In light of Ms. Randolph's investigation,
we need to ask you to go home for the rest of the day.
[Woman] Previously on The Michael Blackson Show...
I just got here today. It's my first day!
I understand that. We have to get
to the bottom of everything.
-I'll call you-- -Please don't tell me I'm fired.
Am I fired?
I'll come back tomorrow?
Thanks for having my back.
We can't let you get fired
until we get your African ass back.
What do you call a burnt Ninja Turtle?
-What? -Mr. Black.
Your mother sucks so much dick,
her lips went platinum!
Ooh.
Platinum.
And what are we talking about, Mr. Black?
Being on time for work,
it's like platinum.
Yes! Platinum!
-Platinum. -Yes.
[Michael] Whose pussy is this?
[Deidra] It's yours, Mike! It's yours!
[banging on door]
Who's your daddy?
You are, baby.
[banging on door]
Is somebody, is somebody at your door?
No, it's probably my landlord. I hate that bitch.
Your landlord knock like a dude.
She has a strong arm.
[Rodney] Deidra!
Shit! Shit!
[banging on door]
-Oh, fuck! -Who the fuck is that?
That's Rodney.
Who the fuck is Rodney?
My man.
I thought you were single.
No, Michael. I said I'm a single mother. I'm not single.
Ah, shit. That nigga's at your door.
How the fuck he find you?
I don't know, but that motherfucker is crazy.
[Rodney] Open this door. I ain't playing with you.
Shit!
He probably tracked my phone.
-[Rodney] Deidra! Hurry up! -Oh.
Um, I need you to be my gay hairdresser.
-Okay, just tie this around. -What the fuck? No.
Walk like me.
You've done this shit before, haven't you?
[Rodney] Open this door right now
before I bust this shit down.
[door knock]
Babe?
[Rodney] Open this door right now. Hurry up!
I ain't playing with you.
-[Deidra] Hey, honey. -Where is he?
Where is who? What you talking about, Rodney?
The nigga you were just fucking.
I know the fuck you did not accuse me of fucking?
Will you look at your hair?
Will you stop, Rodney? I am here getting my hair done.
Deidra, stop lying. I'm gonna kill this nigga.
Baby, come on. You know me.
[Michael] The fuck is going on?
Who the fuck is this?
This, um, this, this...
Miguel, her gay hairstylist.
Who's this?
Miguel, this is my man, Rodney.
Wow. What a stallion.
I could fuck a horse
-but that's a horsey horsey. -Hey, hey, hey, man, cool out.
-Cool out with all that shit. -Um, anyway,
[chuckling]
baby, what's wrong?
I tracked your phone. I saw your car outside.
I thought you was in here with another dude.
What?
What? You so crazy.
Miguel is like my girlfriend.
[giggling]
See?
Oh my God, all she do is talk about you.
Oh yeah? What she say about me, man?
She was talking about how you be hitting it
from the back. Just, "Whose pussy is this?
-"Who pussy is this?" -[Rodney] Oh Lord.
"Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?"
Just stuff at me, um, that she says about you.
That shit makes me so jealous.
Hold on, hold on. So nigga you gay?
Yes, I'm gay. I'm LGBTQ,
and whatever letter hasn't come out yet,
I'm waiting for that, too.
The fuck?
Hey, hey, bro. I know you told me
not to pop up unexpected, but I ain't know this.
-What you got going? -Nigga, play along.
I don't play like this.
Nigga, just play.
Bro, I don't even wanna play PlayStation over here no more.
This is my man.
-What's up, man? -Hey, you got it.
Hey, man, my bad, I'm, I'm sorry for all the confusion.
I didn't know y'all got down like this, man.
-You know what I'm saying? -All right, man, it's all good,
big dog. 'Cause I'm confused as fuck my damn self.
Y'all don't look like a gay couple to me, man.
Uh, I know we don't, 'cause we ain't--
Shut the fuck up.
You know, we are so in love.
This weekend he's taking me on an anniversary trip
to Pompei.
-Ah! Bitch, yes. -Yes, yes.
What the fuck?
You could just play the fuck along, my nigga.
I'll give you a year's supply of weed.
-A year? -Nigga, yes.
-It better be good weed too. -Good weed.
Hi, yeah, this, this my man, right.
You know? We, we, we, we, you see?
See, I, that's bae.
He look good, dog.
-He look good. -If you say so, bro.
