In the year that I've been with the Gammas,
this brotherhood has given me so much.
But you earned your five stars.
So your Gamma name is The General.
- Ooh. - Confidence...
Thinking about giving up?
Pride,
camaraderie,
responsibility,
and pink eye.
Nonetheless,
these guys have become like a family to me,
and everybody brings something different to the table.
All right, the new dryers should be here Tuesday,
since the previous dryers, as we all know...
were pooped in.
May the still-unknown perpetrator
find his brand-new off-white Jordans scuffed.
Amen.
Amen, brother.
Amen.
That's Big Boy,
whose name is less reflective of his size
and more his state of mind.
That right there is his fifth soul food parfait of the day.
And then there's No Shirt Nick,
who brings a positive attitude and radical body positivity.
And that boy there is Too Tall Tyree.
He helps us keep our intramural basketball title on lock.
And then there's this clown.
You know how there's that one cousin
who pees in the shower
and always takes a plate before everyone else?
That's Cole.
Everybody calls him Sketch, because he likes to draw,
and because... he is.
Now for our next order of business:
nominating a new Gamma president.
- That's right, Big Boy. - Right? Right?
Who want it? Hmm?
- Who want it? - Yes, sir.
Look.
I would be honored to serve my brethren.
- The Gammas! Yes, sir. - You already know.
I'ma bring hope and change to this bitch like it's 2008.
Like it's '08!
I'm with it.
That right there is Mr. Popular,
for all the reasons you would think.
Okay!
Mr. Popular like it's '08.
So... but wait, wait, wait. Wait, hold on.
He runnin' unopposed?
Hold up. No one else is running?
What this frat needs is someone with integrity,
a passion for giving back, and strong leadership.
I'm Andre Johnson,
and I'm running for Gamma president.
- Ooh! - Ooh, Andre!
As I shared my four-point plan
covering both the macro and micro
of how I would elevate the Gammas,
I knew I had my brothers in the palm of my hand.
So as your president,
I think that I can serve this brotherhood
by leading us into the future
and preparing us for future success.
Thank you guys.
Thank you, thank you.
It's light work.
Nice.
See, I think what The General had to say
sounds... pretty good.
But I'm not here to talk to y'all today about pretty good.
I'm here to talk to y'all today about being unlimited.
What the hell is he talking about?
Unlimited? What is he, a cell phone plan?
See, my opponent wants to talk about
unbalanced budgets.
I want unlimited budgets.
No.
That's just not how money works.
"And for what?" you ask.
Unlimited parties.
And... now hold on.
And do you know who will be at those parties?
Who?
Unlimited bitches.
It's just that easy.
There are, like, 10,000 bitches at this school, max.
That's a limited number of bitches.
We are the Gammas.
We are unlimited.
- Yes! Yes, we are! - Yes!
Mr. Popular out.
Unlimited!
Unlimited! Unlimited!
Unlimited!
Working on your new book?
"Cal You Too: How to Stay on Campus Forever."
For your information, little Luka, I have a full night planned.
I'm gonna be grading papers
and enjoying some of these natural wine selections
Doug is offering.
And rating them from funky to -up.
Mm, I hope my O-Chem professor
grades our tests on a similarly wobbly curve.
I wish I saw you guys
before I used Doug's free printer
to print 100 copies of these.
But what do you think? Huh?
Is this the face of someone you'd vote to be president?
You look like you belong on the front of an oatmeal box.
Ooh. Great breakfast.
And also good for you and good to you.
That's a fire slogan right there.
- Boom. - You're gonna lose.
Rude, but that is not an option,
okay, and I cannot let someone win
who has based their entire platform
around the word "unlimited."
Listen, Andre.
If this means a lot to you,
you have to do whatever it takes to win.
- But, like, cleanly, right? - Yes.
Uh, most of the campaigns I've seen,
the dirtiest were sadly the most successful, so...
- Hmm. - And if you want to win,
you need to find a way to take this guy down.
No one is squeaky clean, Andre,
and if they are, make sure they're not.
Catch my drift?
But if it's for the greater good,
it's not that bad, right?
Yes. It's worse, actually.
Look, I think these flyers show who you are,
and in my experience, that's who you should be.
Take it from someone who's been in the trenches, man.
A good policy is a good policy.
Honesty is the best policy.
Exactly, so start getting honest
about your opponent's dirty laundry.
I don't know,
but I do think that your strategy has merits.
I'm gonna go run me some more flyers, though.
Yeah, but trust me.
Stop printing flyers and start stealing emails.
That's horrible advice.
It's great advice.
_
All this talk of running has got me hungry.
Kiela, how do you feel about hitting up Pop Dat Pupusa?
Are you trying to take me to an El Salvadorian sex party?
Because I'm in.
No, it's a food truck at this gallery opening downtown.
