[soft music]
♪ ♪
[hip-hop music]
- Yo, Ankh is gonna love this.
Check it out. Check it out.
♪ These [bleep] ain't [bleep] ♪
♪ These [bleep] talking slick ♪
♪ Pass the [bleep] to the left ♪
- Star, please tell me you're not serious, right?
- Okay. Okay. How about this?
♪ I don't give a [bleep] ♪
♪ I'm a street [bleep] ♪
♪ See me with a bad [bleep] ♪
- Really? - Okay. Okay.
Last one. Last one.
♪ I ball on these [bleep] ♪
[bleeping continues]
♪ ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm the big dog ♪
- Okay, I can't front. I kind of like that one.
It's good. [bell ringing]
[singers vocalizing]
[laid-back music]
♪ ♪
- Look, man.
I'm just trying to give Lil Ankh what he wants.
- Star, our whole world can't revolve around Lil Ankh.
We can eat without this fool.
- Yeah, like we've been doing,
from the dollar menu at McDonald's.
- Where's our Postmates anyway?
I'm starving.
- Peace, kings and kingettes.
Yo, I want y'all to meet my white Prince Charles here
from one of those big fancy ad agencies.
- What up, white Prince Charles?
- Oh, just Charles. [laughs]
It's a pleasure to meet you all.
Our company has a very high profile client
that needs music for a new jingle.
- Whoa, we don't make music in here, bruh.
We make love, Kama Sutra tantric sex with these beats.
Star, put some of that
nasty dynastic Ankh sauce in his ear.
- Okay.
Let me just queue this up real quick.
- Y'all got our food?
- That depends.
Y'all got my beats?
- I'm pretty sure those two things
are in no way connected to each other.
- Everything is connected, bruh.
String theory.
You need to google more, Stephen.
Mmm. Oh, man.
They put pickles on my--ah!
[grunting]
- Star, just play the song.
[hip-hop music playing]
- I actually really like this one.
- It kind of reminds me of 50 Cent.
- Really? - Yeah, 'cause when I hear it,
it makes me want to get shot nine times.
Boo-boo, bruh. Next.
[hip-hop music playing] - Ooh.
This one right here is rad, Ankh.
- Hey, bruh, don't be using all them Caucasoid words
like "rad" to describe the music of the Black gods,
unless you use words like "exemplary."
I kind of like that one. - Oh. Sorry. Sorry.
- The word you should have used for this
is "feces" or "straight trash." Next.
- Hey, I know you're very particular about your sound,
but I'm shopping for a client.
So maybe there's a compromise somewhere.
- Compromise?
You mean like sell out?
You think I'm a sellout like Scar did Mufasa?
Is that what you think, mother--
[sighs]
[snaps]
Oh, my God, I'm gonna hurt this man, bruh.
- What the hell? Is that a tent?
- It's his decompression canopy.
His shaman made it for him.
- Well, how long is he going to--
- Time is an illusion. - I'm sorry.
I just thought it was pretty rad.
- Ay, Lil Ankh will determine if his beats are rad.
Get that pink toe out of here, bruh.
- Wait. No. No. No. Okay, whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
[screams]
[grunts]
- [sighs]
- Let me make sure this lame
ain't still out here hanging around.
- Hey, Little Rob, let's google what "rad" means.
- I'm leaving. I promise.
- Hey, it's cool. It's cool.
I just wanted to apologize about Ankh.
He's just--you know those guys who--
Yeah, I got nothing.
- It sucks, because I really liked
a lot of those beats.
- Well, you see, those are my beats.
So maybe we could work together.
- Oh, that would be rad.
Oh, I mean amazing?
- Dope. - Damn it.
I knew I should have said dope.
- Probably best you didn't.
How about I come by your office later?
- Sounds like a plan.
See you at 3:00?
- Bet.
- Bet on what?
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[pig squeals]
- [clears throat] Hey.