How long y'all been a couple, man?
Me and Michael?
-Miguel. -Me and, me and Miguel.
Me and Miguel about,
-about three years. -Like two years.
Took a year and a half,
oh, well, minus one.
Oh, yeah, it was that, that happened,
that went, I forgot.
We took a break because I don't
really fuck with light-skinned niggas,
but I settle.
It's okay, he ain't built like you.
Built like a crackhead.
I'm, I'm big where it count though.
Grown nigga, baby hair.
But I love him. It's all love.
Yeah, we, we, we do.
-You know? We, we, we, we do. -The fuck, Michael?
You gay now?
[music]
♪ Everybody come listen♪
♪ Make I tell story oo [ahaa]♪
♪ About a teacher wey dey Chicago [ahaa]♪
♪ He dey hustle Sakof he dey owe [ahaa]♪
♪ Cuz this life nuh be play play ooo eh.♪
♪ Whatever you do [you do]♪
♪ Make sure you dey the classroom [classroom]♪
♪ Or else you are in trouble♪
♪ He go teach you lesson, 1 or 2♪
♪ Michael go teach you lesson♪
♪ Michael be single person♪
♪ Michael never dey pay rent♪
♪ Michael, Michael ah! Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy♪
[music]
I trust you got my payment via Zenmo.
I, I thought the electronic transactions
would make things easier for you and me going forward.
What did I tell you about talking, nerd?
My apologies.
My auntie always says I have the gift of gab.
I can talk and talk and talk.
Okay, shutting up now.
What's in the lunch bag?
Well, my lunch.
I, I secretly make my lunch each day
when my auntie isn't looking because the,
the money that she gives to my daily nutrition
-now goes to you. -Give me the fucking lunch.
But then I'll have nothing to-- Owh!
-Shut the fuck up. -Oh.
[groaning]
Carson, are you okay?
[groaning]
I surmise I will survive this dark chapter somehow.
What's going on here?
This ain't got nothing to do with you.
Come on, let me help you up.
Thank you, Mr. Black.
[groaning]
Did he push you?
Well, it, it's possible I accidentally ran into
his hands as they were arbitrarily extending forward,
causing me to be thrown to the ground
in a similar motion as if I had been pushed.
Translation: You pushed him.
Yeah, I pushed him.
Is that his lunch?
What's it to you?
Give it back to him.
-No. -Oh, you want some smoke?
Nobody even says that anymore.
But yeah, we can catch this fade.
I'mma fuck you up.
Hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?
[Bruno] Ms. Randolph.
Have you lost your mind, Bruno?
-No, ma'am. -No, you must have.
Who do you think you're talking to?
-Nobody. -Look, this is Mr. Black.
Now, he is your elder and a teacher at this school.
-I ain't know he was a teacher. -Get to my office right now!
Go, Bruno. Now!
Are you okay, Mr. Black?
I'm fine. He was bullying Carson.
Oh, are you okay, young man?
Thanks to Mr. Black, yes, ma'am.
Okay. Good job, Mr. Black.
And young man, if you need anything,
if you have any more problems, you let me know, okay?
We do not tolerate bullying at this school.
Yes, ma'am. Thank you.
Okay. I'll walk you to your class.
[Carson] Thank you.
Here's your lunch.
Bean sprouts and cabbage, if you want some.
Fuck no.
There's quinoa too.
-[Michael] Fuck your quinoa. -Oh.
Class, tomorrow I will expect everybody
to have a five-minute presentation
to the class about yourself.
We gotta talk in front of the whole class?
Yes, that's what I just said.
You sure you not on medication?
Me? No.
Not anymore.
Do you want a refill of your medication?
I ain't good at talking in front of people.
Me neither.
Well, you do very well bumping those lips every other day.
Bumping lips? What?
You strange, Mr. Black.
Well, it takes one to know one.
So what we gotta talk about, Mr. Black?
I want to hear about you.
Maybe something about yourself that we may not know.
Mmm. Why we gotta do that?
Don't ask why.
Oh, why we gotta do that, Mr. Black?
I just said don't ask why.
The why is because I said so.
Man, you sound like my grandma.
Your grandmother is a very smart woman.
Why didn't that gene pass down to you?
Are you throwing shade again, Mr. Black?
Of course not. I just gave your grandmother a compliment.
