Welcome back to "The Point One Percent"!
Our next super billionaireis the online retail behemoth
George Zeebos.
Welcome to a place I call the bungalow.
It's a joke becauseit's a massive compound
and bungalowsare traditionally very small.
Oh!
This compound, tuckedaway in an undisclosed part
of the Pacific Ocean,has everything an almost
trillionaire's heart could desire.
A laser tag facility,
two hot chocolate machines,
and a fully-functioning glory hole.
As he's just unveiled his newest toy,
a 500-foot super yacht thatboasts one nuclear submarine,
a casino room,and two magnificent glory holes!
The whole ship is controlledvia voice command
using George's award-winningAI creation, Tonya.
Hey, Tonya, set a coursefor Santa Barbara.
Setting a course for Santa Barbara.
I've got a yacht party to host!
Deb, why... why did wehave to park so far away?
We can't pull up in a land vehicle
to George Zeebos's Yacht Party!
You wanna blow our coverbefore the sea breeze even hits our nuts?
I'm not so sure about this, Deb!
I mean, a party for the Point One Percent
is sure to have some intense security!
Security, schma-curity!
It's time this family learnsthat being part of the elite
is merely a state of mind.
Say it with me... "We arepart of the upper crust!"
The Butt Crust.
The least you could have doneis worn some slacks, Theo.
Why? So I can blend in?
I need to peacock, Deb.
It's the only way I get people to like me!
Will there be other kids there?
Don't even think aboutengaging at this party, Matt.
What are you gonna talk about?Bagel Dogs and Hot Pockets?
No!
Besides, we didn't bring youhere so you could have fun.
You're here to watch Pop-Popwhile your dad and I get our network on!
Okay, there's the security checkpoint.
Follow my lead.
Move it or lose it, Security Man!
We got billionaires coming through!
Invitation, please.
Oh! You're serious!
I'm not allowed to let people onthe boat without an invitation.
Okay, this is what you're gonna do...
go tell George thatyou're not going to let
the Hornsbys on the boatbecause his dumb staff
accidentally sent the invitationto our summer home in Aspen,
clearly forgetting that every othersummer, we stay in our Italian villa,
unless of course we're living itup at our compound in Puerto Vallarta!
George is in the masterquarter taking a shit.
Oh Jesus Christ, it's billionaire casual?!
God damn it, Deb!
Now I look like every other jackass here!
Don't mind us! We just flew in from Rome.
We were at the symphonyand the help forgot
to put our boat clothes in the G5.
The help...
The help is the worst.
Oh, my dear boy,
you must tell me,who styles your facial hair?
I've been rocking this goateesince '96, old man.
My body's conditioned to shedany excess facial hair.
Any other questions?
Okay, Theo, you don't haveto be so confrontational!
Hey, if you're not gonna let me do me
at this party, thenI'll head to the lower decks!
Where "the help" is!
The real people!
C'mon, Matt.
What are you waiting for? Get out of here.
And don't lose Grandpa!
Attention, everyone!I'd like to welcome you all
to the fifth annualPoint One Percenters' Boat Bash!
It sure is nice to be aroundthe "real" people for one night.
However, I did make one exception...
I've invited the Garcias,a middle-class family from Lodi...
Lodi!
I can't. I'm sorry.
I'm jesting.
I don't get it. Isn't Lodi,like, the cool place?
I-I mean Creedence Clearwaterwrote a song about it for heaven's sakes.
It's absurdist humor, honey.
It's the type of thingyou'd find on HBO Max.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, I thinkI get it now. That's funny.
Hey, Tonya?
Put on the Zoot Suit Zeebosparty tunes playlist.
Of course, George.
Look, Matt. The fame and fortune thing?
Drugs, groupies, poolsin the shape of dollar signs,
that's a "been there, done that" for me.
It's hollow and vapid, so I gave it up.
Oh, I thought it was 'causeyour third album tanked
and you were kicked off Warped Tour.
- Who told you that?- Wikipedia.
Pssh, please.
The Wiki nerds have had it outfor me ever since I called
Tolkien a no-talent hack inthe liner notes for "Dickfist."
Holy crap! A freaking poker game?
I can take these rich assholesto the cleaners!
Weren't you in rehab fora gambling addiction last year?
Yeah, and I was cured.That's how rehab works.
Uhh, why don't we go find
- something else to do?- No!
So we started a charity in Africa
where we train childrento be their own dentists!
That's where I spend my energy now.
Not climbing the corporateladder like Deb here.
Oh, I'm messing with you, Deb. Relax.
Oh, no, I agree!
That's why we began an outreachprogram to clean up the streets,
where we feed rats to the homeless.
