♪ ♪
[JANN]: Let's start with a tour, Trey, shall we?
Well, this is the house, obviously.
The Internet password is "insensitive."
Um, I technically don't have a cat,
so if you find one, it's probably lost.
And please don't eat my probiotics
because they are specifically
for female reproductive health.
- Gut flora. - Mm, no.
I think the cat's name is Raisin,
and she lives with my neighbours.
Trey, are you familiar with the concept of self-care?
Yes, of course.
This is what happens when you kick it into overdrive.
Wow.
Mom and I went on a bit of a
good time bender, and we treated ourselves
to a whole lot of stuff.
There's a very distinct energy in here.
It's like a heavy fog of the Nile.
I'm gonna disagree with you there, Trey.
It's more like the off-gassing of retail therapy.
- Is that a Power Wheels Jeep? - You know,
I thought that would be bigger, like full size, or whatever,
so it seemed like a smokin' deal at the time.
My eyes are actually having
a hard time processing everything.
Organizing this room is gonna be one of your
first tasks as my personal assistant,
so get those eyes checked.
It should be a piece of cake now that I'm paying
for your extended medical.
Jann...
- ♪ Ah ♪ - [GUITAR STRUM]
No! No!
Don't dig me out.
I like it here.
There's something comforting about the weight
of other people's mistakes.
Kale, you're so funny.
- It's unintentional. - You remember Trey.
Trey is my new personal assistant.
This is his first day!
- Hey. - Hi!
Can we leave?
I am desperately trying
not to breathe in the negativity,
and I'm getting a little light-headed.
Yeah. Kale...
Don't forget to turn yourself over once in a while, OK?
Because you don't wanna end up getting bedsores.
So what happened to her, exactly?
What part? Like, why is she living like a hermit crab
underneath the weighted blanket
of my shopping addiction?
- Yeah. - That was me. My bad.
- Morning, Mom. - Hi, sweetie.
That woman in there may look like a hot mess express,
but she used to be a legitimate adult bully.
- Really? - Mmhm.
She forced me
to sing a song about menopause
dressed up as a sexy baby clown.
♪ I'm a hot mess, ♪ ♪ I'm a hot mess ♪
♪ Mess, mess, mess ♪
And she pretty much destroyed
my friendship with K.D. Lang.
- That's horrible! - K.D. won't even accept my calls,
not even from a burner phone!
But you what the worst thing that Kale did?
She stopped me from recording my new album.
Oh, did you hear us talking about you, Kale?
Obviously. You're super loud.
Not that loud.
Remember when you told me that recording an album
was a useless exercise?
- It is. - Hah. Well,
I'm gonna record a new record,
despite what you think.
I don't care.
You might wanna get a fork for that.
I just use my face.
My mouth is nature's fork.
You look really put together.
He is.
This woman will break you.
What is going on with her?
Isn't it obvious?
You fired Kale,
and she lost all her responsibilities.
She's regressing into an immature, childlike state.
[GULPING]
[BELCHES]
- Oh! - You're out of OJ.
She's basically becoming a teenager.
I can see why she's no longer your manager.
And yet, she has somehow become my roommate.
Who is your new manager?
I should probably get their details.
Me. I am my own manager.
That's like suddenly declaring you're your own doctor.
Did I or did I not diagnose my own athlete's foot?
Oh, that's an easy one.
Not if you're not an athlete, Mom.
All I know is that if you want something done right,
you gotta do it yourself.
You just literally hired an assistant.
Pick another topic, Mom.
Well, I'm really excited,
that you're going to record a new album.
It's great news, and it's about damn time!
Exactly. Trey, call Access Records.
Get me in in to see Frank ASAP.
But not before you and Maxi
take me to the mall like you promised.
Make me an appointment
ASAP IRL, ETA TBD.
- What? - Just book it for 2 o'clock.
- OK. - Ah. See me managing my own situation?
That's what it looks like!
LMFAO.
[SOFTLY]: LMFAO.
[UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
Due to the kids' unfortunate school photos,
I realized they need new clothes.
"Twerkin while Workin"?
Really?
This garbage messaging has gotta stop.
Do you remember the movie Mannequin?
- I loved that movie. - I kind of get the attraction now.
She's making me want to get a job here.
Oh...
Mom is officially too short to roam around on her own.
I spend the whole time looking for her.
There's the little nugget!
She's getting a free makeover
- at the cosmetic counter. - Should've known.
She's in it, for the free samples.
I am too!
It's like trick or treating all year long.
Hey, Mom!
- Hey. - There you are.
We thought we lost you again.
No! I'm getting a fresh look.
And you should try it too! It will be fun.