Like I was saying, as you prepare to get jobs,
you have to be comfortable speaking in front of people.
You're gonna have to do job interviews.
You're gonna have to present yourself as likable.
I ain't gonna be good at that.
Of course not, Devontae.
You being likeable is like you skipping lunch.
You being likeable is like you going to the gym
and actually working out.
You being likeable is like going to an all-you-can-eat
without eating all.
You talking about me, teach?
Of course not. I'm not.
Like I was saying,
you all have to be comfortable speaking in front of people.
So after the presentation,
we'll all have questions.
What kinda questions?
Questions about you that we may not know.
I want to get to know all of you deeper.
So we get to ask you questions too?
Of course you get to ask me questions.
Whatever we want?
Whatever you want.
Be careful, Mr. Black.
Mr. Black, Ms. Randolph needs you in her office next period
for a parent conference.
[bell ringing]
Okay, for your homework:
I have homework for you.
Children.
I have work for you to do.
-You mothasuckas! -Mr. Black!
I didn't curse.
Nigga, your ass just got back.
I know that. I didn't say nothing.
Oh, good, Mr. Black.
Hey, Ms. Randolph, did you call for me?
I did, I did.
I want you to sit in the parent conference
with Bruno and his parent.
Oh, definitely.
I have no tolerance for bullies.
I see this is important to you.
Oh, very important to me.
I got bullied every school I went to.
They called me stuff like black.
Ain't that your name?
Yes, but they said it to be funny.
Then they'll call me African.
Ain't you African?
Yes, but they would say it like,
"What do you call 500 African jumping off an airplane?"
Night.
[laughing]
Little nigga, you wrong for that.
-You see what I'm saying? -Ms. Reed.
I'm sorry, Ms. Randolph.
I'm sorry that happened to you, Mr. Black.
Oh.
I'm here for a parent-teacher conference.
Yes, Mr. Parker. I'm Ms. Randolph,
the assistant principal here.
-And this is Mr.-- -Miguel.
Yeah, I met him and his boyfriend this morning.
Ooh!
Boyfriend?
Oh, so you know Mr. Black?
He's our job skills teacher.
Oh, he does my lady's hair.
Oh, you do hair?
Well, I have all kinds of talents.
Well, you must include those skills in your class,
Mr. Black.
And, I need a new hairstylist.
Oh, he keep my lady hair tight. I'm talking about A1 facts.
Think you could, uh, squeeze me in this weekend,
Miguel?
At school I'm Michael, please. And I have to check my schedule.
Um, not this weekend. He going to Pompei with his
light-skinned boo.
Oh, Pompei for the weekend.
Well, we love to travel.
We must meet your boyfriend at our next family day,
Mr. Black.
He's a very busy man.
What's going on with Bruno?
Yes, please step into my office, Mr. Parker.
We have a serious problem.
Man, what you do now?
Come on.
Come on, Mr. Black.
[Bruno] Move, fruitcake.
[music]
The fuck you doing in my house?
What I'm doing? I'm getting started
on my free weed, sweetheart.
Nigga, cut that shit out.
I think they thought we made a cute couple.
We are no couple.
Man, what was all that about anyway?
[Michael] Man.
I was fucking this chick I met at the payday advance spot.
Payday advance?
Bro, you be meeting girls anywhere.
Man, I wouldn't mess with her,
especially if she getting payday advances.
That means she can't handle her money.
You mess with her, both of y'all gonna be homeless.
Well, the bitch met me and said, you know, I made her hot,
and she wanted this Mutombo.
Oh, is that what it is?
Yes, motherfucker. 'Cause light-skinned niggas
are played out.
Please.
So what happened, man?
Dude caught you fucking his girl?
Almost. He was gonna kill me until Miguel showed up.
Man, Miguel got to be about the ugliest gay dude
I had ever seen in my life.
[door knock]
Oh my God.
Hi, girl!
Ms. Wu.
I'm so happy you're here.
Let yourself in my house.
I need your help.
What?
My new boyfriend wanted me to go to dinner with him.
You have a new boyfriend?
I always have a boyfriend.
I'm like you. They can't get enough of me.
Oh, by the way, I'm Fang Wu.
We still doing this?
All right, yeah, yeah, I, I'm lucky to have him too,
[unintelligible]
[Michael] Cut it out.
You said it.
You just make sure the weed flowing for the next 365 days.
How can I help you, Ms. Wu?
