-Man: Rex? Oh, Rex?
-(grunts)
-I told you what would happen if you led your precious League against me.
-(grunting) -But how could you foresee your defeat at the hooves
of the ultimate Nazi super soldier, Swine Kampf?
-(screeches)
-If you're counting on your Nazi steel to hold me,
you're sadly mistake-- mistake, uh-- you guys really know your steel.
-Ix-nay on the ompliments-cay, Rex.
He's Nazi scum!
-Scum? We are the master race,
or were you talking about the schweinhund pig man?
Oh, yeah, he's scum.
Why would Adolf Hitler create a telekinetic monster from the DNA
of Himalayan murder pigs?
Aren't pigs disgusting, filthy animals?
-(growls) -Yes, they are.
Even standing next to this one is, like, gross.
-Come on.
-My Omega Bands are empty, War Bond.
Can you get out of your chains?
-My superpower is advertising war bonds.
In what world am I getting out of my chains before you?
-If I could just get to my riveting gun.
-This is no time to play the damsel in distress, Red Riveter.
-I'm just saying-- -Enough with the female hysterics!
-Your pants are on fire. -(screaming)
-I asked the question why send the master race to be slaughtered like pigs,
when you could send pigs to be slaughtered like men?
-(growls) -Pigs, whose lives mean nothing to the Reich?
-Are you done yet?
-Shh! Human beings with souls talking here!
Now that Swine Kampf has proven his strength,
we will flood the Allies with biological garbage like him.
-Rude. -Before you die, know that you were defeated
by an enemy that rolls around in shit, eats its own shit,
and smells like sh-- Swi-- Aah! Put me down!
-Oh. -Right now! Put me down!
-He's an asshole, right? It's not just me.
-Nope. Not just you.
-(screaming)
-(shouting)
-(growls)
(screeching)
-All: (shouts)
-Swine Kampf left a little slop in his trough, League.
Let's clean up.
-Can we take five on the pig jokes, please?
-Oh, sure, sure, sure.
-(groans)
-(grunts)
-(shouts)
-(slow motion) What the (bleep)?
-(groaning)
-(grunting)
-(shouting)
-(grunts, screaming)
-This is war, desk jockey! Get in the game!
-I can't do this!
-(screeches)
-Aaah!
-(soldier grunts) -Batter up, War Bond!
-What? Aah!
-Don't worry, pal, it gets easier.
Dear God, you have an erection!
-(laughing)
-(soldiers grunting)
-(Red Riveter grunts) -(soldiers grunt)
-Not gonna hear the end of that one.
-(grunting and laughing)
-Hey, pal. It's five o'clock. Quittin' time.
Wait a minute!
-I don't know how to thank--
-No worries, Rex, I've got it!
-(grunt) -Dude, what the hell?
-Stop it, Ranger. He just killed Adolf Hitler.
-He helped save the world. I'll admit that.
But there's no law that says that makes him a hero.
-Well, maybe there should be.
I think I'll go see my friend, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
There's a law that says a villain becomes a superhero if they save the world?
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
-You wrote the damn bill!
Your name is right on it!
And seein' as how Dr. Devizo and the Injustice Club helped save our asses
from a Subtopian invasion, they are bonafide heroes.
Say hello to your new roommates.
-Well, that's just the shits.
-(theme music playing)
-How do you expect me to live with Dr. Devizo?
The man is a total psychopath!
-Sergeant Agony, I don't feel safe.
-Rex, that was aggressive and unacceptable.
If you don't like it, you can move out.
I'm showin' some very reasonably priced
studio apartments at three.
-(phone rings) -Hello?
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, no no no, I said ocean-adjacent.
-If you'll excuse me, I'm going to find out where I'm sleeping.
-Aw, I can't stand these villains living in my mansion!
-Oh, is that bothering you? I think it's the first time you've mentioned it.
-I have got to get this stupid law off the books.
-Are you planning a run for Congress, or just totally ignorant
of how the legislative system works?
-I want you to look up Swine Kampf, see what he's been up to
since the war. If he's so much as gotten a jaywalking ticket,
we can make the case that this law is a danger to the public.
-Cool, run a smear campaign against a war hero.
