sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~
...since a missile launch
initiated from the League of Freedom's mansion
- almost caused a nuclear holocaust. - Ostensibly, their prisoner, Dr. Devizo,
- used the League's own computers... - These villains were held
with no due process in a basement.
It was a powder keg waiting to go off.
...League of Freedom for the escaped villains still at large.
Titanium Rex has vowed to bring them to justice.
The question now: does the public still believe
- in the League of Freedom? - I'm seeing a 90% chance of hell no.
Why do you keep cutting to him, Jerry?
I don't stick my dick in his five-day forecast.
Jesus, there's no food in here!
It's just a buncha junk mail and blank CD-Rs.
Looks like we stumbled into a "CD" part of town.
Groaner, I swear to God if you do one more garbage bit,
I am going to rip your [bleep]... a banana peel!
Hey, hey, come on, I can work with this.
A banana peel is the prop comic's pants and underwear?
- What the hell does that mean? - I'm naked without it, is the joke.
Devizo sent us out to get food, man.
- He's gonna be... - Devizo, eh?
Can I get his phone number? I'd like to give him a... ring!
- Groaner? - Oh... hey, Black Saturn.
I didn't think you made it out alive! Oh, come here...
Whoa! Okay, one second. Look, man, the mansion was crazy.
We both said some things, but I'm a villain,
and you're a hero. Let's be professional!
- B-B... But... - What's going on here?
We're just joking with each other, you know, that's how we show the...
- the hatred. - Oh, ho, ho, really?
Is that how we do it?! Well, I've got a joke for you!
What did my boot say to your balls?!
I-I... I feel like no matter what I say, you're gonna kick me in the balls.
Saturn, are you still milking your entrance?
- We've got heat! - That was my punchline!
You stole that joke!
It's called parallel thinking, you [bleep] amateur!
Got a real shocker for you, Ranger. Saturn fumbled the ball.
I've got my eyes on them! The eyes... of an eagle!
What do you say, Cooch? A little rat-a-tat-cat?
You know it, Ranger! A cat always lands on its feet!
Oh, shit, dude! Where the [bleep] am I?
Which way is up?
- Whoa! - Okay! There's a very real chance
- that I've just killed Cooch. - I'm up! I'm good!
Oh, thank my white Christian God.
Get out of my way, people.
I've got a skeleton face, it should go without saying.
Give it up, Groaner.
Oh, they finally got around to building you a new body, eh?
With a few upgrades. Diamond-tipped hat, anyone?
Uh-oh, wait. No!
Jesus, dude!
Still working out a few kinks. Oop!
- You can't run forever! - I can't run for five feet!
I haven't eaten in days. I give up!
Como se dice, see ya!
Nice clean hit, Cooch!
Pretty sure he was surrendering, but good hit!
Gotcha, little man.
Wah! Hah! Yah!
Keep the faith. They can't chase us forever.
They're not chasing you. They're corralling you... to me.
Shit! Well, I'm not fighting the guy with the laser hand,
obviously, so let's wrap this up.
I can't believe you left the mansion without saying goodbye.
- He did, and it was perfect. - Shut up!
I've made the public a promise, the Groaner...
You can just say Groaner.
...that I'd recapture every last one of you, and if you think
I'm going to risk the trust they put in this team...
Hey, it's those dumb assholes, the League of Freedom!
Civilians! What do we do?
- Close your eyes and start swinging! - Stand down, Saturn.
- We don't want the League in Storm City! - You almost blew us up!
Now we've got villains coming out of our pee holes!
- Language. - Relax, citizens,
the League of Freedom always cleans up their messes,
starting with these two right here!
They're not behind me, are they? Who was watching them?!
What do you have to say for yourselves?
We're... back?
Looks that way, doesn't it?
2x01 - "Virtual Reality Bites"
Down with the League! Rex unfit to lead!
Down with the League!
Ahhh, it's good to be home, isn't it?
Ugh! What's that smell?
I had the protesters' Port-A-Potties removed as per your orders.
Yeah, well, smells like they're calling my bluff.
Hey, Brad! I'm home. Missed you.
Oh, a lover mourning her fallen comrade. Heart-wrenching and real.
You want me to bring you a Game Boy or somethin'?
- She... does know it's just a statue, right? - I think so?
No, no, of course she does! Of course she does!
You caught up on "Game of Thrones"?
Someone should probably step in.
Oh! It's them. They're back!
- Did you find any food? - Not this time, dudes.
We caught some heat from the League and had to bail.
Oh, damn it! All we have left are rice cakes.
- I need protein! - Sshh! Devizo isn't to be disturbed.
