♪ Hey ♪
♪ people know the greatest when they see it ♪
♪ I'm the goat ♪
♪ stingin' like a bee ♪
after two full years of being in the real world,
I thought I came into college
with a pretty good understanding of how people worked.
But after two full episodes of "blind, drunk love,"
I realized that my understanding of people
was about as accurate as the mayan apocalypse calendar.
Tuesday nights...
Seven desperate, drunk-as-hell couples,
and my homey, the day one, annika.
♪
My money's on brendon and brenda.
They're going all the way.
Brenda and, like, the dude with the veneers?
The only thing more stressed than their relationship
is his mouth trying to get around those big boys.
[ chuckles ] it's not his teeth. It's his heart.
But his teeth are giving big bad wolf vibes. Mm.
I still think brenda's trying to decide between diego and matt.
Not diego.
The guy casually pulled out a ukulele to serenade her.
You know, in hawaiian, ukulele translates into
"one who's never been lei'd."
[ laughs ]
noted. Never bring up my ukulele lessons.
He's playing the part. Mm.
He's always around, he makes her laugh,
and every once in a while, he gives her the eye.
The eye?
You know, when someone just casually stares into your eyes.
[ chuckles ] I watch a lot of rom-coms.
[ breathes sharply ] this is what you call a slow burn.
Think about it.
Brenda and brendon have chemistry.
Eventually, he'll realize that the best woman
is sitting right in front of him,
waiting for him to make a move.
Hold up.
Is annika talking about me?
Do you want some of this?
Sure.
What is she doing?
It's not even that cold in here.
Should we watch the next episode?
Yeah.
Is annika longstreet catching feelings for me?
[ ding! ]
♪ watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ learn something new every day ♪
♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪
♪ got the weight of the world on me ♪
♪ but no regrets, this is what I say ♪
♪ watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪ ♪ you can tell me ♪
♪ my heart beating so loud ♪
♪ mama, look, I'm grown now ♪
♪ I'm grown ♪
[ inhales deeply ]
[ breathing sharply ]
no. I'm gonna move this one.
This is the one I'm gonna move.
Y-you've been staring at the board for 15 minutes.
Can you make a move?
But you can't make a move without planning the next move
and then planning two moves after that.
You know what I'm saying?
That's the beautiful thing about chess.
It's a metaphor for life.
Yep, checkmate.
Pardon me?
So sorry about that. [ door opens, closes ]
hey.
Yo!
Whoa, dude.
Why are you dressed like drake's stand-in for "hotline bling"?
You pledging?
Uh, as someone who's pledged gamma before,
no, don't answer that.
I'm not gonna answer that.
That's a "yes."
what would you guys do if one of your friends...
Who's female... started catching feelings for you?
What's... what's the problem?
You know, I just don't know if I'm ready for something serious.
The breakup with olivia still feels fresh, you know?
Bro, I mean, in college, nothing's really serious.
If you have a cute coed who's coming at you,
you just need to sit pretty and let her come knock at your door.
You're terrible at giving advice.
Listen, man, take it from me. I know you.
I know you're a hopeless romantic.
So it's probably best you just take it slow,
get to know the girl, let her get to know you,
and you guys, you know...
I think if you like her, make the move.
Isn't it time you make a move to work?
True, yeah.
Mr. One-move checkmate. Damn it!
As much as I love our "black table talks,"
uh, I have a job to do, so...
I want a rematch when you get back.
Yeah, beat him first.
Could have sworn...
You know, aaron is right.
I should take things slow,
like our efforts to combat climate change.
[ cellphone bloops ]
[ cellphone chimes ]
are y'all seeing this?
She responded in seconds.
Oh, she got it bad.
[ speaks indistinctly ]
[ both laugh ]
oh, my gosh. Brendon is being so crazy.
I mean, come on.
It's definitely going down.
Oh. Oh.
You go first. Are you sure?
Well, may... can I just take... because...
Oh, no, you... you go. Are you sure?
You go first. No.
There you are. Annika.
[ sighs ] hey, ladies.
Hey, pledge.
Yo, lauryn is missing.
Are you talking about your weird roommate
you guys are convinced is a russian mole?
[ clicks tongue ] yeah, we think that bitch is dead.
Okay. Maybe she just went home for a few days
and didn't tell the people that she barely knows?
