♪ No se preocupen Que me fui pal calentón ♪
♪ Con el corillo siempre la paso cabrón ♪
♪ Soy millonario sin tener un millón ♪
♪ Vamos a bailar esta vida Como un reggaetón ♪
This is for you guys. My corillo.
Can't believe you wrote a song about us.
It's seriously the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
Esta canción es bacanísima, cabrón.
Seriously. I love you, bro!
I love you too, bro.
Turn off that tiki tiki.
- I'm sorry about that... - Wait, wait, wait.
My apologies, ma'am.
We're just celebrating my new song.
You? Is you playing... singing in that tiki tiki?
Yeah.
Wait, wait. Have you ever danced with a real life reggaetonero before?
One that has future number one on his hands?
Let me tell you, I played a flamenco dancer
in three episodes of Miami Vice.
Dance with me. Come on!
♪ Hasta abajo, hasta abajo ♪
It really is amazing, Santi.
So, look, I could give you the whole dog and pony show
or I could get right to it.
Ness always says that we should, you know,
slow down and weigh our decisions properly.
So, tell us about the dog and pony.
No, it's a... Don't worry.
Look, we love the whole team, Santi. You're so talented.
Felix, the creative director, my man.
You, whoever you are.
We want to sign you guys to a record deal.
Well...
Um, we would like to take things slow and weigh our decisions properly.
- So that is a very kind offer. - It's very kind.
And we will definitely consider that.
I'm about to cry.
Keep it together, bro.
Um, but we do have a benefactor that we'll have to discuss this with.
Tell them their services are no longer needed,
and that you are fully handled by BPM now.
Right, right. Yeah, that's gonna go very smoothly.
Now that you're in the fold,
we would like to introduce you to other members of the BPM family.
You, uh, know, Isa, of course.
Yeah, that's like asking us if we know who Beyoncé is.
And, um, we are so sorry about taking her studio time.
Yeah. Is she mad?
She's not gonna, like, kneecap us, right?
No, no, she's not mad at all.
And her previous kneecapping incident was a total misunderstanding.
She thought Gwyneth was somebody else.
Okay, why are we talking about the biggest pop star in the world?
She wants to connect with you.
Connect... She wants to make a song together?
Nah, more like she wants to have dinner with you.
Wait. Uh, so, you're saying, like, the hottest woman in the world
wants to have dinner with Santi? Are you fucking kidding me?
Okay, don't act so surprised.
Well, as you know, she's, uh... She's been through a lot.
First her divorce from the Real Madrid player,
then the break-up with the oil magnate,
being wait-listed by Pete Davidson.
She, she just... Isa just wants to meet a nice guy.
I'm nice. I am so nice.
Please don't tell her that. She'll hate that.
Okay, cool. Um, that's very exciting.
Can we circle back though to the music portion of the offer?
Take care of Isa and we'll make sure that Santi's debut is a hit.
Well, he'll take care of her, all right.
Okay, that sounds like he's gonna kill her.
- No, I'm not gonna kill her. - He's definitely not gonna kill her.
Please stop talking about killing the biggest pop star in the world.
- Yo, we manifested this shit. - We're gonna make so much money.
Yo, a deal with BPM and a date with Isa.
Who's gonna play me in this biopic?
Uh, Jason Momoa.
Yes.
What do you think the biopic's gonna be about?
- Shit. - I like... What?
Uh, hey, Mia, what's up?
Sorry, I really wasn't trying to be here, uh, for this.
I don't get it. Why did you lie to us?
Well, it worked.
Uh, that does not matter.
I'm so sorry, Santi.
Oh, I'm sure you are. Yeah. Come on, guys, we gotta go.
Congrats on signing!
The song sounds so good.
I'm really happy for you guys.
I'm happy for you, too.
Uh...
Fucking idiot.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit, it's Gina. I think she's really fucking pissed.
Oh, how can you tell?
Well, she said, "Vanessa, I'm really fucking pissed."
"Why am I hearing from other people that you're meeting with BPM?"
Shit. Um, do you think she's gonna, like, do something about it?