He's been pouting in there for three months!
When is he gonna come up with a new plan?
When... he's... ready.
And if anyone has a problem with that... don't!
It's totally cool with me, Lex. I was asking for the group.
- Pussy. - Hey, [bleep] you! She's terrifying.
Oh shit, guys, I- I... I gotta take this.
- Dude, what are you doing? - Oh, now your phone works.
- Saturn, this is so inappropriate. - Why?
We're supposed to be trying to kill each other.
Well, then why didn't you finish me when you had the chance?
You're playing head games, man.
Well, I'm a villain. I'm allowed to play head games.
Y... You know what? This conversation is over.
- I'm blocking your number. - Groaner, wait!
Geez, this guy's crazy.
- Uh... Cooch. - Oh, hey, Ranger.
I was just gonna sleep on a pile of Brad's clothes.
They seem to sop up the tears pretty good.
I can't watch this. As someone who recently
lost his significant other, I'm here to help.
- Gloria died? - Oh, she's still alive.
But apparently her recent brush with death
made our lovemaking seem too vanilla!
She's taking something called a hedonism cruise
on a vessel bizarrely named the Ball-Tease Falcon.
I guess we're in the same situation? But there's nothing you
can do for me Ranger. Brad's dead. I'll never see him again.
That's just not true. Hasn't anyone taught you about heaven?
- What's that? - That's where people
who don't ask too many questions go when they die!
Why, I bet Brad's hanging out with LJC himself.
- LJC the wrestler? - The Lord Jesus Christ.
- Who's... not a wrestler? - Cooch, you have a lot to learn.
And I'm just the man to teach you.
Boy, they're really givin' it to Whiff.
Well, serves him right for losing those nuclear launch codes.
To a member of the League who was also your daughter.
Yeah, well, burn him at the stake, what do I care?
Do you still think about her? Lex, I mean?
Yes. I mean, no. Well, what's the point?
She made her decision. And... I made mine.
I don't care what the tests say, Lex. You are not my daughter!
Dad?
No!
- And that's the end of it. - Not quite, Rex.
- Jewbot, what's happening? - We're being hacked.
Whatever code they're using is impossibly complex.
We are the Third Eye.
You will disband the League of Freedom in 12 hours
or be destroyed by your secrets.
Secrets? What secrets?
Recognize this, Rex?
The Subtopian data files from my drill pod.
Now you know we're serious. Now you know what you must do.
Disband the League. You have 12 hours.
Rex, what secret could be so horrible that you'd disband the League?
Rex? Rex?
Rex, if you're in trouble, we need to tell the League.
This has to be a covert operation, Jewbot, I'm sorry.
But no one else can know.
I don't know how to trace the source
of the computer breach, but I know someone who...
What the [bleep] am I looking at?
Hi! I'm Freckles! Somebody order a clown?
You're goddamn right. Get upstairs!
- Yeah, let's just keep moving. - Uh, yeah.
You're, what, about a 40 long?
What does that have to do with... Hey, where are the kids?
No kids. Just me. Any more questions?
Uh... quite a few. Yeah.
So you can get me into heaven? For real?
Of course! As a symbol of this one nation, under God,
- I know my way around the Good Book. - You read that whole thing?
No! N... No one's read the whole thing. It's like 2,000 pages.
Pretty sure I know the gist of it, though.
Uh, I g... I guess I should ask if you believe in God.
I believe in all of 'em... God, Sasquatch, leprechauns,
all the Pokemons.
I'm not sure that's allowed. Let me check.
Okay, what do we have here?
Abraham sleeping with his daughters.
God slaughtering babies in the night.
Huh. Jesus is arguing with a fig tree.
Cooch! I may be in over my head here.
Put on your Sunday best. We're goin' to church!
Where the hell are we?
A den of data freaks, code jockeys and byte pirates.
If anyone can trace our breach, it's them.
We speak our own language in here. Stay close and try to blend in.
Milady... Whoops! Son of a bitch! Whoa!
My Soylent! Ugh!
Well, there's an entire meal, right there, wasted.
- That's about right. - I thought I told you...
and I was very clear... never to come back here.
Pixie Dee. You're not still mad about the Roomba job, are you?
She was begging for an upgrade. Someone was going to do it.
I never thought it'd be my code daddy.
That... was a long time ago.
What is it that you want, code daddy?
I need your help. Someone overcame the fourth-dimensional
encryption on the League's computers.
Sounds like the hacker was using a VR Bio-Bay.
We just got one in. I could help you out,
- if you'd satisfy my... curiosity. - I told you... no.
