I'd like for you to meet your new teacher, Mr. Black.
[Woman] Previously on The Michael Blackson Show...
Do not turn your back in that job skills class.
Now.
[students' excited shouting]
[speaking gibberish]
What the fuck I just say in African?
You threw the egg at me,
but you'd rather eat it, don't you?
You are a teacher, okay?
You ain't supposed to be saying shit like that.
And you're not supposed to allow your new growth
to grow under some old weave.
Pink-lit polka-dot motherfucker.
Let me guess, every time you tie your shoes,
you flip over, you big-head bastard.
You crazy, teach!
Run, you bitch-ass motherfucker!
You punk bitch!
Mr. Black, what is the meaning of this?
What in tarnation is going on in here, Mr. Black?
Tarnation? I didn't see you walk in.
Assistant Principal, Trayvon is so upset.
Oh, what happened, Trayvon?
I can't talk about it.
You can tell us, baby. Tell us, okay?
I'll be okay.
He ain't the only one that called me ugly.
And bitch-ass!
-Did he call you... -"Bitch-ass."
You called him that?
And ugly.
But I ain't no snitch, Ms. Randolph.
You're dry snitching.
[mouthing] Fuck you, fuck you.
On my dead grandmother...
I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson.
Snitches get stitches.
I'm sorry, what did you say, Mr. Black?
I didn't say nothing.
Okay, uh, uh, class, I hope everyone is okay.
Uh, I'm going to come back later to talk to all of you.
Mr. Black, come with me.
[Michael] I forgot my bag.
[Ms. Randolph] Oh, hurry, Mr. Black.
Listen, if any of you snitch on me,
I'm gonna come and fuck you up.
Man, you can't threaten us.
It's not a threat! It's a promise!
You ain't gonna do shit, teach.
If I try to catch you, I know you can't run.
That's why they gonna fire your ass
and you ain't even gonna be here.
If they fire me,
I have all your names and addresses in my booklet.
I'm gonna come to all your houses
and fuck you up.
Fuck, you broke. You ain't got no houses.
Have a bunch of roach-infested apartments!
Wait, Mr. B., that's fucked up.
But, I mean, we, actually, all, kind of, do
live in apartments, though, so...
Yeah, but ain't got no roaches. What the fuck?
Every Black person have a roach!
This shit is not a game.
I'm gangsta too. West side of Africa, punk bitch.
You ain't west side. You ain't west side nothing.
Mr. Black.
I was teaching the children how to dance.
♪ Everybody come listen
♪ Make I tell story oo [Ahaa] ♪
♪ About a teacher wey dey Chicago [Ahaa] ♪
♪ He dey hustle Sakof he dey owe [Ahaa] ♪
♪ Cuz this life Nuh be play play ooo eh ♪
♪ What ever you do [Ahaa]
♪ Make sure you dey the classroom [Classroom] ♪
♪ Or else you are in trouble
♪ He go teach you lesson
♪ One or two
♪ Michael go teach you lesson ♪
♪ Michael be single person
♪ Michael never dey pay rent
♪ Michael Michael ah! Ayyyy ♪
Hm-hm-hmm.
First you come late and now you terrorize the kids.
Nobody can terrorize those kids. Have you seen them?
The bell is about to ring. You may as well go on to lunch.
Ms. Randolph told me to wait here.
I know, but first she has to talk to your class,
and then she has to talk to Principal Watkins,
so it may take a while.
Do you think I'll get fired on my first day?
Mm, depends on what the little darlings say about you.
Darlings? Why you keep calling them bastards darlings?
They're not darlings!
Where's the cafeteria?
Nigga, what do I look like, a tour guide?
So what are we gonna tell Ms. Randolph?
First, we gonna tell her that he cussed at us.
Then we gonna tell her that he called Devontae
a fat, greasy nigga
and he's one sandwich away from a heart stroke.
Then we gonna tell that he called me stupid.
It may have been you, I don't know.
Then he said that Rasheida
looks like she got beaver teeth or some shit.
Then he said that Trayvon looks like
blueface with a concussion.