- Oh, no. I'm not really, um... - Sold!
I... I... I... I like a sort of
just natural, sort of barely there look.
- I wanna look as hot as that mannequin. - Good Choice.
- Do you watch Drag Race? - I do.
I wanna look like Trixie Mattel.
Oh my god, I love that for you.
- [UPBEAT POP MUSIC] - What has Nicole added here?
I believe she's gone with corn starch.
What are you watching?
You've never seen Bake It 'Til You Make It?
It's a cooking show
where amateur bakers compete with one another,
but they have to use recipes
written in foreign languages.
That sounds unnecessarily complicated.
[NON-ENGLISH WORDS]
is Ukranian for baking soda!
Moron.
You know what might be beneficial for you?
What?
- A sound bath. - No, thanks.
You know what might be beneficial for everyone else?
If you took, like, a regular bath.
Like, with soap.
- Do you happen to speak Spanish, Trey? - No.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
So what exactly happened between you and Jann anyway?
Well, Trey, if you must know,
I poached her from an idiota named Todd,
got her a stylist, dressed her in snakes and balls,
asked her to stretch herself artistically,
had her record a fire club track
that's currently huge in Japan,
and presented her with a Lifetime Achievement Award.
Then, completely out of nowhere, the woman fires me.
[CLANK]
She's extremely immature.
[LAUGHING ON TV]
[DYNAMIC COUNTRY MUSIC]
Wow, Mom, look at you!
How do you feel?
Like I wanna lip-sync for my life!
I guess we should thank you guys for these...
W-what are we calling them, makeovers?
And you are absolutely right, Tristan.
I could not live my best life without this
Flawless Match liquid highlighter
and the Brow Bitch eyebrow fluffing fibre.
Yeah, you should totally buy them, Jann.
Thank you, Max.
I will next time. I promise
I will be back for those.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh!
Thank you.
- We'll never see them again. - Mmhm.
- [BEEPING] - Oh!
RUN!
My sweat's gonna make my matte finish dewy!
I don't want dewy!
THE ONE TIME I DON'T WEAR MY RUNNERS!
PICK UP THE PACE AND KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
[PANTING]
- Why did we run? - What do you mean?!
- You said, "RUN!" - Right.
It was just instinct. You always run
- from the scene of a crime. - What crime?
You didn't actually shoplift from a department store, did you?
I am hugely offended.
Of course I didn't shoplift!
If anyone was gonna do anything with sticky fingers,
it'd be you, Max! You're constantly stealing
gum out of my console.
YOU SAID THE GUM WAS FOR EVERYONE!
IT WAS, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT YOU ONLY CHEW IT
FOR 30 SECONDS AND THEN YOU SPIT IT OUT!
YOU'RE A GUM WASTER!
- Mom? - Mmhm?
Seriously?
I'm...
Certain...
I paid for them.
- No. - At least, I think I did.
- Mom. - What?
Your wallet was in my purse, remember?
There's no way that you paid for them.
Oh. I...
I don't remember putting them in my pocket.
Oh, I'm so sorry, girls, I'm...
I am so embarrassed.
You're embarrassed?!
We're horrified!
[DOOR OPENS] Oh.
- It was an accident! - [DOOR CLOSES]
You're a big help.
What are we doing?
We clearly have no idea how to handle this.
You know what we have to do.
I know what you're thinking.
If we turn her in, she'll have a free bed,
three square meals a day.
No.
Not jail.
- Not jail. - No.
We have to go to that caregiver support group thing,
the one I sent you the link to.
- Right. - We need help figuring out
how to deal with situations like this.
I agree.
But we don't have to go back in there
- and return this stuff, right? - Oh, hell no.
No, no. I'll get Mom. You start the car.
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
[JANN]: I'm so sorry.
I'm 108 minutes late.
I had quite the morning,
- if you know what I mean. - I don't.
I'm Jann Arden.
I am here for my appointment with Frank.
- Frank? - Frank.
Music exec Frank.
- The old guy? - Define old.
I think old is when you wear a watch.
I think old is when you look forward to medical appointments,
when, you park really far away
'cause you're worried you're not gonna find
parking nearby...
I'm gonna just stop you right there,
because I don't think my self-esteem
can actually handle what you're about to say next,
so let's just move on.
Oh!
[LAUGHS]
Oh, my God!
That is such an old person thing to say!
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Follow me.
Is this all Access Records?
Oh, no. They don't have the whole building anymore.
It's a... it's a co-working space now.
- Ah. - There's a tie-dye operation here,
another tie-dye operation,
tie-dye that's totally different,
yet similar.
- Ah. - There's... app designers,
meme designers, a screenwriter.
