-♪ Look up there ♪-♪ What do you see? ♪
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
-♪ Like a rock ♪-♪ And a tree ♪
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪
♪ Catch some fish ♪
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
♪ Wow ♪
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
♪ From longest night to longest day ♪
♪ In the Great North. ♪
(cheering)
Lordy, lordy,looks who's Londra.
Not now, Beef. I'm very mad,
and just moments awayfrom pinching Tony.
I just haven't decidedwhere yet.
Sorry, Londra, butthe wholesale price of salmon
really isa dollar a pound today.
You shut your lying fish mouth!It should be double that.
Let's pinch him together.Legs or butt?
Hey, those Fish in a Barrelvending machines
have been driving prices down.
And now they put one inright here in Lone Moose.
-Over by the gazebo.-My God.
Hey, buds.You two done selling yet?
I don't want to rush you,
but I have to go pick upCaviar, my dog.
And then I have to pick upcaviar, the food, for us to eat.
-He's super picky.-Craig, did you hear?
There's one of those vile
Fish in a Barrel machinesin Lone Moose.
I heard,but when I drove by earlier
there was no line in it,so I'm not stressed.
I'm sure Lone Moosersare too sensible
to buy fishexcreted from a robot.
Ugh. I just hopeit's less attractive
than Rosie from The Jetsons.
I used to dream about herand her vacuum.
I was the rug.
KIMA: Wow.
Reese Witherspoontruly transformed herself
for this role.
So brave to try brown hair.
Can you turn downthe volume a little?
(scoffs)We actually can't, Dad.
This is important research.
So, kindly take yourpatriarchal ears elsewhere.
Research for what?
Well, Walter, if you recall,
Kima and I are about to go upto the only all-women
smoke jumper base in Alaskafor the next three days.
We've been selected to be
Little SmokiesJunior Smoke Jumpers.
Yeah, Dad, it's our dreamand we finally got it.
Oh, how long has it beenyour dream, Kima?
-(scoffs) For at least a month.-Oh, wow.
And I cannot waitto work with my feminist hero,
aka my mother,aka your amazing wife, Walter.
I know who my wife is, Kima,and I wish both of you
would stop calling me Walterin that tone.
-BOTH: No, Walter.-That's fine, too.
OMG, what if we get to go outon a real call?
I mean, it's not fire season,but fingers crossed.
Did you just wishfor a wildfire?
-BOTH: Walter.-Yep. Yep. Got it.
Working side by side withyour mom will be so inspiring.
And here she is now.
Yep, two years ago, her crew'spack certification run
was the fastestin the whole state, right, Mom?
Oh, crap, I forgot we got to do
that frigging pack testagain next week.
Well, it'll be easycompared to the weekly
hundred pounds of laundrythis family goes through.
I still can't believewe made the cut.
You're the only twothat applied.
Well, regardless, I cannot wait
to jump out of a plane with you,
my feminist ideals intact,
my hair blowing beautifullyin the wind.
You won't be jumping, Judy.
And I hate whenmy hair blows in the wind.
I've got a fullbald patch in the back
from where it got singedduring a forest fire.
You're gorgeous.
ALL:Walter, no!
WOLF:All right, new stamp dayat the post office.
-Let's load out.-(Gasps) Oh, God.
People are using that thing?
WOLF:You coming intothe post office, Dad?
BEEF:I am not.I'm busy trying to set
that Fish in a Barrel machineon fire with my eyes.
Okay, Dad.Good luck, miss ya.
Hey, Dad. We brought backlunch. You should
-probably eat something.-(growls)
Fifteen people havecome and gone from that thing.
Don't they know just a mile away
there's a vending machinecalled the ocean?
Okay.Uh, well,
I guess we'llrun a couple more errands.
Hey, Dad. We walked all the wayto the mall and back.
And here you are, still staringin that very fun way.
You want to move overand I can drive us home?