Jewbot, whatever she wants, give it to her!
- You don't understand. - Come on. One look inside.
I've always wanted to see what you're packing.
Tap, tap, tappity-tap.
- Rex, I don't feel safe. - What exactly is your proposal?
10 minutes, partial... full... full access.
- Rex? - And you'll leave him the way you found him?
What are you doin', buddy?
- Not a mark... much. - It's a deal.
What?
So, uh... you want me to do some magic tricks, or...?
I paid for the full clown experience. Hit me with the prop comedy.
Actually, I'm more of a mime.
Next time, tell Sandra at dispatch to make that clear!
Now work with me. Uh, quit playing with your balls!
No, that was the joke!
Ugh! This isn't working. Here, put these on.
Okay. I see what's goin' on here.
You're not over your old clown.
Yes, I am! The Groaner's yesterday's news.
I mean, he's... Ohh... Oh God, you're right!
- Just put these on. Put these on! - Hey! Get off of me!
You need help, man!
I'll never be the Groaner. I'm Freckles!
Freckles!
Bless you, bless you.
What brings you in for counseling today?
You two don't wanna get married, do you?
We told them this would happen!
- What? No! - I don't wanna marry Ranger.
His head looks like it's bein' eaten by an eagle!
- Hey. - We'd like to purchase one ticket to heaven, please.
Well, you have questions about salvation, do you?
It's really not as complicated as people make it out.
You make a declaration of faith and get baptized.
You hear that, Cooch? You're in!
Oh, wh... This is for her? What's your situation,
sweetheart? You're some kind of animal?
I'm a cat! Hyper evolved.
Oh, Cooch. Easy with the "E" word.
I do not know how to say this,
but animals cannot get into heaven. The Bible's quite clear.
So you're saying you've read it. The whole thing.
Oh, not the whole thing. Go get out the window.
No one has. It's the "Infinite Jest" of holy books.
But you can rest assured, no cat is getting baptized in my parish.
How deep does this thing go?
- Rex? - Okay, time's up, get outta there.
- Just a little bit longer. - We had a deal!
Fine! Fine. Follow me.
If someone cracked your 4-D encryption, they used one of these.
Have fun, boys. Code mommy's gonna go rub one out.
Of course. The Third Eye is using organic-based cryptology.
Are those real words or are you just making fun of me?
The data pipe can only be accessed by an organic computer
interfacing through this VR module.
The good news is we can track the breach.
The "I have no clue how you'll take this news" is, you're going in.
Does "going in" involve me putting that thing on my head?
If you want your data back, it's the only way.
Ah, fine!
Do I look cool?
I don't know if I'd... Yes, you look very cool.
That didn't sound convincing!
I'm firing it up. Let me know if you feel anything.
Rex! Rex!
Well, guess that worked, then.
Rex, are you there?
It's beautiful.
So lifelike.
Stay with me. If your mind is seduced by the datascape,
I won't be able to bring you back.
You're tracking a cache of data that will be heavily guarded.
Your imagination will give it shape.
I found it.
It's a castle.
- Oh. - What?
It's just not, you know, very creative.
- Well, I like it. - Maybe you should read more.
Oh, no! The database is protected by a roving malware algorithm.
It could take the shape of anything, so...
Oh, it's probably a dragon, right?
- My God. - So banal. I'm coding you
some antivirus software. You should see it now.
Cool, thanks for the bad-ass rail gun
and shoulder-mounted rocket launcher, Jewbot.
Yeah, nice try.
Yeah! Hoo!
Hoo!
I have never felt so alive!
Holy... I can... Yeah, I can tell.
What's the matter?
Nothing. Let's just keep moving.
Well... I guess there's nothin' to do now.
Brad's in heaven, and I'm down here forever.
Just another day bein' a cat in America.
No public litter boxes, can't get into heaven,
and don't even try to sit on a black sofa.
I'm gobsmacked! In my day, being baptized wasn't a right.
It was mandatory! Come with me, Cooch.
It's time to knock on heaven's door.
- Ooh. - What do you see, Rex?
It's an entire cache of League of Freedom data.
But that's not what you're here for, is it, Rex?
The Third Eye.
Feel free to poke around.
Oh, God, oh, God. Yes, right there.
Christ, he filmed it?
Let's keep our eyes on the prize, Rex.
This is what you came here for.
All alone, so your friends would never know.
Not all alone. Jewbot?
I'm downloading a data scrubber now.
Show no mercy!
Oh, crap.
He's still got my data. Make me one of those sled things.
Rex, he's descending into the dark web.