I would like you to meet
a very, very important client of ours,
Ms. Barlow.
- Well, hello, Miss Important Client.
I'm the obviously not-so-important stylist
because she didn't mention my name.
- Girl, she didn't have to.
I can tell by your work.
It's got to be skills.
- Well, the customer is always right.
I'm Angela. - Sorry.
Finishing up a call.
Hideki-san, yesterday you said
you wanted one billion yen.
Now today, you're telling me you want three.
So which is it? You know what?
It doesn't even matter.
I want it, so I'm getting it.
I'll have my accountant wire you the funds.
Ugh, sorry.
Buying a hotel is not as easy as it seems.
Call me Jade. - Like the gem?
- And the floor of my home. - Oh, okay.
Would Jade like some coffee, tea, or wine?
- Wine is my cup of tea.
What year was it bottled?
- 2022.
- Hilarious.
Now, this is what I'm talking about.
This is how you treat a client.
My old stylist thinks she's too good for me now,
now that she's back on tour with Beyoncé.
- Oh, wow. Well, to be honest,
I don't usually drink and hairdress,
but it's been a day.
- Girl, I understand.
I'm the only Black woman who runs
one of the biggest PR firms in the world.
I need this drink just to calm my nerves.
- You still got nerves?
[laughter]
- Mmm.
Now, this is good stuff. Uh-oh.
Now I'm gonna be expecting
this type of treatment every time.
And I like getting my hair done at least three times a week.
- Oh, and I like getting paid three times a week,
so we gonna be all right.
- I like you.
What's your sign?
- Capricorn.
- Oh.
That's why we click so well.
I'm a Capricorn too.
And I'm a little tipsy.
[laughter]
[bell ringing]
[indistinct chatter]
- Go home and go to sleep.
both: Ah!
[ethereal music]
- [gasps]
- Wow. Look at that whip.
Did Elon Musk design it?
- Ooh, can I ride it around the block?
- And I'll never see my bike again.
- This is true.
- Guys, it's just a bike.
I mean, how much could it really cost, $100?
- My parents say it's rude to talk about money
to people who don't have it.
But it was $600.
- What? $600?
- Are your parents adopting?
- Hey, I'll trade you some of the Scout cookies I have
for a ride.
They're Skinny Minny Mints.
- [gasps]
Skinny Minny Mints!
- Yeah.
Come on, man.
Let me get some.
[overlapping chatter]
♪ ♪
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
- You know, I bet I'd look good in purple.
- Guys, this is Stephen, producer extraordinaire.
Stephen, meet the gang-gang.
- Hey, why are you all dressed like that?
- Oh, it's Trap Thursday.
- We are so honored to work with someone
that works with Little Ankh.
You think, like, you still might be able to get him?
That was a joke.
I was totally joking...
unless you can.
- Pretty sure I can't.
- We're not just big fans of you and Ankh.
We are big fans of all the urbans in your culture.
I mean, when I listen to you guys,
I can really feel the gang violence
and the poverty
mumbling over each and every traumatized beat.
Bro, I'm an ally.
- Stephen, our firm likes to partner with game-changing
individuals like yourself to bring about
progressive changes in our clients' brands
that could inspire social consciousness
and focus on the interrelation between their brands
and the Black culture at large,
because you all spend hella money!
[laughs]
- I get it, unfortunately.
- Oh, I knew you would.
So we need Black--I mean, you
to be a part of this, because we just landed
one of our biggest clients.
And we want you to produce the jingle.
- What's the brand?
- Oh, we can't give you
a lot of the details right now,
but we're willing to advance you the money today.
- Wait, wait, wait. Money today?
Oh, I'm all the way in.
Where do I cash it?
I mean, where do I sign?
- Just sign this.
[whistling] It's a lot of money.
- Dude, you're paying me in cash?
- That's how you guys like it, right?
"Bandz will make her dance," huh?
[laughing]
[sighs] No?
