["YKI" playing]
[vehicle approaching]
[men] Do it! Do it! Do it!
He shoots it off every 40 minutes.
[Ness] And that is considered art?
Come on. This is Art Basel.
The greatest artists in the world come here.
You really have to embrace the weird, okay?
Last year, I paid to be in a room
with an Australian man folding laundry for 16 hours straight.
- [laughs] - [Felix] Oh, love it here.
[Santi] I'm so inspired right now.
Ness, can we go to Michaels after this to get arts and crafts and stuff?
Uh, okay, cálmate. You're still a musician.
You can make weird art nobody likes after you make it big.
Oh, my God, Zale Bonus is here.
Is that a person or a jewelry store?
He's the biggest name in digital art investing!
His podcast, We Was Cryptos, is fucking genius.
[sarcastically] Wow. Sounds like an amazing guy.
Holy shit, he's having a panel. We have to go.
Miss a once-in-a-lifetime collection of artists
to listen to a tech bro you get off to in the shower? Uh-uh.
[scoffs] I don't get off to him.
I'm sorry. Keep at it, champ.
[sighs] Let's put it to a vote.
All in favor of going to the Zale Bonus talk?
[chuckles]
Oh, this is a y'all conversation.
- [gunshot] - [crowd cheering]
Ugh! Missed it.
There's so much to love about artists, y'all.
They bring beauty into our world.
They push our culture forward.
And, honestly, they usually got the best fucking drugs.
[audience laughing]
I ain't promoting, that's just the data.
All right, let's get serious, though.
Who gets to be an artist in today's world?
People like you and me, my sister?
No. I want our artists
to succeed and thrive, but that's not what happens, is it?
Nope. They get priced out of they own cities.
Can't even live there, can't even paint there.
On top of that, you do get poppin',
and you get gouged by art dealers.
Don't we wanna create a world where everybody can be an artist?
- [audience] Yeah! - Right?
Not just white people, you know what I'm saying?
Black folks, brown folks.
Latina girls, Asian motherfuckers,
everybody can make art
and not be placed
- in a box. - [Ness] Right.
- Yep. - And that's why
I'm so excited to announce
- our newest initiative, y'all. - [man whooping]
An artist incubator,
built specifically to help fund
GOC,
aka Geniuses of Color.
- All right. Let's go. - [audience cheering]
Let me hear you say GOC!
- [audience] GOC! - GOC!
GOC!
Wait, you think this guy would, like, fund me?
Or is he only talking paint and paper artists?
- Paint and paper? - [Ness] No, no.
I mean, you are a Genius of Color.
- Been saying it for years. - Wait.
I'm gonna make this happen because this guy's loaded.
He wants to blow it on art and maybe he could blow it on me.
Uh, okay, but wouldn't it be weird to be backed by, like, a non-label, Mia?
Oh, no, I think it's a great idea.
New musicians get weird funding in this town all the time.
- All right. - I bet he'd be into you.
Look at him, he has incredible fucking instincts.
Ahhh!
[audience cheering]
[funky music playing]
Why'd you tell Santi this benefactor was a good idea?
Aren't you supposed to be pretending you're gonna sign us?
Getting funding from outside doesn't prevent me from signing him, Felix.
If anything, it helps.
How?
A patron provides capital for you guys to record new music,
you get some good radio play, make another video.
It's just gonna make it easier to bring him to the label at the perfect time.
Aren't you worried he's gonna become
this trusted advisor to Santi and help him build his career so much
he realizes he doesn't need you or the label to sign him?
The dude who was on stage using a dick cannon?
I think we'll be fine.
Hey, you remember that time I ate your finger?
- That was cool, right? - Shut up, Felix.
[chuckles]
[Ness] There he is. Okay, there's gotta be 20 other artists
waiting to chat him up. None are white.
- We don't even have that going for us. - [Santi] Ness.
Please breathe.
[both breathing deeply]
- Okay. - I got this.
Excuse me. There he is. Look at you!
This is... Oh, my God, dude.
This shirt is crazy.
You look like you're in a hurricane or something, with the blue hair.
Yo. I know who you are.
- Yeah? - You're the dude that
- remixed that "Eduardo" song. - [Santi] Yes!