Real feather in my cap, Rex.
Thanks for the opportunity.
-Room assignments? Is this your doing, Lex?
-Sergeant Agony made the list,
but because I've been on both teams,
he thinks I'll be a good liaison.
-Uh, is that what they're calling traitors now?
-They're givin' our rooms away?
-No, no no, no. You're sharing them.
Except for you, Cooch.
Agony wants you and Chet sleeping outside.
So in a very real way, your room was given away, yes.
-Goddammit!
-Bathtub, colon, upstairs hallway.
-We're a little tight on space. So it's that or sleeping in one of the cells in the basement.
-No, don't make me go back! -Chill out, dude, relax.
-Oh, relax, huh? Yeah, maybe I'll go upstairs and draw a hot bed.
-Ughh, sorry dude. Looks like they separated us.
I got Buster Nut.
-Aw, oh, man, that's-- that's bullshit.
I-- I got Ranger. Oh-- Oh, well-- -Ha-ha! Psyche!
I talked to Agony and got it all sorted out. We're roomies, dude!
Don't worry. I won't check out your massive "D."
Much. (laughs)
-Oh. Great.
-(gasps) Who gave you permission to tinker with my wall hangings?
-Jenny McCarthy sure can eat a banana, can't she?
-Susan B. Anthony sewed the American flag,
and ate her bananas with a knife and fork, thank you!
-Yeah, but Jenny McCarthy isn't afraid to fart!
-What does that have to do with anything?
-I don't know, but it sure gets talked about a lot.
-Y-- You know what? Let's go over some ground rules.
If there's a sock on the doorknob,
it means I'm either piledrivin' ass or makin' nut butter.
Either way, keep walkin'.
Be a pal and throw this on the knob on your way out?
-So how come nobody wanted this room?
Oh-- Oh! So this is Brad's old room.
(laughs) Dead Brad. Rabdo ain't afraid of no ghosts.
(laughs)
-(door squeaking) -(groaning)
okay. Turns out I am very afraid of ghosts.
Hey, Lex? I'm gonna need a nightlight and maybe a little tuck-in.
-Guess I thought we'd be at each other's throats a little more.
-I could chase you around the yard if you want.
-Did I say that? Shut up!
-Or, you know, we could just hang out and, you know, talk about our feelings.
-What? -Nothing!
-Hmm. Swine Kampf was repatriated to the United States
under the name Jonathan Hogsly.
Last known place of employment, a non-management position at a Blockbuster Video.
Ouch. Sometimes the American dream dies hard.
Wait a minute. The Pig Man of Pasadena?
Humina, humina, we got you now.
-(quietly) Just gonna sneak by-- -Oh, Groaner! In here!
-Oh, God!
-(laughing) This will be crazy, right?
The two greatest enemies sharing one room?
Oh, I better tell Marjorie to buy some more lawn chairs,
because there are gonna be fireworks!
-Look, I-- I don't know if this is a good idea.
-Are you kidding? We're sworn enemies.
How can we ever feel safe if we're not totally aware
of each other's bodies at all times?
-See, right there. Don't love how your phrased that.
-Oh, you can sleep under the sheets and I'll sleep on top.
I get nocturnal erections if I'm too constricted anyway.
-No! I'm not doing this. It's weird.
-Wh-- Why? -One reason, a big one, and you know what it is.
-Because we made out with each other at the Halloween party?
-Yes. Absolutely! -That was an accident!
-Yeah, well, I accidentally know what your tongue tastes like.
It's not okay.
-But... you're my nemesis.
-Look, we gave it a try, but you're smothering me.
Now I'm not going to insult you by saying, "It's not you, it's me."
It's you, that's obvious.
But we need to see other nemeses.
-Did I just get villain dumped?
-What'd you find out?
-I found Swine Kampf. He's living in a duplex on the West Coast.
-Excellent! -There's more.
The frequency of unsolved murders near his home
greatly increased with his arrival.
-Unsolved murders, I love it!
Uh, for the purposes of the public good.
-Y-- You know what? Don't bother.
-I want you to get over there ASAP.
You take the Jump Jet and see what you can find out.
-I'm on it.
-I never thought I'd see the mansion
turn into a flophouse for maniacs.
