Ola.
That shouldn't be allowed.
It's cruel.
Gasolina?
Where's this?
You are here for holiday?
This. Where?
Here.
Grassy-arse.
The Mayor's prepared to proceed.
On the basis that the situation with the press will not continue.
It won't, that is dealt with.
Good. And he wants his money as soon as possible.
Sorting it as we speak.
I hope so, actions speak louder than words,
but money speaks loudest of all.
You should get that on a t-shirt.
What do you mean? Er, it was just a joke.
This is no time for jokes, Natasha. Of course.
Have you seen Ronnie?
No. Why?
Well, he seems to have disappeared, it's unlike him.
Really? That's... that's weird.
Yeah.
I hope that you know what you're doing, Natasha.
About what?
There's a lot to lose here, for all of us.
Yeah. We'll get The Mayor his money and it will all be fine.
Good.
Oi, Sid mate, what's that on your swede?
You been scrapping, boy?
Pedalo fell on me. What's this about anyway?
OK, look, we need someone to drive the boat, Sid.
What for? We've got an exchange with Pablo Escobar.
No. Count me firmly out.
I told you he didn't have the minerals.
I don't want the minerals. I knew this would happen,
he's good for nothing, all right, we need to find Ronnie.
Albert, hold on, I shall find Ronnie,
if I've gotta go round this whole town punching everyone in
the face I will. Good.
But I tell you this, I'm like a dog with a bone, mate,
I will find Ronnie Gatlin.
Maybe I could do it actually.
You just said... I'll drive the boat,
yeah because Ronnie's probably away on
a business trip or, in fact I think he said he was.
He didn't say anything to me about...
No, it's one of those business places,
you know Kiev I think he said or, er, Switzerland, one of those.
OK that's very nice for him
and I'm sorry for my outburst, er, Sid.
Yeah, let's forget about Ronnie and just.
All right, sweet, boat's sorted then. Also, I've counted the gold.
Oh, yeah? We got three car loads. OK.
Oh, nice. And I've got you these. Oh, presents.
They're all the rage, that's your one.
Motorola. They're pagers, so we can all stay in touch.
Oh, OK. We are all gonna be together on a boat so I dunno if...
Yeah, quite a small boat.
What if there's an emergency or something?
You just call the number on the back there,
you put in the code 505,
that means SOS all right and we all meet back here.
That's, all sounds good but just, because we're gonna be out at sea,
it's gonna be hard to find a phone box. Won't be a phone box,
not at sea, there wouldn't be a phone.
Just wear the fucking pagers, all right?
All the drug dealers are wearing them.
These Columbians, we trust 'em?
Oh, yeah, yeah, great firm, professional.
Sid, mate, Pablo is salt of the earth, mate,
he's one of your own,
he even treated Albert here to a roll about
with his favourite prostitute. Nice.
Oh, that's not strictly true,
I paid her to go into a room with her.
I think I know how prostitutes work, mate.
Albert.
Are you doing the deal at sea?
Look, we spoke about this,
and you agreed that you ain't gonna micromanage me, OK?
Yeah, no, no, I know, I'm just making conversation. Yeah.
Who's driving the boat? Sidney's driving the boat.
Sidney? Yeah, Ronnie's gone missing for some reason
so Sidney's driving the boat.
Yeah, er, I'm sure you know what you're doing.
Yeah, I do thanks.
Look, I know this is hard for you to take,
not being involved but just let me be sexy.
Let you be sexy?
Yeah, because you said it was sexy last time when I was in control
so let me do that again, as your husband, yeah?
Mhm. Yeah. OK, good.
I'm not sure you're using the right sort of compass.
DISTORTED CRACKLING
Hey, where'd you go the other day?
You just disappeared.
Oh, yeah, no, sorry about that I, I had to rush off, it was a...
Oh, yeah? Bit of an emergency you know what it's like with
the tap water out here. Oh, yeah, tell me about it.
Yeah, no sorry I just, er, yeah,
I'm a bit funny about using other people's toilets,
you know, I didn't wanna offend you.
Oh, that's hilarious. No, I thought you,
I thought you were scared off because I got a bit heavy.
No, no, not at all, no, I love that, I really love that,
the heavier the better, give me all the gossip.
The gossip. I got you these.
Ah, muchas gracias.
De nada. Como estas? Muy bien.
Donde es Alberto? Alberto.., Albert, oh, yeah, he's, er,
he's moving some, er, heavy stuff today.
Ah. Boring, very boring.
Here, I've got that. Careful, it's heavy.
That's a heavy one.
Oh. Get it, get it.
There you go. Cheers.
That's how they have it out here, no milk,
different but I like it.
Sin leche. Yeah.
You know I feel like you were in
the middle of telling me something last time. Oh, before you dropped your guts.