Mm, no. We are definitely in the middle of an amber alert,
but for a white girl named lauryn.
Y'all remember that dead girl, brooke jones?
The ex did it.
But then you know who they investigated first?
The roommates. The roommates.
Slick's been listening to that true-crime podcast "murked."
and I'm too damn pretty for jail.
Junior: Come on, guys.
Just 'cause you haven't seen her for a few days
doesn't mean something weird's going on.
Well, I don't know.
Lauryn is into some shady shit.
You know she keeps a padlock on her closet?
I mean, there could be guns in there.
So, is she allowed to have ak-47s,
but I can't have my hairless cat, pharaoh?
And it's not just that.
She keeps hella weird hours.
And all those heels she brought.
Like, where is she even going?
Okay, guys, there has to be a rational explanation
for all of this.
So let's go see the ra, ask her if she's seen lauryn,
prove that you're all worried about nothing,
then come back here and watch "blind, drunk love."
uh, not you guys, just me and annika.
Come on, gang.
♪
What is this negro doing?
Is he playing hooky?
♪ La da dee da dee ♪
♪ I'm a walking party ♪
♪ I'm just getting started ♪
♪ sorry I'm not sorry ♪
♪ every day's a dance floor, you know where to find me ♪
♪ front and center, never hard to find me ♪ hm.
♪ You ain't get the memo, baby ♪
♪ this whole world is mine, mine ♪
♪ oh, hey it's you again, don't know what you're doing here ♪
♪ this my world ♪
♪ and I think that you're new to this ♪
♪ this whole world is mine, mine ♪
♪ baby, this whole world is mine, mine ♪
♪
♪ Mine ♪
[ cellphone rings ] ♪ mine ♪
man: Hello. Reception. How may I direct your call?
Hi. Yes, I'm trying to get ahold of doug edwards.
We're supposed to grab lunch.
I'm sorry. Doug edwards was let go three weeks ago.
Let go three weeks ago? Yes.
Is there anything else you need today?
Okay. No, that's all.
Thank you for your time.
[ line clicks ] [ cellphone beeps ]
♪
Checkmate.
♪
Tiffany, I don't even know why this is a conversation.
You live with other people now.
Please stop pooping with the door open.
We agreed to an open-door policy.
Yeah, for your room, not the toilet.
Annika: Hey, kiela, we have a problem.
Weird lauryn's missing.
You know this same thing happened last year?
Sophomore went missing, and they found him on a drug binge
at some off-brand coachella?
See? This kind of stuff happens all the time.
Guys, let's just go back to...
She's on friend tracker, right?
We should track her down.
You know, anything to get me out of ra duties.
Let me just grab my jacket.
Kiela, reggie is missing.
I told you, you can only keep him if he stays in his cage.
Oh, it's, um... it's her emotional-support iguana.
Just, you know, go without me.
Of course.
Prisoners get free housing
and still have more free time than I do.
Alright, ladies, we got to go find lauryn.
Word. Let's go.
[ sighs lightly ]
hey, junior, are you coming?
What? Yeah, I need you.
No big deal.
Annika needs me.
You're the only one with a car.
You know what?
She still needs me. [ ding! ]
♪ jet plane, jet set, fly every night like fedex ♪
thanks to the invasive-yet-useful
friend tracker app, we were able to locate lauryn,
who was in the shadiest part of downtown.
We also discovered that zeke was at sephora for two hours,
but that's a mystery for another day.
♪ Fly every night like fedex ♪
♪ okay, okay ♪
so, we are right next to skid row.
Cool, cool, cool, yeah.
I mean, it's not so bad.
You know, today's skid row is tomorrow's beverly hills.
But what would lauryn be doing here?
I mean, we are in the drug capital of la.
Clearly, she's hustling yayo, aka white rush, aka snowfall.
No. That's not it.
We're right across the street from the pink pussycat.
With all those heels lauryn had...
♪ bend it over, touch your toes ♪
She's definitely popping some ass for cash.
No.
Weird hours, super-shady, and she got padlocks on everything.
Zoot-suit gangster.
Okay.
Or someone stole her phone, and it's in that building.
Nah, bro.
She really dead.
Kiela: Reggie?!
Reggie?!
Lost your glasses, velma?
Yeah, um, I'm not in the mood for jokes right now.
I have to find a lost iguana,
and it's just me against a billion years of evolution.