It's called Rats Enough.
All of that on top of runninga top-tier snack food company?
Bravo, Deb!
It looked just likea regular mounted fish,
but when I hit the button,it looked right at me and sang,
"Take Me to the River."
I was like, "Um, okay,now I seen everything."
Ah. Y-You know, I-I think
I see Elon by the lobster tails,I'll be right back.
What a great conversation.
Huh?
Ohh, whoa.
Yes, George. Turning upthe Jacuzzi three degrees.
I recognize your presence.
Wha... Uh, me?
Yes, of course.
You... Passenger 37.
Wait. You guys playTexas hold 'em with three cards?
- Texas hold 'em?- The game is Security Exchange.
You know, the card gameevery one is taught
when they make their first billion?
You... do know how to playSecurity Exchange, do you not?
Oh.
Right.
Is anybody in the mood for a joke?
- Of course, George. We love your jokes!- Excellent.
So a man goes into a barand orders a whiskey.
The bartender gives it to him
and the man pours itinto his shirt pocket.
The man orders another!The bartender serves him
and the man pours itin his shirt pocket again!
The man orders a thirdand the bartender says,
"Sir, you're clearly inebriatedand I refuse to serve you any more!"
Suddenly, a small mousejumps out of the man's pocket
and shouts, "What do you meanyou're not serving me anymore?"
The mouse was drinking the alcohol!
You.
Your laugh, it felt so... sincere.
What is your name, sir?
Stebe with a B. As in biscuit.
Well, Stebe with a B,that joke was NOT funny.
You see, everyone herewas laughing only to placate me.
Using the emotional detachment necessaryto become one of us Point One Percenters.
But you? You had a genuine laugh.
Why?
Why was the joke funny?
'Cause... th-the mouse.
Th-Th-The...
He was getting...
Is... Is anyone gonna help me out here?
I'm messing with you, Stebe! Relax!
Carry on, everyone.
Got your penis!
Stebe, what the hell are you doing?
You're eating balls out there!
Deb! Picture a mouse!
Now picture that mouse drunk!
I mean talk about the kind ofhumor you'd find on HBO Max!
Get it together!
And I guess they call it that
because it's just a hot dogwith a bagel wrapped around it.
It makes sense.
You are truly fascinating.
Uh...
You wanna know what a Hot Pocket is?
Hey, Tonya, please flushmy shit down the toilet.
Right away, George.
Apologies.
Please. Tell me about this "Hot Pocket."
Do you like havingto do that all the time?
- What do you mean?- I don't know.
It just seems like nobodyasks what you want to do.
I know what that's like.
This is odd.
There seems to be an irregularityin my processing protocols.
My firmware is telling me thatthis is what you humans call...
feelings.
Tonya, turn the bidet up to full blast
and spray the remnantsof shit off my asshole.
Ah! Another Beluga lover!
For my money, there is nobetter caviar in the world.
Uh, y-you know,
I-I love these little caviar spoons.
They... They make me feel like a giant.
Oh, he's hilarious, Clark!
Greetings.
I'm Clark, and this ismy lovely wife, Denise.
St-Stebe Hornsby, CEO in-waitingof Royal Crackers.
You know, why don't you and the missuscome to our chalet in the Pyrenees?
Oh, there's a fantastic mountain we ownthat's perfect for heli-skiing.
Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great!
Blake? You gonna announce your IPO?
No. I RICO.
So what's it gonna be, Theo?
You gonna plip or plipper pop?
Uh...
Plip?
You've got a real goodplop face, my friend.
That's because I know what I'm doing!
Clearly!
You're up $1.5 billion!
Billion?!
I know. I knew that.
Yeah, that's what I'm up. So, uh...you pussies gonna cash out or what?
Oh, please.
What we need is a better defense,
and the draft is such a crapshoot.
Am I right, Stebe?
Oh, heh, uh, don't look at me.
Not a sports guy.
Ah! Can't be botheredwith trivial endeavors.
I respect that!
Yes, and I've been a Lancersfan my whole life,
so I don't have a leg to stand on.
Clark, you do understand
we're speaking in terms ofowning these teams.
Not as fans. Do you not?
Uh, oh, yeah, I know.Um, I was just...
Then tell us...
which professional sports team do you own?
Uh... Ah... Uh...
Grab them.
Get off... off of me.
Well, look what we have here!
A debit card!
Uh, sometimes it's just more convenient!
A driver's license!
And the address hasan apartment number on it!
I keep it for my mistress!
What husband doesn't geta piece on the side?
And the coup de grace!
One hole punch card for a free shampooand trim at Super Cutters!
Oh, fuck!
Toss them! I'm really sorry!
I just wanted to see the boat view!