- Poor bastard. - Oh, he's definitely poor,
but he does know who his father is.
There is a celebrity dating site, Soir A-List.
Oh, hang on a second!
Hey, hi!
Excuse me. I'm still waiting on my approval.
I would probably move on.
Hmm. Ah, a tie-dye business.
Uh, just follow me this way, please.
- [SCRITCHING] - [PRINTER BEEPING]
[MAN SIGHS]
- Um, Frank? - Jann Arden!
What's up?
I'm thinking about leaving music,
and starting a tie-dye business.
Who isn't? More of a hobby.
Have a seat. Ahem.
Are you all that's left of Access?
Yeah. Well,
you know, it's been a bit of a rough ride
for the old music biz.
When were you last here, exactly?
Oh, it wasn't that long ago.
[WHOOSH]
Frank, friend.
Todd, acquaintance.
Jann's got a great idea, for a new single.
Wait 'til you hear it.
Jann, take it away.
It's a song where I just list a bunch of stuff that's ironic.
[LAUGHING]
- [LAUGHING] - I think he likes it.
The laughter's ironic, don't you think?
It is. It totally is.
- [WHOOSH] - So...
How are things?
My sister and I are going to
a caregiver support group later.
Our mother has dementia.
We really need help
just trying to figure out
how to handle sticky situations...
- I meant in your career. - OK.
Who is your manager these days?
I am self-managed,
- totally by choice. - Of course it is.
- OK. Frank. - Mmhm.
I wanna make a new album.
Women my age are totally...
Tossed aside. We are completely invisible,
and I have so much more I wanna say,
and I think it's totally important
that people get to hear it.
I think $80000...
- Ought to cover it. - Oh.
So are we doing this?
- No! - WHAT?! WHY?
Well, first, I personally am not a fan of yours.
Hurtful.
- But I get it. - Anyway...
I'm more in the business of producing
music by 14-year-olds,
who are famous on social media now.
Admittedly, not my strength.
- ♪ Run the game, run the game ♪ - ♪ Go, go ♪
- ♪ Run the game ♪ - ♪ Go, go ♪
Can't go any faster.
- I'm embarrassed for you. - Oh.
I must still be selling records, Frank,
'cause I'm still getting royalty cheques!
- You are? - Yes, I am!
That's a mistake. We're gonna need that money back!
Look at the time!
I'm 112 minutes late, for an appointment.
Jann. JANN!
♪ ♪
Waverly, our plan...
I'm off to meet Max.
Are you sure you're not gonna run out of stuff to do?
I think I'm good.
Kale...
in case I miss you on your way out,
I'm going to say my goodbyes now.
Oh, no. You'll see me.
- I'll be here. - Great.
Bye, Mom!
I guess we need to get your hearing checked.
[DOOR OPENS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
She's gone.
I just didn't feel like talking to her this morning.
Relatable.
[NORA SIGHS]
What, you don't like whipped cream?
Oh, what the hell.
A little regression never hurt anybody.
If you're hungry, I can make you both
something healthy to eat...
Instead of an edible oil product.
We're not kids you're babysitting,
but thanks anyway.
I'm supposed to go through
these clothes from various events,
and only keep the good ones.
Only problem is...
- I can't find any. - Yeah.
Jann holds the record,
for the most worst-dressed looks.
She tries so hard,
but her instinct is not good.
What is this?!
That's fresh if you wear it right.
Not convinced.
I guess I'd need to see it on.
Give it to me.
♪ You know that I want you ♪
♪ And you know that I need you, ♪
♪ I want it bad ♪
- ♪ Bad, bad ♪ - [GASPS]
♪ I want your love, ♪
♪ and I want your revenge ♪
- Bam! - That's right, girl!
- [CHEERING] - ♪ A bad romance ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ I want your love ♪
♪ and all your lover's revenge ♪
♪ You and me could write a bad romance ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Caught in a bad romance ♪
They couldn't get a professional sign?
- That's not a good sign! - Would you just relax?
I know you have a hard time talking about Mom,
and you'll take any excuse to not face it,
but this is important.
Ah! Lost and found!
[JANN GASPS]
You have never been here before!
Nothing in there can be yours.
Oh, that's where you're wrong!
[JANN GASPS]
Look!
Now you steal too?
You cannot steal something that's lost, Max.
[FABRIC RUSTLING]
Love these!
Are you gonna be able to focus?
Because if not, I can stay and just fill you in later.
I would never make you do something like this by yourself!
If everyone can take their seats,
we'll be getting started.
I'm gonna need a full-sized chair.
- [WHISPERS]: You're fine. - I am a full-sized woman!
[SNARLS]: Just suck it up!
This is a one butt cheek
at a time situation.