-Yeah, but at least we're together, right?
-Oh, is that you're here?
-No, I just thought I'd lead with the sappy stuff.
Dad I want to introduce you to your new roommate.
-Hello, Rex. Where do I brush my teeth?
I have a Waterpik, so I'll need an outlet,
and I'll thank you to keep your hands off my Invisalign.
-No! Absolutely not!
-That is an odd way to greet the man that saved your life.
-If I know one thing, it's that you would never save my life.
-(chuckles) Tell him, Lex.
You were there.
No! He's not clear yet!
Ah! Make way. I'm... a doctor.
-Yes, he did, he... saved you.
I was there.
-Ugh... we may be sharing a mansion, Devizo,
but we are not on the same team.
And I am not sharing a room with you!
Eh-ahh!
-Understood.
-(groans) Such bullshit.
-Total bullshit!
-Mmmmm...
-What the hell are you doing?
-W-- W-- What are you doing?
-Give me back my lipstick!
-Wh- What? -That's not my lipstick!
-Oh, God. Oh, shit.
-(yawns) -(knocking on door)
-I have to go to the bathroom. -I'm afraid I was just about to hop in the shower.
-I don't care, it's my bathroom!
-I suppose we're at an impasse.
My God, will you hurry up?
-It didn't have to be this way, Devizo.
-I'm ignoring you.
(gagging noises) How about a halftime flush? Christ!
-You got it. -(toilet flushing)
-Ahh! You son of a bitch!
-You brought this on yourself.
-Two Eggos each. That's a minimum and a maximum.
You've got five minutes until we hit the yard.
Let's do it, whoo!
-Ugh, I don't think I got a wink of sleep last night.
-Neither did we. We're you tap dancing all night?
-No, no, no. Buster Nut was violating one of my tap shoes,
which happens to have been a gift from Bob Hope.
I'm not going to lie. Boundaries are an issue.
-Hey, buddy. -Oh, it's you.
I'll go eat my breakfast over there.
Wouldn't wanna make you uncomfortable.
-Look, I-- I-- I did a lot of thinking last night, and I--
-Courtney's here! Party life!
-Courtney? -Hide your kids.
-Courtney/Black Saturn: Hide your wife.
-Come here, you old son of a bitch,
and link these rings.
Yeah!
-So, uh, what the hell are you doing back?
-Portia kicked me to the curb.
-Say what, now? -I guess some footage leaked of her beating up a gimp
at Flesh Fest. She lost her job and look, I gotta be honest,
I pretty much stopped listening at that point.
-I was gonna say, I almost fell asleep there.
The point is, the Ringler is back!
-Portia, single and in need.
As a direct result of my actions, yes, but still, think I'll pay her a visit.
-(blowing whistle) -Uh-- Stop--
-Nice try, Ranger. Breakfast is over.
Front lawn in five for orientation.
Let's move, people. A lot to go over!
-(people murmuring)
-Look at you! Taking your new role seriously.
-Why wouldn't I? I'm Titanium Lex now.
A full-fledged member of the League.
-Lex, I detonated the anti-magno bomb
while it was still in Rex's hands.
Only you knew that. Why haven't you told him?
-I... don't know.
-If Blockbuster's records are correct and, they always are,
this is the place. -Get the hell off my property.
You've got no right to be here!
-I don't mean to alarm you. I'm looking for-- -I'm not tellin' you nothin'
without a warrant. -Okay, shit, I'm just--
-Take it easy, Chester. How can I help you, son?
-I'm looking for a pardoned Nazi pig-man war criminal.
-Then you came to the right place.
Step inside.
-I'm here on behalf of Titanium Rex.
-Rex. How is that old son of a bitch?
You know, he got me a full pardon.
-Any reason he would regret that decision?
-What? No. why do you ask?
-I did some rooting around and found a trough of information
on the crime rate in this area.
-Pig puns. Haven't heard those in a while.
-Do they make you angry? Enough to kill again?
-What? Kill again? I've only killed one man in my life, Adolf Hitler.
Of course, the official record
gave the credit to American Ranger.
-This little piggy had none... credit for killing Hitler.
Pig in a blanket. Show me the rage. Let it out.
