sync & correction by f1nc0~ Addic7ed.com ~
So, what'd you think?
If a good power washing doesn'tget rid of the pizza smell,
the owner's offered to sandblast it.
Yeah, they're good people,and they just made the mistake
of opening a restaurantnext to an Arby's.
- Got decimated!- It sounds like a real steal.
Yeah, you should do great here,unless you're planning
on opening up a restaurant,'cause, well, you know.
Right, the Arby's.
Did I mention it's built on topof an abandoned missile silo?
- Talk about closet space!- Room for plenty of skeletons.
Ho-ho!Figuratively speaking, I hope.
[both laughing]
- Aah!- Ha-ha-ha-ha! Banter, banter, banter.
Was that necessary?He was a Realtor.
You merely sent him to Hellfor a second time.
We should attack Titanium Rex now!
- We're wasting time, Devizo!- Well, patience, Lex.
The first order of business isa headquarters
for the all-new Injustice Club!
- Guys?- Rabdo: Wait. Was that our cue?
We can't see shit, man. It's darkerthan a whale's asshole out here.
What happened to this place?It looks like a great location.
Oh! An Arby's.Well, that explains everything.
You better bring your A-game if you'regonna set up shop next to the B's.
Poor bastards never had a chance.
How are we supposed to strikefear into people's hearts
from a boarded-up pizza place?
We need a mountaintop fortressor an island shaped like a skull.
Or a giant billboard that says,"Injustice Club. Come arrest us."
- I vote for the skull thing.- This is not a democracy!
We need utter secrecyuntil my plan to destroy
the League of Freedom is perfect.
I'm in charge, and I say,we sign this lease!
[chuckles] Oops-a-daisy.
[theme music playing]
[grunting]
2x04 - I Don't Even Have to Use My J.K.
Robobot: Ranger, canI ask you a question?
Do you respect me lessnow that I'm not a Jew?
Is this one of those "Are youstill beating your wife" questions?
You know what?Never mind.
Cooch, you're reading.I'm proud of you.
Yeah, you know, it's some eroticfan fiction, starring Black Saturn.
- Huh?- I found it on the printer.
I don't know who Jemand the Holograms are,
- but they are getting tore up!- Oh, my darkest secret!
Who told you you could read"Jem and the Swallograms"?
I don't see what you're afraid of, Rex!
This could be a great opportunity.
Yes, to embarrass meon a national stage.
Let's forget about my fan fictionand talk about whatever this is.
Some Hollywood big shot
optioned the rightsto a Titanium Rex movie.
Some actor wants to shadow meto get into the role.
- It's gotta be Steve Buscemi!- What? No!
- Nick Nolte in old-age makeup!- Bruce Vilanch!
- It's JK Simons.- Simmons.
- Eh, whatever.- This is bullcrap! JK should shadow me!
I do cool stuff, liketroll athletes on Twitter!
Hey, Reggie Millerwith a successful block.
Guess it's not the 2000 NBA Finals.
Rex, we can't have an actorrunning around the mansion!
It's an ignoble profession!
They're basicallygypsies with toothbrushes!
Now, JK is oneof the good ones, Ranger.
I've had him on my show many times.
His involvement makes us all look good.
- Now, JK Simmons is the Harry Potter dude?- That's JK Rowling.
- Frizzy hair, short shorts?- That's Richard Simmons.
- Plays bass, splits blood?- Gene Simmons.
Makes quilts?Owns his own quilts factory?
I don't know who that is.
Checkmate, mother [bleeps].
Who put their fish tankon top of my stuff?
Oh, my God! It's leakingall over my "MAG" magazines!
Oh, not the "Star Trek" issue!
A star black.[laughs] Roasted.
Rabdo! Move your shit,so I can set up the home cinema!
Oh yeah. Like I'm gonna miss armday so you can set up your Roku.
Diamond cut, bitch!
Rabdo! I don't knowmany things in this life,
but I know if I miss "Dr. Ken,"
you're getting mouth [bleeps]with a Shake Weight!
- I call dibs on the master bedroom!- You don't need all that space.
Nope, but all the [bleeps] I'm gonnaassassinate sure does, limp dick.
[loud arguing]Come on!
What in the Earthly hell?
[over comms] Devizo,where the frick are you?