Oh, yeah, I'll go.
Despite Kiela's advice to get dirty,
a Gamma man is a man of integrity,
and that's how I would debate.
Like Michelle Obama said,
"When they go low, we go high."
And that's why I'm saying unlimited water.
I hate to break this to you, bro,
but we're in a drought.
Which is why
I'll bring the Gammas unlimited drought relief.
That's not...
that's not even a thing, Darius.
Okay. All right.
Now let's move on to the next topic:
The Chapter Pledge Initiative.
As president, how do each of you plan
to spike new recruit interest and get our pledge numbers up?
That's an excellent question, Big Boy,
and a topic I hold near and dear.
I plan to start the recruitment process early and...
Man, quit playin'.
Ain't nobody tryin' to hear all that.
Look, the only recruitment strategy we need is word of mouth.
Now holla if you hear me!
Unlimited everything!
You want to win?
You need to find a way to take this guy down.
Unlimited everything!
Okay, okay, okay!
What about unlimited truths?
Huh? Who's ready to hear that?
Yeah.
I know who dropped the booty bomb in the dryer.
- Oh, shit, that nasty shit? - What?
- Oh, hell no. - That's right.
- Mm-hmm. - Who did it then?
And I hate to do this.
I really hate to do this, because this is someone
I have a lot... you know what?
Actually, matter of fact,
I got unlimited love for this man.
But it was none other than my opponent, Mr. Popular.
Cap. I did not have stool relations with that dryer.
Does bottomless Michelada Monday night
a month ago ring a bell to you?
You were what a white woman would describe as shwasted.
Did you or did you not wake up on the laundry room floor?
Yeah, but see... but that's the thing.
That... but... but...
"But... but... but... but... but... "
Yeah.
Your butt was the problem.
General! General! General!
General! General!
General!
Sorry, Mrs. Obama,
but when they go low, I go lower.
I can't believe we aren't popping our pupusas right now.
Yeah, darn.
It's just... what a same if we came all this way for nothing.
I'm sure they have food here somewhere.
You thirsty bitch.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Oh.
Fine.
I'll admit I am beyond thirsty.
I am parched.
When I'm around her, I feel something...
I feel something I've never felt before.
I feel... uncool.
Even her wave is hot.
Okay, if you're an ally, be an ally.
Help me cover.
Okay. I got you.
I am a great liar.
Hey, stalker.
Stalker's friend?
Ooh, no.
Nobody has a stalker here, okay?
I... I dragged Zaara here tonight
because I just... I love...
the art of fashion.
Fashion!
Wow.
So...
It's crazy running into you here.
You know, they always say the world is so small.
Oh, my God, you're so weird.
Come on. Work the room with me.
Go.
Special delivery.
Hey, Sloane, my favorite wine rep.
I was about to get rid of all my wine
so I could see you again.
Mm, sounds like I win either way.
- All right, now don't judge... - Okay.
But I got some jalapeño poppers.
I heard they go good with the sauv blanc.
Ooh, I don't know if I believe
that will pair well together,
but I'm down to try anything once.
So the lady likes adventure?
- She does. - Uh-huh.
Speaking of likes, I have a Shiraz I want you to try.
- Ooh, let's open it. - Let's see.
Ooh, hold on, now.
You can't rush fine wine.
Or fine women.
Oh, so you think you're fine?
It's been said on more than one occasion.
- Man... - Yes, sir.
Good looking out, man.
I will never be able to look at Michelada Monday the same.
Mr. Popular!
- Ooh... - Damn!
Hey, and I was with you on the drought thing.
I am not about to vote for a climate denier.
Well, here's a convenient truth: I'm your guy, all right?
Put it there, Too Tall.
God! Cole.
Damn, bro, I didn't see you there.
I gotta get you a little bell to wear when I'm president.
Yeah, well, got something for you.
Just so you can remember it all.
I... I don't really think I... I need this.
I was... I was just there, but...
Think it'd help a way to remember
when you still had a soul.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
Did Mr. Popular take a dook in the dryer?
Did I take a dook in the dryer?
- You did it? - Ah, see?
That right there shows that
you don't even know if Mr. Popular did.
What is your game here, all right?
You can't prove anything.
All right. All right.
I guess we just both have to live with it, huh?
But there are three sides to every story, all right?
Only you, me, and the dryer know the truth.
Are you mad at me for stalking you?
I'm annoyed that you didn't follow me back on IG
and just ask to meet up at this exhibit.
This stalk and chill could've been a model and chill.
I think I prefer the stalk and chill.
Hey, I don't mean to interrupt,
but I had one of my photographers
take some candids earlier.
I think you two might like to have these.
I'm Aleali, the curator of this exhibit.
I think you both are naturals.
Street wear is all in the attitude,
and I think you can pull off
a lot of these different styles being showcased.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
These are actually really good.