(both grunting)
Don't worry, Dad,I'm taking a picture
of the vending machineso you can glare at it at home.
(groaning)No, no.
♪ ♪
Huh?
You've been reassigned.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Reminder, you may not
use the bathroom during work hours.
For maximum efficiency, please urinate in your work diaper.
Aah!(exclaims)
I can't let robotstake over the ocean.
All right, I'm off tofight fires and save lives.
Just likeReese Witherspoon's character
Carol Smoke in Branded By Fire.
Great movie,even better tagline:
"Where there's fire,there's Carol Smoke."
Okay, we'll see youin three days, Jude.
Listen to Esther and, you know,
don't get allburned up in a fire.
All right, I will alsocatch you all later.
I must go see Craig and Londra.
I have to stop the ocean robots
before they make me weara work diaper.
Good for you, Dad.Your body, your rules.
(doorbell rings)
BRB, Jorgen.
A Beef and Londra pop-in.
I'm playing VR Hold'emwith some friends in Norway.
You guys want in?
This isn't a social visit,I'm afraid.
Beef thinkswe ought to do something
about that Fish in a Barrelmachine.
It's already affecting prices.
Next thing you know,we'll all be
pooping our pantsat the fish factory.
-You okay there, bud?-No, I'm not okay.
That's why we need to take downFish in a Barrel.
It's an existential threatto our livelihood.
I don't know, man.I'm doing all right.
I just put a mural of myselfas a centaur in the shower.
It really gets mepumped in the morning.
But, Craig, what aboutall our fellow fisher people?
What about Rosa and Juan?
And Corduroy Paul?And even Ivan.
Yes, he's too old to fish
and he steers his boat into usall the time,
but I don't want him to go brokebecause of Fish in a Barrel.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's a lotto think about there.
Also, I don'twant to freak you out,
but what if this wereto make you a little less rich?
(gasps)Anders, cash me out.
You know I'm not a greedy guy,
but all I care aboutis my money, so I'm in.
All right, we need to put ourheads together and figure out
how to get Fish in a Barrelout of Lone Moose.
Tasty and convenient seafoodat bargain basement prices?
It makes me sick.
Fish in a Barrel'sa huge company.
So we got to think big.
Ooh, how aboutsome bad Yelp reviews?
We could say,"I don't like this."
Ha, gonna be hardto recover from that.
I meant big likewe shut down the power grid
so the machines can't run,
like Toretto didin Fast Four-ious.
Blow up the power grid?
I love it.I'll call my guy.
I think there's a way to dothis without committing crimes.
If people want to buytheir seafood out of a machine,
then why don't we justmake our own?
Oh, we talking abouta RoboCop kind of thing?
I'll have the surgery.
Hollow me out,put the fish in my belly.
I love that you'd do that, son,
but let's tryusing the van first.
Oh, man, here we go.
Our lives are totallyabout to cha... Huh.
This place looks...different than I imagined.
(chuckles)Okay, what were you imagining?
I thought there'd be, like,inspirational posters.
And a bunch of drinkableyogurts in the fridge.
And maybe, like, a pictureof the misogynist police chief
-with darts in it.-And where's the trophy
for getting the fastest packcertification time in Alaska?
-(indistinct chatter)-Oh, hey, guys.
We got ourselvessome little smokies.
Oh, hell, yeah.The maids are here.
-You all know my daughter Kima.-Hey.
-Hi.-This is her friend Judy.-Hello.
Could her friend Judy go get memy slippers from my room?
I'd get them myself,but I'm not gonna.
(gasps)I know what we should do--
(singsongy):makeovers.
A makeover's not gonnahelp you with Dino.
-He slid into my DMs last night.-Oh, yeah?
Well, how about I slide my fistinto your face?
Are you stillfighting over Dino?
I thought he was in jail forstealing those nuns' identities.
-Well, now he's out.-And he's hot.
So, uh, Mom,what do we do first--
clear some brush, take a jog?