I'm down in my lab,doing actual work!
Lex: You're supposed tobe in charge, remember?
It's totally FUBAR up here!
Okay, here we go.[humming along to music]
Devizo. Devizo!Are you even [bleeps] there?
[engine revs][music]
Now, come on, Rex. You'vegot nothing to be afraid of.
Of course not! The man playsmake-believe for a living!
You dress like an eagle.[stammers]
[door opens]Titanium Rex, in the flesh.
And you must be JK Simon...Oh, I mean Simmons. Didn't hear you knock.
Not really something you worryabout when you have one of these.
- Aw, John-John!- Sha-Sha!
So this is where it all happens.Hey, I'd love a tour.
Yeah, yeah. Sure, fine.Follow me.
- Great.- Would you like me to hold your Oscar for you?
Yeah, you sound like Miles Teller.
No. This little baby stayswith me at all times.
This here is our state-of-the-arttraining facility,
- which we've nicknamed Hazard Chamber.- Yo! JK!
I heard you're looking for complexcharacters with a dark side!
Coming right up! Computer,threat level omega. Go now!
- Computer: Going now.- Saturn, no!
[grunting][music]
Ta-da!No skin off of my...
- [screaming] Computer, safeword "pumpernickel"!- Yeah, we've also got
a cappuccino machine over here.[saw buzzing]
- Uh, are you gonna do something about that?- Yeah, I probably should.
Whoa! That wouldprobably make a great
"all is lost" moment if you'dmade the movie about me!
- Would you get out of there!- Hmm. This could be a problem.
- Oh? How so?- You're practically invulnerable.
How is this movie gonna haveany stakes if you can't be hurt?
I can be hurt.All Septopians are vulnerable to...
- Ah, that's a trade secret.- Sorry, Oskie.
Looks like wehave a snoozer on our hands here.
You won't be gettingthat baby brother after all.
[stammers]Now, wait a minute.
You haven't seen what beinga hero is all about.
- You still interested in that ride-along?- Sure. Let's do it.
Wait! Let me get cleaned up!Do you have to go now?
- Computer: Going now.- Wait, wait, wait. Oh, shit! Pumpernickel!
No way do you get the biggestroom and the salad bar!
Hey, anytime you wantto toss a salad, just knock.
I knew you were gonnamake that joke!
[all arguing]
Will everyone shut up!
I'm working on the goddamn plan.And for the last time,
can someone move that Realtor'scorpse off the sidewalk?
Yeah, I'm on it.
- Why is all this shit in my bedroom?- Oh, oh, it's your bedroom?
- Oh, it's our... it's our bad. Take it.- Wait.
Why should Devizo get the big room?
All his scheming has ever doneis risk our lives. And for what?!
- Yeah!- She's not lying.
Titanium Rex is still in charge.
The League of Freedom isstill kicking our asses.
- What did we accomplish?- We kind of killed Brad.
- Others: Who?- Exactly.
Maybe it's time someone elseled the Injustice Club,
someone who gives everyone a voice.
- Yeah!- That's what I'm talkin' about.
We want an...everyone say it together...
elec... election.
I'm sorry, I thought it wasmore clear. We want an election.
- We want an election!- Yeah! Yeah, yeah!
Very well, morons.
But I think you'll soon finddemocracy is
a double-edged sword.[loud thud]
Did... Did he just throwthe [bleeps] body on the roof?
[alarm blaring] Ladies and gentlemen,the pleasure is all yours!
- You're getting robbed by the Ski-Mask Gang!- Simmons: The Ski-Mask Gang?
Oh, my gosh! It's AcademyAward winner JK Simmons!
And Titanium Rex.
Come on. Let's find somevillains that are more cinematic.
- What? We have different colored masks.- Come on.
Oh, sorry. I didn't realizegoing to art school was
a prerequisite for a life of crime!
Where you're going,the only class you'll need is
How to Make License Plates 101.
Yeah, they don't make licenseplates in prison anymore.
- That industry privatized years ago.- Can we just save all the notes till the end?
Yeah! We're trying to work here.[rapid gunfire]
[growls]Stay down!
A punch to the chin?Kind of cliché.
[metal creaking]
- Feel like I've seen it.- Ow! Come on!
- Okay.- Aah!
We're getting somewhere,but we still need some flare.