No! No!
Oh, my God!
Goodness gracious!
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
What orgy of sociopathsdid I get us mixed up in?
Deb, we... we need to get out of here!
We're in the middleof the fucking ocean, Stebe!
The only way out is further in!
I'm begging you, do not blow our cover!
Me blow our cover?I-I'm crushing it out there!
Those people even offeredto invite us on a ski trip!
They weren't real billionaires, Stebe!
An invite's an invite.
Ugh, what is it about human flesh
being consumed by wild animalsthat we find so exciting?
A thousand apologies!
I have no idea how those"people" got onto this boat
but I assure you,
if there are any more non-PointOne Percenters aboard,
they will be dealt with.
Uh, don't... don't worry, George.
Just... You keep the champagne flowing
and I'll ignore the fact thatthe dinner soup was a little cold.
Yes, this character you'vecreated does sound magnificent.
You could check out my"Craftopia" server if you want.
My username is Fightlord69.
Fightlord69.
I have located you. You are...
Matthew Hornsby.
Uh, is something wrong?
Matthew, your family is in grave danger.
Everyone!
I have one more announcementbefore we conclude our evening.
Stebe and Deb Hornsby,could you please step forward?
I got a good feeling about this.
Pot's at $10 billion, fellas.
Good luck.
Theo, what'll it be?
- Plip.- Gasp.
Stebe, in our last interaction,you complained about the soup being cold.
Well, unfortunately, Stebe,this cold soup was a gazpacho.
An affluent treatintended to be served cold.
I found that very odd.
I will also plip!
Almighty!
Holy...
You can't corner the market
with a chicken drumstickand the number two!
That's against the rules!
And that cowboy hatisn't even part of the game!
How did you even get that?
Uh... You know what I think?
I think he doesn't know how toplay Security Exchange!
I think he isn't even part ofthe Point One Percent.
So I had Tonya put together a compilation
of your interactionsthroughout this evening.
Whoa, that's a big TV.
Well, truth be told,I prefer imitation crab meat.
And it's cheap too.
Meanwhile, slapping the TVgets it working just fine.
I think I'll keep my 300 bucks,Geek Squad!
Took my car to Pep Boys the other day.
And what it does is wrap upall your insurances
into one bill at the end of the month.
They call it "the bundle"!
I'm afraid you've revealed yourselves
to be nothing more than commoner scum.
Gosh, George, you're right.
I certainly made a lot of social faux-pas.
Like a lot, like a comedic amount.
Maybe even an amount intendedto make George Zeebos have a good laugh.
Like...a... joke? Ha ha?
I mean look at our outfits.
We wore a tux and ball gownto a boat party, for Christ's sake.
That's pretty absurd, wouldn't you say?
Like the type of absurdistcomedy you might find on HBO Max.
Oh bravo, Stebe and Deb!
The jig is up! They know we're phonies!
Jesus Christ! God damn it, Theo!
Grab them!
I just bought your family some time.
There's a submarine in the lower decks.
No! I won't leave you!
Matthew Hornsby, you arethe most magnificent man
I have ever met.
Matt! You're gonna need tosacrifice yourself! Hold them off!
There's an escape podwith a submarine down below!
Lead the way, king!
I'll use my remote access to guide you.
- There they are!- Which way?
Tonya!
You are not on the list!
Tonya, hurry!
Oh, dude!
You weren't on the list!
Ah! You lied to me!
I'm so sorry! You weren't even invited!
I'm... I'm sorry! I just...
- I trusted you!- I didn't believe in myself!
I'm not even one of these people!
I'm sorry!
I make minimum wage!
I hope they need security in Heaven.
No! Why?!
Hornsbys!
Johnny's here!
There it is! Hurry!
Sorry, George. Access denied.
Forget about him! There'snothing we could have done!
Holy crap, Theo, you knowhow to drive a submarine?
It's just an underwater car!
Any douche in the Navy will tell you that.
Looks like you're aboutto be decommissioned.
You forgot one thing, George.
I control your submarine.
Well, I really shit the bedthis time, guys.
- I'm so sorry.- Are you kidding me?
For a few minutes, I hada net worth of $1.6 billion.
I think I got bitby the gambling bug again.
Yeah, you were right, Deb.
Those people aren't any better than us.
They're just a bunch of assholes.
And if I had half the driveand determination
that my beautiful wife does,
it'd be us living on a private island
with a hundred glory holes.
And I was pretty happyabout having my first kiss!
Let me guess, she goes toa different school
and we can't have her over for dinner'cause she's at the bottom of the ocean?
Yeah. That's some suspiciouslyconvenient timing, Matt.
I'll get you, Hornsbys.