- [Zale] That's some good content. - Thank you.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. You know, my team, we worked so hard on it.
I learned a lot about produce that day.
There's 21 types of melon.
- No shit. - Vanessa Peguero.
- Hi. - People call me Ness.
It's a privilege, pleasure and honor to be meeting you, sir, and my God!
Your hand is incredibly soft.
You gotta tell me what kind of lotion you use, right?
I must say, not to fangirl, but I listen to your podcast religiously.
Your innovation knows no bounds, and we are tickled
that you enjoyed the campaign
that I conceptualized, produced and brought in under budget.
Yo, no misogyny or nothing, but you gotta chill a little bit,
- you know? You're good, though. - Yeah, yeah.
Grocery store homie, your name?
- Santi. - Santi.
My financially obligated time to be here is officially over,
so I gotta bounce. It's real dry in here.
But let me get your phone real quick.
Oh, yeah.
[Zale] So, this is where we 'bout to be.
Come through with your team and we'll chop it up a little bit more.
All right, my boy. Let's get out of here. All right.
All right, yo, I'll see you later.
- You're gonna leave me hanging? - [Zale] Yeah.
- I'mma catch you next time. - [Zale] All right.
[grunts] Let's go!
["Me Acostumbré" playing]
Hey, Ramon.
- Hey, Mia. - Well, I have Santi and his team here.
Not seeing Santi on the list, Mia.
Oh, well, look.
The label and I were really trying to woo Santi,
and I feel like Oscar would be really upset
if he didn't go to his first paid brand campaign,
if it was because your dyslexia was acting up again.
All right, Mia.
- Go ahead. - Thank you, Ramon.
["Get Money Get Money" playing]
Felix, let's go find Zale,
I'll get cool with him, he'll wanna fund us,
and then Ness, you come in with all the business-y stuff like...
Like interest rates and shit. Come on.
[both chuckle]
Hey, uh, how do you do that?
- Ramon? - Yeah.
- Oh, we go way back. - [chuckles]
No, I... I mean, like, um, how do you, like, you know, just
get shit done?
Well, look, it's about making people feel like they're in power,
when actually you're the one pulling the strings. [chuckles]
I won't make myself smaller to make people feel more comfortable.
Ness, that's literally the job.
If you wanna manage Santi, you have to become
a million versions of yourself to get what you want.
It's not about making yourself smaller,
it's about tricking people into thinking they're bigger.
Right.
I think I'm gonna go work the room
and trick some people into thinking they're in charge.
Just like I did you.
Very Kandinsky,
body horror, but also like Rebecca Romijn from X-Men.
High-low, very inspiring. [sighs]
My boy. Zale.
[Felix] Oh, shit, let's go.
Thank you so much.
[rap song playing]
Ooh, you shaking that shit. What's that, a unicorn?
Yeah! [laughs] You got that motherfucker galloping!
[clicking tongue]
- Ey, ey, ey! - Yo!
[laughs] What's up, Zale?
- Yeah, baby! - What's up, baby?
- Yo, make yourself at home. [laughs] - [Santi groans]
- Yo, I was wondering about earlier... - Yeah.
- ...if I could be the guy that you... - Right.
- ...fund. I'm the perfect... - Hold that thought.
There's somebody I really want you to meet.
He's genius, like, real creative dude.
- Yeah? - He's, like, savant level.
- Okay. - Javier Luna.
Yeah, real cool cat.
You're gonna love him. Here, here. Javi!
- [Javier] Yeah. - What's up, baby?
Yo, Zale. How you doing, my bro?
- Yo, I'm Javi. - I'm Santi.
Santi. Nice to meet you. A pleasure, my brother.
Santi, the guy you talked shit about on Twitter, bruv.
You called him "Internet famous."
I'm so sorry, my bro. I was really going through it a few months ago.
My rabbit died.
- [scoffs] - Oh, damn.
I'm so sorry.
I've been trying to get Zale to back me up for my real talent
but my label says I'm crazy. They don't know shit.
So, what's your, uh, real talent? If this is like...
Magic.
[Santi laughing]
What's so funny?
Why are you laughing?
I mean, I was just...
Fucking magic, dude.
Well, like, the thing about magic is it's always, like,
"Oh, my God, how did you do that?"