-Bobby! -Well, he didn't tell no lies.
Shut up, Juanita.
Don't get mad at me, nigga.
You do eat a lot of sandwiches,
and honey buns, and donuts, and cake.
Hey, fuck you and your raggedy-ass weave.
-[Juanita] Watch your mouth. -Yeah.
Oh, and apple pies. He eats a lot of apple pies.
Watch your fucking mouth, all right?
-Anyway. -Twinkies, too.
We snitching?
Yeah, he would snitch on all of us
if we ever did something.
You really think he got all of our addresses, though?
Hell, yeah.
Teachers got all that shit.
Yeah, so they can call and snitch on us
whenever we do something to piss a teacher off.
Yeah, I'm with Rasheida. We can't let that shit ride.
This "mothersucka" should be fired.
He just better hope I don't see his ass
in the streets one day.
That's what I'm saying.
I got something for his ass.
He gonna be sorry he fucked with me.
I can't wait till Ms. Randolph get back.
So what're we gonna do?
Just let me do the talking.
I got this.
You won't believe what I have to tell you.
-You guys are gonna lose it. -What?
Your dream came true of losing your virginity
in a gas station bathroom
while unsuspecting patrons were banging at the doors.
Not, not yet.
Keep dreaming.
No, this is even bigger than that.
You stopped paying for your bully's lunch
and he's gonna stomp you into oblivion
by the end of school today?
Do we need to smuggle you out in the janitor's cart again?
No, but thank you for reminding me.
-Hello, Bruno. -Don't speak.
Sorry, I keep forgetting. Being quiet now.
I hope you have a wonderful and uplifting day.
Get the fuck out of here, nerd.
I pay up weekly now just in case I forget his money.
I have a bright future ahead of me.
I have to survive the hood
for the good of all humanity.
We give up. What is it?
Mech-Con is being held here
in the Windy City this year.
And high school students can enter a display contest.
The winning school gets to go
to the national Mech-Con convention in New York City!
Get the autonomous effector out of here!
Shut the door and yell pistachio gelato!
I know!
I have been having heart palpitations
since the news leaked online an hour ago.
So how do we join?
We have to be a real school-sanctioned club.
Well, we are the only three members
of the unrecognized Robotics Club.
I know. We have to become a real club and fast.
We would need at least 10 members,
a faculty sponsor,
not to mention a nominal entry fee.
How are we going to get seven more members
for a robotics club?
♪ In the classroom
♪ Hey, hey, we in the classroom ♪
In this inner-city establishment.
Ugh. Impossible!
The school will cover the fee
if, and only if, we're a real club.
We gotta get to Mech-Con.
Ten members, an entry fee, and a faculty sponsor?
It's never gonna happen.
This is the worst day ever.
-You too? -Excuse me?
I hear somebody's having the worst day ever.
You are either a very old student
or probably from the job skills class.
Or an undercover police officer
sent here to uncover subversive acts and crimes.
Or a creep.
None of the above. The answer is D.
You were very close, Pumpkin Brewster.
I am with the job skills class, but I'm their teacher.
Oh, shit. You got us beat.
You're absolutely having a worst day.
Sorry for the way you've undoubtedly been treated
thus far today. I'm Carson.
-Lisa. -They call me LTK.
LTK, what does that mean?
Well, everybody says that I lie to kick it.
What's a lie to kick it?
Yeah, we always catch him in lies that he tells.
When he's trying to be cool and fit in,
he lies to kick it.
It is an unfortunate habit that I picked up
early on in my grade school years
as I was battling poor self-esteem and depression.
And why are you guys having a bad day?
We are looking for seven students
to join our robotics club.
Seven students to join robotics club?
-Mm-hmm. -And you three
are the ambassadors?
You have no chance in hell.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Well, don't ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.
Maybe we should hang up posters or flyers.
-Yeah. -Posters and flyers
that says robotics club?
If anybody is gonna read anything about robotics...
Nobody give a fuck about robotics.
