Hey!
Hey.
Something you gotta say to me?
Um, happy birthday?
You fully just smashed my window.
Shit. Yeah.
Sorry, my aim's a bit off today.
Where have you been?
Every morning I wonder where that paper is I don't want.
Family stuff.
My brother's back from boarding school.
You know, I'd give you the lowdown,
but it's boring, even to me.
I have some bad news.
I have to cancel my subscription.
Let me guess. You're going to get your news from TikTok now?
It's more like my brother's suing me.
It's boring even to me, but there's a good chance
I'm going to have to sell the house.
What a fucking asshole.
No, Viv, I'm serious.
Do you know I tried to help an old man across
the street this morning, and he yelled at me.
And I went to a friend's last night to go dancing,
but she wants to watch a grown man play video games
and eat cheese sticks.
This world is going to shit and everyone's out for themselves.
Why are you laughing?
I just didn't realise this was a thing.
What?
The fifties.
I thought you just liked the clothes and newspapers.
I like everything about the fifties.
Everything was so simple back then, and I...
I don't get why no one else can see that.
Hey.
Hey, listen.
Believe me, I know how tempting it is
to spend all your time in the past.
But it's really fucking unsustainable,
and really fucking ruins the present
and I don't want that for you, dude.
So my advice would be to try and accept what this is.
Even if, yes, what this is can be very sub-par.
You know, that was vaguely insightful.
Does this have something to do with your 15 saves?
How do you know about that?
You kidding?
It's the talk of the Crevice, dollface.
Hey.
God, that guy is highly strung.
Like a fucking violin.
Have you just come from Vivian's?
No. Oh.
Well, yes, I guess. Why?
Well, I've been thinking,
about trying again with my article.
See, she's celebrating her Crystal Jubilee this week.
It is made for the front page.
Did you just refer to her saving 15 people
as a Crystal Jubilee?
Look, I've got to find some kind of
phrasing for it, Dane.
You've vetoed so many of them.
Maybe you could talk to her for me.
What?
Why?
I think I came on a bit strong last time.
Mentioned my nipples.
But you could float it, casually,
during one of your classes.
We don't do those anymore.
Well, you could just go up there then and talk to her for me.
I mean, you two are friends, aren't you?
No, I'd just... I'd rather stay out of it.
Oh, my God.
You like her.
Like her?
I don't even know her.
Well, you've got a little crush, then!
Okay! How old am I, Mother? Twelve?
Should I invite her over to sandpit in the backyard?
We could build a castle together.
Oh, Dane, you've lost control of your face.
It's moving all over the place.
And just to be clear, this?
Only horror and utter confusion.
And I really thought you knew me better than that, Anna.
Oh, God!
Thank you,
my darling. Thank you.
Oh, finally.
Amy!
Amy?
Oh, don't you look nice!
Like a high school boy
on the way to pick up his date for the dance.
Not what I was going for.
I thought we said we were finishing the house today?
We are. This is part of it.
I had this dream last night.
Well, less like a dream
and more like a vivid awake hallucination,
because I'm sleeping on a workbench.
Anyway, I came up with this extra
gesture for whoever takes on the house next.
Or us.
We have to sell, Amy.
See, why do you do that?
Why do you have to put that energy out there?
Because there's literally no other way
we're going to raise 140k.
You could talk to him.
I am. It's a mediation...
I mean properly.
I mean sit him down and tell him
all the good things we've been doing here.
It doesn't work with John.
Never has. Why not?
Oh, fuck! Fucking tin!
Fuck!
Ooh, I'm sorry!
I'm just trying to open it.
Maybe there's money inside.
You do realise you don't need to keep pretending
this thing has significance.
What?
You think that tin is just a tin
and that brolga is just a brolga?
Oh, Vivian, it's a laugh a minute with you around.
Now.
You will fight today, won't you?
Yes, I will fight.
Good.
Okay, just wait a moment.
Better than before, I reckon.
I will see you tonight.
My love, are you okay?
Yeah. Yeah, fine.
This is your third nervous poo of the morning.
Look at your neck.
What?
It's the merino.
No, this is a stress rash.
When your body tries to tell you something, you must listen.
This is your soul,
saying "John, this is not right."
Thank you, but it is.
To punish your family like this?
It's complicated.
Then tell me how, hmm?
She's crossed a line, Ale.
Anyway, that'll be Big John.