God, I hope so.
What are you gonna do?
Do the healthy, adult thing and ignore it until it goes away.
Okay, ignore a drug lord. That's chill.
Okay, so does this look good?
A blazer with no shirt?
Ness, I don't know what to do. This is all just so weird.
Why are you so nervous? You've been on a thousand dates.
Yeah, I know, but not with someone who's hosted the Kids' Choice Awards.
So you think it's, like, more cleavage, or just, like, the whole...
Okay, yeah. We can pivot.
Okay. Game plan. What are you gonna talk about?
- Something smart. Prescient. - No.
No, no. You are not trying out new words tonight. Okay?
Uh, ask about her family.
- Family? Yeah. I have a family. - Yeah.
Oh, uh, you know what? Let's avoid family stuff.
I'm on her Wiki right now and her "Early Life" section is dark.
- Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Yeah, no. - Yeah.
All right, guys, I gotta go. How do I look?
- You look great. - Great.
Great? I don't want to be great. I want to be coquettish.
Where are you getting these words?
- Hi. It's so nice to meet you. I... - Sorry, so rude.
No problem.
Um...
I just... It's such an honor.
I grew up, you know, really watching your stuff and...
That's so sweet. Look, we don't have to talk.
Right. Got it. Um...
Kiss me.
What?
Kiss me right now.
Shit. Okay.
Mmm.
Okay, that's enough.
Oh, shit! Paparazzi. Should we bounce?
- Shit... - I don't have much time
'cause I'm gonna have a v-steam pretty soon,
but I wanna enter a mutually beneficial
yet completely artificial relationship with you.
A PR relationship.
I wanna fake-date you, bro.
Are you serious?
Oh, yeah, I don't do comedy. It's not good for my face.
Look, it's really a no-brainer for you. Your profile blows up.
And all you have to do is come with me to parties and industry events
and royal funerals, stuff like that.
Okay, I... I'm so sorry.
But, like, why do you choose me out of everyone
because you could sort of have anyone that you want, right?
Yeah. Well, according to my team, I need to tap into my Latina identity.
Or is it Latino?
Or is it Latiné? Latinx?
I really don't know what we're supposed to say anymore.
Anyway, I'm making Spanish music now
and I need a reggaetonero to bridge the gap.
And you have the right look and you're up-and-coming
and we look good together.
Okay. So you're, like, using me?
For, like, cultural appropriation?
Oh, my God, no. How could you say that? I'm Latina. I can't use my own people.
Right. Um, so then what do... What do I get out of this whole thing?
Well, what do you want?
I just want to be proud of myself.
Ew, shut the fuck up. What do you really want?
I mean, if I'm being honest, I just...
I want to be like... Like one of the greats, like...
Like Daddy Yankee. Or...
Cute, why don't you come with me to his party next week?
Everyone's gonna be there.
Fuck, yes. Yes. Fuck the "proud of myself" stuff.
That's exactly what I want.
Um, can I bring my friends?
Like your staff? Sure, I guess we could talk to someone and...
So, are we, um...
doing this or what? Are we dating?
Yes...
Great. I'll have someone pick you up at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
So nice to meet you.
Wait, where are we going?
We wanted exposure. And Isa's it.
She's gonna get us to Daddy Yankee's party next week. So?
- Okay, yeah, this is pretty fucking cool. - Yes!
Yeah, this is pretty fucking cool, Ness-ter.
Okay. Wait, wait. Hold on. I just got an email from BPM
saying that Isa wants Felix to direct
her new documentary, From Hialeah to Hollywood.
- What? Oh, oh, oh! - What?
Yes! Let's go!
Yes! It's happening!
Okay, wait! Hold on. Apparently Oscar asked for you personally.
And, um, he says you're "insightful beyond your years."
How the fuck does this guy even know who you are?
- Oh, my God. - Uh, we have a bond.
Please... Please send him a... A written thank you,
- flowers, an Aesop gift kit... - You see? Everyone is winning. Everyone.
- Congrats, brother. - Thanks, brother.
What did I say?
- Okay. - What'd he say?