Shouldn't you be giving us some ideas
that are grounded in the enormous wisdom
acquired through your professional experience
and years of schooling?
I graduated from here.
-Shit! -Damn!
What about college?
I took online classes and I was late every day.
Shit!
And I rarely let my tongue utter profanities.
So no suggestions, Mr...
Black.
How appropriate.
You must have some knowledge to impart.
Listen, if I'm gonna make a flyer,
a poster, about robotics club,
I have to think of something that everybody's going to read.
Nobody gives a fuck about robotics.
You have to write something on there
that people want to read.
What is it that people want to read about?
Give me that shit.
You gotta turn it on first. There we go.
And then you go like this and...
-Whole process. -Yes.
Calm the fuck down.
-Do I look stupid to you? -[Carson] No.
-[Gene] No. -Not much.
The stylus is upside down.
There we go.
Oh, Mr. Black...
Relax.
We're not used to having guests at our table.
Eh, have you done this before?
I do this every night.
Every night. Me too.
-With who? -Her name is Palmela.
Get it? 'Cause I'm saying that...
-We got it. -Okay.
That must come in handy.
[bell ringing]
-Oh, good, Mr. Black... -Ms. Randolph.
I want you to meet T.J. Watkins.
What's up, player?
-Excuse me? -Mr. Black.
Dr. Watkins is the principal.
Oh, my God, I got too comfortable too quick.
My apologies, Dr. Watkins, Mr. Principal, sir.
Mr. Black, Ms. Randolph just had a long talk
with your job skills class...
Them niggas are lying.
Mr. Black, what in tarnation?
You love that word so much.
In light of Ms. Randolph's investigation,
we need to ask you to go home for the rest of the day.
Dr. Watkins, Mr. President.
Head nigga in charge, please.
Mr. Black, please take the rest of the day.
I just got here today. It's my first day.
I understand that.
We have to get to the bottom of everything. I'll call...
Please don't tell me I'm fired.
You're all I have.
My gosh.
Hold on, what's going on over here, Ms. Randolph?
Uh, I'm not sure.
Okay, young scholars.
Let's get to your fourth period.
-Let's go. -Come on, run along.
Oh, my.
"Sex"?
Posters advertising sex? What is this?
"Sex, you know you want some.
Now that we got you all excited today,
come join the Robotics Club
and let's get bus-ay."
What sick mind? I wanna know who's behind this!
I'm out this bitch.
Tear these all down, Ms. Randolph.
All of them, get them.
Ms. Rosa. Ms. Rosa!
Help her tear these down, please.
[music]
Fuck that job!
Fuck that Dr. Watkins!
Fuck Ms. Randolph!
Fuck Mrs. Reed!
I'd like to fuck Mrs. Reed.
Fuck them kids!
Time to turn this up. I fucking need it.
[ Girls Girlsby Gambo plays]
Turn up.
Just get me a few [indistinct]
I have to drink.
Turn up in this bitch. Fuck everybody.
Fire--They gonna fire me. Fuck you!
Fuck your job. Don't fuckin' want it.
[music continues]
[turns music off]
[bang at door]
What'd I tell you about that music, Michael?
I can't play my music? I pay rent.
What!?
You say that shit with a straight face.
Fuck out of here!
Okay, when I pay rent.
When? Yeah, when?
That's the $1 million question, Michael. When?
I'm gonna have something for you next week.
Next week?
The rent was due three weeks ago. Damn.
Motherfuckers be trifling.
Why you home so early?
What time is it? It's early?
Yes, it's early!
You say you a school teacher?
School is still in session.
You get fired on your first day, Michael?
How can I help you, Ms. Wu?
Help me? Fuck that shit, Michael.
The day I need your help
is the day I jump off the fucking bridge!
Have a nice day.
Don't turn your music up.
I need my beauty rest.
Yeah, you have to sleep for three years.
Can you excuse me?
I hate that fucking bitch.
I'll buy this building one day and kick her the fuck out.
Peace and quiet, all by myself.
Hey, what up, my black-ass bitch?
Can you knock my fucking door before you come in?