Hey, hand me one of those dye packs.
Okay, thank you.[dye pack pops]
[screams, gurgles]Oh! That was awesome!
- Now put one up his butt!- Okay, I think we're done here.
Robo-Dino: Welcome to theInjustice Club presidential debate.
Each candidate will be allowed 10 minutesfor their opening statement. Dr. Devizo.
[feedback whines][clears throat]
I hope this building burns tothe ground with all of you in it.
Thank you for your time.
What? But so... That...That's it? You're done?
I was actually gonna runto the bathroom, but... [sighs]
Guess Lex Lightning's up.
Ask yourselves, are you better offnow than you were four hours ago?
- Others: No!- Is Titanium Rex dead yet?
- No, he's not dead.- Uh-uh.
A good leader talks,but a great leader listens. [music]
I think there's a lot of talentin this lair,
but your voices aren't being heard!
- Yeah!- That's true!
Elect me, and we'll destroythe League of Freedom together!
- [cheering] Whoo-hoo!- All right!
- Groaner, what are you doing?- I'm running as an independent.
The two-party system is broken,and laughter is the best medicine.
- Get off the stage!- Boo!
Now let's say this balloon isDr. Devizo's master plan.
- Come on!- Ah!
[gagging]Oh no!
I propose we all stand around andsee if he can dislodge it himself.
[groans, spits]Mm, he got it.
Oh! Ooh!
I'm still looking for that hook, Rex,that detail that makes this a film.
I know just what you're looking for.
I keep a few mementos in here.
Simmons: Key to the city.Presidential Medal of Freedom.
I didn't know you were on a stamp.
Galapagos Islands.Domestic only.
Hey, check out these headlines!"League Defeats Hellish Copter."
"Rex Defeats Nixon's Evil Twin."
"Gas Prices Triple."
Is there a story here?'Cause I don't get that last one.
That is a keepsake from the dayI defeated Professor Shrinkray.
That's what you call a realswat team, huh? [cackles]
- Gross.- Did someone say my name?
- Hey, you're Juno's daddy!- Uh, yes.
Is it true a lady can getknocked up by sittin' on a toilet?
- No... - If you put Junoon that "Jurassic Park" island,
would she eventually developboth sets of sex organs
and get herself pregnant?"All life finds a way" and shit?
- I'm gonna go with "unknown."- Cool. See ya!
She doesn't have to be in the movie.
It's time to vote. All those infavor of Groaner as leader, say aye!
[man clears throat]
Oh, is that right?
Well, in that case, I havea brief concession speech.
[inhales]
[bleep]
...you!
All those in favor of Dr. Devizo?
- All those in favor of Lex?- All: Aye!
- What?- O.M. God! Yay!
[music playing][cheering]
[record scratches, music stops]Aah!
I've indulged this moronicexercise long enough!
Get back to work!
Sorry, Devizo. We arein charge of ourselves now.
Yeah![music playing]
[Devizo giggles]
Good luck.
Why... Why are you smiling?
Why is he smiling?
[cork pops]Whoa!
This is gonna be great.
The key to the perfectgreen juice is kale.
- The leaves are so tender.- Yeah, that's real important
when you're going topulverize them at 37,000 RPMs.
[whirs]
Oh!That is stupendous, JK.
- Drink it, Cooch.- Why? What'd I do wrong?
[phone vibrates]Oh, I got to take this.
Hey, Bryan.No, you can't borrow it!
Look, "Trumbo" was great,but it was Leo's year.
Ah, did you try the juice, Robobot?
If I ever want to knowwhat it feels like to suck off
the Jolly Green Giant,I'll let you know.
Wait. Well, what'sgotten into all of you?
Your friendship with that professionalliar is clouding your judgment!
- That's ridiculous.- Oh, really?
I heard you two running lineslate into the night.
The Rex I know is in bed by 8:30!
Hey, hey, hey.He's on Hollywood time, baby.
"Baby"?Rex, what's gotten into you?
Nothing. You're sure no onewants a drink? It's delicious.
Do you really believe that, Rex?Or are you just acting?
Wha... no! No.[chuckles]
Look, I have to make a phone call.
Show us your phone's lock screen.
Oh, I-I get it. You thinkit's gonna be a photo of JK.
- Well, it isn't.- Show us.