[Javier laughs] Right?
Thanks. I tried to tell my manager that,
and they look at me like I'm crazy.
Yeah, well, that's suits for you.
They don't get the vision.
I love this guy. I'm gonna sit.
- [Zale] Pull up. - Please.
Yo, Javi. Please show Santi a trick.
- Wanna see a trick? - [Santi] I'm good.
- I'm still working on it, but... - [Santi] Oh.
- Oh, shit! - [Zale] What the fuck?
- [Javier exhales] I mean... - Crazy. [laughing]
["Guaya" playing]
Hi, I'm Ness.
Terrence, with a T.
- [chuckling] Okay. - Nice to meet you.
So, uh, what brings you to Art Basel, Ness?
Uh, I rep an artist in the Urbano music space.
- Do you? - I do.
Well, I actually happen to work in music PR myself.
- Do you, now? - Mmm-hmm.
[laughing] Okay.
Maybe we could, you know,
have a few drinks, talk about business sometimes?
- What do you think? - You're absolutely right.
We should talk about you helping my client in the PR space.
No. [clears throat] That's not how I phrased it at all.
Oh, no, no. You definitely did
and it was a great call on your part. [laughing]
- I remember 'cause you just said it. - [chuckling]
Look, I gotta go meet some friends.
Nice seeing you. Maybe we'll see each other again.
Hey, remember, it was your idea!
You're the one in control!
Okay, came on a bit strong there, champ.
You told me to come on strong.
You're right.
He's just probably intimidated.
Okay, game plan. On the next one,
I should, uh... I should play it a little cooler
- and, like, coddle his ego, right? - Up to you.
You are a master manipulator. [scoffing]
A woman is good at her job and she's a manipulator?
No, I... No, I didn't mean that you were...
- You... Fuck. You are good at this. - Yes, I am. Keep up, Ness.
["Guaya" playing]
Okay, wait, so, you, like, push it in? Not out?
- In, not out. - Cool.
- Oh, shit. Uh... - You almost got it.
- Try one more time. - [Felix] Oh.
Yo, I can't believe how much of a weirdo Javier Luna is.
[both laughing]
I don't know. He seems normal to me.
Get rid of him for me.
What, like...
No! Just bring him over there so I can talk to Zale.
[exhales] Yes, I can do that.
I would kill for you under the right circumstances.
Yo, pick a card. Pick a card.
- Pick a card. - [Santi] Any card?
Yo, Javi. There's this VR exhibit.
You can experience what it's like to be awake during surgery.
- I am in. - Let's check it out.
- [Santi] Zale. - What's up?
- How you doin'? [laughs] - What's up?
- All right, all right. - Yo, listen, man. Um...
I really connected with all the stuff that you were saying earlier and...
- Mmm. Mmm. - And I feel like... Like I can be the one.
Because I do know that you got a lot of other potential artists
that are interested, but I bring something that's different,
and I feel we would just be the perfect match to be working...
I'm down.
Wait, wait. Like... Like, really?
Yeah. I'mma hit you with some funds, bro.
- Stop, bro! No way. - Yeah. Yeah.
I thought I was gonna have to sell you on my career goals,
on... On like, my team, on my whole vision,
- and you just saying, "Yeah?" - Nah.
- I don't give a fuck about that. - [sighs]
All these artists I kicked it with,
- you're the only one that's just chill. - [exhales]
Like, you just get me.
Motherfuckers talking about what?
- All this David Blaine shit. - [scoffs]
This one dude like, "This is my destiny."
"I was born to do it." Shut the fuck up.
- That's not me. - Exactly. Me and you,
- we're on the same wavelength. - Mmm-hmm.
- Same frequency. Same exact frequency. - Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
You just wanna make music...
- Make music. Mmm. - Party.
- Fuck bitches. - Yep.
And that's it.
Right. I mean, I definitely do love those things,
but, you know, it's also about the art.
Nah, not really.
What about, like, the Geniuses of Color stuff that you were talking about?
Well, my PR team, they made me do that
'cause I was getting some heat online.
They say I work with too many white people,
but it ain't my fault.
They got all the money.
What you want me to do? I want the money.
[chuckles] So, wait. Oh, you don't care about the art?