I like these.
I never thought I would like an event like this.
I thought it was dumb at first,
but then the money came in, and I realized
that I like money.
And sometimes, as a bonus,
I meet cool people.
- Salud. - Salud.
You know, I can't... I can't remember
the last time I did something like this.
What? Drank wine?
No, had company that wasn't a crazy student
or a man-child that needed hot sauce to eat his food.
I'm serious.
So you're saying I'm good company?
No. I'm saying...
you're great company.
Mm.
You know, this is good,
but I think I know something that'll taste better.
I think I could suggest something that's off the menu.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. Something came up.
This was great.
It's... it's not you.
Heard that before.
Keep up, little bro. I just murked another one.
You call that a snipe, doo-doo?
Hey, a hit is a hit, and I'm on a roll.
A roll of toilet paper, General Streak.
I'm sorry, I think my game's glitching.
What are you talking about?
You know exactly what I'm talking about.
You know what you did last dryer cycle.
Fecal fibber.
Liar...
Weird.
I could've sworn I heard something.
You did me dirty, bro.
- Ah! - Pun intended.
Unlimited feces...
Only you, me, and that dryer knows the truth.
Liar...
Look, dude.
I hard you screaming "unlimited feces" from the parking lot.
I... I'm good. No, I'm good.
I told you to lay off the gummy melatonin.
Didn't I?
Get your shoes off my couch.
I'm good.
Shit.
Yeah.
Brothers, the votes are in.
General...
or should I say President?
Come claim your throne.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Make me proud, brother.
I will, I will.
That's our president!
Uh...
I've wanted this more than anything.
Why, now that it's mine and I've won,
do I feel like I've lost?
Speech! Speech! Speech!
Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!
All right, all right.
Thank you for putting your trust in me.
You guy shave become like a family to me,
and I can't tell you how honored I am
to be named your leader.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir!
But the truth is...
I don't deserve this.
If I accepted this,
I would be betraying the Gamma man
that you all taught me to be.
Therefore, I must concede this presidency.
Look, look.
I owe you all an apology.
Especially you, Mr. Popular.
'Cause I lied that you did number two in the dryer.
Deception!
Would you shut your shirtless ass up, man?
Let the guy speak.
I guess I just wanted it so badly
that I lost sight of who I was,
why I started doing this in the first place.
So my point is,
Mr. Popular should be our next president.
I'm sorry.
Thanks, Doug.
Yeah, no problem. Thank you.
Hey.
Can I get a second chance on the rocks?
Look, I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly,
but if you have time later,
we could finalize that wine list...
and some other things.
I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
At first, I... I thought you left me
to see another man or something.
Well...
not another man, per se.
Sometimes you get so fixated on a certain outcome
that you don't allow yourself the possibility for change.
- But the second you escape - _
from the box you put yourself in...
_
All kinds of new possibilities open up for you.
I thought the best way for me to give back
to the Gammas was to be the leader.
But it was never really about me.
Leadership is about doing what's best for the team,
even when it's not in your own best interest.
You missed one, brother.
Damn!
I don't care if I'm not president.
I am still gonna get you that bell to wear.
Don't worry about me.
I just came to check in on you.
That was quite the scene you made earlier, dog.
Tell you, I did not see it coming.
But I... I was... I was impressed.
Yeah, I... I don't know what happened, man.
I feel like I just thought that I needed to win
to show that I could lead.
I just wanted to be someone that everyone could depend on,
you know?
I feel like I let you all down
by trying to be the best that I could be for the Gammas.
Ah, man, it's a tale as old as time.
On the quest of trying to be the best for us,
ends up bringing out the worst in yourself.
I just hope that the next time
the guys give me pink eye, it's on accident.
Look, bro, don't worry about them.
The boys will come around, all right?
Everyone here knows you got our back.
Look.
There are many ways to lead.
It doesn't always have to be the way that's facing outward.
Yo, thanks for the help, bro.
I really appreciate your honesty on Dryer-gate.
Ah, sh...
About that, dog...
I didn't Scooby Doo in anyone's dryer.
But you admitted it!
Did I?
Yeah.
Here.
Ahh!
When was he even drawing this?
Damn.
Really did capture my kind eyes, though.
Okay, guys.
Unlimited honesty.
I did, in fact, dook in the dryer.
- I am seeking help. - That's nasty, man!
And I'm not deserving of the presidency.
I was right?
Wow.
That was a total shot in the dark.
Unless my bros are about unlimited forgiveness...
in which case, I accept
and ask The General to be my vice.
I'm with you, Mr. Popular,
or shall I say Mr. President?
- All right. - All right.
That's what I'm talking about.
- My man. - Whoo-whee!
Gammas! Gammas! Gammas!
Gammas! Gammas!
- Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com -