smack me when I say it!
Son of a bitch. Oh, wait, don't--ah!
[chuckling]
Damn it, this game sucks.
Uh, damn it, we're out of eggs.
Where are we gonna get more eggs
to throw at this dumbass house? [chuckling]
Uh...
[doorbell rings]
Well, hello.
Uh, hello.
We, like, need some eggs.
Yeah, a lot of 'em. Please, yeah.
Eggs? Of course.
Happy to help. - [chuckles]
Reminds me of the old days when a neighbor
would ask for a cup of sugar.
Um, okay. Give us a cup of sugar too.
- Yeah. - [chuckling]
Sure, no problem.
So what grade are you boys in?
Uh, we don't know. [chuckling]
I know what you mean.
It all goes by so fast, doesn't it?
Uh, no?
Nope. [chuckling]
There you go, boys. Enjoy.
Bye, boys. You come back anytime now.
Nah. [chuckling]
- Oh, yeah. - [chuckling]
That sugar really hit the spot. - Yeah, yeah, sure did, yeah.
You know, they should put this in food and stuff.
Yeah. - Yeah, I wish.
[chuckling]
Now let's go egg those buttholes.
Yeah! [chuckling]
Okay, let's kick 'em this time.
Yeah, yeah, throwing sucks. [chuckling]
[both grunting]
Damn eggs. Ugh!
Ah!
Uh, did we get any eggs on the house?
I think so. Um...
eh, no, I don't think so. [chuckling]
Damn it. [chuckling]
All right, Beavis, I have another idea.
Now follow me. [chuckling]
Um, what is it?
Uh, I don't know.
Okay, Beavis, we're gonna toilet paper their house.
Yeah, yeah, because they suck.
[chuckling]
This'll teach them a lesson. Okay, here we go, Beavis.
[chuckling] [grunts]
Yes!
They're gonna be so pissed off. Yeah.
No, they're not, dumbass.
The toilet paper went down the sewer.
Oh, yeah, yeah, so it did, yeah.
Damn it.
Now we gotta get more toilet paper.
Where?
[doorbell rings]
Hello.
Uh, we need toilet paper.
[both chuckling]
Sure, boys, always happy to help a neighbor.
Um, and we need a lot because I poop too much.
He sure does. [chuckling]
You know, all that talk of eggs and sugar last time
put me in the mood for baking, and I made some cookies.
Whoa.
Well, they sure appreciate your baking, honey.
Put more sugar in next time.
Yeah, yeah, have you heard of that stuff?
Really good, yeah.
- Toilet paper. - Yes!
Yeah, yeah. [chuckling]
It's about time. [chuckling]
Such good boys.
[both chuckling]
We did it, Butt-Head! We did it, yeah!
Let me guess. You guys did that?
- Yeah, we sure did. - Yeah, it's toilet paper.
[chuckling]
Real smart to TP a house
when there's a nationwide toilet paper shortage going on.
Um, what? [chuckling]
There's no toilet paper in the stores right now
because of the supply chain, genius.
It's called following the news?
Eh, this sucks. [chuckling]
Wait a minute, Beavis, I just thought of something.
If we get our toilet paper back,
we can sell it and, like, be rich.
Whoa!
- Damn it. - [grunting]
[doorbell rings]
Uh, we got toilet paper.
Yeah, yeah, check it out. Yeah, it's good stuff.
[chuckling]
You can use it on your butt, you know,
or blow your nose or something.
Wow.
For you boys to clean up after some bad kids
threw toilet paper on our home, it's wonderful.
Thank you. - Yes.
This is the nicest thing anyone's done for us
in a long while.
Uh, what?
Diane and I were never able to have children
of our own, but if we had, we'd sure like to think
they'd be something like you.
Do you want the toilet paper or not?
Yeah, it's, like, brand-new or something.
Yeah, nobody wiped their butt on it,
not even once. [chuckling]
We'll throw this out for you.
Thank you. Thanks again.
- Ugh, damn it. - That sucks.
They just stole our toilet paper.
[chuckling]
Well, I did wipe my butt on some of it, you know,
if I'm gonna be honest. [chuckling]
We should, like, smear shaving cream everywhere
to prank those buttholes. - Yeah, good idea.
Yeah. [chuckling]
Um, where do we get shaving cream though?
Uh, I know.
[chuckling]
Oh, yeah, yeah. [chuckling]
[both chuckling]
[doorbell rings] - This is gonna be cool.
[both chuckling]
[rock music]
♪ ♪
Chirp.