Yeah. No, it was that thing about you being in the paper.
Yeah, it's actually really annoying all of that stuff,
erm, it's really fucking up my life.
Well, I don't believe what I read in the papers.
Why don't you tell me what really happened.
Oh, no you... you really don't wanna know about all that.
I do. I...
Do you know what, erm...
it means so much to me that you came round,
popped in, love it,
so nice to have a friend but, erm, I have to go.
You gotta go? Yeah. Well, I just got here.
Yeah, I've just remembered that Albert has sciatica.
Sciatica? Yeah.
Really struggles to lift things,
I've gotta help him a lot of the time. Um, so, er, yeah.
Tash... are you sure you're all right?
You know you can talk to me.
Um, er, does that say anything to you boys?
Hey, ask Sid. Sid. Because I've got co-ordinates.
It's rocky, see if he can do anything about the bumpiness.
There's nothing I can do about the rocking, I've told you.
I've got a map here and these things called co-ordinates,
does that say anything to you? Yes, what we
need to do is go straight in that direction.
What? Just straight? Yeah, just straight as the crow flies.
How do you know it's going straight? Crows fly straight famously.
It feels like we're just sort of following a saying.
No, we're going in a south, south westerly.
We need to go north, that's what I mean.
North, no north westerly, that's what I'm saying
north westerly direction, leave it with me.
Sure? Yeah. You're having soup for breakfast?
No, no, no, no.
There's something that I simply must do,
these are the ashes of the man what I accidentally killed, David Nelson.
Oh, what is that a lock of hair?
Sweet David Nelson, from what I knew you were
a fairly likeable chap who liked music
and talking in the front of a car before being kidnapped
and this, my friend, is where we lay your body,
well not actually his body,
some artefacts that I stole from his naked torso.
Naked? Earth to earth, water to sea and the ocean.
God bless you, my friend.
Urgh. Fucking hell Mick. What was that? Mick. What?
Fucking hell. Covered in it.
Oi, Sidney mate, you're driving over his ashes.
I didn't know you were gonna throw them off the front of the boat.
A fine send-off that is, mate, that's just selfish.
CLATTERING
Did you forget something, Av...
Surprise.
I thought you was in prison.
Well, I'm not, I'm here.
I'm here for the gold.
I don't know where the gold is.
Don't you lie to me, Natasha.
You're lying to me.
Where is it?
I don't know.
Don't be brave. Where's the gold?
I don't know.
I'm gonna ask you again... or I will kill both of ya.
OK, I'm going back.
Wait. Wait, Thread.
He's gonna kill her.
Do you think I give a flying fuck about the Fantonis?
She's gonna tell him where the fucking gold is.
No, fuck that, I'm going.
Fuck it.
Fuck.
KNOCKING Are you sure you know what you're doing?
You've been staring at that map for ages pulling a weird face.
Don't you blame this on me, Albert,
I never said I was an expert map reader, did I?
You said if we pointed it straight, we'll just get there.
Well, I don't know,
maybe we've been gradually knocked off course by the waves.
Sidney, please tell me you haven't led us
astray into the middle of the ocean? I am figuring it out.
Do we have any supplies? Like a fishing rod so we can catch fish?
We've got no way to cook it.
We could eat it raw, like bears do.
I'm not eating raw fish. Why are you talking about fish anyway?
We're talking about survival, Albert,
has anyone here ever drunk their own urine? Yes.
Oh, god no, we're not drinking our own piss.
I'm happy to drink my own,
let you boys have a little taste of mine
but I'll only drink Albert's as he's my cousin.
No, sorry, I'm not comfortable with that.
I'm talking about an extreme situation here,
it's a matter of survival out here, you'll drink my piss, mate.
I'm not gonna drink your piss, Mick.
You're lying on the floor about
to die I will hold your mouth open, and I will piss in it as you like.
Mick please, if I'm about to die I don't wanna just go out
with you pissing in my mouth, if I'm dying...
I'm not letting you die out here, Albert.
Right shut up, I can see them, shut up.
You see? I told you,
your captain knew exactly what he was doing.
Never doubt the captain.
Ahoy there. Don't fucking say ahoy there, Jesus Christ,
play it cool for once in your life, Sid.
Do we look ridiculous on this boat?
I'm starting to feel self-conscious about being on a fishing boat.
Theirs has got go faster stripes like The A Team.
Everything's gonna be fine, all right? It's gonna be great.
Hello, boy, how you doing mate? You all right?
Hello, er, buenos dias, como estas? Pablo is here?
Phil, why have they all got machine guns, mate?
I dunno, mate. Nice, welcome aboard guys,
nice to meet you all. Cocaine? Where's...
Yeah, where is the cocaine? Cocaine first?
First, you give cocaine then we give you the gold.
First cocaine then gold.