(laughs) Uh, how about you twoclear some plates
and then take a joginto the kitchen
and clean up in there.
And what will you guys be doing?Taking a jog?
(chuckles)That's hilarious, no.
We're gonna sit aroundand talk crap
about the smoke jumperswho aren't here,
so try and washthe dishes quietly, okay?
JUDY:Wow.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.This is gross.
I want to put rubber gloves onbut there seems to be
only one set and they'refilled with baked beans.
Am I crazy or are thereclothes in the sink?
Yeah, I definitely see a bra.
Ugh. I did not think thatjoining the smoke jumpers would
-just mean doing housework.-Kima, remember the movie?
This happenedin Branded by Fire.
When Reese got thereand she had to do all the chores
to prove herself?We're being hazed.
Oh, right.When Carol Smoke first arrived,
they made her polish alltheir boots with her toothbrush
and do all the dishes.
We just have to tough it outand then, one night,
they'll wake us upand summon us and call us newbs.
Yeah, but in a fun way.And they'll say, "You passed.
you're in the Sororityof Soot and Cinders now."
It'll be just like the movie.I mean,
we won't be awardeda patch for our jackets
from our station chief NicoleRichie. But what if we were?
HONEYBEE:Driving around, selling seafoodout of a van. I love it.
Can I tell the vanis supposed to be a fish?
No. Does it get me talking?Sure.
-(phone chimes)-Ooh. Maybe it'sour first online order.
I don't think that's possible.No one's seen the van yet.
You're right, it is a messagefrom a woman named Claudia
who is lonelyand needs a thousand dollars.
What do I do?
Would two hundred be enough,you think?
-Beef, no.-Ready in here.
Chest freezer'splugged into the power strip.
Which is plugged intothe van's cigarette lighter.
I caught fire a little
when I turned it on,but I'm okay.
We're gonna do whatthat vending machine can't:
-move around.-And...
(grunting)I'm gonna do a little dance
outside the vanto attract attention.
Oh, and I can play my saxophone.
And I could do the hambone.
(grunting) Hambone!
Vaudeville-style showmanshipand fresh seafood?
An irresistible combination.
♪ ♪
♪ Ooh, selling stuff out ofyour van, it's hella tough... ♪
Is this an ice cream truck?
No, buddy, we sell fish.
Ice cream sandwich, please.
-Again, we sell fish.-One goldfish, please.
Not pet fish.Fish for eating.
Okay.I'll just have the ice cream.
-Get away from here.-♪ Ooh, it's kinda rough ♪
♪ When no one buys the fish out of your car ♪
-♪ But there you are, oh, there you are ♪-(growls)
♪ Ooh, selling stuff ♪
-♪ Out of your van ♪-Dad, no one's buying fish
-♪ It's hella tough ♪-from our fish van.
-♪ It's rough. ♪-Maybe we ought to head home?
(groans)Fine.
I just need to take care ofone thing first.
Santiago, how could you?Principal Gibbons, you too?!
Well, the price is incredible.
Plus, it's shaped like a barrel.How fun is that?
That's it!
No one's eatingfrom the vending machine.
-Not anymore!-Dad, no!
-No!-(grunting)
Stop trying... to fight me.
(grunting)
Ow! Oh, God.
-I'm fine.-Beef, let's go.
(grunts) That's right, Barrel,you better run.
WOLF:Guys, I'm worried about Dad.
His beefmelt over this machineis a full-blown BM.
Hey, Beef.
-Ivan.-Eh?
Is thata Fish in a Barrel shirt?
Yup. I fish for them now.I need the supplemental income.
Ivan, no!
You guys were right all along.
-It's time for crimes.-(gasps)
Revenge is a fishbest served cold.
So, we're sure we want to stealthe vending machine?
We're not stealing it,we're just setting it free.
You hear that, lil bud?You're free.