I mean, come on, bro. Look at this shit.
This is silly. This is all fake.
Art is just some weird shit motherfuckers make up.
It's just commerce.
You better learn that, buddy. Hey, yo!
Bitch with the big ole booty. Yeah, butterfly. Can a nigga get a dance?
[Javier] You know what?
I've always wanted to do magic in a music video.
Oh, my God, you should. Wait.
- Uh, uh... - Right?
- What if you sawed yourself in half? - Uh-huh.
Classic magician's trick.
And your torso is singing.
And we follow both your torso and your legs
as they lead separate but completely depressing lives.
That is the kind of shit
- I was talking about, bro. - [chuckles]
We should definitely do that.
Oh, wow.
I'd love to,
but, uh, I can't cheat on Santi like that.
You don't art direct for anybody else? For real, for real?
For real, for reals. It's, uh, monogamy vibes for us.
Respect, but if you ever change your mind,
a magician always needs an assistant.
- [chuckles] - And you know what I mean.
I think I do.
But I should probably
- find my current magician. - Mmm.
- Peace, my brother. - Peace, my brother. [chuckles]
What the fuck! Oh, my God. Sorry. I...
Very scary. Good job. Oh, my God.
- Hi. - Hey.
Fuck it, I can't do this.
You are so clearly the most boring man on the planet, so...
[Mia clears throat]
I think you seem nice.
[exhales]
[softly] Fuck!
[sighs]
Hmm.
I love that.
Your look.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- It's vintage. - Cool.
This your first Art Basel?
Yeah. Yeah, um, we just moved here.
We?
My, uh, client and I just moved here from Fort Myers.
What do you do?
I'm...
a music manager.
[laughs] At least, I am trying to be a music manager.
You have a client, right?
Yeah.
Then you're a fucking music manager.
[chuckles]
[inhales sharply]
Who do you rep?
[exhales]
Uh, a new reggaeton artist. His name's Santi.
- For real? - Yeah.
[singing] ♪ Exagerao ♪
[both laughing]
- Okay, okay. Damn, you know your shit. - Mmm-hmm.
Wouldn't be very good at my job if I didn't know
who the next up-and-coming artists are.
I'm a very big fan of your client.
[exhales] Look, I'm a little bit pressed for time, but...
I'd love to figure out how we can work together.
If you're interested.
Absolutely. Uh, yeah.
Are you, like, a producer? Do you, um...
Do you finance artists, or...
I'm a little bit of everything.
- Right. [chuckles] - I can explain more at my place.
I'll have a car pick you up in 15.
We can head over there and discuss.
Yeah. Discuss at your place. Cool. Cool.
You should bring Santi.
[car door shuts]
[panting] Guys. I just met the coolest woman in the world,
- and I think that she wants to fund us. - She?
- Why you so out of breath? - Doesn't matter.
Tell me you didn't sign with Zale Bonus.
No, that guy fucking sucks.
[sarcastically] What? The guy with the Crypto podcast?
- You were right. - [Mia chuckles]
Well, this woman is super rich, she's a huge fan of yours.
She's super hot, her hair's, like, really shiny.
- How is that relevant? - 'Cause she's fucking hot.
Now get your shit together, we are going to her house tonight.
- Dude, I love houses. - [Ness] Right?
You guys have fun. I'm gonna stay here.
Gotta talk to people from the label.
Okay. You're missing out though because she is sending us a car.
- She got money! - Yeah, she got money.
- [Santi] Sending us a car! - That is so great.
You gotta stop acting so broke all the time.
[pop song playing]
Goddamn.
[chuckles]
I told you she was rich.
I have 100% watched porn filmed in this home.
[Santi and Ness exhale]
Hi, um, we're here to see...
Shit, I didn't get her name. Uh...
[whistles] Up here.
[Ness chuckles]
Santi. [laughs]
It is so great to finally meet you.
Same to you. This is, uh...
This is quite the place that you have.
I actually have a couple of these. They're good investments.
You would be more than welcome
to use them while I'm away on business.
It's great to see you again.
The feeling is very mutual.
Felix.
Okay.
Márchense.
[Ness chuckling]
[woman] I could give you the whole song and dance,
or I could just cut straight to the chase.
Santi.
You're a no-doubt-about-it star.