Gracias.
This is easily the coolest thing I've ever done.
But, um, we should be cautious because this does feel weird.
This feels, like, super easy. Like, too easy.
No, things are just easy if you're rich and successful, Ness.
That's, like, the whole thing about being rich and successful.
Or are we suddenly too good for capitalism?
You hate capitalism.
Not anymore. I'm rich now.
Are we doing this or what?
Hell yeah. Let's go to your private island.
Yeah, no. No, it's not a private island. It's a rainforest studio.
Everyone has a private island. Thus, all the music sounds alike.
No one has a jungle.
It opens you up in ways that you've never imagined, bro.
So, you're saying that, like, you want to make a song together or...
Yeah, bro. It's my arrival to reggaeton. I want you in on it.
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Great. Let's get to work.
I haven't had a song not go number one since before the Bush Administration.
The first one.
- How old is she supposed to be? - I have no idea.
Wait, what is the Bush Administration?
Thank you so much for the opportunity to direct From Hialeah to Hollywood.
California.
- I'm sorry? - The name of the documentary
is called From Hialeah to Hollywood, California.
'Cause there's a Hollywood, Florida, and I don't want people to get confused.
- Okay, I... I'm sorry. - Found it!
Yeah.
Hey, hey!
It's dope, right?
Yeah, it's, like, so dope. But we're thinking bigger, you know?
We're flying in an it-boy producer to produce some really buzzy tracks
and we even secured Villano Antillano to rap a verse.
What?
Oh.
We're gonna make bank off this song!
Oh, a hundred percent. I never miss. Which reminds me...
You're cool to go halfsies on this jet, right?
Halfsies? Yeah. Yeah. We could go halfsies.
I mean, this song is gonna be next level.
So we gotta spend money to make money.
You and me, we are so next level.
I've never been so sure of anything...
What's my line?
I've never been so sure of anything in my life. So close.
"I've never been so sure..." Can we do it again?
Yeah. Let's just go from the top. Reset.
Wait, actually, you think maybe we should, like, you know, kiss more?
- Yeah, yeah. - Yes.
Let's do that. I like that. Let's start with a kiss.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Action.
Okay.
What the fuck?
Is someone eating salmon?
It was on the platter.
I've had mercury poisoning, like, six times, bro.
I specifically... ...said no one is allowed to eat salmon.
Oh, my God.
Ness, why did you bring salmon?
Isa looks really fucking sick right now!
I didn't bring salmon! It was here.
- Are you okay? - Okay, it's fine!
- Jesus, girl, fuck! - I won't...
Okay, I'm, uh...
Why are you putting your seatbelt?
What do I do? What do I do! What do I do!
- Eat all the salmon! - No!
Eat the salmon!
Oh, my God!
♪ Dejemos la tontería ♪
♪ La tontería si tu sabes que eso es mío ♪
♪ Pa' to'a la vida... ♪
- Elena! - I'm here. I'm here.
Okay, you're doing great. Okay? Let's do this again.
Just like you've rehearsed. Okay? Look at me.
Look at me.
♪ Rumbiemos separados ♪
♪ Luego amanecemos juntos ♪
♪ Rumbiemos separados ♪
That was great. You're amazing.
Let's try it again and take it back a few notches.
- Mmm-hmm. - Mmm-hmm. Try it.
Can we just do it one syllable at a time?
Like that time I met the toymaker with the little glasses?
That was Guillermo del Toro.
You know, maybe it's the space that's messing with you. Right?
I mean, aren't recording studios normally soundproof? So...
No, bro. Because it's about the jungle. You get the texture of the leaves.
Yeah, let's just... Let's go again. You got this.
Yeah. No, no, just no.
What's wrong?
I don't know, bro, I'm literally not feeling it. I'm over all of it.
Even with the purring shit, because I'm really good at that.
The beat feels like... beat. And not in a good way.
Villana, what do you think?
I think any beat you can shake your ass to is a good beat.
You have to put some flow, flavor and high art to sell it to people.
Meterle flow.
And there definitely will be plenty of that in From Hialeah to Hollywood.