[upbeat music]
- Angela, your man is on Lil Ankh's timeline again.
He's doing his music thing, but why is Ankh in a tent?
- Hmm, looks like somebody's balling.
- He better be.
The mansion and the yacht ain't gonna pay for itself.
- Girl, I know mine don't.
I didn't know your man was Lil Ankh's producer.
Y'all like a real life power couple.
I just love this.
[phone ringing] - We sure are. Wait.
What are you talking about? - And modest.
Love it even more.
- If you say so.
We're all done, by the way.
- Yes, I am done.
Good thing I came in my limo.
Girl can't drive.
Can't even see.
Girl, you did that.
Oh, I look beautiful.
And I had so much fun.
- Same.
You're pretty chill too.
- Not according to my friends.
Skills, AKA Angela,
you have no idea how uncomfortable it is
being the only one with money in my circle.
We can't caviar together.
We can't shop for Lambos together.
And they don't want to hear about our rich people problems.
So who can I complain to when my cleaning lady misses
a spot on my jade floor, huh?
Nobody.
- Me. - Yes. Oh, oh.
Ooh, and girl, don't get me started
on my butler and my pilot.
You feel me?
- Do I? Ain't nothing like being rich
and having nobody to complain about it to.
- Girl, we both like messing up them commas.
- Yeah. Wait. What commas?
- Maybe we should get together and go yachting or something,
maybe play some golf.
Wait a minute. Wait.
What country club are you a part of?
- The mini golf one.
- You are too funny.
Okay, my accountant just sent you a Cash App.
And I'll call you so we can set something up.
I just love my hair.
- Why she think I'm rich?
[phone chimes]
Because I am rich!
[pig squealing]
- Zuri, you are officially a member of the Scouts.
- Excuse me, sir.
You need some Skinny Minny Mints?
- Not interested.
- Okay. Well, I'm gonna give you
the "Get Rid of Me" special.
You buy two boxes today,
I'll throw in a smile and a wave goodbye.
- [laughs] You're so adorable.
Give me those darn cookies.
- Where did you learn that?
- The guys selling bean pies on 79th.
They get my grandpa every time.
[soft music]
- [grunting]
♪ ♪
- And then I left the meeting a whole lot richer.
- Yo, that is so dope.
Look at your boy doing your thing out here.
Man, I got so many questions.
I guess I'll start with the obvious one.
Man, what the hell is wrong with you?
- Look, we are technically his producers.
- Bruh, you have technically lost your mind.
- Hey, y'all sure y'all don't want a foot massage?
We got Little Rob's feet on tap.
- Ankh, I truly appreciate the most generous offer,
but I'm gonna for sure pass.
Thanks, though.
Star, you don't have to do this with me,
but they did pay already.
- His toe infection is cleared up,
if that's what y'all worried about.
♪ ♪
- You're a natural, Zuri.
Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
- Now, if I could just get the cash from you--
- What you mean?
Y'all got the good deed.
The cash is mine.
- [laughs]
That's not the Scout way.
- But we are the ones selling all the cookies.
We are the ones getting patted on the head like puppies
doing all the work.
And you get all the money?
Here.
I'm fired.
- That's not how it works.
- Oh.
Then I quit.
- I can't believe you just did that.
- I need money so I can get that bike.
We gotta put our future in our own hands.
We are going to take over the cookie game.
- How are we gonna do that?
- We are going to sell bigger cookies
for bigger prices,
and we are going to have bigger pockets.
- I love pockets.
- We just need to figure out how to make 'em.
- I got an Easy-Bake Oven.
- Perfect.
- What's an Easy-Bake Oven?
- I really just can't understand
why people rent their beach homes.
Like, hello? Ring, ring.
Common sense is calling.
Ownership versus throwing your money away?
- Especially when you're assuming
an annual property tax of 1.3
and a mortgage interest rate of 7%, right, girl?