Oh, well, you want some help?
I actually had a pet iguana growing up
who got lost all the time.
Okay, wait. Don't play with my emotions right now.
I'm britney-level fragile.
I wouldn't lie to you, kiela.
Not because I'm a good person.
I'm just scared of you.
Good.
Actually, I think I might know where he is.
Did you know that iguanas can run up to 47 miles an hour?
Really? That's not true.
Oh.
[ knock on door, door opens ]
yo! What's good, man?
Why is it so dark in here?
How was work?
Did you make any boss moves today?
All day, every day. Mm.
Mind if I turn the light on? Oh, no problem.
That's what you do at work, right? [ door closes ]
[ chuckling ] I guess.
Got something you wanna tell me?
I don't know. Is there anything you want to tell me?
I'm solid.
Mm, solid, okay. I got a question for you.
Are we, uh... are we friends
or are we just... I don't know...
Some college fling that didn't last?
Bro, what are you... What are you on about?
You lied to me.
I know you got fired.
Who told you that? That's not the point.
The point is, we're supposed to be bros, bro.
Right?
Why didn't you tell me?
Bro, I'm... I'm a man, and I can handle myself.
Sounds like you're scared and afraid to ask for help.
I said I'm straight.
I don't need this.
[ door closes ]
I think the light was too much.
♪♪
So, how long are we supposed to just wait here?
I mean, we can't just walk around skid row
asking people if they've seen a white girl named lauryn.
Well, someone should get out and do something.
Not it. I mean, look at me.
Gucci athletic wear isn't actually made for athletics. Junior: Mm.
Zaara: Uh, this kind of seems like a slick situation.
Oh, hell naw. Why me?
It's a sketchy-ass neighborhood. Anything could pop off.
It kind of feels like your vibe.
Mm. Oh, so danger's my vibe?
Bitch, my parents named me sharon.
I'm from delaware.
Wait.
Your government name is sharon?
All I'm saying is, you seem like you can handle yourself, okay?
Oh, you big and bad, but you're scared of poor people?
Oh, you did not just say that shit
to a first-generation american. Okay.
My entire family...
Hey, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up.
What? Isn't that lauryn?
That's her, but who is she talking to?
We have to go do something. Ohh.
- Not me. - Well, sharon ain't going.
Well, someone's got to go get her.
Junior.
♪♪
Okay.
Oh, so now y'all want me to play my gender role.
Wow.
Fine.
♪♪
At least if I die, I'll be doing what I love...
Trying to impress a girl.
[ ding! ]
♪
He looks scared.
Okay, so, I'm probably headed towards my death right now
or a murder warehouse or a scientology center.
[ whispering ] or worse.
I mean, it could just be an elaborate escape room.
Or an opium den.
Or... [ door creaks ]
A recording studio?
♪
Can I help you?
Lauryn! [ breathes sharply ]
you're that guy from my dorm floor
who cooks salmon in the microwave.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
Well, I mean, I-I thought I was here to rescue you, but...
Oh, my god.
Is that a platinum record?
Did outkast record "aquemini" in here?
What?! No.
Just the backup "yeah, yeahs" and "uh-huhs,"
but, still, history was made. Ah.
So, wait. Why did I need to be saved?
Well, we saw you fighting with that guy outside.
My producer.
But we didn't know that at the time.
My nosy-ass roommates sent you, didn't they?
Yeah, yeah. You know what?
This is all because of them.
Those girls are crazy. Mm-hmm!
Did you know I had to put a padlock on my stuff
just to keep them out of it?
Well, maybe they're just trying to get to know you.
You are gone a lot, so...
That's because I'm an artist and I'm sensitive about my shit.
Yeah, you see, that... That's what I assumed.
But, you know, your roommates...
They had all these crazy ideas.
I bet.
Assumptions.
You know, I know a little bit about that, too.
I want to be the next katy perry.
Really? No.
But I am really good.
You wouldn't be able to tell
with this demo I'm working on, though.
I'm not really feeling it.
Do you think a nosy-ass audience would help?
I told you, I can't run in these shoes.
Literally no one told you to wear platforms to a stakeout!
I'm sorry. [ screams ] guys!
[ panting ] it's a bloodbath in there!
Oh, my god! Nah. Just relax. Just relax.
I-I literally... I can't do this. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She's fine.
Come with me. - Oh, he play too much.