Or you take the gold and then we take cocaine, no problem.
We board your vessel to get the cocaine, we need the boof, mate.
I thought this was your mates.
Yeah, they was a lot friendlier back in Medellin.
Have you brought cocaine in bags?
Anyone got any cocaine?
Captain? Captain. That's me, Phil Pocket.
He might mean me because I'm the boat captain.
I know but I've been speaking to Pablo that's what he calls me, the Captain.
Do you mean boat captain? Si si, boat captain.
Boat captain? Just, just to say if this is a, er, cocaine testing situation...
Vamos, vamos, vamos... I don't really have the palette for that.
Did you see any cocaine now, Sid, mate?
OK, I go, OK.
Oh, woah woah woah, there's no need for that, mate,
he didn't have a machine gun. That's barking. What's going on?
Sidney, you go on I'll, I'll stay here.
Boys, I've figured it out,
they've got a smaller rigger boat with the cocaine on it,
that's why they've taken me as the driver.
That makes sense. Yeah, I'm comfortable with that, I'm happy with that.
Albert? It makes sense, they're putting it on
a rigger boat and they'll bring it back.
If you're happy with that, I'm happy with that. Is there a rigger boat?
I can't see any cocaine. What?
I can't see any cocaine.
Just calm down, you're embarrassing us.
Very slick how they done this it's sort of like how I would do it.
Yeah, yeah, I can imagine you'd do something like this.
Do you think we should follow them or what are we supposed to do?
Well, we can't without Sid.
Where do you suppose they've parked the rigger boat?
They probably anchored it up just over the horizon,
yeah, er, everything's fine.
Yeah? You sure? Yeah. It's fine, it's good, it's fine,
I'm happy, I'm happy if everyone... I mean
they've got all our gold and we haven't got the cocaine
but that, that's fine, isn't it?
That's, yeah that's... wait, what are they doing now?
What they seem to be doing is throwing Sidney overboard.
Oh, yeah. Sidney. Do you have eyes on the rigger boat?
Come on, mate. What did they say?
Did you get the cocaine?
No, I didn't get the fucking cocaine. They threw me overboard.
Yeah, we was wondering about that, what happened mate?
Yeah, did you say something to annoy them?
What? No, I didn't say something to annoy them.
They threw me off the boat because I'm the captain.
Yeah, but why though?
Look, so we couldn't follow them obviously.
It's the equivalent of throwing the car keys in the hedge,
except there aren't any fucking hedges in the sea.
But you still have the keys for the boat?
Do boats have keys? I'm the keys. I'm the fucking keys.
You're missing the whole point, they've fucking stolen all our gold.
Albert, what we gonna do? I don't fucking know, Sid.
I know what we're gonna do, we're gonna fucking chase 'em...
Oh, great, the big man steps up, yeah?
Oh, and if we manage to catch them, which we almost certainly won't,
I'm sure you're gonna let them all have it with your big gun.
What, you think I don't know how to shoot it?
You've never killed a man in your life. I'll fucking shoot you.
Yeah? Do it. Stop it, Phil stop it, Phil.
You put that gun down now, you're making Albert cry.
I'm not crying, all right, there's just shock in my eyes
because we've lost the fucking gold.
This is a big misunderstanding, do they not know who we are?
What are you talking about? Don't you get it?
We're not cut out for this, none of us are, we're nobodies.
Tash is gonna fucking kill me.
Ma McTavish was right, she warned us,
the gold there is cursed, since we come across it,
we've been showered with shitty luck,
buggered with misfortune, finding that gold,
that's the worst thing that's ever happened to us.
Where's the gold?
It's just down here.
You are a bad man.
Aren't we all?
Stay where you are, Cornell.
Is that where the gold is, Fantoni?
There is no gold.
Have you set me up? You'd better not be lying to me.
Well, she is a fucking liar, ain't she Clive,
you can see there's no gold there.
Now the game's over, put down your gun.
I ain't putting anything down.
Spanish plod's on their way as we speak,
they've got a tendency to shoot first, ask questions later, Clive.
Show me the gold. Clive, this ain't your style, is it, shooting women.
Show me the fucking gold. Cornell.
Argh!
If you've set me up and you're lying to me,
I'll put one right in your fucking belly right now.
You're not getting the gold. Yes, I am!
No, you're fucking not.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I should, I should kill you.
Why would you do that? Hey? Hm?
Because you're a fucking thief
and I can't let you get away with it.
Yes, you can, we're not the bad guys,
we're not the bad guys.
Yeah, we stole some gold but what difference would that make
to whoever we stole it from? Eh?
We just wanted a little earner, you know how we grew up,
you know where we've come from,
we just wanted a way out for our kids.
We didn't know it would end up like this. We're not killers.
Argh! SHE SOBS
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