- Angela, you have no idea how refreshing it is
to have a friend that is just real.
And you a boss like me? Kiss.
- Hey, bae. Wait.
Is that Smith and Wollensky?
[whispering] We can't afford that.
- I love Smith and Wollensky. What'd you get?
Ooh, open it up. What'd you get?
- Hey, Dad. What's for dinner?
We never ate there before.
- Don't be silly, Zuri.
Of course we have. [laughs]
We always get the fried seafood looking thing.
- Oh, y'all got that angry shrimp.
That's my favorite. Maybe I should come over.
- No. We're doing some rejuvenations.
I mean renovations.
- I feel you.
My house could use a facelift too.
Well, you got me all hungry now.
You know what?
I'm gonna see if my chef can make me
some angry shrimp tonight.
Okay, talk to you later, girl.
- Whew. That was close.
- Um, what was that all about?
- No, what is this all about?
Did somebody rich in your family die?
Did you kill them? If so,
we gotta get married so I can't testify against you.
- When you're a big music producer like me,
marketing companies pay you upfront in cash.
- Wow. - You made all that,
and they paid you in cash, not patches?
- What do you mean, Zuri?
- I sold, like, a zillion cookies,
and all I got was a stupid patch.
- Sometimes in life, the experience alone
is our payment.
And I have a bank account full of them.
- Can I pay for a new bike with experience?
- No, you can't, baby, and I say
if you are unhappy working for someone,
it's okay to take your career into your own hands.
- And then we take out the competition.
I mean, crush them like an old, stale cookie.
- Nice, Stephen.
- I thought I smelled a chophouse.
Look, if you can't pay your bills,
I'll snatch your meals.
Hand me the bag.
Am I hallucinating?
Did I have a stroke?
Is this real folding money?
- Yes, it is.
And things are gonna be a little different around here
from now on, Mr. Young.
I got a producing job.
- You sure this ain't counterfeit?
- It's as real as this Louis.
- Pretty sure it's pronounced "Louie."
- This is collateral.
- I can't believe you bought all these clothes.
- Believe it, baby.
Believe it.
We popping tags, Ange.
We popping tags!
- Well, I'm gonna keep my tags unpopped just in case.
- Uh!
- Never get full off your own supply, BJ.
Now, stay focused, guys.
- Uh, how are we gonna sell Scout cookies
if we don't have Scout cookies?
- BJ, you just sit there
and give me some puppy dog eyes.
Excuse me.
Would you like to help three former Scouts
who were taken advantage of by an organization
that made us work all day for free,
only to receive a stupid little badge?
- Oh, man. That's crazy, my G.
Yo, I'm against child labor
and any exploitation of minors
when cats don't be adhering to the global code
of business conduct and human rights policies.
Troop leaders be wilding, yo.
Here you go.
- See? Told you.
- Wow.
- Woof, woof!
- We only need the eyes, BJ.
- Yo, I can't believe they fronted you all this bread.
It's so weird.
Do you even know what the job is?
- It's a jingle.
- About what?
- Uh...no clue.
- No clue?
[thunder rumbling] Mm.
I have a bad feeling about this.
[doorbell rings]
- All right. Let's see what we got here.
"Unite your whites and coloreds with new and improved...
White Powder laundry detergent?"
- Ooh, child, I think I just had a aneurysm.
Did you just say,
"Unite coloreds with White Powder?"
- Yeah, it is pretty bad.
But all we gotta do is put a positive spin on it.
- Oh, yeah, a positive spin
on decades of racial injustice and oppression.
I got an idea.
Maybe we can get Common on it.
- You think he'd do it?
For real?
[suspenseful music]
Okay, how about, "White powder is the name
that gets rid of black stains"?
- Oh, my God. I can't believe this.
- Wait. What about--all right. All right.
What about "White Powder cleans your whites like no other,
and now it's even made for colors?"
- Man...[laughs] We're about to get dragged
all over Black Twitter.