- ...California. - Right.
Uh, I definitely will get that. I promise.
Isa, um, I think we just gotta make a decision here, right?
Like, that beat was fine. All of the beats have been pretty fine,
like all 15 that you've rejected.
What are you getting at here?
I just think maybe the problem is that you don't like to sing in Spanish.
Or more specifically, reggaeton.
How dare you try and strip me of my culture, salmon girl?
Oh, damn!
Oh, shit. This is bad. How the fuck did she find out that Santi met with Isa?
Okay, let's just... Let's record something new.
I've got plenty of other beats. Is that cool with everyone?
I'm getting paid by the hour to be here, so it's your call.
I'm paying you by the hour to be here and to tell people that we're friends.
- Right. - Which he and I are splitting.
Great. All right, let's record. Let's record.
Can we add some moans this time?
Because it's kind of my bread and butter.
- You like that? - Mmm.
I just don't want us to lose sight of the bigger picture.
Absolutely.
One hundred percent.
Look, I don't wanna be the annoying one
telling us that we shouldn't be having fun.
Oh, perfect. Then don't.
Dig a little deeper, my friend...
But we moved to Miami to grow Santi's career as a reggaetonero,
to make him the next Tego Calderón. The next Bad Bunny.
Not the next fucking Latino Adam Levine.
I like Adam Levine.
Oh, my God. These hands.
Listen, I feel you and I hear you,
but this is such a huge break for us.
I mean, all I gotta do is keep Isa happy and then we can leverage this.
I promise you, okay?
I just don't want you getting lost in the sauce.
The only sauce I'm getting lost in is this one right here, baby.
Wait, what's the sauce? I can't see. Can I have some sauce, sir?
Well... ...what's the great news?
Well, I'm directing Isa's documentary From Hialeah to Hollywood...
Shut up!
...California.
Congrats... I'm so happy for you, man.
Yeah. Thanks. Well, the payday is...
It's... It's huge.
It's just, like, massive. Honestly.
Don't forget about me when you get all big, okay?
How are you, though?
Cool, I'm cool. Um, you know, I really needed this break.
I binged Game of Thrones,
so now you don't have to keep making fun of me about it.
All eight seasons of Game of Thrones?
Wasn't your last day, like, three days ago?
Uh...
It's very bingeable.
Hey, there you are.
Oh, hi, Villana! I'm just, uh, chopping it up with the Mia. Say hi.
Oh, hi! Encantada.
You better put some respect on her name.
That's the next queen of reggaeton you talking to.
- My apologies. - Ay, que bella, gracias.
Um, is this your girlfriend?
Who, Mia? No.
No, we're... We're just friends.
I love friends.
Um, so, Mia, would you mind if I borrow your friend,
so he can help me turn on the hot tub? I have no idea how it works.
Sure, yeah. I mean, I'm... I'm available to be borrowed.
Okay, bye, Mia! Uh, fuck BPM!
You're awesome. Biggest hustler I know. Just Mia that shit!
Yes.
Okay, these look amazing.
Thank you. My followers are used to a certain standard of content.
Let's see.
That's really nice, obviously.
All right, so you wanna get back to the music now?
Uh, I'm not feeling it.
It's nothing personal, but I can't do it if I don't feel it.
I told Elton John the same thing when we did the duet for the Minions soundtrack.
So don't take it personally.
Isa, I just don't get what you want here.
Like, is this really what you wanna do? Or...
I feel like you think I'm a villain, and not in a trendy way.
No, I don't, I just...
Maybe this is not the music that you wanna do.
Because you don't know me like that.
Okay, but I wanna get to know you, though.
My real name is Isabela María de la Caridad Díaz.
And I was born in Cuba.
And I came here as a child on the Mariel boatlift.
Wow. I didn't know that. That's crazy.
It all worked out, because I got scouted for The Mickey Mouse Club
and it changed my life and my teeth forever.
We all got braces and veneers. Look, you see they're perfect?
- Yeah... - But it was still hard.
I had to shave my arms for sleeveless costumes,
and my foot was in the door.