Hi.
Thanks for doing this.
Oh.
Yep, come in.
I'm just gonna...
Christ.
I didn't realise you ordered a strip-o-gram for the occasion.
I'm kidding.
You must be the holiday fling.
It's nice to meet you, pal.
So I heard you got John into the whole vegan thing.
Yeah, I couldn't do it myself.
It's like,
you need your protein, you know what I mean?
Why is it they call you Big John?
Oh, it's just cause I'm so much taller than John here.
People needed a way to differentiate us
when we were together.
Together?
Yeah, we dated for a month. A lifetime ago.
Well, five months, actually.
I was in business affairs back when John was in publishing.
Oh, Small John didn't mention this.
Uh, it seemed irrelevant.
Yeah, Big John's here because he's good with
tough negotiations.
Plus he knows Viv so he's not going to let her
get away with her usual shit.
No, we're gonna crush little sister into dust, right, pal?
- Ooh, yeah. - Every last cent.
Yeah.
Good, yeah. Yes.
Good. You coming to watch the show?
Ah, no, no, he's... he's not coming.
No, not coming.
It was nice to meet you, Big John.
You still do that nervous breathing thing.
It's adorable.
Huzzah!
Uh-uh! Whoa! Dot, no.
We do not throw our food.
Are you eating?
Can you have some of this, please?
Can you just... can you do this for me?
Can you... wait, come around this way.
Come around this way.
It's like an airplane or something.
Whooo!
Whoo!
Ah, fine. Okay.
Okay, that's fine.
Um...
Hendrix, can you please help me?
I have to go.
I've got this Zoom with Hans at 10:00 and I...
Wow!
Oh?
Hello.
What's this?
Whatever you want it to be, baby.
Oh, my God.
What? Your hair!
- How did you do... - Shh, shh, shh!
No, no.
No more questions.
Let's just, uh, let's just enjoy this ride.
I... no, Hen, it's not... it's breakfast time
and it's not a vibe.
Let's make it one, then.
You shut your dirty mouth and take your pants off.
That is, if you would, um, like to do those things.
Get them off! Ooh!
Tiny Teddies!
Leave the Tiny Teddies!
Are they tiny teddies or are they...
massive teddies?
Oh, sorry!
Hendrix!
Oh my God!
June, June, June, June, darling,
how did you get out of your chair, sweetheart?
I heard talking.
Oh, is that, uh,
is that all you heard, sweetheart?
Yeah, we stay here now, yeah?
We stay put in our chairs, eat our porridge.
Sorry.
I thought... I thought that would be sexier in my head.
No, that was... That was plenty sexy.
Thank you.
Good.
'Cause, uh,
I'd like to do stuff like that more often.
Me too.
Really?
Well, tonight,
I'll do what you want.
Anything.
I mean it.
Okay.
Deal.
To be clear, lovelies,
this is not a courtroom and I am not a judge.
Retired four years go.
You have opted for a mediation.
So we are first going to see
if some structured
negotiation can resolve the dispute
between...
Vivian Cunningham
and Maized and Corn-Fused.
It's a vegan taco truck.
Oh, wonderful.
I've always been curious about making the switch,
but I just... well, I do worry about where I'd get my protein.
Oh, no, that's a common misconception.
Lentils, chickpeas, edamame.
They're all great...
sources of protein.
Legumes tend to flare my IBS.
Could we maybe...
Oh, yes, of course.
Well, where shall we begin?
Well, how about with the fact that
Ms. Cunningham caused a fire in my client's food truck
before fleeing the scene?
Objection, Your Honour...
Uh-uh-uh! To clarify,
not a judge.
Still,
we completely deny
these slanderous claims of arson.
No one is accusing her of arson.
No, they are not!
We're accusing her of gross negligence
resulting in destruction of property
to which we are demanding she pay for the damages caused.
You know I can't do that.
You could if you were to depart
with the significant asset that Granddad left you.
Are you seriously gonna make me do that, John?
Believe it or not, I'm making changes.
Mm, that's what you said when I gave you the job.
And then you sat there, sucking on that vape...
I didn't know it was going to explode.
Yes, indeed.
Maybe it's the vape manufacturer
who should be paying these damages.
Yes, well we looked into that.
See this little part here?
Mm-hmm.
We were informed by the manufacturer
that it is a custom modification made by the user
to create what Reddit commonly refers to as a...