-Oh, I don't have any rage. I'm a model citizen.
As far as my neighbors know,
I was scarred in a Bunsen burner explosion.
-I'd like to see the size of that burner.
Porky. Babe. Pig in the city. Bacon. Pig, pig.
-Oh, ho, ho, ho. I see what you're trying to do.
There's not a dangerous bone in my body.
-So you won't mind if I take a look around.
Go on a little truffle hunt?
Snort, snort? -No, why would I?
-You tell me. -No.
-Why not? -Because there's nothing to tell.
-We'll see about that, won't we?
Hmmm... we'll take a peek over here.
-You may all be asking yourselves why you've been called to the yard.
I think, if we're gonna be living together, we should get to know each other.
A way to prove we're not all, "sleeping with the enemy."
Jokes not appreciated. Message received.
We'll be playing two truths and a lie.
Say three things about yourself, and we have to guess which one isn't true.
-I'll go. My name's Buster Nut.
Three facts about me, I like to wine 'em, I like to dine 'em,
and I love to 69 'em.
-Okay, would anyone like to guess which one's a lie?
-Buster Nut never pays for dinner.
-Okay, that's not how the game works.
-My name is Courtney. My favorite show is "Entourage."
-Oh, yeah! -The movie was awesome!
-Oh, hell, yeah! -But I just can't get into Johnny Drama.
He never made me laugh. -(laughing) Oh, yeah, all right!
Don't kid a kidder! (laughs)
-My turn! I'm American Ranger, and I hate this!
I hate this! And I'm having a great time!
Can anyone guess the lie?
-Okay, off the rails, instantly.
You know what? Just, everyone name one thing you're good at.
-My name is Cooch, and I hate leprechauns.
-That's not a skill. -Maybe that one was the lie.
-We're not doing that anymore.
-How do I know that's not your lie?
-Okay, Robo-Dino, what do you got?
-Oh, uh, geez. Uh, well, I'm glad you asked, actually.
Uh, I am a classically trained pianist.
-Really? There's a piano in the foyer.
Maybe you can play us a tune.
-Oh! Oh, no, wait. No-- No, that one was a lie.
-No more lies!
-Oh, understood. I am, uh, I am a, uh, a tap dancer.
Wish I brought my shoes, I'd give you a little show.
-I've got some hoof clackers upstairs.
Won't be using them ever again.
-Wait! Uh, no, I mean, oh no--
I'm a professional hula hooper!
-Cool! I've got a-- -Oh, godammit!
I have not talents, all right? You broke me down on a public stage,
are you happy, Lex? -Screw this.
Step to it, everyone. You just bought yourself a human pyramid!
-(others groaning)
-What do we have here?
Little pig, little pig, let me-- oh, that's a corpse, better stop being cute.
-Swine Kampf: How's it going out there?
-Everything's swine. I-- I mean fine.
-And what are you doing? -Ahh! Oh, you know, just looking around.
Didn't see a thing.
-I made us some tea. -Oh, how kind of you.
I'll take mine with a-- yah! Yah! -(screams)
-It's over, Swine Kampf. I saw the bodies.
-I didn't do anything. -Tell that to the judge
on your way to the slaughterhouse.
-Every day trying to earn your trust.
Every day trying to fit in.
But you will never accept me, will you, for who I am?
I'm not going to the slaughterhouse!
-Aah! -(screeching)
-Move, Groaner. Are we feeling like a team yet?
-Others: Yes!
-This isn't really my skill set.
What the hell, watch out! -All: Whoa!
-(alarm blaring) -Trouble.
Swine Kampf? Ha ha, I knew it!
-Rex, I've prepared a few words before we go into battle.
Once more into the breach, that kind of thing.
May I? -No, you may not!
I am the leader of the League, whether you like it or not!
Let's go, League!
Try to keep up.
(chuckles) So what's the plan, boss?
-What? -You know, do we wait until their backs are turned,
and then take 'em out?
-Oh, still doing whip-its, are we, Johnny?
There are cameras everywhere, you idiot!
-That is why Rabdo doesn't make the plans. You do.
-I've done nothing but come up with plans for the last two years!
Can I have a goddamn weekend to recharge the batteries?