(grunting)
And now we leavethis vending machine here
in the middle of the woodswhere it can be enjoyed
by who it should beenjoyed by...
absolutely no one.
Kima, wake up. You and Judy
-come downstairs quickly.-Hmm? Huh? Judy,
wake up.It's happening.
-The hazing is over.-Huh, huh?
We're joining theSorority of Soot and Cinders.
-Here we go. Oh. Hmm.-Whoa. What's going on?
The new season of Yosemitesurprise-dropped at midnight.
Gonna binge all 13 hours.
Oh, and you want us to...
To get us beers and stuff.
Oh, and we need you to press"next" when it comes up.
Our autoplay doesn't work.
ABIGAIL:Oh, and bring me a mugwith nacho cheese.
No chips.I use my fingers as the dippies.
ESTHER:Ooh, look at Steve Buscemi.
I'd love to take a swim in thosebulging, psychotic eyes.
Yup.Still in the haze phase.
BEEF: Ah. There's some of my favorite children
and some of my favoritechildren's wives.
Good morning.
Please enjoy this breakfast
made by a human, not a machine.
(chuckles) I love to see myBisquick bad boy in a good mood.
I thoughtonce we were done eating,
we could take a quick driveby the gazebo
to enjoy the new peaceful vista.
Fish sticks.
-The bitch is back.-BEEF: What?
No. Craig, you're notgonna believe this,
but there's a replacementFish in a Barrel machine
set up already.
Huh, I've gotsome bad news, too.
People foundthe vending machine we stole
and they're using it.
We should have dumped itin the ocean.
The sea has beenthrough enough this week.
It's time to take thisall the way to the top.
I hope this robot full of fishis ready to confront a man
full of principles.
JUDY:Kima, after nine straight hours
of watching five grown womenbingeing this honestly
very terrible show abouta ruthless and powerful family
of Yosemite park rangers,
I think I've cometo a realization.
-What's that?-I don't thinkwe're being hazed.
I think they're... uninspired.
-I think they're in a funk.-Uh, yeah.
I mean, none of them have peedin nine hours.
Or they have.Ew, which is even worse.
The recertification pack testis just a week away.
I think we need to help them
get their firefightinggroove back.
-Oh, like an intervention?-Yes.
We just need to think, like,
what would inspireyour mom and her crew?
I know. What if we make themour own hundred-pound packs?
And put togetheran obstacle course,
just like the oneReese Witherspoon did in...
-Branded by Fire.-Oh, I was gonna say
her episode of Celebrity Hide-and-Go-Seek.
But yeah, that too.
It's so sadthat they never found
-Clay Aiken after his episode.-Maybe he'll turn up.
BEEF: We'd like to speak to
whoever is in charge of the vending machines.
You guys seemreally angry with my bosses.
I hate them, too,so I'm gonna let you up.
Take the elevators upto the fifth floor.
Don't stop on any other floor.No reason.
Dang, I'm sorry,but Ron Perlman can get it.
Yeah, him playingSteve Buscemi's son
makes no sense,but it works for me somehow.
Yep. I'm trying to datethis whole family.
Ugh, this room is disgusting.Where are our maids?
Kima? Judy?
Huh.Where are all of our cups?
And our PS3 and Rock Bandinstruments are gone, too.
So are the spare tiresfrom the trucks.
Did we get robbed by a burglarwith very specific interests?
Huh, you did not. The only thingthat has been robbed
is your inspiration.But we brought some with us.
We are gonna help youget back in firefighting shape
-for your pack test.-Come with us.
What the hellam I looking at here?
We made you guys someDIY hundred-pound packs...
And...(imitates fanfare)
...an obstacle course usingtires and hoses from the shed.
ESTHER:What? No.
Those shouldn't be out here.
We need them storedin a specific place
so we can load them quickwhen a call comes.
It's fine, it's not fire season.
That doesn't meanfires can't ever happen.
Climate change.
Ugh. Everybody, let's go startdismantling those packs.