Super bong.
super bong.
You were smoking a super bong
on the job, Vivian.
Yes.
A job where you pushed her too hard,
in grueling conditions,
underfed on a vegan diet,
completely devoid of protein.
So she fell asleep on the job.
You fell asleep?
- Oh, yes. What? - Right. Well,
I don't think we need to hear anymore.
Is that right?
Well, I have some testimony.
From Google reviews.
This is from Peas on Earth.
"The taco was fine, but nothing special."
Hummus Where The Heart Is,
"A little soggy, but otherwise good."
Hardly the reviews of a successful business.
In fact, it could be argued that my client
has done a public service by removing this product
from the city's thriving food truck scene...
Look, it's true.
I was high.
I fell asleep.
And when I woke up, the super bong
fire was halfway up the truck.
Why did you run?
Why didn't you call me?
We could have salvaged something.
You wouldn't have salvaged anything, John.
You would have stood me in front of the truck
and yelled at me like you always...
So this is my fault? No!
No, of course it's fucking not!
I just... I just wish... I fucking wish...
What? What?
Wish you would come out and say what you want to,
instead of all this excruciating bullshit!
Okay. Okay, sure. Sure, Vivian.
Maybe I finally fucking will then.
I think it's time
to take a break here.
That's the wonderful thing about a mediation.
It really is in your own time.
Uh-uh, lovely, it's not vegan.
Oh!
Hey, hate to ask but are you still all right
to look after the twins tonight?
Yeah.
'Cause, um, Laura and I are having sex.
Hey.
Is that not keeping them awake?
No, I...
They like the sound.
Ale.
Mm?
Do you wanna know how it went?
No.
No, I'm not involved, hmm?
Hey, could you just get in here?
Christ, what's going on here?
Hello.
My old school uniform?
Yeah.
I even found your chain.
Do you remember?
Of course. Hmm.
Oh, it's-it's tight.
Put this on too.
Let's go fool around in the boys' changing room.
Okay.
As long as Mrs. Wilson isn't outside on smoko.
Oh, fuck Mrs. Wilson.
She made me put down my hem.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe there's only three weeks until graduation.
Me neither.
Three weeks until we're... free.
Free to do whatever we want, whenever we want.
What do you want to do?
Oh, Jesus.
I want you to fuck me, Hendrix.
I want you to fuck me in my uniform up against
the back fence.
Oh!
Oh, fuck me, Hendrix!
Oh, take me back there.
Take me back there!
Take me back there.
Take... me... back!
Okay, stop. What? Why?
Please stop. Stop. Why?
Oh. Oh, my... oh my God, I'm so sorry.
- No! No, no, no, no. - Babe?
No, I am. I am.
I am, that I don't look like I used to.
Wait. What?
I know I've put weight on, and my hair is thinning,
but I have...
I have tried to look better, Laura,
but I am just so fucking hungry all the time.
I think we just have to accept this is who I am now.
Hey.
You...
are just as sexy to me now as you were back then.
Laura, what the hell is all this about?
Oh.
This was... this was dumb, okay?
This is... we're fine.
Okay? We are so...
so beyond fine.
Okay?
Okay.
Hey.
When our parents died, I, um...
Well, Walt looked after us,
but I...
I sort of looked after us, too.
You know, I was 17. It felt right.
I picked her up from parties.
I pulled vomit out of her mouth.
I gave her my study notes
when she hadn't gone to class in months.
Never once a thank you.
Never.
Or even a thought about me.
When it happened to me too.
Hey, John.
I have so many dark thoughts.
All the time.
Sometimes...
I...
hate her.
Can you imagine it? Hating your own sister?
Look, they are not horrible thoughts.
In this case, they are reasonable thoughts.
Ale, today...
today, I just wanted her to take responsibility,
for something.
You know, to understand what...
what sacrifice is.
And have you told her any of this?
Do you want to know what I think?
No.
Because it'll probably be right and even if it's not,
it's gonna sound really good in your accent.
You should go ahead with this truck business,
if you think it will be good for both of you.
Or take your life back.
Realise that it's not your job to look after her, hmm?
Just let it go.
Perhaps...
she's actually changing.
And that's very hard for you to accept.
Amy, I thought I told you to finish the pergola.
Yeah, almost there.
Though I'm hoping there's no rush now?
My brothers think I killed our parents.