All right. Come on, move.
Let's go beat up the pig man.
-This pig won't let you put him in a pen!
-Pigpen, that's a good one.
-Oh, shit.
-I'd tell you to make my day, Swine Kampf,
but you already did.
You just proved the law that made you a hero was a mistake.
They'll have no choice but to scrub it from the books.
-That is a childish concept of the legislative process, Rex.
-We're working on it. -(screeching)
-We used to shoot pigs in basic training for target practice.
This won't be hard. Aaah, it's hard! It's very hard!
-(all screaming)
-Power levels are off the charts. Something really got him angry,
and that thing will most likely remain a mystery.
I was very respectful when I talked to him, by the way.
-Oh, no! Rex! -Cooch!
-I'll save you! -Watch out!
(both shout)
-Chet: Son of a bitch!
-What do you give the super pig who has everything?
-A ring? -Hey, guys! What we doing? Aah!
(shouting)
-Oww! -What is your problem, dude?
-(screeching)
-I bet you haven't seen a pig that angry
since you served Gloria with divorce papers.
-You son of a bitch! -(choking noises)
-Move over, bacon. Now there's something-- (shouts)
-Sorry. My fault. Sorry.
-This is a disaster.
-Just say the word, Rex, and I'll-- -(whistle blowing)
-We are a team! Act like it!
Ranger! Buster Nut! Work together!
-Wait, what are you-- (screaming)
-(grunts)
-(groaning) Not bad.
-Use your heads!
-This is it!
-Cooch, honey, you're a cat. Just jump.
-Oh, yeah! Thanks!
Teamwork!
-Pair up and take this pig down!
-Okay, Saturn, let's show him what we-- -To me, my Ringler!
Ee-hah! -Oh, that's just-- that's great.
-(grunting)
-(screams)
-(screeching)
-(groans)
-(Titanium Rex grunts) -I got you!
-Goddamnit, fine, let's do this.
-(Blue Menace grunts)
-(all grunting)
-(groaning)
-(grunting)
-Now, Rex!
-(shouts)
-This little piggie went wee, wee, wee, all the way--
oh, into someone else's home.
Oops. -O-M-God.
-Oh, wow.
-Hey, it looks like someone led us to the wrong guy.
And that person will most likely remain a mystery.
-War Bond! Is-- Is that you?
-That's right! And it's all your fault!
You forced me into the theater of war.
I tasted blood, and I liked it!
-Oh he's going full Scooby Do, that makes it easy.
-I moved next to Swine Kampf, knowing he'd be blamed if suspicions were raised.
-Was that what you did?
-Turns out it's pretty easy to kill away with it.
Or at least that's what I thought until this very moment.
-(rock music playing)
-I hope there are no hard feelings.
-All's well that ends well.
Besides, you don't expect compassion from a heartless automaton
with no human feelings or soul.
-You know what? (bleep) you, pig.
Oh, come here. -Oh, come here. We're both manmade monsters.
-Soulless abominations.
-Who you callin', Ranger? -Calling Portia. There's a woman in need
of an American steed.
-Nice! Although I would've gone with seed.
-Hello, Ranger. - S-- Sergeant Agony?
What are you doing over there?
-Everything, hopefully! Portia, pour me another glass, girl.
-Son of a bitch!
-Hold my cup for me? Gotta go drain the vein train. Choo choo!
-I'll do the same.
-Oh, look at them, Rex. They remind me of us.
Before you slept with my wife, and I tried to murder the world.
Why don't we join them for old times' sake?
-It does remind me of our old team, before we realized
that you were a supervillain.
Excuse me if I don't wanna celebrate having my whole house full of them.
Aah! What do you-- What do you want?
-You know, for the longest time I thought I wanted Saturn out of my life.
But then you showed up, and it all became clear.
I am his nemesis,
and you better stay the (bleep) out of my way!
-Yeah, uh...
-Excuse me? Yeah, you two. Could you keep it down?
It's bad enough I have to sleep in the bathtub without listening
to some sort of psychosexual showdown. Go to bed!
(theme music playing)
-(monkey noises) -Man: Stupid monkey.
-(paper tearing) -(monkey cry)
-(slap)