I want you to pick out an outfit for me.
You guys are great at fashion.
This or this?
Ms. Wu, I can't help you with that.
Girl, the red.
The red.
-Ah. -The red. That's, that's,
That's gonna bring out the red hue on your skin tone.
Yeah.
Nigga, cut it out.
You said it. You started it.
She gonna look terrible in that other one.
That's, that's gonna make your undertone pop.
Thank you. Thank you, boyfriend.
I'm gonna give you alone time.
We don't, we don't need no alone. We don't, no.
-You, we don't need, -[Wu] Yay.
we don't need to be alone.
Good morning, Mr. Black.
Hello, Ms. Jackson.
Mr. Byrd, do you have my copies?
Did you receive an orange slip in your mailbox?
Mailbox? I didn't check no mailbox.
Well, maybe you should.
Harold, stop being an ass and give the man his copies.
Who are you talking to, Ursula?
Just look over there on the shelf, Mr. Black.
Oh, thank you, Ms. Jackson.
Oh, I have them.
So, Mr. Black, I hear you do hair.
That's a terrible rumor.
Aww, don't be shy, Miguel.
I heard you slay.
Yeah, they say you get the ladies together.
Yes, honey.
Stop that. Michael is my first name.
Oh, is Miguel a stage name?
Stage? No, there's no stage.
Miguel, I am in need of a hair appointment
like today.
You ain't never lied about that.
Fuck you, Harold. Over there looking like a mole.
Says the one with no neck.
[gasping]
Thanks for the copies. You have a nice day,
lovely people.
Hey, don't be calling me lovely.
I was referring to the ladies.
Okay, well, be clear.
Wait, Miguel, before you leave, can you fit me in this evening?
I can't help you.
[sighing]
You don't need a hairstylist, Ursula,
you need a magician.
Kiss my ass, Harold.
And lose my lips? Hell no.
[music]
So that's how I got locked up the last time.
Had to... a bitch, feel me?
Well, no more lockups for you.
Okay, well then, tell that to them buster-ass cops.
No, I'm saying that to you. No more fighting at McDonald's.
You're too beautiful for that.
All right, well, then tell them hoes to stop woofing.
Fuck I'm supposed to do, just stand there?
And stop talking like that.
Like what?
You want me to talk white? 'Cause I'm not doing that shit.
No, I want you to talk like a woman with virtue.
The fuck is that?
Virtue is very important in my country.
Virtue is when you do what's right,
not because somebody is looking
or because you're gonna receive any accolades.
You do what's right because it is the right thing
to do. You understand?
I guess.
It's like when you go to a store and you give a clerk $20,
and she think you give her $100,
so she give you over $80 in change.
If you have virtue, you'll say to the lady,
"Miss, you gave me the wrong change."
Mr. Black, you be talking crazy as hell.
I know, right? Because I'm keeping all that shit.
Right.
That's not the right thing to do.
Mr. Black, can I please sit down?
Yes, sit down.
Well, it was very good getting to know all of you today.
What about you, Mr. Black?
Yeah, you said we can ask you questions too.
Sure, go ahead.
Did you have to fight a lot when you were younger?
Unfortunately, yes.
People were always messing with me.
Because of how you are, huh?
I guess it was terrible.
So you was just outwitted like that in high school?
What you mean outwitted like that?
I'd walk into the room, I'd speak
and people start making jokes.
For real?
I didn't even know.
Me neither.
How could you not?
All of you told jokes about me too.
I don't joke about that.
My brother is like that.
Your brother is African?
Are y'all gonna have kids?
Have kids? I don't know.
After teaching this class,
I'm having second thoughts about having kids.
A lot of you guys got kids, Mr. Black.
My uncle Kareem, my uncle Robert,
they got two kids also.
Africans have a lot of kids.
We mate like rabbits.
-Mr. Black. -What?
It's Carson.
[Carson] Oh.
[groaning]
Oh, Carson, are you okay?
Carson.
[Ursula] What's going on? What happened?
His bully came up and said Carson snitched on him.
[Ursula] Oh my Lord.
What's going on here?
Somebody beat this poor baby up.
I'll call 911.
Is he alert?
He's unconscious.
Oh, Lord.
Carson, we are right here baby.
[Latrisha] Go to class, Tanisha.
Everything is gonna be all right.
It's gonna be all right.
[music]
[BET Theme]