-But...-And having you two herewas a mistake.
Go get your stuff.
I'm taking you backto Lone Moose.
-What?-What? No.
And as punishment, we'relistening to your cousin Sam's
Sublime cover band, Sam-blime,all the way home.
But that CD is just"Santeria" 14 times in a row.
You bet it is.
CHAB: Hello, hello. Welcome to
Fish in a Barrel.Now, my assistant tells me
you're having issueswith our machine?
Did the fish come out of themachine partially alive again?
-Uh, no.-(laughs) Of course not.
That hasn't happened at all.I was just guessing.
Actually, we're here about thevery existence of the machines.
Your vending machines arekilling the fishing industry
by driving downthe price of seafood.
-(chuckles): Oh,I hear you brother.-You do?
No, no. Sorry.I'm on a phone call.
Okay. Bye-bye.Uh, go on.
The machines are alsoan environmental nightmare
and very heavy to lift.Probably.
And what does the wealthiergentleman think?
Or your secretary?
Hey! I'm a captain.
Oh, I love that.A real woman fisherman?
What?(laughs)
To answer your question,I agree with Beef.
I love a good capitalism,but this is a capa-too-far.
I agree.
Oh, I love when she talks.
Why do I love that so much?
Fish in a Barrelisn't killing the industry.
-It's evolving it.-What do you guys do again?
You're a secretary,and you two...
We all fish professionally.
-All of us.-DALTON: Sure, sure, sure.
So say you've hada long day at the office.
And you would love some seafood.
On demand,at the push of a button.
No. I don't want fishat the push of a button.
Nobody should.The three of us
use our hands and our netsto catch the fish
that ends up on your plate.
I get what you're saying.
You love to eat fish,but the last thing you want
is a bunch of peoplegetting in the way
of your seafood dinner.
Oh, my God.You're not listening.
Those people are me.
Okay, okay. What if youwere to join our family?
Fish for us.
You'll find we are payingmore per pound
than your local processor.
Because you've driventhat price down.
Yeah, we have!(laughs)
I am gonna high-fiveone of them in the head.
We would never join your family.
A negotiator.Love it.
What if we throw in a tote bag?
Oof, I'm stillgonna say no, man.
We're not fishingfor your mega-corp.
Okay, how doesthis per-pound rate sound?
Are th... are those boobs?
Oh, yeah, sorry.My hand just
kind of automaticallydraws those.
Here you go.
This is what we'reprepared to do for you.
And here's whatI'm prepared to do.
(grunting)
-Uh, what are you doing?-I'm trying to flip the table.
-(grunting)-Oh, yeah,
that's screwed intothe floor there, big boy.
(laughs) You're notthe first to try that.
Let's us big boysdo it together.
(all grunting)
It's very funnywhen the girl one is mad, no?
You know, I'm scared right now,but I also love it.
I've never seen your dadwear a robe before.
-Is he depressed?-Seems like.
Dad wearing a robe is like
someone else beingcompletely nude.
(groans)All right, everyone,
let us now consumethese seafood products.
Dad, is this fish from the...
Yup. Fish from the machine.
Time to acceptthat I'm the dinosaur
and those vending machinesare the meteors.
Is it just meor does this taste... off?
Hmm. Hmm.
This isn't snapper.This is tilapia.
Try my halibut.
Holy mackerel.
But not literally,'cause that's not mackerel,
but it's notAlaskan halibut either,
it's Greenland turbot.
-I smell...-Fish fraud.
I was gonna say one of yoursilent excitement farts.
Oh, you're smelling that, too.
I'm very excited to takethese mother-fishers down.
(Judy clears throat)
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, before we go,we wanted to say something.
We're sorry, everybody.
We thought this wasgonna be just like a movie,
-but it's real life and...-(alarm bell ringing)
-Mom?-Brush fire. Cooper Landing.
I guess you twoare coming along. Let's go.