No, they don't think, they know.
I was the only one in the car with them.
Vivian.
That must have been...
I don't want your sympathy.
Don't do that.
So you think that's why John is hard on you?
Because he blames you?
He nearly said it out loud today.
For the first time ever.
How did it feel?
Like my heart split a little bit.
But I also felt relieved.
I've been scared of it for so long.
I've decided.
I'm going to sell the house, give him the cash, move away.
Maybe it'll make him feel better.
How will it make you feel?
Doesn't matter.
Night, Amy.
Night, Vivian.
I love you.
Shit. Motherfucker!
Oh, morning.
You're chipper today.
Yeah, well I thought about what you said.
Accepting where the world is at.
Oh, I'm glad. I'm still
not restarting my subscription, though.
I watched High Society last night.
Have you seen it?
You know, Sinatra, Grace Kelly...
Sorry, Lou, I gotta run.
I'm gonna miss my bus.
Okay.
Hey, what time will you be back?
Late.
I'll most likely be drowning my sorrows somewhere.
See you tomorrow, though.
Fuck off!
Did you know that Vivian uses two-in-one conditioner,
like she doesn't even care enough
to separate out the processes,
which are very different, by the way.
Like what would our dating look like, hey?
We're eating unidentifiable meat off white bread
every night of the week,
and injecting heroin in our eyeballs.
Then we'd... we'd get so drunk,
we'd accidentally get married
and buy cheap tickets to Vegas
and get Elvis to perform at the ceremony in his chapel!
Then, um, we'd be so exhausted,
we'd probably order room service,
which I've actually never done before.
Oh...
No, no, no!
It'll never happen.
So I really, really wish
you'd stop getting carried away with all of this.
Okay?
Are you all right?
What do you think?
Hmm.
Oh, my God, this is a party in my mouth.
The secret is doubling the butter.
Mm-hmm. Oh.
I made a little something for you too, John.
We began at 10:00.
Well, I'll make this quick.
How much do you want?
Excuse me?
I'll pay for the food truck.
How much did you say it was?
140k?
I think my client has been smoking that super bong again.
No, I just... I want this done with,
so we can move on.
Well, there's...
there's a matter of lost income...
Yes, fine. Just send me the bill.
What are you doing?
Giving you what you want.
John, does that sound
like a satisfactory outcome to you?
Wait!
Your Honour!
I would like to submit some new evidence,
if it pleases the court.
Again, not a courtroom.
Not a judge.
What the hell is this?
Wilkinson?
I thought you were disbarred.
Uh...
only in Scotland.
Well, I don't know who thought this shitshow was a good idea,
but Vivian, might I suggest we postpone
until you've received some counsel from a real lawyer?
Unless you lot want to be sued for coercion?
Wow. Okay.
I didn't realise you were going to come in so hot.
Your Honour.
John.
I just wanted to speak to you both,
because I think it's important
you know the full extent of what Vivian has done.
God, there's more?
No, this is completely inappropriate.
It is certainly unorthodox.
But John, it's up to you.
Yep. Fine, just...
say what you want to say.
Just make it quick.
Do you want to know what my favourite part
about being a shop assistant was?
Jesus fucking Christ.
The part where you pull the customer
out of that change room
and they see themselves for the first time,
and you see them, seeing that.
Compelling.
Oh, shut up, Big John.
And I thought I was good at it.
I really did.
Until I met Vivian.
In the space of three weeks,
Vivian Cunningham has saved the lives of 15 people,
myself and Caitlin included.
And yes, she's sort of sweary and yelly when she does this,
but she also possesses something I've never quite seen before.
This...
swollen heart.
She feels all your pain,
and then...
somehow turns it into hope.
Makes you feel like you're not alone.
Helps you remember who you are,
when it feels like you may never remember them again.
While Vivian is really good
at helping people out of that change room,
she would never, ever step out herself.
Maybe because she's afraid of what she might see.
So today I'm doing it for her,
in the hopes you see what I see.
Someone who...
if you took her away from that house,
I think would be lost.
As would the people who turn up on that ledge for her help.
Well, I think we've had
our fill of the poorly-formed retail metaphors.
Am I right, John?
John?
Fine.
Fine?
She doesn't have to pay.
No.
No, you can't let this rubbish sway you.
I didn't think that was going to work!
Waste of my time.
Congratulations, Viv.