I'm about to pre-cancel us.
[words echoing] Cancel us, cancel us...
[dramatic hip-hop music]
♪ ♪
[chirping]
- Ahh!
I got an idea.
- Can I get your best salesperson, please?
I need help spending all this cookie money.
- How can I help you?
- I need one $600 bike, please.
- You made all that yourself?
- Yup.
Well, not all by myself.
- I'll be back with your bike.
[soft music]
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
- Here you go.
Hope you guys like it.
- ♪ Blood on your shirt ♪
♪ Blood on your shoe ♪
♪ White powder, white powder, white powder, white powder ♪
♪ White powder, white powder, white powder ♪
♪ White powder, white powder ♪
♪ There's blood on your clothes ♪
♪ Blood on the sheets ♪ - Ooh...
- ♪ White powder, white powder, white powder ♪
♪ White powder, white powder, white powder ♪
♪ White powder, white powder, white ♪
♪ ♪
- Look, I know it might not be what you wanted.
But to be honest, we really just tried
to channel the anger we felt when we first saw the box.
- I love it.
It's so powerful.
It's so honest.
It's so Black.
And we're so glad Stephen brought you on board.
We love a strong Black woman.
- Love Serena Williams.
- Wendy Williams, bro, my favorite Williams.
It goes Wendy, then Kat.
- So strong.
- White powder!
- Don't do that.
- I'm sorry.
- Like, ever again, seriously.
Yeah, we made the most Black
anti-white supremacy jingle ever.
- I mean... low key, we kind of geniuses.
[phone ringing] - Yo, hold on.
Charles is calling to congratulate us.
Hey, Charlie!
- You gave us the same song
that Little Ankh just released today?
We can't pay you for stolen beats.
We are gonna need that money back.
- Wait. What are you talking about?
- Turn on Sirius.
[hip-hop music playing]
- ♪ Lil Ankh don't stop ♪
♪ Lil Ankh don't quit ♪
♪ Lil Ankh don't stop ♪
♪ Nah, Lil Ankh don't quit ♪
♪ Lil Ankh don't stop ♪
- Whee!
This is so dope!
Right, guys?
Guys?
- I can't wait to go home and start on my project.
- Don't worry, babe.
I'll just do some returns.
I was able to hot glue most of the tags back on,
so-- - Angela!
- Oh!
Uh, I'll call you back.
Also, please hang up.
- Oh, my goodness, girl.
Are you starting or finishing a shopping spree?
- Hey, Jade.
I'm actually just returning some things.
See, the thing is, Stephen and I aren't rich.
- Why didn't you just tell me sooner?
- Well, because I like you, and--
- So what? You're financially prudent.
That's what happens when you renovate your entire property.
Home ownership can be brutal.
I need to be saving more like you.
In fact, I'm here to return
my designer bag collection right now.
- Damn.
How rich are you?
- Whoa.
Are those our bikes? - Yup.
I took some of our earnings and upgraded them.
- My seat smells like strawberries.
- More like armpits now.
- Thanks. [chuckles]
For a second, we thought you were doing all this
to buy yourself a new bike and just forgot all about us.
- Hey, hey.
You've never seen this before.
$700.
- Back to slinging cookies. - Yup.
[laid-back music]
- You need some help, Zuri?
- Hmm. You got $10?
- [sighs] I wish I could afford it.
- Hey, look on the bright side.
I still have my friend,
although she still thinks I'm rich.
And Lil Ankh's just released one of your songs.
- But why would he do that?
[phone chimes]
- ♪ Lil Ankh don't stop ♪ - Oh, wow.
Wow, this is bad. - ♪ Lil Ankh don't quit ♪
- Did he at least give you a shout out this time?
- And nobody ever work with @StephLoveBeats
because he's a traitor, and he's trash.
Wack sauce.
Doo-doo.
♪ ♪
[hip-hop music]
♪ ♪