What if I was jerking off?
I don't wanna think about that.
Nigga, I beat my meat all the time.
Yeah, I do too, but I don't be telling you about it.
I jacked off before I came over here,
but I ain't tell you.
-What's up, Michael? -Don't put
your meat-beating hands on me.
So, man, how's the job search going?
I got a job.
Yeah. Okay, that's what's up. Yeah, let's celebrate.
And I think I lost it.
How you do that?
I got a job at J. Forten High School.
You mean that ignorant-ass high school?
Nigga, that's my alma mater.
That's my point. You one ignorant-ass nigga.
Fuck you, my nigga.
So what happened?
They had me teaching job skills.
Job skills? How you gonna teach job skills?
You ain't got no job skills
'cause you ain't got no job.
Nigga, that's what I tried to tell them.
I said I'm here for history. I'm not a job skills teacher.
And then they put me the fuckin' ignorant class
with a bunch of rude-ass, bad motherfuckers.
Oh, they put you in that class?
Yes, them niggas threw eggs at me.
-Seriously? -Yes.
They threw eggs at you on your first day?
-Yeah. -They used to do that
at my job skills class.
That's fucked up.
Yeah, well, I went in on them niggas.
Oh, bro, no, you didn't.
-I tore their asses up. -You went in?
-All of them. -You got them?
-There's a fat nigga. -What you said?
I told that nigga he could never give directions
without mentioning a restaurant.
You want to come to my house,
you see McDonald's, make a left.
You see Kentucky Fried Chicken, make a right.
Old fat-ass boy.
You see the Waffle House, you went too far.
Fucking greasy motherfucker.
Another girl, fucked-up weave.
She had an old weave and then new baby hair on top.
-Hair was fucked up. -Looked like this.
Scary-looking hair.
Another girl with some
old, dirty-ass Poetic Justicebraids.
-No, she didn't, bruh... -Teeth looked like this.
-Big teeth head? -Tear her ass up.
There's a dude, big forehead.
Hair that kind of looked like yours.
Don't do that, don't do that.
I told that nigga, every time
he tie his shoes, he flip over.
Tore his ass up.
Another nigga looked like a rapper with no money.
Told that nigga he had 3,000 mixtapes and no albums.
Niggas asked for it.
Wait a minute, bro.
I wish I could've seen this, man.
You be going in on it.
He ran off, crying.
You know, they different, dawg.
They not like us. These kids, they can't take that.
They too sensitive.
Fuck, them niggas can dish a joke,
they can receive this shit too.
Yeah, for real. They did throw eggs at you.
Fuck that job. [cellphone ringing]
I'm gonna apply for a PPP loan. Fuck everybody.
They lucky you ain't swing on 'em.
Who the fuck is calling my phone?
Oh, this is Ms. Randolph. Fuck her too.
-Hey, yo, bruh, be nice. -No, nigga.
She calling me to fire me. Fuck her.
Hair color like Esther Rolle from Good Times.Fuck her.
-Look, be nice. Be cool. -Fuck you, nigga.
She might be able to get you another school.
Fuck them schools. Fuck that principal, too.
Nigga look like Isaac from The Love Boat.
Fuck all them niggas.
You can't talk to people like that.
That's why you ain't got no job.
Fuck this none-ass mugwan.
Hello?
Please don't fire me. Please don't fire me!
My rent is due.
The Chinese lady is back at my door.
I'm not fired?
I'll come back tomorrow?
Thank you, Ms. Randolph. Thank you.
I'll be there early. I love you.
-What'd they say? -I have my job, my nigga.
You good, yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
Let's celebrate.
Now we can celebrate for real, bruh.
Nigga, put my shit down.
Bruh, I rolled this for you.
This is to celebrate your new job, all right?
Man, what you got to drink in here, man?
We celebrating, man.
-Nigga. -Yeah, come on.
I need some white friends.
I need white niggas in my life.
Okay, today is a new day.
Let's start this the right way.
We're going to be professionals.
My name is Mr. Black.
Not black ass, not black bitch.