How are you doing?
Oh, good.
Got a no-contact order in place.
That bastard will never see me again.
Now I have to go, because I need to be in real court,
and this was really fucking weird.
You know what this calls for?
Schnitzel. And possibly Pictionary.
Can I get a hell yeah?
Hell yeah!
So we'd booked this house down south
and we were thinking, "Oh, this is gonna be a lovely, relaxing weekend."
But then as soon as we get there,
Big John has a full itinerary
with every second accounted for.
Okay, yes, he could be a little full-on,
but that's why we ultimately broke up.
We were just... We were too different.
What?
He's basically your clone.
Your idea of foreplay was performing scenes
from Les Mis to each other.
Yeah, until they had that argument
about who'd play Fantine.
Laura and I were listening to it all night.
God the walls in that house were so thin...
Okay, having similar taste in musical theatre does not make us clones.
I'd love to have sex with a clone of myself.
I think it would be deeply erotic.
Ooh! She's a delight.
You must keep her, Vivian.
Hey, how'd it go?
What?
You know, being sexually assertive?
Oh. Oh, great, yeah. It went great.
Mission accomplished, if you get my drift.
Okay, John, just relax and go with the flow.
Now, is there a card that you're drawn to?
That one. Ooh, interesting.
Oh, yeah, there's definitely a theme here.
See how this one has his hands crossed over his heart chakra?
And this one is bound in ropes.
And the Hermit withdraws from the world,
preferring to control his environment.
Hey, maybe there's something
to this shit after all.
You gotta admit, John, that's pretty bang on.
No, no, no, this is not John at all.
You're great, Amy, but no.
Did you know he and I met on a nudist beach in Tenerife?
No, we don't need... We don't need to go into that.
Yes.
His cling-wrap... cling-wrap, you say?
His cling-wrap blew away in the wind,
and he didn't want to make rubbish.
So he chased it down the beach into a zone
where you must wear clothes.
A polícia started to make trouble for him.
I could hear his Spanish was not so good at that moment,
and I went to help.
The rest of our time on the island,
we never put on clothing.
Naked swimming, naked dancing.
Even naked cooking.
Hey, you two only have one view of your brother's soul.
And maybe this is not the true one.
His best self.
To being the best versions of ourselves.
The ones Mum and Dad would have wanted.
I miss them.
Me too.
Hey.
Hey. I've got that.
Um, look I just wanted to say...
Oh, don't.
It's, um... you're so welcome.
You know, Hendrix and Laura haven't fucked in a year.
What? Yep.
No, I don't... I thought...
He told me they were doing it last night.
No. He's bullshitting.
Do you know what's wrong? No.
No fucking idea. It's really weird.
Hmm.
Bye! Bye!
Thanks for coming!
Oh! What are you doing?
Oh, sorry, I have a surprise.
Probably should have asked first.
Okay, come on.
Open.
I call them sharecrows.
I always wondered who would people talk to
when we're not here?
Amy, you...
You're really good at this crap.
Thanks.
I always wanted my own shop.
And I always imagined it would look exactly like this.
Ooh, minus the suicide paraphernalia, of course.
Mm.
George said I should focus on the app,
that no one would come,
or I'd talk so much that they would leave.
I think you need your bed.
I'd love a bed.
No. Your bed.
Let's take it back, from shitbag.
I don't know.
Come on. I'll go with you.
We'll rent a van.
Look at us.
Like Batman and Robin.
Oh!
Okay, why do you always have to pick the shit ones?
Why can't we be like...
Sherlock and Watson!
Ha!
Doctor, detective.
Oh come on, you can't say that's shit.
Right?
Hey, Vivian.
- Come on. Let's do it. - Okay.
So, where is it?
Dane!
I need... I need to talk to Vivian.
Oh.
If... if that's... okay with you both.
So, what's up?
Are you okay?
I like you.
I don't know how it happened, but I do.
Oh.
I see.
Are you sure?
Well, do you... do you want to say anything in response, or...
I think we should talk tomorrow.
Okay, that's...
totally fine.
No, not because I don't like you too.
I just...
um...
I think if you stay right now,
I'll probably have another drink,
try and fuck you on my new pergola,
and possibly forget I did that.
Right.
Okay.
Well, this has been...
You know where I live.
I don't know why I said that.
Dane, I meant what I said.
Louis?
What are you doing here?