Listen. I'm Titanium Rex, not somegoo-goo-eyed, 13-year-old girl.
Okay, I'm gettinga lot of filibuster here.
Let's cut to the part whereI take your phone from you.
Oh, no, no! Wait!It was like that when I bought it!
And this juice is delicious!
[gags, groans]
Delicious!
Okay, great. I said 3:00 p.m.,and it's... wow, look at that... 3:42.
But, uh, you prioritized an Arby's run.
Do I wish you would havepicked me up a beef and cheddar?
Sure! But it's not important.I'm the cool boss.
Don't care.But care about some things.
Okay! Let's storm it up, brain wise.That's a brainstorm.
Just start shouting out ideas.
Don't be shy.There's no wrong answers here.
I don't know howwe could get to this plan.
I'm just thinking out loud here.[clears throat]
If we could somehow end upwith Rex's neck in my mouth,
uh, my titanium jawcould maybe kill him?
Okay, that's great. Yes.
Also, I am illiterate. So ifyou could, uh, draw it maybe.
- Yep.- My kicks are pretty accurate,
so if I could get withinkicking distance of Rex,
I could maybe kick himinto Robo-Dino's mouth
- so he could do that thing he said.- Okay...
Draw me flying a helicopterso Rabdo can swing down
on a rope ladder and kickRex into Robo-Dino's mouth!
- Can you fly a helicopter?- You know what?
Draw me gettinghelicopter lessons.
And what are we supposed to dofor eight weeks
while you're learningto fly a helicopter?
- You could learn to read.- Hey! That was aimed at me!
- Yeah, no shit.- Guys, maybe let's focus?
- Hey, who's our balloon guy on this?- Draw me eating a bone.
Say the word, I'll give Gary a call.
Maybe one of those helicopterswe used to kill Bin Laden!
- We? Were you present?- I'm still a goddamn American!
[all shouting angrily]TV time!
And that's whythat son of a bitch was smiling.
- Oh, whoa. You're JK Simmons.- Yeah, Hi.
This is crazy! I'm writinga screenplay right now,
like literally right here.Will you give me your opinion?
You have a lot of talent.Never give up on your dreams.
- Uh, that was just the title page.- It was great.
Titanium Rex: There's my man![spits]
- Ooh. What's wrong?- What's wrong!
I'm Bridget Fondaand you're Jennifer Jason Leigh!
- That's what's wrong.- Oh, I got that reference.
You're totally biting my style. I'msurprised you didn't shave your head.
Got an appointmentat Supercuts at three.
Listen, Rex, I asked you to meetme because I have some bad news.
I'm just not feeling your character.
You're too hard to get on the screen.
You can fly. You're bulletproof.
Your metal fist turns intostuff whenever it's convenient.
- You're what we call a Mary Sue.- A Mary Sue's a character
with no flaws, originatingin "Star Trek" fan fiction.
There's a beanbag chair over therewith your name on it, skinny jeans!
Unless you can tell me some sort ofweakness or... or vulnerability...
I'm sorry. I... I can't.
Uh, well, I guess that meansthere's no reason for us
to hang out anymore?
Are you... Are you waitingfor me to say something?
Because your statement was true,absolutely.
What if we steal an invitation
to a League of Freedomblack-tie charity event?
I enter the skylight on awire rig, looking awesome.
I'm disguised as Johnny Franco,world salsa dance champion.
Lex, for the love of Christ,we're talking about salsa lessons!
Just be the leaderand tell us what to do!
Okay, I... I...[others shouting]
Mind if I interrupt this "Gong Show"?
While you've been circle-jerkingonto your participation trophies,
I've been watchingmy master plan unfold.
I've planted a spyin the League of Freedom:
JK Simmons!
- He was great in "Labor Day."- Oh, that's very much my tempo.
Soon, he will possessthe knowledge we need
to destroy Titanium Rexand the League forever!
Devizo is back, baby![chanting] Devizo!
[others chanting]Devizo! Devizo!
- Devizo!- Gong!
[all laughing]
Wait. How long has that picturebeen on the back of that board?
- Is that really important to the narrative, here?- I would like to know.
You were right, Ranger.Actors aren't real people.
I was justa fascinating subject to him,
someone he could admire and study.
But he was never a friend.