I... this is why.
Nah.
♪
Mystery solved.
Turns out lauryn daniels was just your average freshman...
With above-average talent.
So that bitch isn't dead.
I'm gonna let slick know everything's okay.
Sharon was too afraid to get out of the car.
[ chuckles ]
classic sharon.
♪
Let's go, lauryn. Let's go, lauryn. [ chuckles ]
70%.
Didn't read the material, obviously.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Uh, yeah, sure.
You were right.
I should have told you what was going on from the jump.
Why didn't you?
Honestly?
Straight up, I was embarrassed.
You know, your success reminds me
that I'm not where I want to be right now.
And it's killing me.
I'm sorry, dude.
I-I didn't realize.
Ah, you don't even know.
I'm getting evicted from my place.
I've been showering at the gym
'cause they cut the water off.
The only job I can get is as a barback right now.
And I'm not doing that.
I mean, I've had to sell all my things, even my ps5.
Ooh! Not the ps5.
Yeah, the ps5.
It's like everything I learned growing up
taught me to do things by myself.
But it's like I can't do it alone anymore.
I need help.
I'm two days away from living out of my car, bro.
[ breathes sharply ]
well, you don't got to worry about that.
[ clears throat ]
you're my best friend.
I'm not gonna let you sleep in your car, man.
Come on.
You can stay here.
Thank you, bro. Yeah.
Thank you.
But you, uh... You got to swallow your pride.
You got to take the barback job.
I'm not doing that, man.
You want to move in here, you got to have a job, man.
Come on. Got to make it work somehow.
[ sniffles ]
got to start somewhere.
I'll hit ray tomorrow.
Bet.
I love you, dawg. I love you, too, man.
I got you always.
Love you, man. Appreciate you.
Yeah.
[ sighs ] I am exhausted. [ chuckles ]
thanks for helping me today.
I never would've guessed to look by a water fountain.
Yeah, well, I know bugs love standing water,
and iguanas love bugs, so...
And they're actually really fast swimmers, too,
which makes them su...
I'll spare you the iguana facts.
[ both chuckle ]
you know, honestly, I am so sick of being an ra.
I'm constantly interrupted, everything's an emergency,
and literally no one cares that I have other things to do.
I care.
♪
Well, that is nice of you.
But I'm still stuck in the dorms on a Friday night.
Well, rumor has it
the ras get to keep all the contraband they confiscate.
Any truth to that?
♪♪
♪ Cocaine kisses ♪
we got drinks.
We got mood lighting.
And I can make my world-famous fajitas on this hot plate.
Sounds like an excellent Friday night to me.
Yeah, well, I'll be the judge of those fajitas.
[ can opens ]
you coming?
♪ Time keeps pushin' ♪
yes. I am coming.
[ elevator bell dings ]
okay, the last thing that we assumed was that
lauryn was a singer, but it happens.
You know, people make assumptions.
So maybe I should stop assuming that annika might like me
and find out what's real.
Hey, junior. Oh.
You want to finish watching
that episode of "blind, drunk love"?
Yeah.
Uh, annika, so, what are we doing here?
You know, I feel like we definitely have a connection,
and there's something going on between the two of us,
but just want to know what we're doing...
You know, what's up?
What's up with you and me?
Yeah.
Junior, of course I like you.
I knew it!
But I'm seeing someone.
You are? Okay.
Yeah, um, no, I had... I had already assumed that.
You know, I just wanted to take a shot.
Yeah, but you're cool, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Um, still want to watch the show or...
Sure. Go chill over there.
I'll go grab the laptop.
Cool.
Okay.
So annika just wants to be friends.
It's not the end of the world.
Maybe that's what I need right now... a friend.
[ grunts ]
so, um, annika, there's something
that I have to tell you that I've never told anybody.
Okay.
I'm pledging.
Junior, you're wearing a puffer parka
in southern california.
Everybody knows.
But your secret's safe with me.
[ breathes sharply ]
oh.
Was it really that obvious, though?
It was the most obvious thing.
Come on. I thought I was rocking it.
It's fine.
So, I hear you're quite the chess player.
Let's see what you got, old man.
Shall we?
[ cracks knuckles, grunts ]
simple. Easy.
Why'd you do that?
Mm.
Checkmate.
[bleep] this game. Mm.
Yeah.
[ ding! ]