I don't know if I'll be able to track you.
- Now! - Well, I guess boner king does what he wants.
Groaner! It's your boy! B-Saturn.
Son of a bitch! Did you use a burner phone?
Wait, don't hang up! I just swallowed 150 Tylenol P.M.'s.
- No, you didn't. - So what? I could!
- Who you talkin' to? - No one, bye!
You have got to stop calling me! You're going to get me killed.
Well, we've got unfinished business,
and we are going to talk about it, baby.
Unless you want me screaming it from the rooftops,
we better figure something out.
You know what? Why don't we take this conversation offline.
And go online.
- So how does this work again? - A quick bath absolves
every terrible thing you've ever done,
then... you spend eternity in heaven.
Okay, let's do... Wait! Did you say bath? Whoa!
What are you doing? Get in there!
- It's instinct, dude. - I'm trying to save your soul!
♪ Ama... aah-zing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the... ♪
Ow! Ow! Ow! God!
I thought my Jesus sense was tinglin'.
Spread out, boys!
No one jumps the turnstile to heaven on my watch!
Place is pretty sweet. You made it!
I didn't think you'd be able to find a VR...
I mean, hey, dude, great to see you.
- What is this place? - Whatever we want it to be, apparently.
And... what the hell is this?
Cool! We're the Boondock Saints! I love that movie!
- Did I do that? - Yeah, pretty sure you did that.
- Well, the movie kicked ass. - Pretty sure that's not true.
Oh, this is great! We can hang out,
and nobody will ever know... Get down! It's Rex!
You're in the open Internet, Rex. I'm losing you.
I'm gaining on him, Jewbot.
Jewbot? What? Damn it, I'm making my move!
Did your third eye see that coming? Asshole.
Rex, you can't possibly think that was the point of all of this.
No. My only goal was to get you down here.
Dr. Devizo always... has an angle.
No.
Ranger, your parents were members of this church.
We had a funeral ceremony after you were lost in the war.
I'm the one that convinced them to give up
ever finding you and adopt a Vietnamese baby.
PoPo was your idea?
Sorry... would love to help, but... cat!
No, no, no, no!
I did it! Oh, what a holy and beautiful miracle!
Oh, sorry.
Oh... shit, dude!
It's always a scheme with you, isn't it, Devizo?
Why can't we ever just beat the shit out of each other
- like grownups? - Every time I try that,
I seem to get punched in the face... really hard.
I prefer it here, where intelligence is the only currency.
Ah, the server is shutting down. But before it does,
these viral daggers will scramble your brain signal,
trapping it here while your body becomes a vegetable.
Are you just gonna talk about it, or are you gonna do it?
Oh, I would, but I promised the honors to someone else.
- Hello... Father. - Lex!
I... I didn't know what happened to you after...
- After you tried to kill me? - You left me no choice!
- Are you okay? - Don't talk to me like you care.
Lex, come on. We did have something there, didn't we?
I guess I miss you guys. Sometimes.
Maybe we can fix this. Just...
let me out of this thing, and I'll come find you.
That's what this is about! Saving yourself!
- What? No. - I'm through being used!
- Oh, here we go. - H-Hey, Lex! [bleep] you!
You asshole!
Saturn, what the hell are you doing here?
- "Boondock Saints", baby. - That's not an answer.
Oh!
You don't think she saw me, do you?
Let's get out of here!
We've got to go back the way I came!
- Can... Can the Groaner come? - Ahh... fine!
Yes!
Rex? Rex? Rex? Come back to me, buddy.
Wha... What happened?
I was able to robo-glyph your bio data and make a clean extraction.
- Yeah, that's great. - Whoo-hoo! What a rush!
Okay, I have no idea where he came from.
What the heck were you doing with Groaner?
Anyway, I've gotta get going. Rex has a boner. Bye!
Oh, God. Has that been here the whole time?
I'm afraid so.
I just don't know anymore.
I saw things about my faith today that confused me.
What right do I have to say that it's any more real
than Cooch's belief in leprechauns?
You helped me get into heaven because you believed.
Who cares if leprechauns are real,
- as long as their gold... is? - Wow, that's... profound.
Wait! Leprechaun gold is bullshit, too!
That doesn't help at all, Cooch!
- Rex? - Oh, hey, Jewbot. I was just...
- Well, actually, it's a... - A secret?
- Yes. - Rex, what's so scary
about the data Devizo stole? Why can't you tell the League?
Look, I trust you more than anyone I know,
and I can't tell you. I'm sorry.
That's bullshit.
- What's next? - Everything, my dear. Everything.
sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~