I'm sorry, that's... That's fucked up.
So, yeah, I was whitewashed. The industry whitewashed me.
I had to push away my identity as a Latino
because being Latino wasn't a badge of honor,
but I did what I had to do to succeed.
That's why I really wanna get it right this time.
That's why I care so much.
But people are so quick to rip me to shreds, bro.
Listen, I totally understand what you mean by, you know, wanting to get it right.
You know, actually, my new song is probably like my most vulnerable one yet
and it's about my best friends. My corillo.
I'm really envious of that. And I'm not envious often, obviously.
- Obviously. - Yeah!
Um...
Do you wanna hear it?
♪ No se preocupen Que me fui pal calentón ♪
♪ Con el corillo siempre la paso cabrón ♪
♪ Soy millonario sin tener un millón ♪
You hate it.
What does "me fui pal calentón con el corillo" mean to you?
- Calentón is slang. - Mmm.
It means the heart, the streets, and the culture of Puerto Rico.
It means just, like, really going back to what really matters. You know?
And my best friends, they're my corillo.
I really love that. Yeah.
It's inspired me for our track to go deeper and get to the real Isa.
Are you looking at my breasts right now?
I'm sorry.
- It's up here, bro. Up here. - No.
"Isa brings new boy toy Santi and friend on PJ."
I'm "friend."
Yay.
What the fuck is that?
I don't know.
- Oh, no. It's Gina. - Oh, my God.
You didn't respond to any of her messages and now she's come for blood.
Um, we can just see if...
Gina! Hey! What are you doing here?
How the hell did you find us, loca? Did you have me chipped or something?
Why the hell have you been ignoring me?
What? No. What... No. Oh, my God.
Service here. Crazy... weird. It's very weird.
It's like, what even is roaming?
- You didn't answer the chip question. - Cut the crap, Vanessa.
I'm sorry.
Why didn't you run this Isa shit by me?
I assumed you'd be thrilled.
I mean, Santi thinks he's gonna blow up after this,
but I wanted a banger proof of concept before, um...
Before, uh, bringing it to you.
Santi doesn't need a gimmick to blow up.
He's good, he's genuinely once-in-a-lifetime good.
That's why Isa latched onto him.
I invested in you guys because I love reggaeton
and I wanted Santi to blow up without all this gimmicky bullshit.
I know, but look, this is a minor blip.
He has this amazing new song.
It's called "Corillo," and it's about to define him as an artist.
And I know no one's gonna care about the Isa stuff once they hear it.
Honestly, I'm worried. This whole Isa concept, it feels dishonest.
And that's coming from an... importer/exporter.
You need to start thinking about yourself.
You need to meet with potential new clients.
With all due respect, I think you're wrong.
And I think that I can get Santi to course-correct
because he's gonna listen to me.
He values our friendship above everything else.
And... We are forever.
That means everything to us.
That's beautiful.
But if Santi wants to be a boy toy instead of an artist,
this is where I stop funding him. That means you owe me 400k.
Wait, Gina! Gina, wait, just I...
Can we at least keep the Porsche?
Shit. Shit.
Guys, guys, guys.
I didn't think it was gonna happen before we left the jungle,
but we fucking did it.
Me and Isa got the breakthrough and we got our song!
- Oh, thank God! That's exciting! - Oh! Wow.
Yes!
Congrats. When can we hear it?
Kind of already have.
Is it playing very softly right now?
No, it's "Corillo," but Isa wants to record it as like a love song with me.
Okay, so it's not "Corillo"?
No, it's still "Corillo" but it's just... It's about us now.
It is about us, though.
No, like us. Like me and Isa.
Okay, but how does that work? Because corillo means crew,
and that doesn't really work as a love song.
No, so we switched friendship for love
and then Isa puts some super sexy, like, breath work in there
and I'm telling you guys, it is so fucking fire.
Right, so you switched out our friendship for fake love. Got it.
I...
Guess I'll, uh, see you on the plane, man.
Oh, my God, Santi! There's a really weird bug up here!
I don't even know what it is. I think it's a dinosaur, bro.