- Ranger, you're awfully quiet.- I'm sorry, Rex.
I saw "Whiplash" last night.JK's biceps alone
said more about that characterthan I know about any of you.
The man's a genius, and my lifemay be forever changed.
[alarm beeps]Oops! Late for my drama lessons!
I called in the one favorJK owed me to set this up, Rex.
You think JK is just out therehanding out favors?
Eh, he went digging too deep.
I want to help him, but I don'tknow if I have that much trust.
Trust? This is Hollywood!
If he hasn't offeredyou cocaine or asked you
for a sexual favor yet,he's one of the good ones!
Now, I don't care what you have to do.
Get out there and make it happen.
Go ahead. Show me how theBlack Saturn would wash a car.
I hope you're taking notes.He'd do it just like this.
Nope. I think he'd scruba little harder than that.
JK, I have somethingI want to show you.
A hero's not a hero withouta weakness to overcome.
I knew all alongyou weren't a Mary Sue!
Mary Sue? Have you guysbeen reading my fanfics?
I had Mary Sue blow Papa Smurf.
It's in the secret subterranean level.
Cool. Uh, let me just putmy glasses on,
so I'm not stumblingaround in the dark.
- Others: Ooh! Ah! [music]- Devizo: Everyone get comfy!
You're about to enjoyTitanium Rex's final curtain.
What lies below is so dangerous,only I know the way in.
[beeps]
Easy as pie.
Robo-Dino: I never thought I'd say this,but this is better than "Whiplash."
[static crackling][indistinct shouting]
- They're too far undergroundfor the signal to carry! - Come on!
Here it is, my only weakness.The anti-magno rod.
So powerful, it cancels outthe Earth's magnetic field.
It saps my powers,weakens my muscles,
and with prolonged exposure,could kill me.
So whatever you do,don't open that...
Well, son of a goddamn bitch![groans]
[laughs evilly]
You... [coughs]betrayed me!
I'm a Hollywood actor!It's in our nature.
The rod we... weakens my body...
[farts]...including my bowels.
But I won't apologize for that![groans]
And the Oscarfor Best Supporting Corpse
goes to... Aah![Lex grunts]
- Oscar revoked.- Lex, how did you...
I know every inch of this mansion,remember? I'm the OG mole.
Hmm. Since I'monly half Septopian,
it looks like I'm invulnerable to...
[farts] Okay.Okay, let's get this thing put away.
I got a little cocky there.That was my shoe, by the way.
- Lex, thank you.- Oh, Daddy. I don't think you understand.
I'm not gonna let anyonekill you but me,
after I've shown the whole worldwho you really are.
No, no. I'm not buying it.
Deep down, you wantedto save your old man.
Um, you shot me in the face,you dick! [groans]
[music]
- I don't know. Try blowing on it!- Stop it! Enough, enough!
I don't understand it.By now, he should have...
- What?- Another mole, Devizo?
You should write the next "Taken" movie.
They love recycled plots.
[glass shatters]
[static crackles]No!
Whoa, wait. What's happening?
People don't like those "Taken" movies?
But it's not a total loss. Now thatwe know where he hides his secret...
- You mean, this?- Ooh!
- Ah-ah. Finders keepers.- You! You...
Hold the only key todefeating Titanium Rex?
Good point, Devizo.
So as of now,I'm in charge around here.
Does anyone havea problem with that?!
[clapping]
[chanting]Lex! Lex! Lex!
[sadly] Yay! Bravo! Bravo!Give it up.
So, how we feeling about that lease?
He was Devizo's mole the whole time.
I knew that stage parrot wasup to no good!
Still, that last 15minutes of "Whiplash"...
- Mm, perfect.- It's perfect, yeah.
I wonder whathe was trying to steal.
Uh, yeah, I...We'll never know.
It just seems like it was an awfullot of trouble to go through just to...
Anyway, movie sure isn't happeningnow. He sure had me fooled.
Not me! I knowa butt baby when I see one.
Where's Cooch?
Hey, Juno's daddy!
- I need you to sign 200 pictures.- I don't feel like it.
Sorry, man!That ain't quite my tempo!
[electricity crackling][screaming] All right! I'll do it! I'll do it.
And make thosesons of bitches out to eBay.
sync & correction by f1nc0~ Addic7ed.com ~