Not black son.
Well, they do call me Michael Blackson,
very talented young man,
handsome African prince king.
That's besides the point.
Very successful man.
Not black daughter. Not black panther.
Mr. Black.
Go ahead, Juanita.
So what's this class gonna be like?
Very good question.
This class will be very challenging.
For everybody.
Especially...
Never mind.
Go ahead.
Do we need a textbook?
Not really.
We just gonna get materials as we go.
All right, cut to chase, why you ain't snitch on me?
We ain't no snitches.
What you say to Ms. Randolph?
We told her we had a heated conversation
about how to do a job interview.
But y'all don't know me. Why you had my back?
All right, I wouldn't say all that now.
Well, thanks for having my back.
We didn't do that shit to be nice.
Then what did you do it for?
'Cause you came at us foul, nigga.
We can't let you get fired
till we get your African ass back.
We gonna roast your ass.
-Is that so? -Uh, Mr. Black?
Go ahead.
If I wanted to get a million followers
on social media, what should I do?
I don't know. I only have 10 followers.
Well, I figure,
I'd run to your village with a bottle of water
and a bucket of chicken, and the whole tribe
will follow me!
-Mr. Black? -Yes.
Uh, it's raining outside.
Okay, what that means?
Isn't that where you take a shower?
It's okay. You can go out there. We'll wait.
I got time.
-Mr. Black. -Devontae, go ahead.
What do you call a burnt ninja turtle?
-What? -Mr. Black.
-Yo, Mr. Black. -Bobby. Go ahead, Bobby.
Your momma's so ugly,
when she walks into a haunted house,
they gave her a full-time job and made her black-ass manager.
You know what, I was gonna let you slide
till you said something about my mother.
You don't know shit about my mother.
But I know your mother very well.
Your mother sucked so much dick, her lips went platinum!
Platinum. Platinum? What are we talking about, Mr. Black?
Yeah, Mr. Black, tell her what we were talking about.
Tell her exactly what you said.
What I said was, uh, being on time for work
is like platinum.
Yes. Platinum.
Yes. Well, that is great news.
Mr. Black, um, so how are things going today?
It's great. These joyous darlings
are so amazing and loving.
Mr. Black, I would like to officially welcome you
to J. Forten High School.
-J. Fort! You know it! -You know it!
Yes! You remembered that. Yes.
Calm down, Ms. Randolph.
All right, class. Well, Mr. Black, great job.
Carry on. Platinum. Yes.
Great job, Mr. Black. Platinum, platinum.
Hey, Mr. Black.
Hey, Lies To Kick it.
Looks like you guys are very popular today.
Your posters worked like magic.
We got 30-some members.
Oh, no, about that posters,
please keep that shit under wraps.
We already covered for you, Mr. Black.
Watkins was on the war path.
We told him someone pranked us.
And he bought it?
Look at us, they didn't believe that any of us
knew anything about sex.
I owe you guys.
You have already paid that debt.
And how did I do that?
We needed a faculty sponsor.
Faculty sponsor?
Yeah, and we told them you were our sponsor.
Fuck.
Watch your words carefully, Mr. Black.
We scored points for you with administration.
Yes, Dr. Watkins was so impressed
that you got involved with a club on your first day.
Shit.
Welcome to the Robotics Club, Mr. Black.
I hope you have a soft spot for nerds!
I hate nerds.
Where do we sign up to have sex with robots?
Nobody's fucking no robots!
[shushing]
Sick motherfuckers.
I know. It gets really uncomfortable after a while.
Then you get to the point
where the only way you can get there
is through a metal hand.
Oh, my God, have I said that out loud?
You need to teach me your ways, Mr. Black.
That was a really good interaction.
He loves us.
[clapping]
Well, it has been an honor to meet all of you.
And I'm very happy to be here.
Thank you so much, Mr. Black.
Welcome to J. Forten High School.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
[clapping]
Pay up, "mothasuckas"!
How the hell his African ass
made it in that class and nobody else could.
I just knew his ass was out of here.
[music]
[BET theme]