Judy, if I die,
tell your dadthat you're grounded
for two weeks for thatobstacle course crap.
-Yeah, will do, Esther.-BRB!
-Hell yeah!-(whooping)
My mom is so cool.
Yeah, I guessthey didn't need two idiots
with no experienceto come in and show them
how to be bettersmoke jumpers after all.
Uh, nope.They did not.
I know they're not actuallyfighting that fire in slow mo,
but it kind of feels like
they're fightingthat fire in slow mo.
And I'm definitelyhearing that song
Chandace Wisdom sangfor the end credits.
♪ I used to be just a Macy's buyer ♪
BOTH:♪ But then I changed careers after my divorce ♪
♪ And now I'm ♪
♪ Branded by fire. ♪
(clears throat)Hello. Hi, everyone.
I have, um, an announcement.
This vending machine companyis doing massive fish fraud.
The halibut is turbot.The snapper is tilapia.
And after a lot of chewing anda disgusting Internet search,
I've figured out thatthe squid is pig sphincter.
-That's the B-hole.-(gasps)
I know.But in a way, it doesn't matter
if the fish is fake or real.
This barrel-- it's a trap.It's easy.
It's convenient.But it isn't... it isn't right.
Look, we've always supportedeach other's businesses.
Heck, we even kept going toGranny Harriet's lemonade stand
after half the townwas poisoned.
I apologized.
And we forgave you.And I can forgive you guys
for wantingto try something new.
But I can't forgive youif you keep pretending
-it doesn't hurt anybody.-Beef is right.
From now on I-I won't buy fishfrom the vending machine.
-Thank you.-Me too.
I'll only buy shrimp.
What?Santiago, No.
-It was worth a try.-(siren whoops)-(gasps)
Please step awayfrom the vending machine.
What's going on?Is this about the fish fraud?
No. This is aboutFish in a Barrel's
real business:weapons in a bunker.
The fish businesswas just a cover.
They were makingillegal offshore weapons deals
while they wereout on the water.
-(shrieks)-Oh, right. And they were also
tangled upin bootleg breakfast cereals.
They seized a massive shipment
of Fruit Lops and Raisin Brianin the Bering Sea.
Well, that's that.The machines have been defeated.
Hell yeah, they have.And, Dad, when we get home,
I'm gonna put the laptopin the toilet.
-Just for you.-Wonderful.
-(whoops)-Cheers.-Cheers, ladies!
Mom, we're sorry.
We just thoughtyou guys were in a funk.
Well, girls, you got to rememberthis isn't a movie.
And we're not in a funk,we just love our downtime.
It means thatfor five glorious moments,
there's not a disaster.
-We-we get that now.-Eh, you made a mistake.
But otherwise,you did a pretty good job
doing all the gross stuffwe don't want to do
around the base.
You even foundmy favorite bra in the sink.
That's not nothing.There.
Now you're officialLittle Smokies Smoke Jumpers.
(gasps) Does this meanwe get to stay until tomorrow?
If it means our dishes get donefor one more night,
then, hell yeah, newb.
Hey, Beef. Nice to havethe prices back up.
It is.And I'm no longer worried
about having to weara work diaper.
Glad to hear it, Beef.
(sighs) Lordy, lordy,look who's fishing.
♪ I thought my life was picture-perfect ♪
♪ But then I found out he was cheating ♪
♪ Got divorced, cut my hair short ♪
♪ Oh, I was so damn defeated ♪
♪ But then a sudden spark ♪
♪ I stepped up out of the dark ♪
♪ I quit my job as a Macy's buyer ♪
♪ Now I'm branded by fire ♪
♪ Where there's fire there's Smoke ♪
♪ The flames of determination ♪
♪ Have been stoked, have been stoked ♪
♪ I left my ex, picked up an axe ♪
♪ Traded my high heels in for flats ♪
♪ And now I'm branded by fire. ♪
Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
and TOYOTA.