I want in on the ground floor.
I've done this with many young artists.
I haven't missed once. You will not be the exception.
Let me give you some cash.
Say... [inhales sharply]
[exhales]
three...
Four hundred grand?
I'll hook you up with my studio connections, producer,
you'll lay down some great tracks and we will all get very rich together.
[all chuckling]
I know it sounds crazy, but look around you.
It really is that simple when you're with me.
What do you say? You in?
- Fuck it. Uh, I just... - [Ness chuckles]
I think that everything feels right right now,
and I think the universe is just telling me to say yes!
- [Ness] Yes! - We're in! Yes!
Fantastic.
We'll set up the paperwork in my office, all very standard.
Okay, so, uh, do we come in Monday to, like, sign, or...
[laughs] No!
We'll do it now. It's all very straightforward.
Don't sign anything if you're not comfortable.
Oh, okay. Uh, wow.
- [man] They're waiting for you. - Okay.
Guys, this is Gabriel, he's my business partner.
He'll set everything up.
I have to take care of some business,
but then we will pop the champagne!
I love how much you say business.
- Business. - [Ness chuckling]
Stay here.
[door opens]
[door closes]
- [imitates Gabriel] Stay here. - [all laughing]
- [in normal voice] Guy's fucking weird. - [Santi] She has a waterfall?
Ooh, goddamn! Santi, check out this shit.
- [Ness] What the fuck are you doing? - Ooh!
Going through her shit. What do you think I'm doing?
That's really weird, man. Stop!
[Santi] Yo, she is rich!
[Felix] Whoa.
Guys, this is weird, right?
[Ness] That could be anything.
That could be, like, a wrapped book,
or first edition book.
She must, like, really like wrapping books.
Okay, it's a brick of cocaine. She said she likes to have parties.
It's Miami. Is it really that weird to have a couple bricks at a party?
- Party animals! - [Ness] Exactly.
Guys, she has a gun.
[Santi and Ness] Whoa!
- [Santi] Whoa. - Put that shit down!
Stop opening drawers!
[whispering] Oh, shit. There's so many guns in that drawer.
[Ness] What?
Who the fuck are we dealing with?
[spluttering] A business lady, I don't...
Fuck, I should have known. Look at this waterfall.
She's a James Bond villain.
She's clearly a fucking bichota.
What's that mean? Like, James Bond in Spanish?
Coke dealer, drug dealer, big shot.
We haven't signed anything yet, right?
So, we can just say that we had a change of heart,
and that we are looking to stay independent. Done.
Yeah, great idea,
because international drug traffickers
- are famously reasonable. - [woman] What's going on?
Hey!
- Girl! Hey, you! - Hey.
- [in high-pitched voice] Hey, girl. - [Ness laughs]
- [Santi] What's up? - You just call me a drug trafficker?
Uh...
[woman] Why is there a gun and bricks of cocaine on my desk?
- Is that what that is? - Hmm, yeah.
- Hey! - Oh, my God.
[woman laughing maniacally]
Oh, fuck.
Please.
I wish you guys could see yourselves.
- [imitates gunshot] - [Felix whimpers]
I mean...
It'd be weird if I just...
went all Scarface on you, right? Like...
- [imitates gunshots] - [whimpers]
[laughs maniacally]
Oh, you okay?
Guys, I'm just fucking with you. Come on, chill. [laughs]
It's really not what you think.
- Relax. - Okay.
You're not a drug dealer?
You need to stop using that word.
He's so stupid! He says the stupidest shit all the time!
Don't listen to him. Right?
Stupid, stupid, random, awkward, crazy!
[all laughing]
Okay.
Are we ready to sign this contract?
Huh?
[laughs] Aw.
Do you not wanna sign?
Uh...
It's not that I don't want to.
You don't need to, if you don't want to.
- We don't? - No. I know
what we agreed to and I always stick to my word.
The question is...
do you?
Yeah.
- I feel great about this. - [woman] Great.
Excellent. Now that we're all in business together, let's fucking party.
[Ness chuckles]
Anyone know where we can get some good cocaine?
[chuckles nervously]
Guys, I don't actually feel great about this.
["Villano Antillano: Bzrp Music Sessions, Vol. 51" playing]