Agh!
Let's hear some stories from your week.
I had a rough week.
My father has become very slow to do anything.
I know it's not his fault,
but I can't help being... annoyed with him.
Everything just takes so...
Long.
Kind of like you getting to the point.
Does anyone have any advice?
I find you just really need to focus on the present.
- Oh, I love presents. - Jann.
- I said be in the present. - Sorry.
I thought you said presents, which I love.
- Nobody said presents. - Sorry.
You some to have something on your mind.
Why don't you share your issue?
Yes, um, thank you. Uh...
Our mother has Alzheimer's and, um...
Most days, it's-it's OK.
But then, something happens and...
Takes us by surprise.
Yesterday, there was an incident
that we didn't handle very well.
Actually, we were very hard on her.
Because of our actions,
our mother is at home, deeply depressed.
- Ha-ha! Ooh! - 10 out of 10! Hot!
Hi, I'm Jann.
I think the bolder the pattern,
the more people will respect me.
[NASAL VOICE]: Hi, I'm Jann.
I think I'm the only person who has feelings!
Hi, I'm Jann.
I believe I'm a hat person.
[LAUGHING]
Does anyone have any advice,
for Jann and Max,
in their situation with their mom?
Are you accessing your network?
No, I got two bars.
That's not what she meant.
It takes a village to care for someone,
and sometimes that means
asking for help when you need it.
For example, my mom,
she isn't very mobile anymore,
so we crowdfunded a motorized scooter for her.
It's given her a new lease on life,
and everyone who loves her,
got to contribute to that.
When my father needed full-time care,
our family set up a meal train.
Tell me more about that.
Well, each day of the week...
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not you. You!
- Crowdfunding scooter lady! - Me?
People just gave you money?
Well... yes.
Sometimes, care is expensive,
and the people who love you,
- they just wanna help out. - That's it!
I am going to crowdfund my new album.
You guys have had amazing suggestions,
and you've been hugely supportive.
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go start my campaign!
[BLOWS HORN]
♪ ♪
Sorry. She gets excited and then...
And then loses focus.
We won't disturb you again.
Max, make sure you grab some juice boxes.
[LIGHT FOLK MUSIC]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[NORA]: I treat my family like support staff!
I'm a vegan
who conveniently forgets
that ice cream is a dairy product.
HEY! What is this?
Something from The Sopranos?
[GIGGLING]
Mom looks like she's in a better mood.
Mm.
Has she had an official diagnosis?
Oh, my God.
I never told you.
- It's OK. - I'm sorry.
When things are good, I...
I really kind of forget about it.
- Did something happen? - No! No, everything's fine.
I just recognized the signs.
My grandpa had Alzheimer's.
[NORA LAUGHING]
Well, she sure looks happy.
How did you do that?
Honestly,
I just used a babysitting trick.
No kid can resist playing dress up and dancing.
And sometimes,
you just have to be in the present moment.
I learned that in support group.
They even had snacks.
I guess we'll go back.
- Nice tam. - Oh, I'm a hat person.
- Yeah. - You're home early.
I came back to tell you,
that we are going to do a crowdfunding campaign,
so that I can make my new album.
OK. What's the concept?
I can work with this.
Hello, fans.
I'm iconic singer-songwriter Jann Arden.
And I'm offering you this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
to get in on the ground floor
of my new iconic album.
You might remember this iconic album,
Living Under June,
as modelled by my mother.
♪ Living under June ♪
♪ Living under her ♪
Or, this other iconic album,
Free, as modelled by my former manager, Kale.
[INHALES DEEPLY] ♪ I'm free ♪
♪ Yeah-ah-ah ♪
That wasn't exact, but you get my drift.
Click the link below
and become part
of my new iconic album.
Donate what you can,
or even what you can't.
Give up a little something,
so that you can give it to me
for my new iconic album.
- Hit cut, Trey. - Right! Right.
- Take 1. - Yeah!
- What do you wanna do with this? - We fight for Dave.
OK. He's mine, though.
Now you can feel the love you need.
- Yes, I can... - Yeah.
- feel the love that I need! - Yeah,
- feel the love you need. - It's a little bit creepy.
Well, you could also...
- Feel the love you need. - Oh, God.
Yeah, you should feel it there too.
How much would you give me?
I will give you
literally my entire season's paycheque.
- Isn't this an 8-ball? - Oh!
- Will you ever... - ...get married?
"You may rely on it."
[CRIES]
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH www.addic7ed.com
♪ I am cool, and I'm wise ♪
Welcome to Nigeria Bob.
The game has already begun.
IT'S ANOTHER GREAT EPISODE.
You think I do not know that?
She knows that.
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